Comments | featherie: starry night (kangin/leeteuk)

featherie

starry night (kangin/leeteuk)

Jan 29, 2010 19:37

!fanfiction, p: kangin/leeteuk, f: super junior

Comments 22

kangfany January 29 2010, 12:00:33 UTC

The first part was pretty good, and Jungsoo's way of regarding a sleeping Youngwoon is very nice, but the last line doesn't really have much emphasis. It would be more powerful, I think, if you ended it with something a little more personal to Jungsoo. What's he thinking when he sees Youngwoon like this? What emotions run through his mind? Is he depressed because he can't have him so he's content with only watching? What makes this particular happening, that they're outside like this, special?

Hope it helped a little bit. Don't worry, practice makes perfect!

prototypic January 29 2010, 12:10:35 UTC

btw i have daim chocolates :P

kangfany January 29 2010, 12:11:41 UTC

.....GIVE SOME. D:

prototypic January 29 2010, 12:12:43 UTC

they're all wrapped in small wrappers it's so cuteeee :D

Thread 12

prototypic January 29 2010, 12:10:12 UTC

lol i know how you feel. it's so annoying ;3

i agree with what charlotte said :D

featherie January 29 2010, 12:12:41 UTC

Wait, what's annoying. xD

prototypic January 29 2010, 12:13:57 UTC

idk the sudden random word/line flashing in your head and the irrepressible urge to pen it down.

13loodyangel January 30 2010, 00:34:32 UTC

it's too short *that's wahy it called drabble *get kicked

I love the atmohphere <3

featherie February 4 2010, 12:43:58 UTC

Thank you :)

imaginetears February 4 2010, 04:35:02 UTC

Okay, so, I love that. (I am also finally managing to get through my friends page/email right now - but I have to sleep soon ( ... )

featherie February 4 2010, 12:54:19 UTC

Basically 'the dull colours of the sky' is supposed to refer to the clouds. It's going to rain, Jungsu thinks - the readers are supposed to infer the dull colours as rain clouds from that line, but I guess I failed at that.

And really, you like it? Lmao THANK YOU BB; I appreciate the crit as well. :D

Wtf you do that? Usually I just store it up in my brain if I don't have my laptop at hand. XD

imaginetears February 4 2010, 17:15:18 UTC

Ah, I thought so, it just wasn't very clear - as if the image was lacking. You did actually manage it, but yeah. Such is my brain.

I do dear! YOU ARE WELCOME, I don't know what you've started but I get the feeling it may be here to stay XD

...Yes. I do. Never underestimate the power of dyspraxic child to not know what is appropriate. Still, I did actually wait until I'd fifnished the test to write it down.

animearumira01 May 2 2010, 13:32:30 UTC

. .hey ( ... )

featherie May 2 2010, 15:03:18 UTC

Haha yeah, caramel is way too sweet and sticky for my taste, it just sticks in my throat. >> Aw thank you so much! I really like how you view my drabbles, haha. ♥ And yes, Kangin and Leeteuk really are kyute together. :D