I'm really starting to get pissed. It's been an ongoing thing now for awhile. My parents, both of them, didn't have much dating experience before they got married and now I see them both floudering like a fish in the desert. Unforutunately, my mom got caught in a scandal (dare I call it a scandal?) whereby a telemarketer smooged and cajoled and ( Read more... )

10. After taking your money, he asks if you want a receipt.
9.  In addition to wearing a ski mask, he's got skis and poles.
8.  He asks you to hold his gun while he puts on some Chapstick.
7.  When he's done he says, "That was fun, now you mug me."
6.  You're a policeman in full uniform, standing right in front of the station house, surrounded by ( Read more... )

It's time once again to tell myself life has more to offer than what I want out of it. I have to experience new things, understand old things better, and trudge along in merriment. I've told many a person that when I'm feeling blue I lose myself in a Star Trek novel, film or T.V. episode. This past week I went through two novels and half of season ( Read more... )

I work as the muscle at your local place of alcohol abuse. Ohio State University won their game last night. After the game, piles of OSU fans filed in to celebrate the best of the state winning a game. We celebrate this momentous occasion with alcohol consumption, mindless chatter, men bashing themselves together and rough-housing, and general ego ( Read more... )

10. You overhear him say on the intercom, "Hey, Pedro, what's this gizmo do?"
9.   For the past two hours, you've been going straight up.
8.   He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 40 feet."
7.   The co-pilot is sitting on his lap.
6.   When you take off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeeeee!"
5.   At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago. Let's go find that ( Read more... )

So today I'm gonna tell you about George. Nearly six years ago, I moved to my current location to be closer to work. I met Sherida there. Sherida offered for me to go to a karaoke contest with her. I went and, although i only got 2'nd place, was hooked. Another friend Cory was working nights at a bar called Charlie's where they had karaoke. It was ( Read more... )

So of course things didn't go as planned. I rarely have such luck. My love was coming within spitting distance of me for her daughter's doctor's appointment. This promptly turned into her daughter being admitted to the hospital, which quickly turned into a 5 day 4 night vacation in sterile bliss. A heart rate ranging from 35 to 206 mostly on the ( Read more... )

I'm going to meet a dear sweet friend of mine in one week. It will be a romantic evening filled with dinner, holding hands, sexual innuendo, a make out session in the backseat of the taxi, followed by an unbelievable night of sexual fantasies come to bear and companionship fulfilled. At least I hope it will be. Things seldom go the way you want ( Read more... )

After what seemed like the entire new millenium, mom's house is finished and ready for selling. Thank god because after nearly two months of frustration, nuckle-busting, and muscle growth I was so ready to quit. We did an unbelievable amount of work and now that's it's done I can finally sit back and relax and say to hell with it. What will she ask ( Read more... )

10. Didn't I see you on the grassy knoll?
9.   Can I buy you a spatula?
8.   I bet you're wondering why I have no nostrils.
7.   Your crawlspace or mine?
6.   You look like the kind of person who appreciates a good catheter.
5.   May I lick your forehead?
4.   Do you always wear your shoes over your socks?
3.   Smeep. Smeep. Smeep.
2.   What's your ( Read more... )