Fear No More's Gift Giving (and Receiving) Guide
While Thanksgiving has not yet come and gone; the stores are starting their sales and the early bird shoppers (like myself) are beginning to look for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice gifts. Now there is an exception to every rule (discussed below), but if you feel you need help may I suggest the following hints:
1) Do not give inconvenient gifts
Now you may be asking what exactly makes a gift inconvenient. There are four rules of thumb for this:
A) The more a gift weights, the more inconvenient
The 300 lbs couch that does not match any of the other furniture in a crowded house is very inconvenient. A one gram gift certificate is not (especially because most gift card/certificates can be used online so the recipient does not even need to leave their house).
B) The more space a gift takes up, the more inconvenient
Space is a premium these days and by giving a large object to someone, you are taxing their space and forcing them to interact with a large object whether they like it or not.
C) The more expensive a gift, the more inconvenient
This may surprise a few, but the more expensive an object is the more time, consideration and effort to keep it protected is needed. A gold plated crystal candle holder will need to be properly stored when not in use, and will only come out on special occasions. This taxes the recipient's storage space and limits the enjoyment one gets from the gift.
D) If it is alive and you have to feed it, then it is inconvenient
As SPCA and other animal advocacy groups say over and over again: Pets are not good presents. You have to feed them ($). You have to clean up after and train them (time). You have to give them a place in your house (space). Also: Babies are only gifts to grandparents. Never the actual parent(s) (until years of hard work).
Another note on convenience of gifts: Unless the person has directly asked for a gift OR it's food of some sort OR it is a gift card: have a gift receipt.
2) Remember who you're giving the gift to, and where they are
People are individuals. Keep in mind a person's ethnicity, health, age, job, and hobbies. Do not give an Orthodox Jew a non-Kosher food. Do not give a diabetic sugar-filled candy. Do not give a teenager a see-and-say book (this includes Twilight). An active duty military person will not want an autographed copy of Oliver Stone's latest book. Trust me on this. Also if you have a die-hard Redskins fan on your shopping list, do not get them a Dallas Cowboys' jersey (unless they like burning/destroying Dallas Cowboys paraphernalia).
As for where they are: Someone living in the Bahama's will be stumped if you give them flannel underwear.
This hint is generally about common sense and reflection. Consider the person as an individual, not just as my boss/S.O./relative.
3) Do not give self-improvement gifts
So your girlfriend has gained a few pounds this holiday season? Do not get her a gym membership.
Your brother is depressed over a recent breakup? Do not give him a membership to an online dating site.
Yes, you love them. Yes you want them to be happy, and healthy; however, these gifts do nothing but wound. If you really want to give a self-improvement gift then I recommend you sacrifice your time. Buy a couples dancing lessons for you and your girlfriend. That way she gets exercise, fun AND time with you. Make it a fun activity rather than a self-improvement obligation.
Alright, now let's talk about exceptions.
A) Unless they ask for it.
Take any of the above hints and attach this to the end of it. Don't get Mr. X present Y, unless he asks for it. This is the exception to any gift giving rule ever. There are four problems with asking outright though.
One, you admit that you don't know the person in intimate detail OR you're just admitting that you're not a good gift giver.
Two, you're putting price range in their hands, and they may ask for something with a larger bill than you planned.
Three, you're putting in them on the spot. You're not only asking what they want, you're asking what they want from you. They might not have a readily available answer.
Four, there is no element of surprise.
To avoid these problems: Take note of what they say. For example, if they say "I wish a had a lamp to go here." Then you could reasonably assume that a lamp would be a good gift. Or you could outright ask them to email them a list of things they'd like. This will give you a price range, allow them time to think of something and still keep a bit of the element of surprise.
B) Unless you are told to by trusted resource.
If exception A just isn't happening, turn to a close friend or relative and ask. It should be noted that a "trusted resource" is not the "Gifts for Him/Her" section of a website. Please remember Hint #2.
So we've given hints and exceptions. Let's talk about the gray areas.
Cash and Gift Cards
They're not heavy, not big, (usually) not expensive, and not alive. They're good for anybody, and don't criticize the recipient. So why are they in the gray area of gift giving. It should be a one size fits all answer right? Yes and no.
Cash is always useful, but they recipient will know exactly how much money you spent on them.
You admit that you don't really know the recipient all that well, but at the same time allow them to get exactly what they want (with out having to ask).
There are as many (if not more) good points in favor of gift cards as there are against. I tentatively recommend them.
Sexy Lingerie and Costumes
Let's be honest. If you give your girlfriend a sexy french maid costume, then it's not really a gift for her. It's a gift for you. Selfish jerk that you are.
Try doing this in reverse though. Girls- Go out and buy those frilly panties that fit you. Then wrap it up and (when you and your S.O. are alone) give the gift and whisper in your loved one's ear "I'll let you put this on me....and take if off."
Yes, it's still a gift for you. And that's why these gifts are in the gray area.
Clothes
Only buy some one clothes if exception A has happened. And then only if they also include size, color and brand.
Home-made items
Do you frequently win awards for your crafty projects? No? Then don't give out knitted sweaters, or your latest needle point to any one who isn't related by blood to you. Mothers are good recipients for home made items (as long as you don't do this too often), but grandmothers are better.
As for home-made cookies: remember Hint #2 and you can't go wrong.
Re-gifting
The problem with re-gifting is that there's no way to include a gift receipt. If the recipient doesn't like it, then they are stuck with figuring out how to re-gift you re-gifted item. So keeps the three hints in mind when re-gifting.
Finally let's discus how to receive a gift that you don't like.
1) Remember than the person who gave you the gift cares enough about you to give you a gift.
2) Thank the giver.
If you open the gift in front of them, thank them right after opening the gift. Also comment on one thing you like about the gift. You don't have to sing its praises, but you can always say: "what a nice color." If you open the gift long distance, write them a thank you note. Here's the best article I could find on how to do that. It only requires four sentences, a greeting and an end.
3) Get rid of it.
Do NOT fell obligated to keep it. If' you got a receipt, return it to the store. If you didn't there are a number of locations you can give used books, movies and games for store credit. You can re-gift the item. You can sell it on eBay. Or you can donate your item to a charity. My friend once got a gift card to a store. He couldn't find any thing but candy that he wanted there, so he donated his entire gift card the the store's charity of choice. You can do a lot of good with an unwanted gift.
Cuts in order to be friend's list friendly.
1) Do not give inconvenient gifts
Now you may be asking what exactly makes a gift inconvenient. There are four rules of thumb for this:
A) The more a gift weights, the more inconvenient
The 300 lbs couch that does not match any of the other furniture in a crowded house is very inconvenient. A one gram gift certificate is not (especially because most gift card/certificates can be used online so the recipient does not even need to leave their house).
B) The more space a gift takes up, the more inconvenient
Space is a premium these days and by giving a large object to someone, you are taxing their space and forcing them to interact with a large object whether they like it or not.
C) The more expensive a gift, the more inconvenient
This may surprise a few, but the more expensive an object is the more time, consideration and effort to keep it protected is needed. A gold plated crystal candle holder will need to be properly stored when not in use, and will only come out on special occasions. This taxes the recipient's storage space and limits the enjoyment one gets from the gift.
D) If it is alive and you have to feed it, then it is inconvenient
As SPCA and other animal advocacy groups say over and over again: Pets are not good presents. You have to feed them ($). You have to clean up after and train them (time). You have to give them a place in your house (space). Also: Babies are only gifts to grandparents. Never the actual parent(s) (until years of hard work).
Another note on convenience of gifts: Unless the person has directly asked for a gift OR it's food of some sort OR it is a gift card: have a gift receipt.
2) Remember who you're giving the gift to, and where they are
People are individuals. Keep in mind a person's ethnicity, health, age, job, and hobbies. Do not give an Orthodox Jew a non-Kosher food. Do not give a diabetic sugar-filled candy. Do not give a teenager a see-and-say book (this includes Twilight). An active duty military person will not want an autographed copy of Oliver Stone's latest book. Trust me on this. Also if you have a die-hard Redskins fan on your shopping list, do not get them a Dallas Cowboys' jersey (unless they like burning/destroying Dallas Cowboys paraphernalia).
As for where they are: Someone living in the Bahama's will be stumped if you give them flannel underwear.
This hint is generally about common sense and reflection. Consider the person as an individual, not just as my boss/S.O./relative.
3) Do not give self-improvement gifts
So your girlfriend has gained a few pounds this holiday season? Do not get her a gym membership.
Your brother is depressed over a recent breakup? Do not give him a membership to an online dating site.
Yes, you love them. Yes you want them to be happy, and healthy; however, these gifts do nothing but wound. If you really want to give a self-improvement gift then I recommend you sacrifice your time. Buy a couples dancing lessons for you and your girlfriend. That way she gets exercise, fun AND time with you. Make it a fun activity rather than a self-improvement obligation.
Alright, now let's talk about exceptions.
A) Unless they ask for it.
Take any of the above hints and attach this to the end of it. Don't get Mr. X present Y, unless he asks for it. This is the exception to any gift giving rule ever. There are four problems with asking outright though.
One, you admit that you don't know the person in intimate detail OR you're just admitting that you're not a good gift giver.
Two, you're putting price range in their hands, and they may ask for something with a larger bill than you planned.
Three, you're putting in them on the spot. You're not only asking what they want, you're asking what they want from you. They might not have a readily available answer.
Four, there is no element of surprise.
To avoid these problems: Take note of what they say. For example, if they say "I wish a had a lamp to go here." Then you could reasonably assume that a lamp would be a good gift. Or you could outright ask them to email them a list of things they'd like. This will give you a price range, allow them time to think of something and still keep a bit of the element of surprise.
B) Unless you are told to by trusted resource.
If exception A just isn't happening, turn to a close friend or relative and ask. It should be noted that a "trusted resource" is not the "Gifts for Him/Her" section of a website. Please remember Hint #2.
So we've given hints and exceptions. Let's talk about the gray areas.
Cash and Gift Cards
They're not heavy, not big, (usually) not expensive, and not alive. They're good for anybody, and don't criticize the recipient. So why are they in the gray area of gift giving. It should be a one size fits all answer right? Yes and no.
Cash is always useful, but they recipient will know exactly how much money you spent on them.
You admit that you don't really know the recipient all that well, but at the same time allow them to get exactly what they want (with out having to ask).
There are as many (if not more) good points in favor of gift cards as there are against. I tentatively recommend them.
Sexy Lingerie and Costumes
Let's be honest. If you give your girlfriend a sexy french maid costume, then it's not really a gift for her. It's a gift for you. Selfish jerk that you are.
Try doing this in reverse though. Girls- Go out and buy those frilly panties that fit you. Then wrap it up and (when you and your S.O. are alone) give the gift and whisper in your loved one's ear "I'll let you put this on me....and take if off."
Yes, it's still a gift for you. And that's why these gifts are in the gray area.
Clothes
Only buy some one clothes if exception A has happened. And then only if they also include size, color and brand.
Home-made items
Do you frequently win awards for your crafty projects? No? Then don't give out knitted sweaters, or your latest needle point to any one who isn't related by blood to you. Mothers are good recipients for home made items (as long as you don't do this too often), but grandmothers are better.
As for home-made cookies: remember Hint #2 and you can't go wrong.
Re-gifting
The problem with re-gifting is that there's no way to include a gift receipt. If the recipient doesn't like it, then they are stuck with figuring out how to re-gift you re-gifted item. So keeps the three hints in mind when re-gifting.
Finally let's discus how to receive a gift that you don't like.
1) Remember than the person who gave you the gift cares enough about you to give you a gift.
2) Thank the giver.
If you open the gift in front of them, thank them right after opening the gift. Also comment on one thing you like about the gift. You don't have to sing its praises, but you can always say: "what a nice color." If you open the gift long distance, write them a thank you note. Here's the best article I could find on how to do that. It only requires four sentences, a greeting and an end.
3) Get rid of it.
Do NOT fell obligated to keep it. If' you got a receipt, return it to the store. If you didn't there are a number of locations you can give used books, movies and games for store credit. You can re-gift the item. You can sell it on eBay. Or you can donate your item to a charity. My friend once got a gift card to a store. He couldn't find any thing but candy that he wanted there, so he donated his entire gift card the the store's charity of choice. You can do a lot of good with an unwanted gift.
Cuts in order to be friend's list friendly.