Sorry I didn't get a chance to comment on the first draft before you posted the second one.
There weren't any grammar/ect errors that jumped out at me while reading.
What I really liked about this chapter, is that even though there isn't much actually happening, by switching the speaker, it really gives this chapter a sense of 'everything's coming together'/'everything's moving to one point' (which i believe is exactly what you're doing. That being said, I think this chapter should come before the one you posted last week. I think it would make it stronger.
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There weren't any grammar/ect errors that jumped out at me while reading.
What I really liked about this chapter, is that even though there isn't much actually happening, by switching the speaker, it really gives this chapter a sense of 'everything's coming together'/'everything's moving to one point' (which i believe is exactly what you're doing. That being said, I think this chapter should come before the one you posted last week. I think it would make it stronger.
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