Like a bad case of herpes, Eroica is BACK.
Summer holidays begin and I have nothing to do, and remembered I did this so YOU KNOW WHY NOT.
Moving on from our last installation, it is time to recap.
Let's have a refresher on our 'heroes' shall we?
Name: Sugar Plum
Age: 16
Occupation: Art Student (porn star)
Magical Powers: Heightened senses, a sixth sense, she sees dead people. (Not really, this manga isn't that interesting)
Likes: Erotic paintings (porn)
Redeeming qualities: None.
Name: Leopard Solid
Age: 19
Occupation: Stunt Man
MAGICAL POWER: super “motor coordination”, apparent ability to survive motorbike crashes with minimal damage, but not an ability to NOT crash a motor bike.
Likes: Eating. Dressing gowns. More eating.
Redeeming Qualities: Sometimes looks like Fred from Scooby-Doo.
Name: Caesar Gabriel (Carol)
Age: 18
Gender: ???
Occupation: Uke. I mean uke. I mean university professor.
MAGICAL (GIRL) POWER: Spontaneous ability to change gender. Super-intelligence. Super-mutton chops.
Likes: Using the thesaurus.
Redeeming Qualities: None.
Our heroes have known each other since childhood, where they were lost in a jungle in Peru and an old man gave them magical powers.
It's okay, it didn't make any sense then either. So When we joined our heroes last, they were at an art party on Christmas Even in London, England.
Oh. Oh my. How could I forget the *STAR* of this manga.
Name: Dorian Red Gloria, Earl of Gloria (Yes really)
Age: Unknown
Occupation: 'Art Collector'
Magical powers: Emitting sparkles, visible lines of sight, a wardrobe to rival Lady Gaga
Likes: Porn, art, women's clothing.
Redeeming Qualities: He's FABULOUS!
So what happened last time, kids?
Ruh roh, mystery stirs. What have you to say about this, Dorian?
Well he can obviously tell the time, so I guess that's a plus.
BUT WHAT NEXT?! Let's take a look.
Can you guys tell this is set in England? I CAN. TIME FOR DETECTIVE FEAR'S CULTURAL OBSERMAVATIONS.
Okay I digress - so what becomes of these poor bored security guards, working a lonely graveyard shift on Christmas Eve of all nights?
… Wait what.
Things that are strange about the above picture.
How do our British Security guards deal with this strange event?
Yeah, security guard, how DARE you do your job on Christmas. Also you haven't even reacted to the fact that your comrade seems to have turned his head around 180 degrees and turned into an elf.
I want to point out that lady is definitely wearing either bubbles or frogspawn, I hope the gift isn't a frogspawn jacket like hers. Oh no wait it's an aerosol can of Eroica. Which I'm guessing is some kind of hairspary-
Oh no wait it's noxious gas.
'I told you so' - what did he tell him? Not to accept gifts from strange women in bubble-jackets?
Things that are disturbing about the above picture.
UH-OH, CRIME STRIKES.
I'd like to call to attention to one thing in this part of the page.
OH MY GOD HER(?) FACE IS MELTING OFF.
I just want to point out here a key fact about this manga. The art SUCKS.
Well I am going to be seeing that elephant-faced monstrosity in my nightmares forever now. I'm assuming they're gas masks, but it just looks like some kind of demon.
Wait. Waaaaaaaaait. Let's recap these criminals' modus operandi.
Step 1. Send 'gorgeous chicks' to the security hub of a high-profile art gallery.
Step 2. Gain access with promises of 'partying' and 'christmas gifts'.
Step 3. Knock out the guards with an aerosol-can full of knock-out gas.
Step 4. Release 'soporific gas' through the ventilation system of the museums to knock out all the other security. Enough gas to fill the ENTIRE gallery.
They do this at the Louvre...
And New York Met...
… Okay. Let's just pretend that's possible. Pretend REALLY REALLY HARD, and move on to step 5...
Step 5. THEY RUN IN AND JUST GRAB SHIT OFF THE WALLS.
Step 6. Shove it in a lorry (truck) and drive off.
One of the things I love so much about this manga is its wonderful sense of realism.
But back to the party.
WORST CODE EVER, a code is meant to be at least slightly inconspicuous. Now people will just think they're in a cult, which I seriously think they are. Also oh god it's like instead of giving the woman in the floral dress a face the Mangaka just turned the page sideways and typed colon capital d. See it's exactly the same : D
Allllll-together, people!
~#~#~#~#~THE MANGAKA CANNOT DRAAAAAAW~#~#~#~#~
Oh and I hope everyone remembers the raven-haired beauty in the snappy tweed suit.
This is 'Mr James', who cries a bitter tear because he is really a she, and she is clinically depressed by the forced cross-dressing she suffers under Sparkleshine Mega-Gloria's sick art-thieving cult.
And this isn't my editing skills, this is just how the manga flows, because now we return to our heroes.
OH LEOPARD *Mwaaaap mwaaaap mwaaaaaaaaaaaaah* YOU SO EATING ALL THE TIME.
Leopard's insatiable appetite, as demonstrated by the pile of plates in front of him, is not yet sated, as shown by the miserable-looking waitress bringing him more 'clean bone with perfectly formed hulk of meat at the end'. So Sugar Plum tries to interest Leopard in culture and art.
And we learn that he is a fucking idiot.
Graceful use of 'blue and yellow'... I'm pretty sure that's green. The word you're looking for there, Sugar, is GREEN.
I also love how instead of drawing proper faces on unimportant characters, the mangaka just draws smiley faces and/or emoticons. I mean, just LOOK at the chubby lady's face, she's not even trying. She CAN'T be trying. My kid sister can put in more effort than that.
Anyway, how does Dorian Red Gloria and his entourage of heshe's react to this magnificent painting?
Oh. Well that's... disturbing. The figure on the right is making this exact face : - P Seriously look.
However, Dorian Purple Gloria is not impressed, we can see this by his furious ellipsising. He has his sights set on bigger targets. Well, gayer targets.
CAESAR TAKES A CLOSER LOOK.
NO CLOSER.
CLOOOOOOOOOSSSEEERRRRRRRR
Well this is just awkward for everyone.
Just what the fuck is going on with that lady's face? WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD WAY TO DRAW AN EXPRESSION. Gloria Pink Dorian is obviously not impressed by her bitching and whining though, even if it is a £300'000 painting.
OH GOD EVERY NEW EXPRESSION IS LIKE THE MANGAKA IS STABBING ME IN THE EYES WITH HER PENCIL. Expressions are as follows - : - ) ?/'V
Anyway the faceless scrawlings are getting' all up in Carol's grill about his totally chill reaction to the painting.
OH. OH HOHOHOH THE PLOT THICKENS. Also I think the mangaka's hands went into spasm when she was drawing that lady's mouth. Oh no wait she just CAN'T FUCKING DRAW.
But HARK, what drama unfolds? WHAT ABOUT THE £300'000. SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE £300'000.
Don't worry guys, DORIAN SPARKLE GLORIA to the rescue!
CLOSER?!
Well, the helpful text that tells us 'Madame Faints' has crushed our suspicions that she was lying on her back with her arms up in the air for shits and giggles. HER POOR £300'000. CAN I EMPHASIZE ANY MORE THAT THIS PAINTING COST £300'000. THAT'S LIKE, DOUBLE £150'000. Oh the humanity.
Oh okay we're talking to Caesar again now. Wait sorry Carol. Carol is showing us her freakishly long fingers. That's some slenderman shit right there.
DORIAN?! WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON THIS?
THAT'S JUST SUPER. I'M SO GLAD I ASKED.
Uhhhhhhhh okay. Shall we take a closer look?
CLOOOOOOOOOSSERRRRRRRR!
*Shiver*
You know what this needs, MORE AWKWARD!
Carol looks just terrified here, and I don't blame her.
SOMEONE STOP IT PLEASE!!
Oh thank god. Wait what.
.
Moving on from our last installation, it is time to recap.
Let's have a refresher on our 'heroes' shall we?
Name: Sugar Plum
Age: 16
Occupation: Art Student (porn star)
Magical Powers: Heightened senses, a sixth sense, she sees dead people. (Not really, this manga isn't that interesting)
Likes: Erotic paintings (porn)
Redeeming qualities: None.
Name: Leopard Solid
Age: 19
Occupation: Stunt Man
MAGICAL POWER: super “motor coordination”, apparent ability to survive motorbike crashes with minimal damage, but not an ability to NOT crash a motor bike.
Likes: Eating. Dressing gowns. More eating.
Redeeming Qualities: Sometimes looks like Fred from Scooby-Doo.
Name: Caesar Gabriel (Carol)
Age: 18
Gender: ???
Occupation: Uke. I mean uke. I mean university professor.
MAGICAL (GIRL) POWER: Spontaneous ability to change gender. Super-intelligence. Super-mutton chops.
Likes: Using the thesaurus.
Redeeming Qualities: None.
Our heroes have known each other since childhood, where they were lost in a jungle in Peru and an old man gave them magical powers.
It's okay, it didn't make any sense then either. So When we joined our heroes last, they were at an art party on Christmas Even in London, England.
Oh. Oh my. How could I forget the *STAR* of this manga.
Name: Dorian Red Gloria, Earl of Gloria (Yes really)
Age: Unknown
Occupation: 'Art Collector'
Magical powers: Emitting sparkles, visible lines of sight, a wardrobe to rival Lady Gaga
Likes: Porn, art, women's clothing.
Redeeming Qualities: He's FABULOUS!
So what happened last time, kids?
Ruh roh, mystery stirs. What have you to say about this, Dorian?
Well he can obviously tell the time, so I guess that's a plus.
BUT WHAT NEXT?! Let's take a look.
Can you guys tell this is set in England? I CAN. TIME FOR DETECTIVE FEAR'S CULTURAL OBSERMAVATIONS.
Okay I digress - so what becomes of these poor bored security guards, working a lonely graveyard shift on Christmas Eve of all nights?
… Wait what.
Things that are strange about the above picture.
The first lady appears to be dressed in bubbles.
That security guard's reaction is clearly not normal.
That security guard's FACE is clearly not normal.
The 'gorgeous chick' on the far left is clearly Adam Ant.
How do our British Security guards deal with this strange event?
Yeah, security guard, how DARE you do your job on Christmas. Also you haven't even reacted to the fact that your comrade seems to have turned his head around 180 degrees and turned into an elf.
I want to point out that lady is definitely wearing either bubbles or frogspawn, I hope the gift isn't a frogspawn jacket like hers. Oh no wait it's an aerosol can of Eroica. Which I'm guessing is some kind of hairspary-
Oh no wait it's noxious gas.
'I told you so' - what did he tell him? Not to accept gifts from strange women in bubble-jackets?
Things that are disturbing about the above picture.
The upper man's face has turned into a number of nonsensical lines.
The man on the right has the most terrifying slaphead I've ever seen.
UH-OH, CRIME STRIKES.
I'd like to call to attention to one thing in this part of the page.
OH MY GOD HER(?) FACE IS MELTING OFF.
I just want to point out here a key fact about this manga. The art SUCKS.
Well I am going to be seeing that elephant-faced monstrosity in my nightmares forever now. I'm assuming they're gas masks, but it just looks like some kind of demon.
Wait. Waaaaaaaaait. Let's recap these criminals' modus operandi.
Step 1. Send 'gorgeous chicks' to the security hub of a high-profile art gallery.
Step 2. Gain access with promises of 'partying' and 'christmas gifts'.
Step 3. Knock out the guards with an aerosol-can full of knock-out gas.
Step 4. Release 'soporific gas' through the ventilation system of the museums to knock out all the other security. Enough gas to fill the ENTIRE gallery.
They do this at the Louvre...
And New York Met...
… Okay. Let's just pretend that's possible. Pretend REALLY REALLY HARD, and move on to step 5...
Step 5. THEY RUN IN AND JUST GRAB SHIT OFF THE WALLS.
Step 6. Shove it in a lorry (truck) and drive off.
One of the things I love so much about this manga is its wonderful sense of realism.
But back to the party.
WORST CODE EVER, a code is meant to be at least slightly inconspicuous. Now people will just think they're in a cult, which I seriously think they are. Also oh god it's like instead of giving the woman in the floral dress a face the Mangaka just turned the page sideways and typed colon capital d. See it's exactly the same : D
Allllll-together, people!
~#~#~#~#~THE MANGAKA CANNOT DRAAAAAAW~#~#~#~#~
Oh and I hope everyone remembers the raven-haired beauty in the snappy tweed suit.
This is 'Mr James', who cries a bitter tear because he is really a she, and she is clinically depressed by the forced cross-dressing she suffers under Sparkleshine Mega-Gloria's sick art-thieving cult.
And this isn't my editing skills, this is just how the manga flows, because now we return to our heroes.
OH LEOPARD *Mwaaaap mwaaaap mwaaaaaaaaaaaaah* YOU SO EATING ALL THE TIME.
Leopard's insatiable appetite, as demonstrated by the pile of plates in front of him, is not yet sated, as shown by the miserable-looking waitress bringing him more 'clean bone with perfectly formed hulk of meat at the end'. So Sugar Plum tries to interest Leopard in culture and art.
And we learn that he is a fucking idiot.
Graceful use of 'blue and yellow'... I'm pretty sure that's green. The word you're looking for there, Sugar, is GREEN.
I also love how instead of drawing proper faces on unimportant characters, the mangaka just draws smiley faces and/or emoticons. I mean, just LOOK at the chubby lady's face, she's not even trying. She CAN'T be trying. My kid sister can put in more effort than that.
Anyway, how does Dorian Red Gloria and his entourage of heshe's react to this magnificent painting?
Oh. Well that's... disturbing. The figure on the right is making this exact face : - P Seriously look.
However, Dorian Purple Gloria is not impressed, we can see this by his furious ellipsising. He has his sights set on bigger targets. Well, gayer targets.
CAESAR TAKES A CLOSER LOOK.
NO CLOSER.
CLOOOOOOOOOSSSEEERRRRRRRR
Well this is just awkward for everyone.
Just what the fuck is going on with that lady's face? WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD WAY TO DRAW AN EXPRESSION. Gloria Pink Dorian is obviously not impressed by her bitching and whining though, even if it is a £300'000 painting.
OH GOD EVERY NEW EXPRESSION IS LIKE THE MANGAKA IS STABBING ME IN THE EYES WITH HER PENCIL. Expressions are as follows - : - ) ?/'V
Anyway the faceless scrawlings are getting' all up in Carol's grill about his totally chill reaction to the painting.
OH. OH HOHOHOH THE PLOT THICKENS. Also I think the mangaka's hands went into spasm when she was drawing that lady's mouth. Oh no wait she just CAN'T FUCKING DRAW.
But HARK, what drama unfolds? WHAT ABOUT THE £300'000. SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE £300'000.
Don't worry guys, DORIAN SPARKLE GLORIA to the rescue!
CLOSER?!
Well, the helpful text that tells us 'Madame Faints' has crushed our suspicions that she was lying on her back with her arms up in the air for shits and giggles. HER POOR £300'000. CAN I EMPHASIZE ANY MORE THAT THIS PAINTING COST £300'000. THAT'S LIKE, DOUBLE £150'000. Oh the humanity.
Oh okay we're talking to Caesar again now. Wait sorry Carol. Carol is showing us her freakishly long fingers. That's some slenderman shit right there.
DORIAN?! WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON THIS?
THAT'S JUST SUPER. I'M SO GLAD I ASKED.
Uhhhhhhhh okay. Shall we take a closer look?
CLOOOOOOOOOSSERRRRRRRR!
*Shiver*
You know what this needs, MORE AWKWARD!
Carol looks just terrified here, and I don't blame her.
SOMEONE STOP IT PLEASE!!
Oh thank god. Wait what.
.