Back at it

[farface]

I was given poetry today - much about my wrists. Later, back at home, I watched my wrists sink into the dishwater and then wrote this:

Dishes(For lack of a better title

Comments

[_both_hands]

i love that. i love your writing. you shoudl submit to the UC Review

[farface]

I think I missed the deadline? Otherwise I would...
If not, next year.

Also: thank you. So much.

[thegreenavenger]

Augh.

*single tear*

Wonderful.

[kelm]

Yowch, what a touchy girl. Dishes is a fine title! Hey, and it's even a bit of a pun. Dish, dame, doll, in the kitchen, make me a sammich . . . eh, whatever.

You should try thinking about how it would look in prose. As it is the language is very nice, especially the lines that put the relaxed and poiseless feeling on her, but you could think more about what sentence fragments and line divisions are doing.

And this is just me, but some more punctuation at the end of most lines might help. You put it in sometimes but not at other times when the same thing seems to be happening, grammatically and in terms of some poetic unit ending.

Oh! and your n-dashes should be m-dashes, but no one cares about that but me.

[anonymous]

oooh I likes. A bit Billy Collins-esque I'd say!