jetaimais: Realizations
Author: miss_black91 (pinch hit)
Recipient: jetaimais
Title: Realizations
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2038
Pairings/Character(s): Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Warnings: Nothing.
Summary: Just days before Christmas Eve he had lost the best thing that has
happened to him in years, in decades, in centuries, and he isn't over it just yet
Notes: I hope you like it really! I hadn't written them in a while!
Beta'ed by: sumrndmgrl
The room is warm, or at least it's warm enough considering that the first days of February are slowly coming and it's snowing outside. Steven sips his tea -just how he likes it, it's almost burning- surrounded by his best friends, but the room feels empty. Just days before Christmas Eve he had lost the best thing that has happened to him in years, in decades, in centuries, and he isn't over it just yet (he doesn't know if he will ever be over the fact that he is a coward).
Now Xabi is back in Spain. Stevie had wished for the Spaniard to have some difficulty getting a job back there, because that way he would have to stay in England. But Xabi just needed a couple calls for people to make offers at him. Of course he had just needed a couple calls because Stevie doubts that there's anyone in the section of external communications better than Xabi. The Spaniard had been working for three years as Liverpool's Director of Communications. He was the best in the field and everyone knew it (that was the problem in communications, that people may communicate way too much and everyone knows everything).
Xabi is back in Spain because Stevie wasn't brave enough to ask him to stay. Because Stevie wasn't brave enough to confess, to speak, to tell him what was going on. Because Stevie wanted (and wants, more or less) to keep his job as head of marketing of the club, and right now that doesn't seem as important. Now that Xabi isn't there it doesn't seem as important -the job, his friends, what people may think or stop thinking, everything stopped being as important the first time he realised that Xabi had left.
In a sudden impulse, he takes his phone and sends a quick message through whatsapp to him. Something short, he just sends a "Hi :)". Stevie then sighs, feeling stupid. Why has he written the message? Is he actually that stupid? He needs to write something else before Xabi checks his phone. "How are you doing?". Yes, that's much better now, extremely better. Now he doesn't seem an idiot anymore, right? Right.
"Hey... I'm fine, you?", is Xabi's answer.
Stevie bites his lip. It's his chance, his chance to say something meaningful. Why does he want to do it? Why now? "And why not?", a voice asks inside his head. Why not doing now what he should've done weeks, months, years ago? Why not acting like a real man, like a brave one and facing that he's in love with a tall, handsome Spaniard who happens to cook like an angel and who wears suits and ties as if he had been born in them? The weird thing would've been not falling in love with him. And what about that smile? And what about those eyes? What about- okay Steven George Gerrard, just focus on what you need to do. Writing a message. Answer. Yes. That.
"I was wondering where were you and how you were and thinking about that time that we were out and it was really cold (it's snowing here) and I let you take my sweater because I was freezing but you were too".
He presses the 'send' button before being able to think twice about what he has just written. Because he can't think about it twice, he just needs to send it because it is what he really feels, and that memory is actually in his mind. Because that day Xabi had a headache, and he was cold even with several layers of clothes, it was almost spring but not quite. Stevie was cold as hell too, but he couldn't help it and he had to let Xabi take the sweater because someone like Xabi can't be cold -he's way too precious to be cold.
The next message doesn't arrive in quite a while and it drives Stevie crazy. Jamie, his best friend since he was a child and owner of a huge bar that is pretty close to Anfield (a bar that goes wild every match day) is looking at him with a question in his eyes, "What's wrong mate?". He knows. Jamie knows. He’s the only one who knows, who has always known. He's the one who told him "Won't you go stop him?" the day that Xabi left. He should've listened to good Jamie.
Xabi doesn't answer that day. Stevie ends up saying his goodbyes, goes home and gets into his bed -the bed feels colder than it has in a long time. He looks at the phone at least five times before closing his eyes, and when he does really try to sleep, all he can see is Xabi. It has been like this since Xabi left, but now he has nerves inside him, nerves because he has tried, nerves because he has made a step towards the man. He hates himself for being a coward. It was so clear, always so clear that Xabi loved him. It was so clear what Xabi felt. Why didn't he act? Why didn't he do something? Why was he so scared? And what was he scared of? It looks like nothing now.
*
He sees the message early in the morning and it makes his heart dance and almost stop. The message that means a way, a light at the end of the long tunnel, a chance. Stevie reads it five times before making sure that he is really reading what he thinks that he is reading. Because if he is reading it he will have to jump out of bed and try not to die in the process of calming down.
"I am spending a weekend in Tolosa starting today. I get there in 3 hours. You know how much I like it there, right?"
No more signals are needed, this one is huge big shiny loud enough for a sacred signal. The first thing he needs to do is cancel his meetings and reserve a flight. He doesn't care who is he meeting today, Liverpool can wait a couple days while he takes back the man of his life, right? He guesses so. He just hopes that his secretary will be awake because he does need him.
"Daniel?" he asks as soon as someone picks up the phone.
"I'm Martin, Daniel is still sleeping. His boss?"
"Yes, can he speak? I need him. I really do need him right now."
"But he is- what? Yes it's him. But you should be slep- Oh damn. Okay he's awake now"
"Boss?" Daniel asks.
"Stand up, cancel my meetings for the day, offer my seat at the stadium tomorrow to someone or take it yourself, it's better than yours, and take tickets for me to get to Tolosa today, questions?"
"Eh... There's no airport in Tolosa?"
"I know that, I'll take a train or a bus, something!"
"Okay, okay!" Daniel nods even if he knows that Stevie can't see him. He's been working for Mr. Gerrard for years now and he knows how to deal with his boss when he gets nervous. "I call you in half an hour to tell you when I will pick you up".
"Thanks, Dan, what would I do without you?".
"Miss your meetings, starve, don't get anywhere, forget about birthdays..." Daniel lists. "Okay going"
"Thanks" repeats before hanging up.
*
It has been crazy. They had this flight pretty soon, so Stevie has had to pack everything in five minutes and just run away. Dan has written down all the instructions for him as well as spanish useful sentences to be able to get to Tolosa in time -it was just a plane and a bus but in damn Spain nobody understood him. It's cold here. Nobody told him it would be this cold. Like he knew it would be cold, but this cold? Really? It's Spain, it is not supposed to be cold cold, just plain cold. Damn confusing countries with confusing gorgeous handsome men.
"I'm at some bus stop here in the street with a bag, where do I go?", Stevie sends to Xabi. He sits on a bench and twenty minutes later, when he's starting to think that maybe he got the signal wrong and that this is a mistake and that he's stupid and he should go back to Liverpool and hide under a rock, then a car appears in front of him. The good news is that Xabi is inside the car.
"Do you need a taxi?" Xabi asks clearly trying not to smile just yet. Stevie can't help it, he smiles, picks up his bag and gets into the car. Xabi starts the way before Stevie can speak. "It had to be this bus stop because it's the first stop in here", Xabi informs him. Stevie nods. They stay in silence for some minutes, until they arrive to a pretty big house, enough for a big family, with a little one by the side, something that seems like a room with a bathroom and a kitchen in the garden surrounded by strong walls.
Xabi parks the car and gets out, taking Stevie's things. He walks to the little home. When they get in and Xabi closes the door behind him, Stevie notices that inside it just looks like a normal house -maybe Xabi wanted some independence even when he was visiting his family here. He looks at Xabi, feeling that he needs to explain himself. After hours of trip he has a good discourse ready. A good one to get into Xabi's pants. Or maybe not yet. A dinner before? He's not sure. He just wants Xabi back.
"Xabi look I came because-" he can't speak. Not because he doesn't want to, he literally can't speak because Xabi has left the bag on the floor, has made a step towards him and he's strongly kissing him. He wasn't expecting this but he likes it. "I had a good", more kissing, Xabi is quite convincing. "Speech prep-"
"Shut. It" Xabi grunts against his mouth pulling him closer. Stevie nods and kisses back, he doesn't need much convincing to do it. Xabi has a beard that wasn't there before and it's good and sexy and damn when did he become this sexy and why does he want to undress him this fast. Hands are everywhere and he can't think. He should take his clothes off, that seems like a good idea.
*
"So," Xabi whispers, lying in the double bed, completely naked and just covered by a sheet, and with Stevie's head on his chest. "You wanted to talk?"
"Yes but damn your ideas are better, I have to admit it" Stevie agrees, and feels Xabi laughing under him. "I just saw it all in front of me, you know? I was so stupid".
"You were, indeed" Xabi answers. "I knew you would end up realising".
"You knew and you didn't tell me?"
"I... Hoped, mostly" Xabi confesses. They stay in silence for a while, just listening to each other's breath, thinking. What happens now? Xabi leaves everything and goes back to Liverpool? Stevie moves down to Spain? The Englishman races through his mind while staring at Xabi's chest as he draws on it with his finger. "The day of the sweater?"
"Yes? What about it?"
"It was the day I realised I loved you", Xabi says, sitting up and looking at Stevie's eyes. "I realised that if you asked me I would go to the end of the world".
"But I didn't ask you" Stevie says, looking angry at himself. He looks at Xabi back with hope in his eyes. "I am asking you now. I came here for more than this" he says, pointing at the messed sheets.
"Well I hoped so" Xabi says. "Do you think that Liverpool will have a spot for me somewhere?"
Stevie can just smile and kiss him again. They will argue about the house, and they will need to learn to be honest at each other, and they will have days in which they won't know if they love or hate each other, but now Stevie has Xabi back. And that is enough for a life.
Recipient: jetaimais
Title: Realizations
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2038
Pairings/Character(s): Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Warnings: Nothing.
Summary: Just days before Christmas Eve he had lost the best thing that has
happened to him in years, in decades, in centuries, and he isn't over it just yet
Notes: I hope you like it really! I hadn't written them in a while!
Beta'ed by: sumrndmgrl
The room is warm, or at least it's warm enough considering that the first days of February are slowly coming and it's snowing outside. Steven sips his tea -just how he likes it, it's almost burning- surrounded by his best friends, but the room feels empty. Just days before Christmas Eve he had lost the best thing that has happened to him in years, in decades, in centuries, and he isn't over it just yet (he doesn't know if he will ever be over the fact that he is a coward).
Now Xabi is back in Spain. Stevie had wished for the Spaniard to have some difficulty getting a job back there, because that way he would have to stay in England. But Xabi just needed a couple calls for people to make offers at him. Of course he had just needed a couple calls because Stevie doubts that there's anyone in the section of external communications better than Xabi. The Spaniard had been working for three years as Liverpool's Director of Communications. He was the best in the field and everyone knew it (that was the problem in communications, that people may communicate way too much and everyone knows everything).
Xabi is back in Spain because Stevie wasn't brave enough to ask him to stay. Because Stevie wasn't brave enough to confess, to speak, to tell him what was going on. Because Stevie wanted (and wants, more or less) to keep his job as head of marketing of the club, and right now that doesn't seem as important. Now that Xabi isn't there it doesn't seem as important -the job, his friends, what people may think or stop thinking, everything stopped being as important the first time he realised that Xabi had left.
In a sudden impulse, he takes his phone and sends a quick message through whatsapp to him. Something short, he just sends a "Hi :)". Stevie then sighs, feeling stupid. Why has he written the message? Is he actually that stupid? He needs to write something else before Xabi checks his phone. "How are you doing?". Yes, that's much better now, extremely better. Now he doesn't seem an idiot anymore, right? Right.
"Hey... I'm fine, you?", is Xabi's answer.
Stevie bites his lip. It's his chance, his chance to say something meaningful. Why does he want to do it? Why now? "And why not?", a voice asks inside his head. Why not doing now what he should've done weeks, months, years ago? Why not acting like a real man, like a brave one and facing that he's in love with a tall, handsome Spaniard who happens to cook like an angel and who wears suits and ties as if he had been born in them? The weird thing would've been not falling in love with him. And what about that smile? And what about those eyes? What about- okay Steven George Gerrard, just focus on what you need to do. Writing a message. Answer. Yes. That.
"I was wondering where were you and how you were and thinking about that time that we were out and it was really cold (it's snowing here) and I let you take my sweater because I was freezing but you were too".
He presses the 'send' button before being able to think twice about what he has just written. Because he can't think about it twice, he just needs to send it because it is what he really feels, and that memory is actually in his mind. Because that day Xabi had a headache, and he was cold even with several layers of clothes, it was almost spring but not quite. Stevie was cold as hell too, but he couldn't help it and he had to let Xabi take the sweater because someone like Xabi can't be cold -he's way too precious to be cold.
The next message doesn't arrive in quite a while and it drives Stevie crazy. Jamie, his best friend since he was a child and owner of a huge bar that is pretty close to Anfield (a bar that goes wild every match day) is looking at him with a question in his eyes, "What's wrong mate?". He knows. Jamie knows. He’s the only one who knows, who has always known. He's the one who told him "Won't you go stop him?" the day that Xabi left. He should've listened to good Jamie.
Xabi doesn't answer that day. Stevie ends up saying his goodbyes, goes home and gets into his bed -the bed feels colder than it has in a long time. He looks at the phone at least five times before closing his eyes, and when he does really try to sleep, all he can see is Xabi. It has been like this since Xabi left, but now he has nerves inside him, nerves because he has tried, nerves because he has made a step towards the man. He hates himself for being a coward. It was so clear, always so clear that Xabi loved him. It was so clear what Xabi felt. Why didn't he act? Why didn't he do something? Why was he so scared? And what was he scared of? It looks like nothing now.
*
He sees the message early in the morning and it makes his heart dance and almost stop. The message that means a way, a light at the end of the long tunnel, a chance. Stevie reads it five times before making sure that he is really reading what he thinks that he is reading. Because if he is reading it he will have to jump out of bed and try not to die in the process of calming down.
"I am spending a weekend in Tolosa starting today. I get there in 3 hours. You know how much I like it there, right?"
No more signals are needed, this one is huge big shiny loud enough for a sacred signal. The first thing he needs to do is cancel his meetings and reserve a flight. He doesn't care who is he meeting today, Liverpool can wait a couple days while he takes back the man of his life, right? He guesses so. He just hopes that his secretary will be awake because he does need him.
"Daniel?" he asks as soon as someone picks up the phone.
"I'm Martin, Daniel is still sleeping. His boss?"
"Yes, can he speak? I need him. I really do need him right now."
"But he is- what? Yes it's him. But you should be slep- Oh damn. Okay he's awake now"
"Boss?" Daniel asks.
"Stand up, cancel my meetings for the day, offer my seat at the stadium tomorrow to someone or take it yourself, it's better than yours, and take tickets for me to get to Tolosa today, questions?"
"Eh... There's no airport in Tolosa?"
"I know that, I'll take a train or a bus, something!"
"Okay, okay!" Daniel nods even if he knows that Stevie can't see him. He's been working for Mr. Gerrard for years now and he knows how to deal with his boss when he gets nervous. "I call you in half an hour to tell you when I will pick you up".
"Thanks, Dan, what would I do without you?".
"Miss your meetings, starve, don't get anywhere, forget about birthdays..." Daniel lists. "Okay going"
"Thanks" repeats before hanging up.
*
It has been crazy. They had this flight pretty soon, so Stevie has had to pack everything in five minutes and just run away. Dan has written down all the instructions for him as well as spanish useful sentences to be able to get to Tolosa in time -it was just a plane and a bus but in damn Spain nobody understood him. It's cold here. Nobody told him it would be this cold. Like he knew it would be cold, but this cold? Really? It's Spain, it is not supposed to be cold cold, just plain cold. Damn confusing countries with confusing gorgeous handsome men.
"I'm at some bus stop here in the street with a bag, where do I go?", Stevie sends to Xabi. He sits on a bench and twenty minutes later, when he's starting to think that maybe he got the signal wrong and that this is a mistake and that he's stupid and he should go back to Liverpool and hide under a rock, then a car appears in front of him. The good news is that Xabi is inside the car.
"Do you need a taxi?" Xabi asks clearly trying not to smile just yet. Stevie can't help it, he smiles, picks up his bag and gets into the car. Xabi starts the way before Stevie can speak. "It had to be this bus stop because it's the first stop in here", Xabi informs him. Stevie nods. They stay in silence for some minutes, until they arrive to a pretty big house, enough for a big family, with a little one by the side, something that seems like a room with a bathroom and a kitchen in the garden surrounded by strong walls.
Xabi parks the car and gets out, taking Stevie's things. He walks to the little home. When they get in and Xabi closes the door behind him, Stevie notices that inside it just looks like a normal house -maybe Xabi wanted some independence even when he was visiting his family here. He looks at Xabi, feeling that he needs to explain himself. After hours of trip he has a good discourse ready. A good one to get into Xabi's pants. Or maybe not yet. A dinner before? He's not sure. He just wants Xabi back.
"Xabi look I came because-" he can't speak. Not because he doesn't want to, he literally can't speak because Xabi has left the bag on the floor, has made a step towards him and he's strongly kissing him. He wasn't expecting this but he likes it. "I had a good", more kissing, Xabi is quite convincing. "Speech prep-"
"Shut. It" Xabi grunts against his mouth pulling him closer. Stevie nods and kisses back, he doesn't need much convincing to do it. Xabi has a beard that wasn't there before and it's good and sexy and damn when did he become this sexy and why does he want to undress him this fast. Hands are everywhere and he can't think. He should take his clothes off, that seems like a good idea.
*
"So," Xabi whispers, lying in the double bed, completely naked and just covered by a sheet, and with Stevie's head on his chest. "You wanted to talk?"
"Yes but damn your ideas are better, I have to admit it" Stevie agrees, and feels Xabi laughing under him. "I just saw it all in front of me, you know? I was so stupid".
"You were, indeed" Xabi answers. "I knew you would end up realising".
"You knew and you didn't tell me?"
"I... Hoped, mostly" Xabi confesses. They stay in silence for a while, just listening to each other's breath, thinking. What happens now? Xabi leaves everything and goes back to Liverpool? Stevie moves down to Spain? The Englishman races through his mind while staring at Xabi's chest as he draws on it with his finger. "The day of the sweater?"
"Yes? What about it?"
"It was the day I realised I loved you", Xabi says, sitting up and looking at Stevie's eyes. "I realised that if you asked me I would go to the end of the world".
"But I didn't ask you" Stevie says, looking angry at himself. He looks at Xabi back with hope in his eyes. "I am asking you now. I came here for more than this" he says, pointing at the messed sheets.
"Well I hoped so" Xabi says. "Do you think that Liverpool will have a spot for me somewhere?"
Stevie can just smile and kiss him again. They will argue about the house, and they will need to learn to be honest at each other, and they will have days in which they won't know if they love or hate each other, but now Stevie has Xabi back. And that is enough for a life.