The Warning

[fazicar]

This is a short piece I'm working on. It's gotten one revision and I am thinking of expanding it. I'm looking for some opinions. Right now its only about a thousand words, so it's a quick read. I'm sticking it behind the cut as to not annoy the friends list.

Comments

[afallingfaerie]

I like.... reminds me of Neal Gaiman... was it Anansi Boys or American Gods that he met the great eagle? I can't remember...

The only thing I noticed, the begininng of the third paragraph seemed odd to me... I had to read the first few sentences a few times to get the flow of it.

I like the ending especially..

Very nice!

[fazicar]

Thank you. I fixed a typo in the beginning of the third paragraph and I'm working on it for the rewrite. It's a little clunky.

[elationisfacile]

I love this sentence "I drew myself up to my full height." Like, a lot.

[fazicar]

Awesome, thank you. Yeah, it invokes a neat image in my head.

[fs8gbe]

would you be interested in adapting this to a radio play?

[fazicar]

Truth be told I wouldn't know how, but I'm sure I could figure it out. Perhaps something to look at after a couple of rewrites.

[flyingover]

(I keep thinking of moving to Lakota.)