Convincing Red: Fraggle Rock fanfic
Idea by Channing and Red Fraggle. My own episode concepts all revolve around sex.
Happy birthday, Jeff! Here's your lost episode.
Fraggle Rock and characters obviously copyright to amazing people who are not me.
This counts as working on Firefly.
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Convincing Red
***
(Doc's workshop. A large, somewhat battered wooden wardrobe is occupying the space between Sprocket's bed and Doc's drafting table. Wires in a rainbow of colors connect the wardrobe to the computer across the room. Doc is enthusiastically clicking away on the keyboard. Enter Sprocket, through his swinging dog door. He is mystified by the array of wires.)
DOC: Sprocket, you'll be pleased to know I've added a measure of efficiency to this makeover software that Betty-- I mean Ms. Ardath lent to us.
SPROCKET: Mreh-huh? (Perks ears, appears near Doc's elbow near the computer keyboard.)
DOC: Yes, see, it's called "You Could Stand to Dress Better: Glamour Made Easy." And I've made it even easier! See, I patched it into this wardrobe I bought at the used furniture store. It's interfaced such that I can step inside the wardrobe and the computer program will make over my appearance automatically!
SPROCKET: (Gesturing at Doc with a paw) Wroh-whoo huh owr?
DOC: Oh, nothing, Sprocket, but let's face it, we're years behind in style, and spending so much of my time at the Captain's Inn, I'd hate to spoil its image with less than modern fashion.
SPROCKET: (Sing-songy innuendo)
DOC: Sprocket, there is a difference between trying to impress Ms. Ardath and simply trying to be the best representatives of ourselves-- and of an establishment like the Captain's Inn-- we can be. I asked Betty for tips, and she thought we'd have some fun with this. Come on, want to try?
SPROCKET: Ruff?? Nuh-uh.
DOC: Fine, stay in a rut. Now to update my fashion. I'll set it for... "today", "male". And "Enter".
(Colored lights blink along some of the wires as Doc crosses to the wardrobe and steps behind, presumably into it. Sprocket watches curiously, then turns a wide-eyed and dubious glance to the camera/audience.)
(Pan down through the floor and the plumbing pipes to Fraggle Rock.)
(The room of Mokey and Red. Through the window, the music of the Minstrels, predominantly Cantus' magic pipe, sounds. Red stands at the window, listening and watching anxiously. Cantus' pipe and a reedier, deeper supporting sound break off from the group and Red follows this song as it traverses the outer hall and ends at the entrance to the room. Mokey appears, dressed in chains and baubles, minstrel-style, along with her usual sweater and soda-can-pull amulet. She is playing her double-reed pipe. Lanford is already in the room, decked out similarly to Mokey. He hums, trills and la-las to himself at her arrival.)
CANTUS: (stands in the doorway, stops playing to speak) You have done well, Mokey. In a few days you will join us on your second journey and first step into Minstrelhood.
MOKEY: My first step-- yes, I see what you mean. I'll meet you again after I get packed.
CANTUS: I shall be having a jam session with my fellow travelers. I would be glad for you to blend with us.
MOKEY: Oh, I will.
CANTUS: You, too, other, pigtailed Fraggle. You may blend, or you may listen, or you may do both.
RED: (Uncertainly) Yeah, thanks.
CANTUS: (Exit, resuming pipe-song)
RED: Do you really know what he's talking about?
MOKEY: (Turns from the netting upon which she is piling scarves and clothing) Sometimes. The rest of the time I wait and listen. You have to take it on faith.
RED: (Dubiously) I see.
(Enter Wembley, Gobo, and Boober, each wearing a prominent set of plastic teeth. Boober's are pointy fangs.)
WEMBLEY: (Performing truly heroic pronunciation around his new teeth) We just came by to see how Mokey is getting along.
BOOBER: (Fumbling with his mouthful of fangs) Yes. I'm planning a feast for all the Minstrels.
MOKEY: (Giggles) What happened to your faces? Look at yourselves.
BOOBER: I'd rather not look, thank you.
GOBO: (Sputtering) Convincing John convinced us to wear funny joke teeth.
BOOBER: Only mine are more scary than funny.
WEMBLEY: So how's it going, Mokey? You almost packed?
MOKEY: Well, I have a lot to do yet, but I think I'll be ready. (Goes down the line, petting each of the joke-teethed Fraggles in turn.) I'll miss each of you so much. But only think! To be uniting the Rock in song! The significance of it expands my heart.
WEMBLEY: Aw, we'll mith-- miss you, too, Mokey.
RED: I wanna do something significant that expands my soul. Or my heart. Or whatever it is Mokey is expanding!
GOBO: (Moving close to Red, apart from the others) Red, I was thinking, Mokey's gonna be gone awhile and I thought you and I could spend some time together. Maybe go rock climbing.
RED: You are wearing ridiculous teeth.
GOBO: Well, I--
RED: I'm going to go see Convincing John!
GOBO: (Spitting around teeth) Why? Red, the teeth aren't that big a deal.
(Exit Red while Gobo is speaking.)
MOKEY: Say, Boober, I'm going to be without your cooking a long while. I know it's an awfully big favor to ask for the Minstrel feast, but I wondered if you could perhaps make your famous Cornish game radishes?
BOOBER: Of course!
(Convincing John's cave. Red and Convincing John are here.)
JOHN: So you want to be an Apprentice Convincer.
RED: I want to do something big and important, yah! You can convince anyone to do anything! That must be amazing, soul-expanding work.
JOHN: Convincing is very glamorous seen from the outside, it is true.
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter, without warning)
(o/` Convincing John's Theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: Listen to Convincing John, and all your trouble--
JOHN: Just one moment, girls. I have something to say to Red Fraggle, first. Red, Apprentice Convincing is lonely work. Are you sure you want me to do this?
RED: You can't make me any lonelier than I will be anyway-- and you're supposed to be the one to convince me. I shouldn't have to decide beyond coming here to do it.
JOHN: Very well. (Nods, gestures to Convincing Singers)
(o/' Convincing John's Theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: Listen to Convincing John, and all your troubles will be
gone.
He's gonna tell it, spell it, sell it just for you.
JOHN: Now when Fraggles need convincing there's no point in vocab mincing
use your powers to the full extent you can.
CONVINCING SINGERS: You can.
JOHN: But you think, like every other Fraggle, mother, friend or brother
That convincing is the realm of just one man.
CONVINCING SINGERS: That's John!
JOHN: The first step you must take to make a Fraggle image shake
The mundane, the furry, earthy daily guise
Is to sparkle on the first impression. Often that decides the question.
Dress the part and really wow their eyes.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Their eyes. (They converge on Red and apply clothing. When they part, Red is dressed in a pastel tailored suit and a matching hat with her hair neatly pinned, in the style of a female televangelist.)
Listen to Convincing John, and all your troubles will be
gone.
He's gonna tell it, spell it, sell it just for you.
JOHN: To build up your conviction in your own convincing mission
Understand that Fraggle Rock hinges on you.
CONVINCING SINGERS: On you.
JOHN: The moss will grow outside-in, the Fraggle horn sound smaller than the
falling of a pin
At the singing of the will you bring to bear.
I know it's true, you know it, too:
The power of Convincing John you share.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Listen to Convincing John, and all your troubles will be
gone.
He's gonna tell it, spell it, sell it just for you.
RED: (Stunned, gradually recovers, feels of her hat and lapels)
JOHN: Now, you are ready to practice your profession. Find someone and convince them of something through and through.
RED: I'll start right now! (Exits.)
(Tunnel outside Convincing John's cave. Red is hurrying. On her way, she passes a pair of sweet-faced, round, furry crevice-dwelling creatures, each of whom is fitted with joke teeth.)
RED: I'm going to show Mokey!
WEMBLEY: (Enters stage right. His joke teeth have been removed.) Rrmp rmp rmp rmp. (Wembley and Red, who is in a rush, collide.)
WEMBLEY and RED: Oof!
RED: (Gets up, righting her hat.) Ow. Oh, hi, Wembley.
WEMBLEY: Whoah. Ooh, oh, hi, Red! You're all dressed up, huh?
RED: I gotta go quick and show Mokey. This is my official convincing outfit.
WEMBLEY: (Bouncing) Oooh, do me, do me.
RED: Uuuh... Um, no offense, Wembley, but you're not exactly a tough sell. You could be convinced by an imposing radish sandwich.
WEMBLEY: Have been on occasion. Come on, hit me with your best convincing.
RED: Well... alright.
WEMBLEY: Ohboy ohboy I get to be the first to be convinced by Red.
RED: I'll... Convince you to tell everyone that I'm the Rock's greatest convincer. You stand over here.
WEMBLEY: (As he's being pushed into position) Oh, Red! You are the greatest! You're the best that ever was!
RED: Uh! Wembley, I haven't started yet.
WEMBLEY: WOW. You are the greatest convincer the Rock has ever seen!
RED: (Abandoning him) Leave me alone. (As continues down corridor) Even though I am pretty great.
WEMBLEY: (Waving) Okay. I'll do that. Love you. You're the greatest. Now to go tell everyone. (Exits, trotting off the way he came)
(Mokey and Red's room, occupied only by minstrel-garbed Lanford, who still experiments musically to himself.)
RED: (Enters) Mokey, Mokey... Mokey?
LANFORD: Rrrrrrr.
RED: Lanford. Lanford! I know, I'll convince you to be sickeningly sweet to me. (Positions herself just slightly inside Lanford's personal space)
LANFORD: RRRRrr. Rr?
(o/` A convincing theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Zoom into position around Red)
RED: Augh! Ah-- oh. It's just you. Acolytes.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Red is gonna tell you the truth.
When you hear her you'll believe it, too.
She's gonna lay it on the line she's gonna tell it like it
is.
Now listen to Convincing Red.
CONVINCING SINGER 1: (Whispering, in RED's ear) Go ahead, Red, we've got your back.
RED: Uh, right. So! Lan... ford...
LANFORD: Eep?
(o/` Spiritual)
RED: You got the hardest heart that ever was seen
Leaves of yellow or leaves of green
There's never been any plant half as mean as you are.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Oooh. Red is gonna tell you the truth.
When you hear her you'll believe it, too.
She's gonna lay it on the line she's gonna tell it like it
is.
Now listen to Convincing Red.
RED: I'm your favorite person. You see me every day
You want to be with me although maybe not in that way.
The truth is inside you, it's the way the Rock made you.
Since a sprout you've felt affection you've been hiding away.
You need me, want my hand to hold your leaves through thick and thin.
You want to pet and fawn.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Fawn on Red.
RED: Your night-blooming heart unfurls as if it's Spring.
LANFORD: (Attempting to give Red kisses)
RED: Is it safe to touch you now? Did it work?
LANFORD: Purrpurrpurr.
MOKEY: (Enters carrying her double reed pipe, to which is tied a decorative scarf. She crosses paths with the exiting Convincing Singers, watching them go without comment.) Hi, Red. Why-- Red! And Lanford! Look at that! I'm glad you two finally get along. Oh, that's so sweet.
RED: (Chuckling to herself) Good boy, Lamby.
MOKEY: Why, Red, you look so professional!
RED: I am a professional. I am a professional Apprentice Convincer.
MOKEY: I never knew that interested you. Well, I'm just here a minute. Gotta go. Lanford, it is so nice to see you being a good boy to Red.
LANFORD: Chirrup.
(Mokey exits.)
RED: Wow. This power is handy. And Mokey's impressed. (Pats Lanford.)
(Boober's room. Wembley comes screeching in.)
WEMBLEY: HeyBooberguesswhat?
BOOBER: Augh! What?
WEMBLEY: Red-- Red is the greatest, oh, wow, you wouldn't believe how great she is.
BOOBER: What am I, chopped Doozer sticks?
WEMBLEY: I mean, she's the greatest single convincer the Rock has ever seen!
BOOBER: Uh-huh.
WEMBLEY: Let me tell you all about it.
BOOBER: Um, sure, Wembley. As soon as I've finished alphabetizing this lint.
WEMBLEY: Okay! I'll go find someone else to tell until then. Rmp rmp rmp rmp. (Exit)
BOOBER: That was a shorter than usual visit. Okay, where was I. A... Alpaca.
(Doc's workshop. Doc steps out through the doors in the front of the wardrobe. The lights still blink in the wires between the computer and the wardrobe. Doc's updated outfit includes a hairstyle that is one half slicked down, the other stiffly standing straight up. He sports a blazer; a powder blue necktie, tied loosely; a pastel shirt; and saddle deck shoes. His eyeglasses have developed a disturbing slight off-yellow sunglass tint to the lenses.)
SPROCKET: (Covering his mouth with a paw, struggling) Mrpmh. Meep. Oomph. Oomp.
DOC: Oh, so it's terribly funny, is it? I'm only trying to improve upon my basic appearance. Well, let's see how you look with a little updating! (Hefts Sprocket by collar and rear end into the back of the wardrobe.)
SPROCKET: Whoop!
(The hole to the First Room in outer space. Wembley barely stops on the threshold as Gobo goes through.)
WEMBLEY: GoboGobo and guess what else, you know what Red convinced me to do? She convinced me to tell everyone how great she is at convincing--
GOBO: Yeah, I could tell, alright, Wembley. (Exits. Returns momentarily.) I got the card. Let's go read it with Red, what do you say?
WEMBLEY: I say Red Fraggle has a depth of convincing prowess I've never seen before she convinced me of it. Oh-- yeah, sure, anything you say, Gobo.
(Tunnel outside Wembley and Gobo's room. Red, still dressed to convince, is listening, with Wembley, to Gobo.)
GOBO: Collecting my Uncle Traveling Matt's postcards from outer space is my career. These are part of our Fraggle heritage, too.
RED: Uncle Matt's postcards are dry, dull fabrications. How can you spend so much time and effort on someone who's not even here?
GOBO: Don't hold it in, Red. Tell us how you really feel.
RED: I will. And you'll feel it, too.
GOBO: Uh-oh.
WEMBLEY: Can you read your Uncle Matt's postcard soon, Gobo? I kinda got a lot of Fraggles to tell about Red's convincing.
RED: Hold it. I have something to say first.
WEMBLEY: Well, look. I'll make the rounds at the pond, then come back in a little bit, okay? (Exits at a brisk pace)
GOBO: Wembley, I--
(o/` A convincing theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter as if from thin air, startling Gobo.)
Red is gonna tell you the truth, when you hear her you'll
believe it, too.
She's gonna lay it on the line, she's gonna tell it like it
is.
Now listen to Convincing Red.
RED: Right, I knew you'd be here. (Sighs) Let's get to it.
(o/` Driving spiritual)
RED: (Advances on GOBO, who still holds up Uncle T. Matt's card)
What about those postcards, girls?
CONVINCING SINGERS: BORING. Drab-flat-dry-dreary
Leaden-pedestrian-slow-heavy
RED: That's right! They're dull, oh, so dull.
Paper bits from outer space
Written by Matt with a random scrawl
I think you know they're
CONVINCING SINGERS and RED: Humdrum, tedious,
Wearying-monotonous
RED: Boring! Dull, unsensational and then there's me.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Red's bewitching! Captivating!
RED: And most of all I'm here with you, I'm athletic, I typically have pigtails
and I'm present.
Outer space is far away, uninspiring, unsatisfying.
Traveling Matt is stodgy in his writing.
I'm alluring, entertaining.
CONVINCING SINGERS: You can't deny it.
RED: Spectacular, surprising--
GOBO: Red, I think you're laying it on a little thick.
RED: I'm interesting, galvanizing-- whatever that means-- invigorating,
stimulating.
CONVINCING SINGERS: The postcards, they're unanimated, tiring.
RED: Feeble, uneventful, unexciting, irritating.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Dispiriting cards.
RED: Stale! Want to read one now?
GOBO: Well, you know I do. I've got one right here.
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Exit)
GOBO: Dear Nephew Gobo: The silly creatures in outer space sit in a great hall and listen to stories just as Fraggles do. Instead of a storyteller, there is a window leading from the great hall into another part of outer space.
(Pauses to sigh boredly.)
Through the window, we listeners could see silly creatures wearing dashing white or black hats. Each silly creature climbed to the top of an individual cave. They carried small tubes which made startlingly loud noises. When the white hatted silly creatures made their tubes give off loud bangs, the black hats became so surprised that they fell off the roofs of their caves.
RED: He's talking about some kind of weapon. (Tries to read over Gobo's shoulder)
(Outer space. A movie theatre in which the house lights have been brought up. Uncle Traveling Matt is holding a bucket of popcorn, one arm wrapped around it, the other arm securing a large cup of soda including a straw. He scurries back and forth on the stage, his chin almost to the screen.)
T. MATT: (Narrates) I was concerned for the safety of the silly creatures who fell off of their caves, but was unable to find a way to contact them once storytime had concluded. (Continues, on screen, to blank movie screen) Hello, hello little black-hatted silly creatures?
JANITOR: (Enters, sweeping)
T. MATT: Excuse me, sweeping creature? How does one go about getting through this window?
JANITOR: (Split-second stare. Shakes head, continues sweeping up Junior Mints.)
T. MATT: (Facing camera) Still, the popcorn was quite delicious.
(Tunnel in Fraggle Rock. Gobo and Red are present with Uncle Matt's card.)
GOBO: (Mechanically) Love, Your Uncle Traveling Matt.
RED: THEY WATCH PEOPLE PLAY WITH LOUD WEAPONS AND THEY GET POPCORN. Let me see that.
GOBO: (Crumples card into a pocket) You're right, of course, Red. I guess I'll go watch condensation develop on the pipes near the First Room. That's gotta be more fulfilling than my so-called career. (Exits ploddingly.)
RED: Gobo?
MOKEY: (Enters, breathless, upset, speaks with strident tone) Red, what did you do to Lanford?
RED: What do you mean?
MOKEY: You must have done something. Otherwise, why would he say he wants to stay here with you instead of coming with me on my first Minstrel tour?
RED: I'm an Apprentice Convincer. I told you, remember? I convinced Lanford so he'd never dream of being mean to me.
MOKEY: But now he just wants to stay with you and we've been looking forward to this tour for so long. (Wails)
RED: Don't cry, Mokey. I know! I'll convince you to be happy.
MOKEY: No! I want to be happy naturally. I can't be convinced to be happy. Cantus says we should live our truth, and sorrow is my truth right now.
RED: Oh, Mokey. Well, I can't unconvince Lanford. Convincing John hasn't trained me to professionaly unconvince. I've got it. I will convince Lanford to hate me.
MOKEY: But, Red. That's artificial.
RED: So, I should convince Lanford to love you the most?
MOKEY: Oh, Red, then I'd know his love was just put there by a Convincer, and wasn't real!
RED: What do you want me to do?
MOKEY: I don't know. Just fix it. I have to go help Lanford take off his Minstrel clothes. (Sniffs. Exits)
RED: This isn't working out at all. It doesn't seem like I'm convincing anyone of anything important. And if I sit around and wait for someone else to ask me to convince someone, I'll end up like Convincing John in a room all alone. But it's powerful, so it must be important! It's just so depressing. I hate to be depressed. But I can't stand to be a quitter. I'll try one more convince. I'll try... well, I'm near the kitchen.
(Kitchen. Boober is here. Red smoothes her somewhat straggling pinned hair, sets her hat, and sweeps in.)
RED: Hi Boober!
BOOBER: Ah. Convincing Red. I don't need convincing.
RED: Well. That's probably true. (Inspired) But I can convince you that you do need convincing!
BOOBER: Ah-huh.
(o/` A convincing theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter)
RED: Is the constant back-up strictly necessary?!
BOOBER: (Backs away from Convincing Singers, lips shuddering)
CONVINCING SINGERS: Red is gonna tell you the truth. When you hear her you'll
believe it, too.
She's gonna lay it on the line, she's gonna tell it like it
is.
Now listen to Convincing Red.
(o/` Slow spiritual)
RED: (In a soothing tone) I've got a little conviction to lay out for you.
BOOBER: Ah, no, that's alright, you can stop now, I really don't need-- Ack!
CONVINCING SINGERS: What do you know, what do you know?
What do you truly know?
RED: This eternal Rock sprang up
Before you knew what knowledge was,
Before you had a waking thought,
Before you were a Fraggle pup.
CONVINCING SINGERS: What do you know?
RED: Hang your laundry on the line
Plan it, pin the clothes and socks
You're expert at the washing, but
Which stripe dries first, whose sock this time?
BOOBER: I can't always predict it.
RED: Your decisions are drops in a Fraggle pond.
The water decides where they go.
CONVINCING SINGERS and RED: What do you know? What do you truly know? (Convincing Singers Exit)
BOOBER: Nothing! And I had to make a decision about whether to wrap the Cornish game radishes in grape leaves for roasting, or to baste them with a Doozer dust glaze! Without at least another millenium's experience, how can I expect to make a sound decision? Wait a minute. What am I saying? Of course, there's no replacement for the glaze. Otherwise, how will they achieve a nice sheen?
RED: My convincing wore off?
BOOBER: I am not as easily convinced as some Fraggles I could mention. And, Convincing Red Fraggle, I want to emphasize that what you tried to do could have been very dangerous. What if there were a mass casualty during the Minstrel feast and I had to perform triage?
RED: It wore off! I gotta go check on Lanford. (Exits, hat bouncing)
BOOBER: And part of the magic of laundry is not knowing which stripe will dry first. Or spot. Or even tassel. (Sings to self) What do I know? What do I truly know?
(The room of Mokey and Red. Mokey is reapplying Minstrel garb to Lanford.)
MOKEY: Red! What's happening? Lanford just asked me to take him along on my Minstrel tour.
LANFORD: Raaah!
RED: Lanford! (Squeezes him) You're unconvinced.
LANFORD: Rah?
RED: Mokey? When you go on that tour, I'm really gonna miss you.
MOKEY: Aw, Red. I'm going to miss you, too.
(Mokey and Red hug.)
RED: I'm going to go see Convincing John. (Exits)
(Tunnel on Red's way to Convincing John's cave.)
(o/` Country and Western ballad)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter)
CONVINCING SINGER 1: You need us, Red?
RED: Thanks. I think this one's all me.
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Exit)
RED: I learned from the start
And I took it to heart though it took a long time to sink in,
Be yourself with your friends, let it shine from your heart
What you know and you feel to be true.
That's a part of me
The way I see
What I believe
And your truth's a part of you.
There's a distance between me and you
When I try to tell you what to do.
It's easy to begin, gets harder as you go.
Ain't no such thing as a five-Fraggle solo.
That's a part of me
The way I see
What I believe
And your truth's a part of you.
(Convincing John's cave. Convincing John and Red are here.)
RED: I can't bring myself to quit, but it's turning out all muddled.
JOHN: You're convinced of your ability to convince. But maybe not of the need for it. I understand. And I can help.
RED: (With relief) You can?
JOHN: (Snaps fingers)
(o/` Convincing John's Theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter, flanking Convincing John) Listen to Convincing John,
and all your troubles will be gone.
He's gonna tell it, spell it, sell it just for you.
JOHN: At times a Fraggle's seeking will take her out job-placing to get the
working
truth behind the scenes.
CONVINCING SINGERS: The scenes.
JOHN: When all is clear and she has seen, she reflects on what has been, but
there is more to learn outside the lines.
CONVINCING SINGERS: The lines.
JOHN: So the job is not for you. Be sure to take home something true. That you
are most convincing not only when persuading but when Fraggles
are themselves when they're with you.
CONVINCING SINGERS: With you.
RED: I am most convincing when Fraggles are themselves when they're with me!
CONVINCING JOHN: Come back soon, Red.
RED: Thank you, I will, Sir, thank you! I'm free! Woo-hoo! (Speeds out of the cave and through corridor, tossing off hat)
(Tunnel in Fraggle Rock. A crux in the stone corridors. Red comes upon Wembley, Boober and Gobo. Boober has clutched Wembley by the back of his banana tree shirt collar.)
RED:(Craning around Gobo to look at Wembley) How is he?
WEMBLEY:(Flailing) I -- have to-- go tell all the Fraggles in the world!
RED: Oh, no.
GOBO: At least mine wore off. The way I see it, you're just an Apprentice Convincer, I guess you have to build up to really long-term convincing. I figure the only one we'll have real trouble with is Wembley.
WEMBLEY: (jogging in place) Sorry to be so much trouble to ya, Gobo.
GOBO: How many verses did you use on Wembley?
RED: I didn't use any! I barely even got started. But he's my responsibility. And I couldn't wait to change out of that suit.
GOBO: That wouldn't help. Even if you convinced him not to go tell all the Fraggles in the world what a great convincer you are, he'd still think you're convincing. I have an idea. (Whispers in Boober's ear)
WEMBLEY:(Grunts, struggling against the pull of Boober's hand on his collar, nose forced down)
BOOBER: Oh Wembley.
WEMBLEY: Yah Boober?
BOOBER: When I prepare the Cornish game radishes for the feast for the Minstrels, should I stuff yours with bread or rice dressing?
WEMBLEY: You mean I have to make a decision?
BOOBER: Yes.
GOBO: Wembley, I think you want butternut squash dressing.
WEMBLEY: I do. Wow! That's amazing. How did you do that? It wasn't even one of the options!
BOOBER: And now I need you to go about and ask all the Fraggles what kind of stuffing they prefer.
WEMBLEY: You got it! (Boober unclasps Wembley's shirt collar. Wembley exits at superFraggle speed.)
RED: I'm exhausted.
GOBO: You need a rest. Let's go rock climbing.
RED: Yeah!
(Doc's workshop. Doc's outfit now includes leg warmers. Sprocket is wearing a black rhinestone collar and a black, broad-brimmed Glam hat with large, fluffy, purple feather. His fur has been crimp-ironed.)
DOC: (Laughing) Perhaps a solid traditional, timeless look is right for us after all, eh Sprocket? We can't shame ourselves-- or Ms. Ardath and the Captain's Inn-- as long as we put our best selves forward.
SPROCKET: (Shrugs, faces camera, strokes his gleaming collar while commenting in a throaty voice)
DOC: (Taking the Glam hat off of Sprocket and placing it on his own head) Well, nothing wrong with a little glamour now and then, Sprocky. (Chuckles)
SPROCKET: Woof!
(Tunnel in Fraggle Rock. Title and credits appear on the screen.)
WEMBLEY and GOBO: (Scat sing through the end credits until all of the Five join in the Fraggle Rock theme song.)
Happy birthday, Jeff! Here's your lost episode.
Fraggle Rock and characters obviously copyright to amazing people who are not me.
This counts as working on Firefly.
***
Convincing Red
***
(Doc's workshop. A large, somewhat battered wooden wardrobe is occupying the space between Sprocket's bed and Doc's drafting table. Wires in a rainbow of colors connect the wardrobe to the computer across the room. Doc is enthusiastically clicking away on the keyboard. Enter Sprocket, through his swinging dog door. He is mystified by the array of wires.)
DOC: Sprocket, you'll be pleased to know I've added a measure of efficiency to this makeover software that Betty-- I mean Ms. Ardath lent to us.
SPROCKET: Mreh-huh? (Perks ears, appears near Doc's elbow near the computer keyboard.)
DOC: Yes, see, it's called "You Could Stand to Dress Better: Glamour Made Easy." And I've made it even easier! See, I patched it into this wardrobe I bought at the used furniture store. It's interfaced such that I can step inside the wardrobe and the computer program will make over my appearance automatically!
SPROCKET: (Gesturing at Doc with a paw) Wroh-whoo huh owr?
DOC: Oh, nothing, Sprocket, but let's face it, we're years behind in style, and spending so much of my time at the Captain's Inn, I'd hate to spoil its image with less than modern fashion.
SPROCKET: (Sing-songy innuendo)
DOC: Sprocket, there is a difference between trying to impress Ms. Ardath and simply trying to be the best representatives of ourselves-- and of an establishment like the Captain's Inn-- we can be. I asked Betty for tips, and she thought we'd have some fun with this. Come on, want to try?
SPROCKET: Ruff?? Nuh-uh.
DOC: Fine, stay in a rut. Now to update my fashion. I'll set it for... "today", "male". And "Enter".
(Colored lights blink along some of the wires as Doc crosses to the wardrobe and steps behind, presumably into it. Sprocket watches curiously, then turns a wide-eyed and dubious glance to the camera/audience.)
(Pan down through the floor and the plumbing pipes to Fraggle Rock.)
(The room of Mokey and Red. Through the window, the music of the Minstrels, predominantly Cantus' magic pipe, sounds. Red stands at the window, listening and watching anxiously. Cantus' pipe and a reedier, deeper supporting sound break off from the group and Red follows this song as it traverses the outer hall and ends at the entrance to the room. Mokey appears, dressed in chains and baubles, minstrel-style, along with her usual sweater and soda-can-pull amulet. She is playing her double-reed pipe. Lanford is already in the room, decked out similarly to Mokey. He hums, trills and la-las to himself at her arrival.)
CANTUS: (stands in the doorway, stops playing to speak) You have done well, Mokey. In a few days you will join us on your second journey and first step into Minstrelhood.
MOKEY: My first step-- yes, I see what you mean. I'll meet you again after I get packed.
CANTUS: I shall be having a jam session with my fellow travelers. I would be glad for you to blend with us.
MOKEY: Oh, I will.
CANTUS: You, too, other, pigtailed Fraggle. You may blend, or you may listen, or you may do both.
RED: (Uncertainly) Yeah, thanks.
CANTUS: (Exit, resuming pipe-song)
RED: Do you really know what he's talking about?
MOKEY: (Turns from the netting upon which she is piling scarves and clothing) Sometimes. The rest of the time I wait and listen. You have to take it on faith.
RED: (Dubiously) I see.
(Enter Wembley, Gobo, and Boober, each wearing a prominent set of plastic teeth. Boober's are pointy fangs.)
WEMBLEY: (Performing truly heroic pronunciation around his new teeth) We just came by to see how Mokey is getting along.
BOOBER: (Fumbling with his mouthful of fangs) Yes. I'm planning a feast for all the Minstrels.
MOKEY: (Giggles) What happened to your faces? Look at yourselves.
BOOBER: I'd rather not look, thank you.
GOBO: (Sputtering) Convincing John convinced us to wear funny joke teeth.
BOOBER: Only mine are more scary than funny.
WEMBLEY: So how's it going, Mokey? You almost packed?
MOKEY: Well, I have a lot to do yet, but I think I'll be ready. (Goes down the line, petting each of the joke-teethed Fraggles in turn.) I'll miss each of you so much. But only think! To be uniting the Rock in song! The significance of it expands my heart.
WEMBLEY: Aw, we'll mith-- miss you, too, Mokey.
RED: I wanna do something significant that expands my soul. Or my heart. Or whatever it is Mokey is expanding!
GOBO: (Moving close to Red, apart from the others) Red, I was thinking, Mokey's gonna be gone awhile and I thought you and I could spend some time together. Maybe go rock climbing.
RED: You are wearing ridiculous teeth.
GOBO: Well, I--
RED: I'm going to go see Convincing John!
GOBO: (Spitting around teeth) Why? Red, the teeth aren't that big a deal.
(Exit Red while Gobo is speaking.)
MOKEY: Say, Boober, I'm going to be without your cooking a long while. I know it's an awfully big favor to ask for the Minstrel feast, but I wondered if you could perhaps make your famous Cornish game radishes?
BOOBER: Of course!
(Convincing John's cave. Red and Convincing John are here.)
JOHN: So you want to be an Apprentice Convincer.
RED: I want to do something big and important, yah! You can convince anyone to do anything! That must be amazing, soul-expanding work.
JOHN: Convincing is very glamorous seen from the outside, it is true.
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter, without warning)
(o/` Convincing John's Theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: Listen to Convincing John, and all your trouble--
JOHN: Just one moment, girls. I have something to say to Red Fraggle, first. Red, Apprentice Convincing is lonely work. Are you sure you want me to do this?
RED: You can't make me any lonelier than I will be anyway-- and you're supposed to be the one to convince me. I shouldn't have to decide beyond coming here to do it.
JOHN: Very well. (Nods, gestures to Convincing Singers)
(o/' Convincing John's Theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: Listen to Convincing John, and all your troubles will be
gone.
He's gonna tell it, spell it, sell it just for you.
JOHN: Now when Fraggles need convincing there's no point in vocab mincing
use your powers to the full extent you can.
CONVINCING SINGERS: You can.
JOHN: But you think, like every other Fraggle, mother, friend or brother
That convincing is the realm of just one man.
CONVINCING SINGERS: That's John!
JOHN: The first step you must take to make a Fraggle image shake
The mundane, the furry, earthy daily guise
Is to sparkle on the first impression. Often that decides the question.
Dress the part and really wow their eyes.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Their eyes. (They converge on Red and apply clothing. When they part, Red is dressed in a pastel tailored suit and a matching hat with her hair neatly pinned, in the style of a female televangelist.)
Listen to Convincing John, and all your troubles will be
gone.
He's gonna tell it, spell it, sell it just for you.
JOHN: To build up your conviction in your own convincing mission
Understand that Fraggle Rock hinges on you.
CONVINCING SINGERS: On you.
JOHN: The moss will grow outside-in, the Fraggle horn sound smaller than the
falling of a pin
At the singing of the will you bring to bear.
I know it's true, you know it, too:
The power of Convincing John you share.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Listen to Convincing John, and all your troubles will be
gone.
He's gonna tell it, spell it, sell it just for you.
RED: (Stunned, gradually recovers, feels of her hat and lapels)
JOHN: Now, you are ready to practice your profession. Find someone and convince them of something through and through.
RED: I'll start right now! (Exits.)
(Tunnel outside Convincing John's cave. Red is hurrying. On her way, she passes a pair of sweet-faced, round, furry crevice-dwelling creatures, each of whom is fitted with joke teeth.)
RED: I'm going to show Mokey!
WEMBLEY: (Enters stage right. His joke teeth have been removed.) Rrmp rmp rmp rmp. (Wembley and Red, who is in a rush, collide.)
WEMBLEY and RED: Oof!
RED: (Gets up, righting her hat.) Ow. Oh, hi, Wembley.
WEMBLEY: Whoah. Ooh, oh, hi, Red! You're all dressed up, huh?
RED: I gotta go quick and show Mokey. This is my official convincing outfit.
WEMBLEY: (Bouncing) Oooh, do me, do me.
RED: Uuuh... Um, no offense, Wembley, but you're not exactly a tough sell. You could be convinced by an imposing radish sandwich.
WEMBLEY: Have been on occasion. Come on, hit me with your best convincing.
RED: Well... alright.
WEMBLEY: Ohboy ohboy I get to be the first to be convinced by Red.
RED: I'll... Convince you to tell everyone that I'm the Rock's greatest convincer. You stand over here.
WEMBLEY: (As he's being pushed into position) Oh, Red! You are the greatest! You're the best that ever was!
RED: Uh! Wembley, I haven't started yet.
WEMBLEY: WOW. You are the greatest convincer the Rock has ever seen!
RED: (Abandoning him) Leave me alone. (As continues down corridor) Even though I am pretty great.
WEMBLEY: (Waving) Okay. I'll do that. Love you. You're the greatest. Now to go tell everyone. (Exits, trotting off the way he came)
(Mokey and Red's room, occupied only by minstrel-garbed Lanford, who still experiments musically to himself.)
RED: (Enters) Mokey, Mokey... Mokey?
LANFORD: Rrrrrrr.
RED: Lanford. Lanford! I know, I'll convince you to be sickeningly sweet to me. (Positions herself just slightly inside Lanford's personal space)
LANFORD: RRRRrr. Rr?
(o/` A convincing theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Zoom into position around Red)
RED: Augh! Ah-- oh. It's just you. Acolytes.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Red is gonna tell you the truth.
When you hear her you'll believe it, too.
She's gonna lay it on the line she's gonna tell it like it
is.
Now listen to Convincing Red.
CONVINCING SINGER 1: (Whispering, in RED's ear) Go ahead, Red, we've got your back.
RED: Uh, right. So! Lan... ford...
LANFORD: Eep?
(o/` Spiritual)
RED: You got the hardest heart that ever was seen
Leaves of yellow or leaves of green
There's never been any plant half as mean as you are.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Oooh. Red is gonna tell you the truth.
When you hear her you'll believe it, too.
She's gonna lay it on the line she's gonna tell it like it
is.
Now listen to Convincing Red.
RED: I'm your favorite person. You see me every day
You want to be with me although maybe not in that way.
The truth is inside you, it's the way the Rock made you.
Since a sprout you've felt affection you've been hiding away.
You need me, want my hand to hold your leaves through thick and thin.
You want to pet and fawn.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Fawn on Red.
RED: Your night-blooming heart unfurls as if it's Spring.
LANFORD: (Attempting to give Red kisses)
RED: Is it safe to touch you now? Did it work?
LANFORD: Purrpurrpurr.
MOKEY: (Enters carrying her double reed pipe, to which is tied a decorative scarf. She crosses paths with the exiting Convincing Singers, watching them go without comment.) Hi, Red. Why-- Red! And Lanford! Look at that! I'm glad you two finally get along. Oh, that's so sweet.
RED: (Chuckling to herself) Good boy, Lamby.
MOKEY: Why, Red, you look so professional!
RED: I am a professional. I am a professional Apprentice Convincer.
MOKEY: I never knew that interested you. Well, I'm just here a minute. Gotta go. Lanford, it is so nice to see you being a good boy to Red.
LANFORD: Chirrup.
(Mokey exits.)
RED: Wow. This power is handy. And Mokey's impressed. (Pats Lanford.)
(Boober's room. Wembley comes screeching in.)
WEMBLEY: HeyBooberguesswhat?
BOOBER: Augh! What?
WEMBLEY: Red-- Red is the greatest, oh, wow, you wouldn't believe how great she is.
BOOBER: What am I, chopped Doozer sticks?
WEMBLEY: I mean, she's the greatest single convincer the Rock has ever seen!
BOOBER: Uh-huh.
WEMBLEY: Let me tell you all about it.
BOOBER: Um, sure, Wembley. As soon as I've finished alphabetizing this lint.
WEMBLEY: Okay! I'll go find someone else to tell until then. Rmp rmp rmp rmp. (Exit)
BOOBER: That was a shorter than usual visit. Okay, where was I. A... Alpaca.
(Doc's workshop. Doc steps out through the doors in the front of the wardrobe. The lights still blink in the wires between the computer and the wardrobe. Doc's updated outfit includes a hairstyle that is one half slicked down, the other stiffly standing straight up. He sports a blazer; a powder blue necktie, tied loosely; a pastel shirt; and saddle deck shoes. His eyeglasses have developed a disturbing slight off-yellow sunglass tint to the lenses.)
SPROCKET: (Covering his mouth with a paw, struggling) Mrpmh. Meep. Oomph. Oomp.
DOC: Oh, so it's terribly funny, is it? I'm only trying to improve upon my basic appearance. Well, let's see how you look with a little updating! (Hefts Sprocket by collar and rear end into the back of the wardrobe.)
SPROCKET: Whoop!
(The hole to the First Room in outer space. Wembley barely stops on the threshold as Gobo goes through.)
WEMBLEY: GoboGobo and guess what else, you know what Red convinced me to do? She convinced me to tell everyone how great she is at convincing--
GOBO: Yeah, I could tell, alright, Wembley. (Exits. Returns momentarily.) I got the card. Let's go read it with Red, what do you say?
WEMBLEY: I say Red Fraggle has a depth of convincing prowess I've never seen before she convinced me of it. Oh-- yeah, sure, anything you say, Gobo.
(Tunnel outside Wembley and Gobo's room. Red, still dressed to convince, is listening, with Wembley, to Gobo.)
GOBO: Collecting my Uncle Traveling Matt's postcards from outer space is my career. These are part of our Fraggle heritage, too.
RED: Uncle Matt's postcards are dry, dull fabrications. How can you spend so much time and effort on someone who's not even here?
GOBO: Don't hold it in, Red. Tell us how you really feel.
RED: I will. And you'll feel it, too.
GOBO: Uh-oh.
WEMBLEY: Can you read your Uncle Matt's postcard soon, Gobo? I kinda got a lot of Fraggles to tell about Red's convincing.
RED: Hold it. I have something to say first.
WEMBLEY: Well, look. I'll make the rounds at the pond, then come back in a little bit, okay? (Exits at a brisk pace)
GOBO: Wembley, I--
(o/` A convincing theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter as if from thin air, startling Gobo.)
Red is gonna tell you the truth, when you hear her you'll
believe it, too.
She's gonna lay it on the line, she's gonna tell it like it
is.
Now listen to Convincing Red.
RED: Right, I knew you'd be here. (Sighs) Let's get to it.
(o/` Driving spiritual)
RED: (Advances on GOBO, who still holds up Uncle T. Matt's card)
What about those postcards, girls?
CONVINCING SINGERS: BORING. Drab-flat-dry-dreary
Leaden-pedestrian-slow-heavy
RED: That's right! They're dull, oh, so dull.
Paper bits from outer space
Written by Matt with a random scrawl
I think you know they're
CONVINCING SINGERS and RED: Humdrum, tedious,
Wearying-monotonous
RED: Boring! Dull, unsensational and then there's me.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Red's bewitching! Captivating!
RED: And most of all I'm here with you, I'm athletic, I typically have pigtails
and I'm present.
Outer space is far away, uninspiring, unsatisfying.
Traveling Matt is stodgy in his writing.
I'm alluring, entertaining.
CONVINCING SINGERS: You can't deny it.
RED: Spectacular, surprising--
GOBO: Red, I think you're laying it on a little thick.
RED: I'm interesting, galvanizing-- whatever that means-- invigorating,
stimulating.
CONVINCING SINGERS: The postcards, they're unanimated, tiring.
RED: Feeble, uneventful, unexciting, irritating.
CONVINCING SINGERS: Dispiriting cards.
RED: Stale! Want to read one now?
GOBO: Well, you know I do. I've got one right here.
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Exit)
GOBO: Dear Nephew Gobo: The silly creatures in outer space sit in a great hall and listen to stories just as Fraggles do. Instead of a storyteller, there is a window leading from the great hall into another part of outer space.
(Pauses to sigh boredly.)
Through the window, we listeners could see silly creatures wearing dashing white or black hats. Each silly creature climbed to the top of an individual cave. They carried small tubes which made startlingly loud noises. When the white hatted silly creatures made their tubes give off loud bangs, the black hats became so surprised that they fell off the roofs of their caves.
RED: He's talking about some kind of weapon. (Tries to read over Gobo's shoulder)
(Outer space. A movie theatre in which the house lights have been brought up. Uncle Traveling Matt is holding a bucket of popcorn, one arm wrapped around it, the other arm securing a large cup of soda including a straw. He scurries back and forth on the stage, his chin almost to the screen.)
T. MATT: (Narrates) I was concerned for the safety of the silly creatures who fell off of their caves, but was unable to find a way to contact them once storytime had concluded. (Continues, on screen, to blank movie screen) Hello, hello little black-hatted silly creatures?
JANITOR: (Enters, sweeping)
T. MATT: Excuse me, sweeping creature? How does one go about getting through this window?
JANITOR: (Split-second stare. Shakes head, continues sweeping up Junior Mints.)
T. MATT: (Facing camera) Still, the popcorn was quite delicious.
(Tunnel in Fraggle Rock. Gobo and Red are present with Uncle Matt's card.)
GOBO: (Mechanically) Love, Your Uncle Traveling Matt.
RED: THEY WATCH PEOPLE PLAY WITH LOUD WEAPONS AND THEY GET POPCORN. Let me see that.
GOBO: (Crumples card into a pocket) You're right, of course, Red. I guess I'll go watch condensation develop on the pipes near the First Room. That's gotta be more fulfilling than my so-called career. (Exits ploddingly.)
RED: Gobo?
MOKEY: (Enters, breathless, upset, speaks with strident tone) Red, what did you do to Lanford?
RED: What do you mean?
MOKEY: You must have done something. Otherwise, why would he say he wants to stay here with you instead of coming with me on my first Minstrel tour?
RED: I'm an Apprentice Convincer. I told you, remember? I convinced Lanford so he'd never dream of being mean to me.
MOKEY: But now he just wants to stay with you and we've been looking forward to this tour for so long. (Wails)
RED: Don't cry, Mokey. I know! I'll convince you to be happy.
MOKEY: No! I want to be happy naturally. I can't be convinced to be happy. Cantus says we should live our truth, and sorrow is my truth right now.
RED: Oh, Mokey. Well, I can't unconvince Lanford. Convincing John hasn't trained me to professionaly unconvince. I've got it. I will convince Lanford to hate me.
MOKEY: But, Red. That's artificial.
RED: So, I should convince Lanford to love you the most?
MOKEY: Oh, Red, then I'd know his love was just put there by a Convincer, and wasn't real!
RED: What do you want me to do?
MOKEY: I don't know. Just fix it. I have to go help Lanford take off his Minstrel clothes. (Sniffs. Exits)
RED: This isn't working out at all. It doesn't seem like I'm convincing anyone of anything important. And if I sit around and wait for someone else to ask me to convince someone, I'll end up like Convincing John in a room all alone. But it's powerful, so it must be important! It's just so depressing. I hate to be depressed. But I can't stand to be a quitter. I'll try one more convince. I'll try... well, I'm near the kitchen.
(Kitchen. Boober is here. Red smoothes her somewhat straggling pinned hair, sets her hat, and sweeps in.)
RED: Hi Boober!
BOOBER: Ah. Convincing Red. I don't need convincing.
RED: Well. That's probably true. (Inspired) But I can convince you that you do need convincing!
BOOBER: Ah-huh.
(o/` A convincing theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter)
RED: Is the constant back-up strictly necessary?!
BOOBER: (Backs away from Convincing Singers, lips shuddering)
CONVINCING SINGERS: Red is gonna tell you the truth. When you hear her you'll
believe it, too.
She's gonna lay it on the line, she's gonna tell it like it
is.
Now listen to Convincing Red.
(o/` Slow spiritual)
RED: (In a soothing tone) I've got a little conviction to lay out for you.
BOOBER: Ah, no, that's alright, you can stop now, I really don't need-- Ack!
CONVINCING SINGERS: What do you know, what do you know?
What do you truly know?
RED: This eternal Rock sprang up
Before you knew what knowledge was,
Before you had a waking thought,
Before you were a Fraggle pup.
CONVINCING SINGERS: What do you know?
RED: Hang your laundry on the line
Plan it, pin the clothes and socks
You're expert at the washing, but
Which stripe dries first, whose sock this time?
BOOBER: I can't always predict it.
RED: Your decisions are drops in a Fraggle pond.
The water decides where they go.
CONVINCING SINGERS and RED: What do you know? What do you truly know? (Convincing Singers Exit)
BOOBER: Nothing! And I had to make a decision about whether to wrap the Cornish game radishes in grape leaves for roasting, or to baste them with a Doozer dust glaze! Without at least another millenium's experience, how can I expect to make a sound decision? Wait a minute. What am I saying? Of course, there's no replacement for the glaze. Otherwise, how will they achieve a nice sheen?
RED: My convincing wore off?
BOOBER: I am not as easily convinced as some Fraggles I could mention. And, Convincing Red Fraggle, I want to emphasize that what you tried to do could have been very dangerous. What if there were a mass casualty during the Minstrel feast and I had to perform triage?
RED: It wore off! I gotta go check on Lanford. (Exits, hat bouncing)
BOOBER: And part of the magic of laundry is not knowing which stripe will dry first. Or spot. Or even tassel. (Sings to self) What do I know? What do I truly know?
(The room of Mokey and Red. Mokey is reapplying Minstrel garb to Lanford.)
MOKEY: Red! What's happening? Lanford just asked me to take him along on my Minstrel tour.
LANFORD: Raaah!
RED: Lanford! (Squeezes him) You're unconvinced.
LANFORD: Rah?
RED: Mokey? When you go on that tour, I'm really gonna miss you.
MOKEY: Aw, Red. I'm going to miss you, too.
(Mokey and Red hug.)
RED: I'm going to go see Convincing John. (Exits)
(Tunnel on Red's way to Convincing John's cave.)
(o/` Country and Western ballad)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter)
CONVINCING SINGER 1: You need us, Red?
RED: Thanks. I think this one's all me.
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Exit)
RED: I learned from the start
And I took it to heart though it took a long time to sink in,
Be yourself with your friends, let it shine from your heart
What you know and you feel to be true.
That's a part of me
The way I see
What I believe
And your truth's a part of you.
There's a distance between me and you
When I try to tell you what to do.
It's easy to begin, gets harder as you go.
Ain't no such thing as a five-Fraggle solo.
That's a part of me
The way I see
What I believe
And your truth's a part of you.
(Convincing John's cave. Convincing John and Red are here.)
RED: I can't bring myself to quit, but it's turning out all muddled.
JOHN: You're convinced of your ability to convince. But maybe not of the need for it. I understand. And I can help.
RED: (With relief) You can?
JOHN: (Snaps fingers)
(o/` Convincing John's Theme)
CONVINCING SINGERS: (Enter, flanking Convincing John) Listen to Convincing John,
and all your troubles will be gone.
He's gonna tell it, spell it, sell it just for you.
JOHN: At times a Fraggle's seeking will take her out job-placing to get the
working
truth behind the scenes.
CONVINCING SINGERS: The scenes.
JOHN: When all is clear and she has seen, she reflects on what has been, but
there is more to learn outside the lines.
CONVINCING SINGERS: The lines.
JOHN: So the job is not for you. Be sure to take home something true. That you
are most convincing not only when persuading but when Fraggles
are themselves when they're with you.
CONVINCING SINGERS: With you.
RED: I am most convincing when Fraggles are themselves when they're with me!
CONVINCING JOHN: Come back soon, Red.
RED: Thank you, I will, Sir, thank you! I'm free! Woo-hoo! (Speeds out of the cave and through corridor, tossing off hat)
(Tunnel in Fraggle Rock. A crux in the stone corridors. Red comes upon Wembley, Boober and Gobo. Boober has clutched Wembley by the back of his banana tree shirt collar.)
RED:(Craning around Gobo to look at Wembley) How is he?
WEMBLEY:(Flailing) I -- have to-- go tell all the Fraggles in the world!
RED: Oh, no.
GOBO: At least mine wore off. The way I see it, you're just an Apprentice Convincer, I guess you have to build up to really long-term convincing. I figure the only one we'll have real trouble with is Wembley.
WEMBLEY: (jogging in place) Sorry to be so much trouble to ya, Gobo.
GOBO: How many verses did you use on Wembley?
RED: I didn't use any! I barely even got started. But he's my responsibility. And I couldn't wait to change out of that suit.
GOBO: That wouldn't help. Even if you convinced him not to go tell all the Fraggles in the world what a great convincer you are, he'd still think you're convincing. I have an idea. (Whispers in Boober's ear)
WEMBLEY:(Grunts, struggling against the pull of Boober's hand on his collar, nose forced down)
BOOBER: Oh Wembley.
WEMBLEY: Yah Boober?
BOOBER: When I prepare the Cornish game radishes for the feast for the Minstrels, should I stuff yours with bread or rice dressing?
WEMBLEY: You mean I have to make a decision?
BOOBER: Yes.
GOBO: Wembley, I think you want butternut squash dressing.
WEMBLEY: I do. Wow! That's amazing. How did you do that? It wasn't even one of the options!
BOOBER: And now I need you to go about and ask all the Fraggles what kind of stuffing they prefer.
WEMBLEY: You got it! (Boober unclasps Wembley's shirt collar. Wembley exits at superFraggle speed.)
RED: I'm exhausted.
GOBO: You need a rest. Let's go rock climbing.
RED: Yeah!
(Doc's workshop. Doc's outfit now includes leg warmers. Sprocket is wearing a black rhinestone collar and a black, broad-brimmed Glam hat with large, fluffy, purple feather. His fur has been crimp-ironed.)
DOC: (Laughing) Perhaps a solid traditional, timeless look is right for us after all, eh Sprocket? We can't shame ourselves-- or Ms. Ardath and the Captain's Inn-- as long as we put our best selves forward.
SPROCKET: (Shrugs, faces camera, strokes his gleaming collar while commenting in a throaty voice)
DOC: (Taking the Glam hat off of Sprocket and placing it on his own head) Well, nothing wrong with a little glamour now and then, Sprocky. (Chuckles)
SPROCKET: Woof!
(Tunnel in Fraggle Rock. Title and credits appear on the screen.)
WEMBLEY and GOBO: (Scat sing through the end credits until all of the Five join in the Fraggle Rock theme song.)