CR Chart
special people!!!
Dave Strider
FASHIONABLE GAY FRIEND
Dave is this stutid fuckass that really needs to stop having a gay butt that smells all of the damn time! Geez!
Immature boy ramblings aside, Dave is one of John's best friends and 1/4 of their special friend club. He loves Dave, and he's one of the few people that John would not only die for, but would go to hell and back to save. Dave's particularly special because he's his ONLY guy best friend. Yeah, he loves Jade and Rose and all but ewww girls. Dave is like... the only person he could do guy things with and it's special SO YES. Even if he is dumb 99.99% of the time.
Jade Harley
TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
Jade is John's best friend slash secret twin slash 1/4 member of their super special friend club slash 1/2 of team wonderderp. Together with Jade's help, they can achieve cute Nirvana. jk, anyway, he loves Jade, he would go through hell for her, etc etc. He's particularly protective of her because she is so TINY and CUTE. He doesn't know she's secretly more badass than he is.
Karkat Vantas
SASSY GAY FRIEND
Gay jokes aside, Karkat is John's super special gay friend. Special because while Karkat isn't part of their exclusive friend diamond club (Jade, Dave, John and Rose, the others didn't want to give him the PASSWORD FUCKASS), he is super special to John. They met when Karkat fell head over heels for him when they were firsties but John immediately shot him down with the infamous words: "i am not a homosexual". Man, imagine going to a magic school you didn't know about a year before to find someone declaring their lust for you a few hours after your arrival. (Karkat still has a crush on him but pfft, like John knows that.) They immediately became friends. The years they spent together only made them closer, and quite frankly, John loves him like... a brother? A lover? A best friend? A soul mate? He has no idea! It's not something he likes thinking about. All he knows is that he just loves him so, so much and that he's super adorable.
Rose Lalonde
GOOD HUSBAND, BEST FRIEND
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you!
Rose is 1/4 of their super special friend club. He loves Rose with the passion of a million bromantic stars and she's one of the 5-6 people John would not only die for, but would go to hell and back to save.
She's John's common sense and quite frankly one of the few people that's tying him to the ground. Without Rose, he wouldn't be able to tell reality from fiction, his left hand from his right one. He loves her so, so much and he wants her to stop hiding behind her books because the world is beautiful, life is beautiful. She's the only person John's hellbent on making happy because god, she's a pretty girl that needs to smile for once. Not smirk, but smile, genuinely and happily and he wants to witness it firsthand. He may have a teeny crush on her but pfft, like he'd tell her that.
Vriska Serket
Waifu
THE MOST GQ OF MOTHERFUCKERS, BITCHES BETTER RECOGNIZE. Vriska is the coolest person ever. She's pretty, confident, amazing, intelligent, helpful and SHE LOVES NIC CAGE AS MUCH AS HE DOES HOLY SHIT. They hang out because they are the most mashed of mashed brotatoes. Vriska's not included in their friend diamond but goddamn, John will still fight for her honor if it ever happens. Because they're the best of bros. See, she's so amazing that she becomes a bro. John may or may not have a teeny crush on her.
friends!!
Black Star
PUDDING GUY
Some Bluehaired Spitfire that traded his pudding for John's cake. Good Housemate, insta-friend. He is going to spread of fortawesomeness which makes John and, by virtue, his uncle Problem Sleuth proud.
Chrome Dokuro
DAUGHTER
Chrome, oh Chrome. They met through the journal. She gets sick a lot so he took it upon himself to become her school father so he can nurture her and make her healthier. Eventually, he grows into the idea of her being his daughter and he's really mostly serious about his parenting now DESPITE HER ACTUALLY BEING OLDER THAN HIM. He loves his baby girl so much ububububu.
Ellis
KOOL AID KID
Ellis is this super cool kid that likes zombies and doesn't afraid of anything. John is suspicious that he might be a zombie himself though.
Gamzee Makara
HILARIOUS CLOWN GUY
John uh barely knows Gamzee, actually! All he knows is that he's Karkat's friend and he seems like he's a pretty chill dude. John wants to be chill with him sometimes. He seems too nice to be Slytherin. John likes to wonder why that is. Maybe he is secretly an evil mastermind? No one knows. They're buddies though.
John Egbert
TERMINATOR
Some dumb kid that can't stop talking about movies and upsetting his friends and other stupid stupid dumb things. Seriously, why does anyone like this guy?
Kanaya Maryam
LESBIAN FASHIONISTA VAMPIRE WIFE
Kanaya is... Kanaya. First and foremost, she's his friend! She's fashionable, patient and really, really awesome. They're not that close but honestly he wouldn't mind it if they were. She's also one of Karkat's best friends and that's awesome. His semi-conscious mind thinks she's his wife but... um... yeeeaaah.
Lauren Zizes
BOSS LADY
Awesome but kinda sucks at pranks. Needs to work on her aim, also her swag. She is so chill, John thinks she's the 2nd coolest chick in Gryffindor.
Maka Albarn
MOM
THE COOLEST AND MOST BADASS CHICK IN GRYFFINDOR. Everyone should aspire to be Maka. Why? Because she's awesome. She's badass and cool and pretty and doesn't afraid of anything. Shame she doesn't like hats tho.
Nepeta Leijon
CAT LADY
Single furry looking for rolepurring partner to yiff with. Nepeta is this super kawaii neko-chan that is nice and sweet and fun! John likes her. She is his favorite kitty.
Sana Kurata
SUPERHERO BUDDY
Sana is this awesome little girl that... um, likes to yell and spazz a lot, which is cool! She is his partner in crime fighting and together they... um, fight crime.
Sollux Captor
BIFURCATED DOUCHEBAG
John has an overwhelming indifference to Sollux. He has mixed opinions of him -- bipolar, if you will. On one hand, he is this huge stutid douchebag that likes to flip out on people and that's not cool at all. On the other hand, he is actually pretty cool, wow! He is also really smart and say what you will about Sollux but John believes he is a badass.
PROMOTED TO FRIEND AND COMPUTER CODE TEACHER.
acquaintances!
Coraline Jones
SOME GIRL
Ghetto prankster chick. LOL jk, Coraline is this chill broad and John would like to know her better because she's awesome. Yeah? Yeah!!!!!!!!
Julusmole Bayhan
SOME GIRL
He is the most gentlemanly gentleman with the most flowery words and gentlemanlyness. If he had a monocle on, John would consider him to be THE MOST PROPER ENGLISH GENTLEMAN OF ALL.
Tsunayoshi Sawada
SOME GUY
Uh. Tsuna seems pretty cool, actually. John would like to know him better! They had a snowball fight once and that's cool. He's cool. John's cool. They can be cool together.
misc.
Doc Scratch
TEACHER
Maybe homosexual for Uncle Percy.
John, um... John doesn't mind Scratch, I guess? He's a pretty chill teacher. He has no strong feelings for and/or against him. We cool bro.
Sid Jenkins
AQUAMAN HATER
Superhero enthusiast, maybe homosexual. WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE AQUAMAN???? JOHN DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.