Just a Little Favor for a Friend Pt. 6
Wedding Ring Ranch
***
Wash was less than thrilled. "You hired a what?"
"I got us a tiger!"
"A mad tiger? I can certainly see why. What we need is more unpredictability and danger at this job."
"Every ship should have one. Besides, it was hire him or get shot."
"I was under the impression that you get shot with some regularity, Mal."
"I'm taking a break. Pretty sure this tiger's a normal one, though. Not mad."
The subject under discussion hulked onto Serenity's bridge. "'Ram right I'm normal. Who're you?" he inquired brusquely of Wash.
"I'm a very quiet, nonthreatening pilot."
"I'm Jayne Cobb." He turned to Mal. "He looks awful small. Can he fly this thing?"
"Wash is a great pilot. Trust me."
"I'd trust you a lot more if you'd prove I get that private bunk you promised."
"Oh, yeah-- come on. I'll show you the room."
Wash jittered in his pilot's chair as they departed. "Nothing does my heart more good than a captain who's 'pretty sure' he hasn't hired a mad tiger," he muttered to himself. He drummed his fingers agitatedly on the console for only a few seconds before jumping up and trotting to catch Mal and Cobb.
"Captain-- I can't work under these conditions."
"Oh, not this again."
"With the preemptory addition of certain dangerous elements to this crew, I think that our situation has changed and a renegotiation..."
"You're paid fair and square whenever we get work. You knew what you were getting into when you signed on."
"I had some idea, but, Captain-- her hair. It ripples."
"I have no rule against you asking Zoe out."
"I have asked. She rejected me."
"What's his problem?" Jayne asked.
"He's just a little concerned that I'm not resolving a kind of a difficulty he has with the First Mate."
"Oh." Jayne nodded as if enlightened; his primary knowledge of Zoe thus far pertained to her reach with a kick.
"What I'm thinking we need," Wash went on in his most convincing tone, "is to make a deal."
***
"Look, Zoe, all I'm saying is one date, just one. He's interfering with the smooth running of this boat."
"That appears to be his fault, and mostly your problem, Cap'n."
"Just go out with him once. He's driving me crazy."
"This borders on sexual harrassment, Sir."
"Hell, this is sexual harrassment. But he's harmless, and he seems alright at the job."
Zoe masked a smirk. "No doubt. Still..." She took on a slightly less defensive tone. "I had sorta thought of getting out of this brigand life, getting onto a world, maybe getting a real man, some kids..."
"Zoe, don't start this now." Mal tugged at the lapel of his brown coat to strengthen his appeal. "You and me, we stick together."
"For better, for worse, on one side of the law or the other."
"Exactly." Mal opened his arms endearingly.
She sighed. "Alright, Sir, one date. But then we replace him discreetly with another pilot at the first convenient big population center. To shut you and him up for now, I'll do it."
"I knew I could count on you."
***
Zoe knew Wash was a more or less permanent installation when she approached the bridge and heard ranting.
"When I say 'jump', you say--"
"We're not at war, Mal!"
Wash turned at the sound of her step. "Oh, hey, Zoe. Listen, don't worry. By the third date, you'll really get to like the moustache."
Zoe raised an eyebrow. "You could shave it off."
"If I make that sacrifice, will you go out with me again?"
Zoe smiled. "Sure."
"For the record, in case anyone is keeping track," Mal pointed out, "the deal I was party to included exactly one date."
***
Wash was less than thrilled. "You hired a what?"
"I got us a tiger!"
"A mad tiger? I can certainly see why. What we need is more unpredictability and danger at this job."
"Every ship should have one. Besides, it was hire him or get shot."
"I was under the impression that you get shot with some regularity, Mal."
"I'm taking a break. Pretty sure this tiger's a normal one, though. Not mad."
The subject under discussion hulked onto Serenity's bridge. "'Ram right I'm normal. Who're you?" he inquired brusquely of Wash.
"I'm a very quiet, nonthreatening pilot."
"I'm Jayne Cobb." He turned to Mal. "He looks awful small. Can he fly this thing?"
"Wash is a great pilot. Trust me."
"I'd trust you a lot more if you'd prove I get that private bunk you promised."
"Oh, yeah-- come on. I'll show you the room."
Wash jittered in his pilot's chair as they departed. "Nothing does my heart more good than a captain who's 'pretty sure' he hasn't hired a mad tiger," he muttered to himself. He drummed his fingers agitatedly on the console for only a few seconds before jumping up and trotting to catch Mal and Cobb.
"Captain-- I can't work under these conditions."
"Oh, not this again."
"With the preemptory addition of certain dangerous elements to this crew, I think that our situation has changed and a renegotiation..."
"You're paid fair and square whenever we get work. You knew what you were getting into when you signed on."
"I had some idea, but, Captain-- her hair. It ripples."
"I have no rule against you asking Zoe out."
"I have asked. She rejected me."
"What's his problem?" Jayne asked.
"He's just a little concerned that I'm not resolving a kind of a difficulty he has with the First Mate."
"Oh." Jayne nodded as if enlightened; his primary knowledge of Zoe thus far pertained to her reach with a kick.
"What I'm thinking we need," Wash went on in his most convincing tone, "is to make a deal."
***
"Look, Zoe, all I'm saying is one date, just one. He's interfering with the smooth running of this boat."
"That appears to be his fault, and mostly your problem, Cap'n."
"Just go out with him once. He's driving me crazy."
"This borders on sexual harrassment, Sir."
"Hell, this is sexual harrassment. But he's harmless, and he seems alright at the job."
Zoe masked a smirk. "No doubt. Still..." She took on a slightly less defensive tone. "I had sorta thought of getting out of this brigand life, getting onto a world, maybe getting a real man, some kids..."
"Zoe, don't start this now." Mal tugged at the lapel of his brown coat to strengthen his appeal. "You and me, we stick together."
"For better, for worse, on one side of the law or the other."
"Exactly." Mal opened his arms endearingly.
She sighed. "Alright, Sir, one date. But then we replace him discreetly with another pilot at the first convenient big population center. To shut you and him up for now, I'll do it."
"I knew I could count on you."
***
Zoe knew Wash was a more or less permanent installation when she approached the bridge and heard ranting.
"When I say 'jump', you say--"
"We're not at war, Mal!"
Wash turned at the sound of her step. "Oh, hey, Zoe. Listen, don't worry. By the third date, you'll really get to like the moustache."
Zoe raised an eyebrow. "You could shave it off."
"If I make that sacrifice, will you go out with me again?"
Zoe smiled. "Sure."
"For the record, in case anyone is keeping track," Mal pointed out, "the deal I was party to included exactly one date."