(eng) Objection, your Honor!
“Ahem…” Jaejoong clears his throat and throws a fierce look to the people in the room. “So let’s begin. We’re here today to determine whether our defendant is guilty or not for this unimaginable crime which occurred this morning.”
“The defense is ready, your Honor!” Yoochun shouts.
“The prosecution is ready, your Honor…” Changmin just looks kind of bored.
“Very well.”
From his place at the extreme end of the kitchen table, Jaejoong hits the upside down casserole dish with his spoon. “Then proceed to the accusation, prosecutor!”
“The 6th of October between 11.00 and 11.35 am,” Changmin begins, “the defendant, Jung Yunho, used the toilet located on the first floor of this apartment -- the one near the living-room, must I precise. Here, he did his… little affair. Then, at 11.40, the victim, Kim Jaejoong, after finishing washing the dishes used during the breakfast, entered this same toilet only to discover… wait a minute,” he pauses. “I think illustration will work better than words. Here the photo of what he discovered.”
“Eeeeeeerk, Changmin!” Yoochun whines. “Thanks, I won’t be able to eat for a while now!”
“Yeah I know, sorry hyung,” the youngest sighs. “But evidences are evidences. I’m just questioning the sanity of the person who took this photo.”
“I’m sane,” Jaejoong grins. “Just wanted to share my misery,” he adds wickedly.
Changmin discreetly shoves the offensive picture in the trashcan and sighs again.
“Anyway. Let’s finish it quickly, shall we?” he takes a glance at his notes. “There were only four suspects in this affair, present in the area of the crime scene at the moment of the… wrongdoing. After investigation, we found that three of them provided a solid alibi. The suspect without an alibi is the one who did it, obviously. And in our case… this suspect is the defendant, Jung Yunho!”
“Objection!!” Yoochun yells.
“I’m going to kill you all,” Yunho says from his chair near the door. “Just wait.”
“The defendant has no authorization to speak!” Jaejoong proclaims, pointing an accusing finger to his bandmate. “Bailiff! Make sure he doesn’t talk!”
Junsu looks lost standing next to Yunho, fidgeting like a little kid embarrassed being the center of attention. He smiles tentatively to the older man.
“Uuh… please be quiet?”
“I’m going to kill you too, my cute little Jun-jiang.”
Junsu laughs awkwardly and quickly turns toward the fridge to dig in it, squealing something like oh my gah under his breath. Jaejoong rolls his eyes.
“The defendant is not supposed to mistreat the bailiff either!”
He shakes his spoon warningly and points it on Yoochun. “Now, let’s listen to the defense.”
“Ahem. First, I would like to say…” the baritone smacks the table. “The prosecution is wrong, your Honor!”
“How dare you,” Changmin mutters. “I’m always right, you fool.”
“How can you tell the prosecution is wrong, Yoochun-sshi?” Jaejoong asks. “Present evidences to the court to back up such a suggestion!”
“Fine!”
Yoochun grins madly, waving a sheet of paper in the air.
“I have here the absolute proof that the defendant had an alibi the moment of the crime, your Honor!”
“We’re listening to you, Yoochun-sshi.”
“The 6th of October at 10.25 am,” Yoochun begins, “was broadcasted on BSB channel for the first time the special episode of [You, King of Dance], featuring Hee Ban Jo, the defendant’s absolute dance idol. You can imagine the defendant was very keen to see it live! The show began at 10.25 and finished at 11.55 am. So, there is no way the defendant had left the living room during the program - he was just stuck on the television until the end of the special episode!”
“Objection!” Changmin shouts.
Jaejoong nods. “We’re listening to you, prosecutor.”
“The defendant wasn’t forced to stay in front of the television during the entire program,” he points out. “After all… he had recorded it all on the video tape recorder!”
“But it is his all-time favorite drama,” Yoochun objects. “You know how he is, he wouldn’t have left during the episode, in fear of missing an important part!”
The smirk on Changmin’s face is just plain scary.
“But he may have leave at some moment because he needed to use the toilet! And he had the perfect opportunity to do so!” he shouts, pointing a victorious finger at his hyung’s face. “He used the bathroom during the commercial break after the first half of the show, it’s flawlessly clear! And the timing would just match the time of the crime perfectly. What do you say of that, UH?!”
“Ooooh, well said, Changminnie!” Jaejoong claps. “You did great, I may bake you these cookies after all!”
“Thanks hyung.”
Yoochun is sweating buckets. “Objection your honor! You’re fraternizing with the prosecution!!”
“Objection rejected.” Jaejoong snorts. “The defense has other pieces of evidence to show us, or shall I give my verdict?”
“I have other evidences proving the defendant’s guilt!” Changmin pipes in.
“Greeeeeeat. Let’s hear them then. If the defense doesn’t see any problem with that?”
“Go ahead,” Yoochun mutters. He’s beginning to feel grumpy. He should have chosen the prosecution’s role, damnit!
In their corner of the room, Junsu offers the defendant a bit of his cake, in a miserable attempt of a peace offering. Yunho ignores him. Junsu whimpers a little.
“The 6th of October at around 11.00 am,” Changmin says, “a witness went to the living-room looking for a pen and didn’t see the defendant at his imaginary spot on the couch, in front of the television. The prosecution logically concludes that the defendant is… of course guilty, your Honor!”
“I told you I went in my room to change my shirt!!” Yunho yells.
“No witness, no proof,” Changmin happily says. He’s so into the game he’s beginning to find it funny.
“Who’s your own witness, anyway?” Yoochun asks with little enthusiasm. He takes care to not move too close to Yunho, who is radiating with murder aura - leader-sshi’s so scary!
Changmin positively beams. “The best witness you can ever find in this country. Me, of course!”
“Well.” Jaejoong hits his casserole dish again with what remains of the traumatized spoon he’s still holding. “Then we shall conclude this trial with the judge’s verdict…” Pong! “I hereby declare the defendant, Jung Yunho…”
G
U
I
L
T
Y
Pong!
“It was fun,” Changmin says, exiting the kitchen arm linked with Jaejoong’s. “Let’s do it again, hyung!”
“Then we need to find our next case,” Jaejoong singsongs. “I’ll let you be the judge next time!”
“I’m going to kill them all,” Yunho mutters, jogging in the corridor and randomly giving hits in the empty space in front of him. “Wait. I’m going to find the true culprit, kill him, and then kill them all.”
“Yoochun,” Junsu whines, hugging him from behind. “Yoochun.”
“What?” Yoochun asks. He’s still so pissed to have lost to Changmin - hell, how come? He should have just stuck at playing at Phoenix Wright, he was so far better at this game!
Junsu gives him the puppy eyes and he melts, just a little.
“What’s wrong?” he asks again, more gently this time.
“Let me sleep with you toniiiiight ;__;”
... i'm almost ashamed to have written that xD