Well, they've toted me and my little harlequin-colored friend to a new house. I swear these people never settle down for much longer than a year. I'm not a migratory species, so this crap can be a little taxing on me, but watching the flightless ones endlessly moving all of their stuff into the new place is good for a few laughs. We have our own ( Read more... )

More like King Yawn. They made me sit through this snoozefest the other night. What a bunch of wusses the people in this movie are! I deal with things (relatively speaking) on King Kong's scale everyday! Clumsily grabbed by some ham fisted oaf? Nothing a quick bite or two won't fix. For added effect try biting and not letting go for a minute, it's ( Read more... )

I'm letting my retarded, garishly colored roommate post an entry today. He's not old enough for his own journal yet and you wouldn't want that anyway ( Read more... )

All I want to do is get in that credenza and have a little alone time. Is that such a big deal? Why am I thwarted at every turn when all I want is a little privacy? What about one of the kitchen cupboards? Those look cozy and they're high up. It's not like I'm gonna mess anything up too bad in there. I won't even poop. I've been doing much better ( Read more... )

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been too busy moving into my condo and keeping uppity bitches who don't know that the couch belongs to me in line.

Last night I ate a cashew the size of my frickin' fist. Sorry your evening paled by comparison.

That movie X-Men blows. A bunch of losers with some lame "superpowers" running around acting stupid. I could totally own any of these jerks. I have all the X-Men's mutant powers and then some ( Read more... )

I'm the head of a flock of morons. A typical evening for me goes something like this:

Me- Hey. Go get me some yogurt out of the fridge.

Moron- blablablabarbarblabal (brings me a stale cracker)

Me- No, stupid. I said YOGURT!

Moron- barblabarbarblabla (sticks cracker through my cage)

Me- Sigh. Fine. Thanks for nothing.