Oh, there it is.
Okay, now I'm starting to get scared. I'm still all sorts of grateful to know what's wrong with me, and how it can be fixed. That's starting to take a rather firm back seat to this sudden thing staring me in the face: SURGERY. I do not like being cut upon. I freaked out having my wisdom teeth removed (internally...I didn't yell or scream or thrash, etc.) There are few things in this world I fear, and surgery is one of them. The others are remote control toys and driving over bridges. Yes, really. Anyway, I know logically it's a fairly straightforward procedure. Emotionally, little bells are going off to the effect of, "Uh, what did I just agree to?" Ah, well, all part of the adjustment process. Now here's the funny part...the part of this I'm the most squicked by is the catheter. I know it's necessary, but I wish like mad it were not. I do not remember if I've ever had one before, and if I did, it was 34 years ago. I did have a bit of time where I was slightly sad at the sheer permanence of no longer being able to have children, for all that I don't want any in the first place, and it'd be a logistical PITA to get pregnant anyway. I think it's just that the option is firmly being taken away now. I'm not sad about that right at this moment though. Maybe I won't be anymore.
On the other hand, I'll be able to go off BC for the first time in 22 years. ;)