June first draft

[li_izumi]

When we last left our angsty hero, Duncan had made a new friend (something he swore he wouldn't do again), and had finally gotten his butt in gear and went on his first mission. This chapter is a bit slower, not that much happens except for some character building, but it's sort of the calm before the storm, as starting next month we'll have a

Comments

[celestialtiger]

As always nice. Though there was a sentence at the beginning:

"I was all but collapsing as I made my stumbled through the front door. "

Did really make much sense... I'm guess you had two thought for one sentence and combined them? :D

Other than that the only thing I'd say is that the beginning seemed a bit fast. Like you rushed through it and then the end slowed down to where I could enjoy it. But that was it.

:D