(no subject)
SCAREDendDYING: kk back
superfaery69: kk
SCAREDendDYING: so lets see....
superfaery69: ....
SCAREDendDYING: a good whiles ago
SCAREDendDYING: i started to like some one
SCAREDendDYING: and they told me how special i was and how great of a friend i was
SCAREDendDYING: then i got kicked out
SCAREDendDYING: i sat here miserable
SCAREDendDYING: and they use to tell me how there coming here just to visit me
SCAREDendDYING: and cheer me up
SCAREDendDYING: and stay with me
SCAREDendDYING: and then they would abanden me and go fuc arthur
SCAREDendDYING: and god damn it
SCAREDendDYING: its happening to me again with you
superfaery69: boris....I didnt know how you felt.....
superfaery69: if you would have talked to me I would have known
superfaery69: boris.....I wasnt in my right mind...I havent been for a while...
superfaery69: I wanted to help you and then you just stop talking to me...
superfaery69: that kinda killed me
SCAREDendDYING: well it kinda killed me when i wanted u by me
SCAREDendDYING: and u weren't there cuz u were fucking him
superfaery69: you never talked to me and I felt completely useless
SCAREDendDYING: or when i was miserable
SCAREDendDYING: and i got to her how arthur fucked u till u hallucinated
SCAREDendDYING: u don't think that killed me
superfaery69: you never told me what you felt....I cant know what you feel if you dont talk to me
SCAREDendDYING: cuz i'm a friend
superfaery69: you just gave me a look like you wanted to kill me
SCAREDendDYING: i know my place
SCAREDendDYING: never
superfaery69: so you dont tell me...
superfaery69: its not gunna change anything
superfaery69: I will still be there for you whenever you need and want
superfaery69: just dont shut me out!
SCAREDendDYING: exactly it won't change anything
SCAREDendDYING: thats why i don't say anything
SCAREDendDYING: its not even about how i fely
superfaery69: what is it about?
SCAREDendDYING: i felt towrds u
SCAREDendDYING: ok well kinda
SCAREDendDYING: but just how u told me u were there for me
superfaery69: I was and still am
SCAREDendDYING: to hang oyut with me and stay with me
superfaery69: and then you didnt talk to me...
SCAREDendDYING: and instead i sat and huged eeyore while u fucked him
SCAREDendDYING: like i said this situation already happened to me exactly like this
SCAREDendDYING: and it tore me apart
superfaery69: but you never said a single word...how would I know if it hurt you...
SCAREDendDYING: but u ment so much more to me
SCAREDendDYING: and that nearly killed me
superfaery69: I never knew!
SCAREDendDYING: it doesn't matter
superfaery69: I am sorry that I hurt you honestly....I didnt know
superfaery69: and yes it does matter...
SCAREDendDYING: no it doesn't
superfaery69: if it doesnt matter to you then I have no idea what I can do to say I am sorry except fot that
superfaery69: *for
SCAREDendDYING: i'm sry
SCAREDendDYING: i always fall for the ones i can't have
SCAREDendDYING: then ruin everything
superfaery69: boris...question for you...did you knowt aht when I was with carlos he was also takling with another about how this winter when he goes back upstate they were gunna fuck and hook up and shit like that....yea I found that out when I was trying to help you....
SCAREDendDYING: and just end up hurt and bleeding
superfaery69: you didnt ruin anything
superfaery69: I didnt mean to hurt you at all
superfaery69: I wanted to not be in reality...and I did just that, got away from reality
SCAREDendDYING: k
superfaery69: I dont mean that to say that you deserve that....
superfaery69: you dont deserve what I did.
superfaery69: but I never knew how you felt
superfaery69: if I did it would have been different
superfaery69: honestly
SCAREDendDYING: maybe
SCAREDendDYING: but its in the past
superfaery69: but your still hurt
SCAREDendDYING: very
superfaery69: and I know that I am the onen that hurt you
superfaery69: is there anything I can do to make it better?
SCAREDendDYING: i dunno
SCAREDendDYING: i still wish we could be together
SCAREDendDYING: cuz we would be amazing together
SCAREDendDYING: ur everything i want to find in sumone
superfaery69: I know I wont be able to make you happy...I despise relationships right
superfaery69: I not good enough for you...
superfaery69: you deserve so much better than I can give you
SCAREDendDYING: not true
SCAREDendDYING: cuz no one make me feel special like u
SCAREDendDYING: nuttin feels as right
SCAREDendDYING: and no one eles would sing with me
SCAREDendDYING: have a passion for music like me
SCAREDendDYING: ah
SCAREDendDYING: i'm gunna stop
superfaery69: yes....but thats all on the outside....right now I am no good for anyone including myself
SCAREDendDYING: as niether am i
superfaery69: I am fallijng anf falling fast into depression and you shouldnt need to deal with that
SCAREDendDYING: so am i
SCAREDendDYING: i knew that b4 u told me
superfaery69: I dont wanna drag you farther down with me...it wouldnt be fair to you
SCAREDendDYING: but i would stop u from falling
superfaery69: no one can
SCAREDendDYING: i'm a heavy man not easy to drag all the way down
SCAREDendDYING: eh nuttin i say matters
SCAREDendDYING: plus shits changed now
SCAREDendDYING: now u know this and shit would always be wierd and different between us
superfaery69: its not weird...and the only thing thats different is that I know how you feel
superfaery69: I dont feel any different towards you...you are still a special person to me...I just cant have a relationship when I am like this
superfaery69: it wouldnt be nice to you or whoever I am with
SCAREDendDYING: i couldn't have a realationship with you
SCAREDendDYING: cuz all i can think bout is hearing u guys- and arthur bragging and laughing- and how all i wanted to do is die cuz it hurt so much
superfaery69: its not gunna happen again...even if you didnt tell me how you felt
superfaery69: I am more sober thinking...
superfaery69: and I honestly have a better way to deal with my depression than give myself over to stupid shit like that
SCAREDendDYING: i'm glad
SCAREDendDYING: i know u will get through this
SCAREDendDYING: ur alot tougher then u think
SCAREDendDYING: remmember the light inside u i was talking bout
superfaery69: yea...
SCAREDendDYING: its slightly dimmed but still blinding
superfaery69: not in the least...
SCAREDendDYING: ur gunna be sumthan amazing
SCAREDendDYING: i hope only the best
SCAREDendDYING: but....
SCAREDendDYING: please don't visit me anymore
superfaery69: I wont if thats what you want
SCAREDendDYING: i'm sry i wasn't happy enough with only being ur friend
superfaery69: I got that
SCAREDendDYING: i wanted more
superfaery69: so we're nothing now
SCAREDendDYING: my tears for u hurt more then my blood for you
SCAREDendDYING: i'm sry
SCAREDendDYING is away at 10:43:33 PM.
superfaery69: I'm sorry and goodbye
Auto response from SCAREDendDYING: consumed by my dreams
i seem to forget
shes not for me
lost my grip on whats real
and it'll never be
all hopes in vain
cuz shes still not for me
I dunno what to do with anything or anyone anymore....
nothing is going right....I fucked up a friendship....lost a friend and I am still fuccking lst in hurt and pian