the politics of compliments
I haven't fully formed my thoughts around this - I'm hoping the post will provoke some discussion from the community.
Fairly regularly, I come across comments on OOTD posts that make me uncomfortable. In all cases, I'm sure that the commenter believes they are paying a compliment to the OP and don't intend offense. Sometimes the comments focus on certain body parts (legs and bust seem to be favorites); other times, the comment is about the OP's "shape" or entire body. The theme here is that community member's bodies are being discussed.
It makes sense to me that these comments are being made - when a group or subset of the population's "attractiveness" is consistently denigrated, when derogatory remarks and jokes are made about sleeping with or dating members of that group - it makes sense that we might jump at the opportunity to combat those comments and their effects on self esteem, etc.
But when someone says "Damn, your legs are HOT! *drools all over*" or "I would kill for your body shape!" or "If I weren't married, I'd wanna sleep with you!" or "Sexy!" -- are we actually combating the ill effects of those derogatory comments? And toward whom are these comments being directed?
Where is the line between supporting and complimenting each other, making each other feel comfortable with the bodies we have, and, frankly, being a little bit creepy, intrusive, and objectifying? Is it possible to contain our responses to OOTD posts to the fatshion, or does that defeat the purpose of the community?
Thoughts?
Fairly regularly, I come across comments on OOTD posts that make me uncomfortable. In all cases, I'm sure that the commenter believes they are paying a compliment to the OP and don't intend offense. Sometimes the comments focus on certain body parts (legs and bust seem to be favorites); other times, the comment is about the OP's "shape" or entire body. The theme here is that community member's bodies are being discussed.
It makes sense to me that these comments are being made - when a group or subset of the population's "attractiveness" is consistently denigrated, when derogatory remarks and jokes are made about sleeping with or dating members of that group - it makes sense that we might jump at the opportunity to combat those comments and their effects on self esteem, etc.
But when someone says "Damn, your legs are HOT! *drools all over*" or "I would kill for your body shape!" or "If I weren't married, I'd wanna sleep with you!" or "Sexy!" -- are we actually combating the ill effects of those derogatory comments? And toward whom are these comments being directed?
Where is the line between supporting and complimenting each other, making each other feel comfortable with the bodies we have, and, frankly, being a little bit creepy, intrusive, and objectifying? Is it possible to contain our responses to OOTD posts to the fatshion, or does that defeat the purpose of the community?
Thoughts?