Fic: Romance is dead?
Title: Romance is dead?
Author: Fayding_fast
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em
Wordcount: 654
Genre: Humor
Format: Dialogue only
Rating: R
Spoilers: Minor for Resignation
Con-crit? Yes please and thank you kindly.
Author's note: House is being obnoxious, but he still gets my sympathy vote!
"You want to sashay down the hallway and shift that delectable little ass into the bedroom?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"Why not? You're not offended when I sexually objectify you? Awesome! Let's get this show on the road."
"Not right this second, House. As you can see, I'm busy."
"Yeah. Reading. Jim-my, I'm sooo boooooored!"
"That petulant whine of yours is so seductive, it isn't true. If you're at a loose end, go and make yourself useful. Why don't you tidy up a bit; the place looks like a tip."
"I said I'm bored, not unhinged. We've been screwing for two weeks. You've whizzed through the insatiably horny phase already?"
"Yep. It's time to move on. House? Don't look like that; I was kidding. But come on, try to be reasonable; I've only just sat down. Can't you amuse yourself for a measly half an hour?"
"Let me think. No. I'm in the mood to play now. Who knows how I'll feel later. Don't you care about me?"
"Oh, don't even go there. House, I'm beat; I just want to relax. Sit quietly with a beer.... catch up with current affairs....."
"You can relax lying face down. Pillow under your hips, legs spread, lube squirting up your ....."
"Right, you know what? I've seen the light. How could I be so selfish? I've been slogging my guts out all day, but, hey, I've managed to unwind for two minutes, so..... what the hell. Go ahead. Jump me."
"You want me to ravish you whilst you're reading the headlines?"
"Yep, you bet. As long as you don't disturb me too much and you're quick about it."
"Your enthusiasm's overpowering. Could you rein it in a bit? Unless..... Oh, I get it. This is a ploy. You're acting the tease. You pretend you don't want me, then I'm forced to work that much harder...... I like it. It adds an undeniable frisson of excitement."
"Blood, sweat and tears. Did they ever hurt anyone?"
"The thrill of the chase. I'll have you begging for it in no time. As soon, in fact, as I caress your jaw here...."
"Nope. Does nothing for me."
"It doesn't? What if I touch your neck here?"
"Nope. Leaves me cold. Brrrrr."
"Wow, I'm duly impressed! You've totally immersed yourself in the character. Um.... well, how about here?"
"Would you get started, already? Hey, could you move that elbow? I need to turn the page."
"Are you certain that you're not just being damned awkward? That was a hotspot, yesterday!"
"That was yesterday. Today, they've all moved."
"You know, there's teasing, and then there's responding like a bloated, putrescent corpse! I'm warning you, if I'm going to all this trouble, then it had better be worth it."
"Trust me, it will be. Would I enjoy stringing you along?"
"Suppose I was to stroke a bared shoulder, like this? Press my lips against your collarbone..... like this...."
"You feel like watching a movie? How about Enemy of the State? Hackman and Smith. An old one, but a ... oh..... my.... God!"
"Hah! Beginning to thaw now, are you, hmmm? Sports pages suddenly less than compelling? You want me to press there again?"
"Gggggh... yes. Oh, House, yeah..... yes, please!"
"Like so?"
"Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Exactly like so."
"Interested now?"
"Yeah, mmmm.....I'm, oh, boy....definitely interested."
"Great. I'm gonna take a bath."
"Okay. Huh? You're what?"
"Taking a bath. Don't bother waiting up."
"But, why? I thought you wanted to....."
"Newspaper print, see? I've got it all over my hands and arms."
"So? Why would that irritate you?"
"OCD. I'm fastidious about cleanliness."
"That's a blatant lie! You leave mugs of urine lying all over the apartment!"
"Late presenting OCD. It's just come on."
"No. House.... no, wait....um.... defeated so soon? When passions were simmering so nicely?"
"I know what you're up to. If you think you can manipulate me......"
"Would never dream of it. But, House..... Doesn't a shower, shared with a lover, sound much more inviting? A steamy, leisurely shower?"
"You wanna join me in the shower? You actually mean it?"
"You need to ask? Last one in drops the soap?"
"Cool! I've got a massive head start. Let's go."
The end.
Author: Fayding_fast
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em
Wordcount: 654
Genre: Humor
Format: Dialogue only
Rating: R
Spoilers: Minor for Resignation
Con-crit? Yes please and thank you kindly.
Author's note: House is being obnoxious, but he still gets my sympathy vote!
"You want to sashay down the hallway and shift that delectable little ass into the bedroom?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"Why not? You're not offended when I sexually objectify you? Awesome! Let's get this show on the road."
"Not right this second, House. As you can see, I'm busy."
"Yeah. Reading. Jim-my, I'm sooo boooooored!"
"That petulant whine of yours is so seductive, it isn't true. If you're at a loose end, go and make yourself useful. Why don't you tidy up a bit; the place looks like a tip."
"I said I'm bored, not unhinged. We've been screwing for two weeks. You've whizzed through the insatiably horny phase already?"
"Yep. It's time to move on. House? Don't look like that; I was kidding. But come on, try to be reasonable; I've only just sat down. Can't you amuse yourself for a measly half an hour?"
"Let me think. No. I'm in the mood to play now. Who knows how I'll feel later. Don't you care about me?"
"Oh, don't even go there. House, I'm beat; I just want to relax. Sit quietly with a beer.... catch up with current affairs....."
"You can relax lying face down. Pillow under your hips, legs spread, lube squirting up your ....."
"Right, you know what? I've seen the light. How could I be so selfish? I've been slogging my guts out all day, but, hey, I've managed to unwind for two minutes, so..... what the hell. Go ahead. Jump me."
"You want me to ravish you whilst you're reading the headlines?"
"Yep, you bet. As long as you don't disturb me too much and you're quick about it."
"Your enthusiasm's overpowering. Could you rein it in a bit? Unless..... Oh, I get it. This is a ploy. You're acting the tease. You pretend you don't want me, then I'm forced to work that much harder...... I like it. It adds an undeniable frisson of excitement."
"Blood, sweat and tears. Did they ever hurt anyone?"
"The thrill of the chase. I'll have you begging for it in no time. As soon, in fact, as I caress your jaw here...."
"Nope. Does nothing for me."
"It doesn't? What if I touch your neck here?"
"Nope. Leaves me cold. Brrrrr."
"Wow, I'm duly impressed! You've totally immersed yourself in the character. Um.... well, how about here?"
"Would you get started, already? Hey, could you move that elbow? I need to turn the page."
"Are you certain that you're not just being damned awkward? That was a hotspot, yesterday!"
"That was yesterday. Today, they've all moved."
"You know, there's teasing, and then there's responding like a bloated, putrescent corpse! I'm warning you, if I'm going to all this trouble, then it had better be worth it."
"Trust me, it will be. Would I enjoy stringing you along?"
"Suppose I was to stroke a bared shoulder, like this? Press my lips against your collarbone..... like this...."
"You feel like watching a movie? How about Enemy of the State? Hackman and Smith. An old one, but a ... oh..... my.... God!"
"Hah! Beginning to thaw now, are you, hmmm? Sports pages suddenly less than compelling? You want me to press there again?"
"Gggggh... yes. Oh, House, yeah..... yes, please!"
"Like so?"
"Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Exactly like so."
"Interested now?"
"Yeah, mmmm.....I'm, oh, boy....definitely interested."
"Great. I'm gonna take a bath."
"Okay. Huh? You're what?"
"Taking a bath. Don't bother waiting up."
"But, why? I thought you wanted to....."
"Newspaper print, see? I've got it all over my hands and arms."
"So? Why would that irritate you?"
"OCD. I'm fastidious about cleanliness."
"That's a blatant lie! You leave mugs of urine lying all over the apartment!"
"Late presenting OCD. It's just come on."
"No. House.... no, wait....um.... defeated so soon? When passions were simmering so nicely?"
"I know what you're up to. If you think you can manipulate me......"
"Would never dream of it. But, House..... Doesn't a shower, shared with a lover, sound much more inviting? A steamy, leisurely shower?"
"You wanna join me in the shower? You actually mean it?"
"You need to ask? Last one in drops the soap?"
"Cool! I've got a massive head start. Let's go."
The end.