Fic: Ain't No Cure. A "Sex and Coffee" story. AU RPS. Chris/Jensen, Jensen/Jared and more. NC-17 2/3
Continued from here.
Present day
Chris is quietly strumming his guitar when he hears the door open. He doesn’t have to look up to know who it is, he’d recognize that presence anywhere. Sneakers shuffling, bracelets jangling, keys clicking against too many rings. The strong smell of coffee.
“Hey,” he says, quickly taking another puff of his joint before it’s eagerly lifted from his fingers. Jared has some weird thing about only smoking pot at parties. That boy is way too straightlaced for the kind of stories he writes. Now, Jensen would give Jared the moon if he could, but, hey, what Jared doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
Jensen settles down beside Chris, one arm wrapped around his drawn up knees. “Hey,” he says back and takes a long drag from the joint before leaning over.
The smoke trails from their nostrils as they kiss over the neck of Chris’s guitar, until he puts it away and pulls Jensen closer. Jensen’s sneakers slip off the edge of the couch as he twists in his seat, finally lifting himself up and straddling Chris’s lap, his hands coming up to bury in Chris’s hair after he flips the joint away, hopefully pinching it dead first. Chris pulls him closer, hands roaming over Jensen’s back and down to his hips, finally cupping his ass. Smiling a little when Jensen huffs a breath into his mouth.
They make out for a long while. Chris loves kissing. Always has. Wild kisses, hot kisses, hungry kisses, lazy kisses but most of all he loves soft kisses. Kisses that go on forever. Kisses that make his head spin a little because he forgets to breathe. Because he gets caught up in how damn much he loves them.
He reluctantly leaves Jensen’s mouth and kisses his way down Jensen’s chin to his throat. Sucking the skin a little, just shy of leaving a mark. Maybe later, when he knows how things stand. It’s been a while, and last time had been… Maybe Jared’s changed his mind.
“You alright there, love?” he asks, heart sinking when Jensen buries his face in his neck, sighing. “Hey, now, darlin’,” he says, keeping one hand flat on Jensen’s back while the other slides up to his neck, cradling the base of his skull. “Can’t be all that bad.”
“Not bad,” Jensen says, voice muffled. “Just lonely.”
Ah. “Jared away again?”
The small nod is both pitiful and endearing. “Gonna be gone a week.”
“A week?” He slips his hand under Jensen’s t-shirt, stroking his palm over the plane of warm skin, up and down the trail of his cobblestone spine. “Why didn’t you say somethin’, sweetheart? You know you can stay here.”
“I know.” Jensen sucks in his breath and lets it out with a petulant sigh. “Why you think I came?”
“And here I was thinkin’ you just missed me,” Chris says with a smile, but he must have done a piss poor job hiding the sting, because Jensen pulls back and looks at him, a slight blush staining his cheeks.
“I do.” He kisses Chris again, this time with more heat.
“For more than just sex,” Chris admonishes, though if that’s all it is, he’ll take it. He’ll take anything.
“I’m telling you, I do.” Jensen throws his arms around Chris’s neck and buries close. “All the time,” he mumbles into Chris’s hair. He sounds serious, and Chris frowns. Didn’t they already settle this?
“What’s goin’ on? You know the door’s always open, love. Anytime. I told you.”
Jensen sighs and pulls back, sliding off Chris’s lap to slump down on the couch beside him. The loss of him cool, like a shadow in Chris’s lap. “Jared is being a moron.”
Chris puts an arm over Jensen’s shoulders, needing the heat back, if only a little. Jensen closes his eyes, sighing, when Chris starts stroking his neck. It sounds forlorn. “What’s he bein’ a moron about then? Us?”
“No.”
Chris breathes out, quietly.
“Himself mostly. And maybe me.”
Chris strokes Jensen’s hair, frowning. “You’re not makin’ any sense, love,” he says. Jensen looks up at him, green eyes sad and tired, and suddenly it’s like he’s eighteen again, looking to Chris to fix everything, just like he used to. Chris swallows. “Talk to me,” he says, kissing Jensen softly on the temple, because if he kisses his mouth again, he won’t be able to stop. “Tell me.”
“Our lease is up,” Jensen says and then he doesn’t say anything else, just curls in on himself, fingers picking absentmindedly at a rip in the knee of Chris’s jeans. Chris is about to prod him further because he still doesn’t get it, when he suddenly does.
Oh. Oh. Maybe… No. He shouldn’t. But Jensen isn’t a kid anymore. He isn’t under Chris’s wing. He hasn’t been dependent on him or anyone for a long time. Whatever he wants to do, it will be his own decision.
So…
“You wanna move back?”
Jensen breathes out a huff of air. “Maybe,” he says, voice small. “I mean, if… I don’t know.”
“Hmm.” He rubs Jensen’s back. Smothers his hopes. Says, “Jared don’t?”
“He’s… He thinks it’s too soon.”
Far as Chris is concerned it’s two years late. Two years of feeling Jensen’s absence like a hole in his heart. But both of them moving in might be a different deal. After all, Jared might need his space. And they might as well, who knows. It’s been two years. Steve sometimes can’t even be bothered putting clothes on. Which Jensen probably won’t mind, but Jared might. And the fridge they have won’t hold half the food he suspects Jared eats on a daily basis.
“He might be right. Place ain’t really made for four people.” Jensen goes still in his arms so Chris quickly adds, “Might just be time for us to find somethin’ bigger,” since that’s where he was heading anyway.
Jensen turns in his arm, gazing up at him with those big green eyes Chris has never been able to say no to. “You would…? But you love this place!”
Chris draws in a slow breath. “I love you more,” he says, like it’s nothing, and not everything he’s been trying to keep back for the last seven years. Because he loves Steve, and he loves that Jensen has Jared, and, hey, now he even loves Jared, although it’s not quite the same. Not yet. But through it all, through watching Jensen grow up, and become his own person, and move out and find love of his own, he’s never been able to let go of loving Jensen a little bit more than he should. Wanting him a little bit more than he should.
He's happy with what he has, what Jensen gives him, gives both of them. It’s more than he ever expected the first time he leaned in and kissed Jensen, soft and gentle because he was as skittish as a rabbit, with those big green eyes staring up at him, and the pat-pat-pat of his heart beating rapidly under Chris’s palm.
Not even now, when Chris is offering to upend his whole life for him, does Jensen seem to realize why. Probably because to him this is just what Chris does, he fixes things. And the things he can’t fix, he makes better, just by being there, in any way he can.
But Chris thinks… he thinks maybe Jared’s realized. And maybe that’s what his reservations are really about.
So it doesn’t really surprise him when his phone rings the next day as he’s pruning Steve’s plants. After Jensen fell asleep on the couch, and, later, in their bed, flushed and worn out and so beautiful Chris stayed awake for over an hour, just watching him. Accepting Steve’s soft smile and calloused hand in his, resting on Jensen’s stomach, rising and falling with his deep breathing. Thinking, what if? What if they could have this again? Always?
But they can’t. Not if Jared knows. Because Steve knowing is one thing. Steve understands. Steve loves him anyway. Steve loves both of them, if maybe not quite the same way. But Jared loves Jensen above all. Jared and Jensen are endgame. And Jared might not mind the flirting, and the kissing and the fucking, but no man’s gonna want to live with someone who’s in love with the love of his life.
So he’s not surprised, not even anxious. He just feels resigned and a little tired when he picks up the phone and says, “Hey, love,” which might not be quite fair, but if he can remind Jared, only a little, of what he has to offer, well, he’s not above playing dirty.
“Hey,” Jared says. He sounds strangely hesitant but then again, he’s not really the assertive type. Something Chris should keep in mind. “Can we talk?”
“Sure. You alright, sweetheart?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m…” Jared laughs and it sounds a little lost. “I don’t know, man.”
Chris puts the pruning scissors down on the windowsill and walks over to the couch. Sits down and thinks, ‘This is the end to it all.’
“Jensen said…” Jared finally starts then stops and groans. “Did you really offer to move into a bigger place for him?”
Chris wants to say, ‘For you too,’ but that’s not what they’re talking about. “Might have,” he says instead, leaning back and closing his eyes.
“Jesus, Chris! That’s…” Jared huffs out a breath, loud enough that it buzzes in Chris’s ear. Chris can just picture him, sitting on the bed in some ratty hotel room, running his hand over his head, looking frustrated as hell. Or angry maybe. “It’s too much.”
And there it is.
“I know. I’m sorry.” This time he doesn’t bother with endearments, no matter how much he wants to, because Jared is his darling, his sweetheart. It’s never a platitude. He means it from the bottom of his heart. But he’s crossed a line and whatever they had, he guesses he’s lost it now.
“Sorry?” Jared draws in a breath, and Chris braces himself for the onslaught. “Why are you…? Never mind. Seriously, Chris, I know he’s persuasive, God do I ever, but it’s your home, man. We’ll figure something out. Don’t worry about us, okay?”
Chris blinks his eyes open. “That ain’t…” he says before he catches himself. “Uh.” This is not where he thought this conversation would go.
“I know how hard it is to say no to him, especially when he’s all blissed out and fucked good, which I suspect he was.” Jared laughs, but it’s not mean or jealous, it’s low and fond and even a little grateful. Grateful, for fuck’s sake! “Or if he’s got your dick between his teeth.”
“That ain’t…” Chris tries again, but he doesn’t seem able to finish the sentence. “No.”
Jared’s laughter cuts off. “Chris?” Now he sounds worried. And then: “Oh.”
Fuck.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, no. Jesus! Chris, no.”
“I’m sorry,” he says again and then he hangs up and turns off his phone.
He’s too hot. That’s what wakes him up. Too hot with heavy limbs slung over him, and warm bodies pressed up against him on both sides. He looks over to his left and there is Steve’s familiar face, slack with sleep. He rolls his head to the right and finds Jensen watching him.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” It comes out more like a growl than a word. Chris clears his throat. “Morn’n.”
“You alright?” Jensen gently pushes a lock of Chris’s hair out of his eyes. “You don’t look so good.”
Chris hums and closes his eyes. “’M fine, love. Ti’ed.” He’s slurring his words more than usual, the drawl sliding out of his mouth like honey, all slow and heavy. It’s possible he’s still a little drunk.
“I bet.” Jensen continues to stroke his hair, his fingers warm and soothing. “Did something happen?”
And that’s when he remembers. Fuck. “Jar’d call ya?” Chris opens one eye to see Jensen frowning down at him.
“No. I called you last night. Steve picked up. Said you were already out cold but told me to come over. Why?”
“Nothin’.” He doesn’t know what that means. Maybe he misunderstood last night. Maybe Jared didn’t… No, he did. Guess it’s just something he wants to talk to Jensen about in person, not over the phone. How they need to break off from him. “Thanks for comin’.”
“Anytime, love,” Jensen says, and Chris smiles despite himself. If this is the last he’ll get of Jensen before it all comes crashing down, he’s going to soak in it, soak it all in so when it’s just him and Steve left, it will stay with him for as long as he can hold on to it. To the warmth of Jensen by his side, the feeling of his fingers stroking through his hair, the soft breeze of his breath against his cheek.
“’M gonna sleep,” he mumbles because he can feel exhaustion dragging him under, even if he wants to stay awake forever. “Don’go.”
“I won’t.”
“No, I mean…” He fumbles for Jensen’s hand. “Don’, don’ leave.”
“I won’t.” Jensen’s voice sounds really far away.
“I love you.”
Soft lips kiss him on the cheek. “I love you, too.”
“No, I - I love…” He falls asleep.
He wakes up alone in bed, his head cracking open, threatening to spill everything out.
Oh.
Crap.
Everything did spill out.
He rolls out of bed with more effort than whatever he drank last night should warrant. Stumbles into the bathroom on wobbly feet and aims at the toilet mostly out of memory. Doesn’t bother washing his hands when he’s done, just strips out of his boxers, turns on the shower and steps under the spray before it has time to get warm. Gargles his foul-tasting mouth and spits at the drain in disgust. The cold does him good at first but then it just makes his head pound even worse. The water warming up doesn’t make it any better. He soaps himself listlessly, lathers his hair and rinses. Turns off the water and breathes.
When he pushes aside the curtain Steve is sitting on the toilet with a towel in his hands and a soft smile on his face. Chris tries for a smile of his own, but he just can’t. “Mornin’, love.”
“It’s a little later than that, baby.” Steve stands up and starts drying Chris’s hair, and Chris lets him, feeling too tired to do much of anything. “Just past noon.”
Chris hums. He figured. “He gone?”
Steve lowers the towel, brow wrinkling. “Jensen? No, he’s just making coffee. Soon as we heard you were up. We figured you could use some.”
“Oh.”
Steve gently dries his chest and back. “Baby, what’s going on?” he asks, voice soft and so kind Chris wants to cry.
He pulls Steve in, burying his face in the hair that smells of pot and coffee and Chris’s expensive shampoo that he really buys for Jensen. “Jared knows,” he mumbles, feeling his face heat.
“Ah.” Steve rubs his back. “Well, maybe it’s time.” He steps away and gives Chris a soft smile. “Come on. Let’s find you some clothes.”
Their bedroom smells of weed, and whiskey, and sweat and self-pity. Chris sits slumped on the bed, staring down at his hands, while Steve rummages through the drawers. Stands up when Steve coaxes him, stepping into the boxers when told, swaying slightly as Steve pulls them up. Moves his arms as needed when Steve pulls a t-shirt over his head, the fabric tugging at his still damp hair that’s all mussed up. Steve chuckles and runs his fingers through the curls, untangling the worst mess. Like it’s any other day, any other morning spent hung over from a late night of drinking. Fuck, Chris doesn’t deserve him. “I’m sorry.”
Steve shakes his head. “Baby, when will you ever believe me? It’s all alright.”
Chris swallows. “I told Jensen we’d all move in a bigger place together.”
Steve raises his eyebrows. Then he shrugs and smiles a little. “Yeah, we can do that.”
Chris stares at him, suddenly overwhelmed with love for this man who has not only endured his straying heart but actively encouraged it for all their years. He grabs Steve by the neck and kisses him, forgetting he probably tastes like death. To Steve’s credit he doesn’t even pull a face. “God, I love you.”
Steve grins. “I know.” He tucks a bunch of Chris’s hair behind his ear then slings an arm around his waist. “Come on. Let’s get you some coffee for that hangover.”
Jensen is sitting at the kitchen table, sipping coffee. Face naked, undyed hair falling in his eyes, as unguarded as he only really gets in their company. As soon as they walk in, Jensen gets up and pulls Chris into his arms. “You look like hell, man,” he says and kisses Chris softly, only scrunching up his nose a bit at the taste of his garbage mouth. “Sit down. I made coffee.”
Steve kisses Chris on top of his head before disappearing into the living room. Chris wants to ask him to stay but he can’t get the words out. He sits silent as Jensen pours him coffee - black, no sugar, the way he likes it - and pushes it in front of Chris before sitting down across the table.
“Can you…?” Chris says, patting the seat beside him. Jensen doesn’t ask why, just moves over, pushing the chairs close enough for them to press into each other’s sides. They sit in silence, sipping their coffee while Chris gathers courage. Finally, he sighs and puts the mug down. “I gotta tell you somethin’, darlin’.”
Jensen goes absolutely still beside him. “Okay.” His voice is small, like back in the early days when he was afraid to say anything. “What?”
“Look, you know I love Steve-“
Jensen sucks in his breath, jerking so violently Chris automatically turns to catch him by the elbow so he doesn’t fall off the chair. “You’re breaking up?” Jensen asks, voice shaking. “Are you breaking up? Are you leaving?”
“What? No!”
Jensen closes his eyes, his body shuddering in relief. When he blinks his eyes open again, they’re glittering. Shit. Chris reaches out to cup his face. “No,” he repeats. “That ain’t never gonna happen.” Never mind that he’s been waiting for Steve to break up with him ever since he first admitted he’d fallen for someone else. “I just told you, sweetheart, I love him. And he loves me.” He shakes his head. “God knows why.” He takes Jensen’s hand, kissing the knuckles. “And I know you love Jared, darlin’, this ain’t got nothing to do with that. But…” He takes a deep breath. “I love you.”
Jensen bites his lip, looking confused. “I know. I love you, too.”
“No.” Chris sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “I love you. Like… Like I love Steve. Like you love Jared.”
“I know. I love you, too,” Jensen repeats puzzled.
“No, you don’t get what I’m sayin’, darlin’.” He drops his head, because he can’t watch Jensen’s face when he realizes. “I’m in love with you. Always have been. I’m sorry.”
A warm palm lands on his neck, pulling him so close their foreheads touch. “Chris,” Jensen breathes against his lips, “I know.”
He opens his eyes, startled to see the warmth in Jensen’s eyes. What?
“And I’m telling you,” Jensen says calmly, holding his gaze. “I love you too.” He smiles. “Fell in love with you, you smarmy bastard, first time you called me sweetheart.”
Chris wants to believe, so badly, but he watched Jensen fall head over heels for Jared and there’s no way that ain’t real. “No.” He pulls back, shaking his head. “It ain’t… It… You…” Frustrated he throws up his hands. “Jared!”
“And then I fell in love with Jared,” Jensen continues patiently, like he’s explaining to a two-year-old. “And I was going crazy ‘cause I had to have him, and for that to happen I had to be on my own. That’s why I left, you know that. But I never stopped loving you. I’ve always loved you.” He smiles, and Chris’s heart aches, he loves him so much. “I mean, I love Steve, but it’s different. When I’m not here, I miss Steve, and I know he misses me, but I miss you like a limb, man. Like… Fuck, Chris, I love you.”
Hope sparks in Chris’s chest but he’s quick to smother it. “Jared won’t-“
Jensen laughs. “Remember you and him, right here in this kitchen, like two weeks ago? Yeah, you’re a really good kisser, man. He’s fallen, like hard. I might have to fight him for you.”
Oh. He really didn’t expect that. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”
“Will you…!” Jensen rolls his eyes. “Chris! Listen to me. It’s all good. Okay? All of it. Only thing that could make this better would be if we got Steve and Jared to fall in love with each other and then we’d be like a… pentagram or something.”
Chris’s face splits into a smile. God. He loves Jensen so fucking much. “A pentagram has five points, darlin’, not four.”
“A box then?” Jensen scrunches up his nose. It’s adorable. Chris wants to kiss it. “I don’t wanna be a box. A box is boring.”
“You don’t have to be anything you don’t wanna be, love,” Chris says, laughing because his chest feels suddenly ridiculously light. “Fuck, I love you.”
“Yeah?” Jensen grins. “How about you kiss me then?”
Chris smiles. He’s never been good with words, not even now he’s sure he picked the right ones to make his feelings clear. But kisses, he’s good with those. He’s good with putting his emotions into the softness of his lips, the gentle licks of his tongue, the warmth of his breath. It’s a language he’s fluent in, but it's never been as crucial to get the message across as now.
Chris reaches for Jensen’s face, cradling it gently in the palm of his hand. Jensen’s bright green eyes sparkle with amusement, but the longer Chris gazes into them, the more they soften and grow warmer. Chris runs his fingers through Jensen’s hair to cup the back of his head, tilting it just a little, and then he leans forward and presses his lips against Jensen’s. Just a soft kiss before he parts his lips, breath warm and inviting. Jensen’s sharp inhale hitches the air right out of Chris’s mouth, and whatever tightness was left in Chris’s chest eases. He runs his tongue over Jensen’s lower lip then licks into his mouth, grateful that by now they both taste of the same coffee, although Jensen has an added taste from his morning cigarette, that he won’t tell Jared about, and Chris figures he’s still got last night’s bad decisions coating his tongue. It doesn’t seem to matter though, judging by the soft needy sounds Jensen is making, the way he’s trying to suck Chris’s tongue down his throat. He gets lost in the heat of Jensen’s mouth, the slickness of his tongue, the softness of his hair sliding between his fingers, the warmth of his body moving until he’s straddling Chris’s lap, one hand slipping under his t-shirt, the other grabbing a hold of his hair, like he’s still worried Chris might get up and leave.
“You wanna move this to the bedroom?” Jensen finally murmurs breathless against his lips and God, does he want to but…
“I need to talk to Jared, sweetheart. I can’t…” He sighs, resting his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “I need to know we’re alright.”
“Why wouldn’t you be?” Jensen asks, sounding genuinely baffled.
“‘Cause I don’t think he knew about, about that whole bein’ in love thing, and I kinda told him, so for all I know he might be on his way to beat my ass,” Chris says, feeling his face go hot.
“Huh. He didn’t know?” Jensen sounds surprised, like Chris being in love with him has been obvious for all to see and God, Chris really hopes not. “But he knows I love you. I mean, I’ve told him I love you. I’ve told you, while he was there! I mean, I say it all the time! He knows I mean… Like, that I mean I love you. Right?”
Oh Jesus. “I’m guessin’ if you didn’t tell him like you just told me, then no.” Chris groans. “I’m so goddamn dead.”
Jensen sits back. “Think this is why he hasn’t called this morning?” His voice is back to sounding small and scared, and fuck that!
Chris kisses him hard then stands up, letting Jensen glide off his lap until they’re both standing. “I’ll talk to him, sweetheart. Put things straight.”
“Think it’s a bit late for that,” Jensen quips but he sounds far away, lost in his worries.
Chris takes Jensen’s hands in his. “Hey, look at me. What do you want, love? ‘Cause I can pull back; damn, I can lie to him, if that’s what you need me to do. You know that.”
“I don’t want any of that!” Jensen says. “I want us to be… You know what I want! And if you… I mean, I know you do, but Steve…”
“Steve’s in, sweetheart. You know Steve. ‘The more the merrier’.”
“Okay. Good. Good. But what if Jared…?” Jensen swallows. “We wouldn’t have to be all… like, all the time. We can be couples sometimes. Or a triangle. Or… a box.” He grimaces.
“We can. But only if we’re all on board. And…” Chris takes a deep breath. “Darlin’, you gotta be prepared that he might not be.”
For a moment Jensen looks anguished but then his mouth sets in a stubborn line. “I’ll talk to Jared.”
Chris shakes his head. “No. Please, love. I need to do this. Let me do this.”
“But he-”
“Please.”
Jensen is clearly struggling but in the end he nods. “Okay. Can we still kiss?” he asks hopeful.
Chris smiles and cradles Jensen’s face in his hands. “Darlin’, ain’t nothin’ that could ever make me stop kissin’ you. Not even your giant boyfriend bein’ pissed as hell.”
The phone feels heavy in his hand, the dark screen staring accusingly back at him. It’s still turned off since the last time he talked to Jared and just the thought of turning it back on has his entrails strangling his insides. His palms are sweating, making the phone slippery in his hand. How is he supposed to explain this awful mess? ‘Hey, man. So here’s the deal, I’m in love with Jensen, and he’s in love with me, but he’s also in love with you, and you know I love you too and yes, Steve’s on board for the whole thing and, hey, how about we all just live together like one big gay family?’ Fuck. Jared’s gonna kill him, no matter what Jensen thinks.
The frantic knocking on the door makes him jump so hard he drops the phone under the couch. Jesus! What?
“Chris? Steve? Open up!”
Chris stares at the door in horror. No. No! Jared is not supposed to be here. He’s supposed to be far away so Chris has time to get out of town if that’s how the conversation will go. The conversation he’s suddenly going to have to have in person instead of in the safety of miles apart.
Jared bangs on the door again, and Chris stands slowly up. He’s many things, half of them not good, but he’s not a coward. And he’ll take his punches if that’s what’s gonna happen. Truth is, he’s expecting a fist to the face as soon as he opens the door, and he wouldn’t begrudge Jared it one bit.
What he isn’t expecting is Jared pulling him into a hug so tight he can hardly breathe. Jared smells of stale air and bad coffee and he’s still got a backpack, slowly sliding off his shoulder. Which means he came straight here from the airport because… Well, not to beat him all to hell, it seems, but then what?
“Jesus, Chris, you scared the shit out of me,” Jared says. “Pick up your goddamn phone, man!”
Oh.
“I’m sorry, love. Was turned off, that’s all. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He pulls away and Jared lets him go, reluctantly it seems, which Chris just doesn’t get because, damn, he’s the bad guy here. He’s the goddamn villain.
“Well, you damn well did. Got on the first flight I could find, man. You don’t… You don’t do that! Okay? You don’t just… Jesus! And now Jensen isn’t picking up either, just sent me a message to get over here, which I was doing anyway, and…You fucking scared me!” Jared drops the backpack on the floor, closes the door behind him like he already lives here, and pulls Chris back in, crushing him with an added fierceness that catches Chris completely off guard. “I could fucking kill you!”
“Was kinda thinking you might,” Chris says into Jared’s armpit, feeling awkward as hell.
Jared reels back and stares at him. Chris adverts his eyes, but when he dares to look up again Jared’s gaze has turned soft, and he kisses Chris, just a light press of lips. “You look like shit, man. Come on,” he says. “Let’s sit down.”
He drags Chris to the couch and Chris slumps down beside him. He is so damn tired. He’s just so goddamn tired. When Jared puts an arm over his shoulder, Chris doesn’t even fight it, just lets himself sink into Jared’s warm body, Jared’s soothing fingers running through his hair.
“So, you’re in love with Jensen,” Jared says, like it’s no big deal. “You know, I kinda figured. You get this look…”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. That’s not… No.” Jared shakes his head. “He loves you, too, you know.”
Chris lets out a soft, shaky breath. Here goes nothing. “I didn’t. I mean, not like that. But… He came over, and we… we talked. Turns out he always did. Same as me. I guess… I guess we just have that thing. That thing where you love more than one person. And he kinda thought you knew, and now he’s freakin’ the fuck out, ‘cause I told him you probably didn’t. That when we say ‘I love you’ to each other we don’t just mean… I think maybe, maybe that ain’t so clear to other people.” He swallows, his throat is so damn dry. He’d kill for a beer right now. “I’m kinda fallin’ in love with you, too. You should probably know that before… before you do whatever you gotta.”
Jared sits very still. Finally, he says, “Okay.” He breathes out a soft laugh. It doesn’t sound angry, just a little bewildered. “Jensen is in love with you. Okay. That’s… Huh. Is he in love with Steve?”
“Is different, is all I know. You should ask him.” Chris closes his eyes. “Thought you were gonna punch me,” he admits and cringes when Jared sighs, the force of his breath jolting Chris’s chest.
“For being in love with the most amazing person on the planet?” Jared laughs again. “I’d have to hit myself.”
“Not quite the same, love.”
“Seems it is.” Jared shifts beside him. Chris knows that if he opened his eyes he’ll see Jared watching him. “You’re in love with me?” Jared asks, voice soft and slightly quivering.
“Think I might be,” Chris murmurs. “You not bein’ an asshole an’all ain’t exactly discouragin’.”
“Well, you let me know when you figure it out. I might not dislike you either.”
The smile evident in Jared’s voice is what finally emboldens Chris to blink his eyes open. Seems he was right about the watching. Damn, those eyes are pretty. “Yeah?” he asks, feeling stupidly hopeful.
“You’re a really good kisser, man,” Jared says, smiling. “In fact, I wouldn’t mind you kissing me right now.”
Chris sits up slowly, Jared’s arm sliding down his back and to his waist as he turns and reaches up to cup Jared’s face. He’s still not quite sure they’re talking about the same thing, but in case they are, he’s gonna do his best not to fuck this up.
“Anytime, love,” he promises with all his heart, his stupid heart that swells when Jared smiles and leans in. Chris puts all his love and hope and gratitude in the kiss, starting slow and light before licking across Jared’s lips and then into his mouth, sweeping Jared’s moans out with his tongue. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you,’ he kisses and ‘God, I do love you. I love you so much.’ He rubs his thumb over Jared’s jaw, feeling the scratch of stubble catch his fingerprints, his other hand resting on Jared’s thigh, a silent promise of later.
When they finally pull apart, they’re both flushed, their breathing quick and shallow.
“You wanna take this to the bedroom?” Jared asks in an echo of Jensen’s question just a couple of hours earlier, and Chris can’t help but laugh.
“Think maybe we should put Jensen out of his misery first,” he says and Jared blushes, looking chagrined, like he’d forgotten for a moment that he has a neurotic boyfriend who by now probably thinks the two loves of his life have killed each other.
“I’ll tell him to come over,” Jared says, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “Plenty of time for us to enjoy a little one-on-one later.” He taps out a message, grinning as the phone pings immediately with a reply. “Especially if we’re still thinking about moving in together,” he adds with a glance at Chris, teeth worrying his lip. “Are we?”
Chris takes his hand, holding Jared’s gaze so there’s no mistaking the sincerity of his words. “Me and Steve, we’d like nothin’ more, love. Ain’t been the same since Jensen moved out, and gettin’ you too would only make things better. But it’s up to you, darlin’. You and Jensen. Y’all talk it over, decide what you wanna do. And if it’s that, we’ll figure out how best to make that happen, alright?”
Jared nods. He reaches out and cups the back of Chris’s head, pulling him in for another kiss. This time Chris takes the back seat, just closes his eyes and enjoys the ride, thinking, ‘This is how he kisses Jensen’. For some reason that makes his belly fire up until he’s moaning into Jared’s mouth.
“Jesus,” he hears Jared mumble, and suddenly Chris is on his back, with Jared kissing his way down his throat, one gigantic hand pushing up under his t-shirt, warm fingers straddling the major part of his chest, and, goddamn, that is one of the hottest things he’s ever felt! Just thinking what those hands could do, where those fingers could go… Fuck!
He starts fumbling frantically at his jeans, with Jared chuckling viciously in his ear while biting him lightly on the shoulder and, Jesus! Come on, come on, he should be able to work his own goddamn pants open!
“Need a little help there?” Jared asks, and then those long fingers are unbuttoning Chris’s jeans and tugging the fly apart, not even hesitating before slipping inside to cup his dick through the thin cotton of his underwear.
Chris’s hips jump up, dick pressing into the heat of Jared’s palm. The whole thing is happening so fast he feels a little dizzy from all the blood rushing down from his brain. Jared’s fingers close around his cock, squeezing it, and he gasps, one hand coming up to grab Jared’s neck, pulling him down. He moans into Jared’s mouth as Jared’s clever fingers free his dick and start stroking it just a little too tight. God, it’s so goddamn good and again Chris is struck thinking, this is how Jared jerks off Jensen. Just like this is how he kisses Jensen, and this is how he presses Jensen down into the couch when they make out. And if Chris asks, he knows Jared will show him just how he sucks Jensen’s dick into his mouth, and just how he fucks Jensen with that alarmingly big cock. And maybe those thoughts make Chris a goddamn creep, but he’s long ago accepted that when it comes to love he gets way more obsessed than is healthy.
“That good?” Jared murmurs, panting into his ear. “Yeah? Like that?”
“Yeah,” he whimpers.
“Damn, I wanna fuck you. With Jensen right here, watching us.”
Chris comes with a violent shudder, gasping for air, his whole body going rigid and shaking before collapsing in a bag of bones and liquid muscles with blood rushing in his ears.
“Fuck,” Jared whispers, and Chris whimpers again, because, God, yes, he wants that! He tries to turn over because his lungs are still too spent to speak, and Jared must get the hint, because he literally flips him over like a fish, pulls Chris’s jeans and underwear down to his ankles and starts searching in the couch for the bottle of lube that somehow always finds its way there. Sure enough, Chris hears him laugh in triumph before he pushes Chris’s knees apart and before he knows it Jared’s lubed fingers are touching his heated skin, making him shiver.
“Fuck, you’re hot,” Jared groans, nuzzling at the back of Chris’s neck. “Gonna fuck you, right now. That okay?”
“What you think I’m ass-up for?” Chris mumbles into the pillows. He’s having a little trouble breathing so he turns his head the other way, just in time to see Jensen slip through the door, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. He puts a finger to his lips so Chris doesn’t say anything, just closes his eyes and gives himself over to Jared’s fingers - those illegally limber, long fingers - opening him up until he’s sure Jared could fit a goddamn baseball bat in there, Jesus fucking Christ! And still it’s a surprise when Jared’s fingers slip out and, after a quick moment of rustling and cursing, are replaced with Jared’s dick, pressing into him. Oh God! Oh Jesus! No wonder Jensen is sometimes limping. That’s … Wow. Wow! God, how fucking big is that thing? Sure, he's seen it and touched it and even sucked it but … Jesus Christ in Heaven!
He’s panting by the time Jared finally bottoms out, breaths coming in short shallow bursts. He’s faintly aware of Jared murmuring endearments, telling him he’s doing good and is it okay if he moves? Chris opens his eyes to catch Jensen sitting in one of the comfy chairs, dick in hand, watching him with a touch of concern. It’s not that Chris only tops, it’s just that Steve and Jensen are the ones that really love having their asses stuffed, the bigger the better. Chris enjoys a dick up his ass as much as the next person but he’s not the one getting fisted or pegged with the biggest dildo in the store. And so this… this is a bit more than he’s used to.
“Just breathe,” Jensen says, and Jared’s dick drives even deeper as he jumps. Chris whines in disbelief, the sound wrenching out of his throat.
“Jesus Christ, Jen, when the hell did you get here?”
“About the time you started fingering him.” The smile is soft as Jensen jumps out of the chair, dick bouncing, to come over and give Jared a kiss. “Welcome home, baby.”
Chris groans. He’s stuffed to the brink with Jared’s cock but, no, go ahead, please, make out with each other. Don’t mind him! “Please,” he grits out between his teeth. “God, please move!”
Jared laughs - laughs, the bastard! - and gives Jensen another kiss from the sound of it before pulling back slowly, slowly, for fucking ever, until Chris feels the head start pulling at the rim, and he hitches his breath.
“Hey,” Jensen says, face suddenly appearing before his own. “Isn’t he great?”
“Mmhmm,” Chris manages, and then he’s gasping as Jared pushes in again, slow and steady. “Jesus!”
“I know! Fuck, you’re hot. Look at you.” Jensen kisses him hard, managing to get his tongue into Chris’s mouth even if the angle is awkward. “Just wait until he really gets going. He’s gonna blow your fucking mind.”
Chris’s mind is already blowing sky high by the time Jared’s big hands grab hold of his hips, hauling him up on his knees. He tries to rise up on his elbows to prepare himself for the ride, but he collapses at the first hard thrust, his face getting smushed into the pillows when Jared continues to fuck him hard and deep and fast. Oh God! Oh God, it’s so good! It’s so goddamn, fucking good he can hardly breathe.
Familiar hands brush his hair aside, and he opens his eyes to see Jensen staring at him with the sort of reverence he’s always been afraid to show on his own face when he looks at Jensen.
“God, I love you so much,” Jensen whispers, gazing into his eyes. Chris can see his hand moving, out of the corner of his eye, and the realization that Jensen is jerking off to him being fucked hard by his (their?) boyfriend, is so overwhelming his brain short-circuits.
Through a haze he hears his own sobs and whimpers under the growing grunts of Jared’s increasingly shorter breaths, along with Jensen’s shallow pants and constant mantra of, “God, I love you, I love you, I love you so much,” that are probably directed at Jared but if only one of those are meant for Chris it’s more than enough. He’s almost too far gone to register the door opening and slamming shut, struggling one eye open to see Steve shrugging off his coat with an annoyed, “You could have called me,” before dropping beside Jensen, kissing him hard while covering Jensen’s hand with his own. Jared laughs breathlessly when he sees Jensen fall back on the floor, his dick disappearing into Steve’s mouth. “Yeah, baby. Jesus, look at you,” Jared groans, and then he pulls Chris up by the hair, turning his head so he can kiss him, hard and desperate, while his dick drives even deeper in. Chris’s world goes white.
He wakes up on the couch, under a warm blanket, with Steve snuggled into his side and Jensen and Jared snoring in an entangled embrace in one of the comfy chairs, more or less undressed. His ass is throbbing, not unpleasantly, but it might be a day or so before he lets anyone near that area again. Steve stirs beside him, and Chris slides an arm over his waist, drawing him closer. “Love you,” he murmurs into Steve’s ear, smiling when Steve mutters, “Yeah, yeah,” before falling asleep again. He’s still tired, so he drifts back to sleep, dreaming of them all lying on the big bed, Jensen smiling up at him, saying, “Of course I’m in love with you, you doofus,” while Jared and Steve make out beside them like a couple of teenagers.
The next time he wakes up he’s alone, but the apartment smells of coffee and toast, and he can hear Steve humming in the kitchen. For a moment he wonders if it was all a dream but then he shifts on the couch and… Ow, no, that definitely happened. Damn, he has some newfound respect for Jensen’s ass. No wonder it took his fist so easily that time they… Chris squirms, his dick showing a little more interest than he’s ready for this early in the morning. He sits up, noticing he still has his t-shirt on but he’s naked from the waist down and he can’t spot his pants anywhere. Huh.
He stumbles to his feet, stretching as he makes his way into the kitchen. His hand is on his lower stomach, scratching idly at the slight itch he always gets when he falls asleep with jizz on his skin, when he rounds the corner and comes eye to eye with not just Steve, but Jensen and Jared, looking way too perky where they sit by the kitchen table with coffee in hand, smirking at him.
“Uhm.” He looks down at his naked self, face heating slightly, but then he figures, fuck it, he’s having the filthy kind of sex with these people that would make a hooker blush. A little nudity is nothing. Although the kitchen chairs aren’t really that comfortable to plant his naked ass on, he belatedly realizes. Especially when his ass is really, really tender. He’s contemplating his options, ignoring the pair of idiots (God, he loves them) laughing at him beyond the table. “Coffee,” he finally grumbles and sighs gratefully when a full mug appears magically before him.
“I’ll go get you some pants,” Steve says, kissing him on the temple before heading toward the bedroom.
“Not on our account,” Jensen says, and Chris can hear the leer in his voice, the little asshole. “Although the view was better when you were still standing up.”
“Fuck off, darlin’,” Chris murmurs. The coffee is making him feel a little better. He didn’t even drink last night, he shouldn’t be this damn tired. Even if he just got fucked six ways from Sunday. He shifts and grimaces at the sharp sting.
“You okay?” Jared asks, suddenly serious. “I didn’t… I mean, did I…?”
“I’m good, love,” Chris assures him, because, damn, he’ll take a little discomfort any day if it means he gets to have this. All of them together, drinking coffee, the morning after some fabulous sex. “But I’m startin’ to get why Jenny’s all bowlegged.”
Jared bursts out laughing as Jensen sputters, indignant, that Chris is no better: “Like your mama put a barrel between your legs, you damn redneck!”
Chris just grins and waggles his eyebrows. “Now you know that ain’t true, but if your man keeps this up, you might be getting’ competition in that area.”
Jared’s smile is wide as he reaches over and grabs Chris’s hand in his. “Your man too, now,” he says, and Chris pulls in a sharp breath. “If that’s still on the table,” Jared quickly backtracks, looking suddenly unsure and embarrassed.
Chris swallows. He really should have pants on for this conversation. “Always,” he says anyway, holding Jared’s gaze and then shifting it to Jensen who is absolutely beaming. “You two, me and Steve, whichever way y’all wanna do this.”
“Here, put some pants on, baby, before you guys start crying,” Steve says with a smile, handing him a pair of boxers. “Nothing worse than a bare-assed man bawling his eyes out.”
“That ain’t what you said last week when you were sobbin’ into your pillow as I reamed your ass,” Chris says, but he still gets up, blushing fiercely at the sound the chair makes when he peels his sweaty ass off its slick surface. He must admit he does feel better once he’s not as exposed to the elements.
“So, we’re really doing this?” Steve says, hopping up on the counter, speech distorted by the piece of toast clenched between his teeth.
Jensen and Jared look at each other, and then they look at Chris and damn if he’s not holding his breath, terrified they’re gonna snatch it away from him, just when it’s finally within his reach. “Yeah, if we’re all in. Steve?”
“You know me, the more the merrier,” Steve says, like always, but he’s watching Chris, like he’s waiting for him to say something. Which is when Chris realizes Steve might not know what went down the night before.
“So here’s what’s what,” Chris says, his heart banging like a goddamn drum in his chest because this doesn’t really get any easier, no matter how often he says it. “I ain’t… I mean, I know this ain’t normal, but I think, I think I’ve always been… It ain’t that one person’s not enough, it’s just…”
“Chris is polyamorous,” Steve says, smiling softly as Chris sends him a grateful nod. That’s the word he was looking for. Still sounds weird to him, especially as he keeps putting an R in the wrong place and then it sounds like he’s wearing armor all over when that’s exactly the opposite of what he’s doing right now. “And I’m thinking there might be more of you, even if you maybe never thought of it that way.”
“Huh,” Jared says, looking pensive. “There’s a thought. And you?” he asks, looking curious.
“I’m just here for the orgies,” Steve says, grinning madly, but then his face sobers. “Honestly, I love all of you, but I’m in love with Chris, he owns my heart. And yeah, Jensen, you know I love you more than I probably should love a guy when I already have a man. But it’s not quite like you love Chris or how Chris loves you. Jared, sorry man, I’m not quite clear where we stand so… But that’s fine. We don’t have to be a, you know, a cluster. Like, I’d appreciate some one-on-one time with my man every now and then. And I’m guessing you would, too. One-on-one or three of you or three of us or whatever. I think we just need to respect each other spaces, you know. Which means a bigger place, I’m guessing. Jensen’s old bedroom’s not exactly roomy and we can hardly fit around the table, all four of us.”
“Come here,” Chris says, pushing away from the table to make place on his lap, which Steve claims happily, slinging an arm around Chris’s neck. He looks over to find Jared looking perplexed. “You alright, love?”
“Yeah. I just… I don’t think I’ve ever heard you string more than three words together before,” he says, grinning at Steve. “I had no idea you were so chatty.”
“That’s because I usually put my mouth to better use,” Steve says with a wink and a flick of his tongue.
“That you do, sweetheart,” Chris says, pulling him closer to give an example. Judging from the sounds he’s hearing, the boys are right there with them.
The sun is shining way too brightly through the window, and he’s got a headache to match the ache he’s sitting on, and the floor is much too cold for his bare feet, but honestly, Chris has never been happier. With a warm Steve on his lap, and Jensen’s foot sneaking its way between his legs, and Jared laughing softly, and his whole chest so filled with love it’s warming up the whole room.
God, he loves them! So, so much!
Continued here
Present day
Chris is quietly strumming his guitar when he hears the door open. He doesn’t have to look up to know who it is, he’d recognize that presence anywhere. Sneakers shuffling, bracelets jangling, keys clicking against too many rings. The strong smell of coffee.
“Hey,” he says, quickly taking another puff of his joint before it’s eagerly lifted from his fingers. Jared has some weird thing about only smoking pot at parties. That boy is way too straightlaced for the kind of stories he writes. Now, Jensen would give Jared the moon if he could, but, hey, what Jared doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
Jensen settles down beside Chris, one arm wrapped around his drawn up knees. “Hey,” he says back and takes a long drag from the joint before leaning over.
The smoke trails from their nostrils as they kiss over the neck of Chris’s guitar, until he puts it away and pulls Jensen closer. Jensen’s sneakers slip off the edge of the couch as he twists in his seat, finally lifting himself up and straddling Chris’s lap, his hands coming up to bury in Chris’s hair after he flips the joint away, hopefully pinching it dead first. Chris pulls him closer, hands roaming over Jensen’s back and down to his hips, finally cupping his ass. Smiling a little when Jensen huffs a breath into his mouth.
They make out for a long while. Chris loves kissing. Always has. Wild kisses, hot kisses, hungry kisses, lazy kisses but most of all he loves soft kisses. Kisses that go on forever. Kisses that make his head spin a little because he forgets to breathe. Because he gets caught up in how damn much he loves them.
He reluctantly leaves Jensen’s mouth and kisses his way down Jensen’s chin to his throat. Sucking the skin a little, just shy of leaving a mark. Maybe later, when he knows how things stand. It’s been a while, and last time had been… Maybe Jared’s changed his mind.
“You alright there, love?” he asks, heart sinking when Jensen buries his face in his neck, sighing. “Hey, now, darlin’,” he says, keeping one hand flat on Jensen’s back while the other slides up to his neck, cradling the base of his skull. “Can’t be all that bad.”
“Not bad,” Jensen says, voice muffled. “Just lonely.”
Ah. “Jared away again?”
The small nod is both pitiful and endearing. “Gonna be gone a week.”
“A week?” He slips his hand under Jensen’s t-shirt, stroking his palm over the plane of warm skin, up and down the trail of his cobblestone spine. “Why didn’t you say somethin’, sweetheart? You know you can stay here.”
“I know.” Jensen sucks in his breath and lets it out with a petulant sigh. “Why you think I came?”
“And here I was thinkin’ you just missed me,” Chris says with a smile, but he must have done a piss poor job hiding the sting, because Jensen pulls back and looks at him, a slight blush staining his cheeks.
“I do.” He kisses Chris again, this time with more heat.
“For more than just sex,” Chris admonishes, though if that’s all it is, he’ll take it. He’ll take anything.
“I’m telling you, I do.” Jensen throws his arms around Chris’s neck and buries close. “All the time,” he mumbles into Chris’s hair. He sounds serious, and Chris frowns. Didn’t they already settle this?
“What’s goin’ on? You know the door’s always open, love. Anytime. I told you.”
Jensen sighs and pulls back, sliding off Chris’s lap to slump down on the couch beside him. The loss of him cool, like a shadow in Chris’s lap. “Jared is being a moron.”
Chris puts an arm over Jensen’s shoulders, needing the heat back, if only a little. Jensen closes his eyes, sighing, when Chris starts stroking his neck. It sounds forlorn. “What’s he bein’ a moron about then? Us?”
“No.”
Chris breathes out, quietly.
“Himself mostly. And maybe me.”
Chris strokes Jensen’s hair, frowning. “You’re not makin’ any sense, love,” he says. Jensen looks up at him, green eyes sad and tired, and suddenly it’s like he’s eighteen again, looking to Chris to fix everything, just like he used to. Chris swallows. “Talk to me,” he says, kissing Jensen softly on the temple, because if he kisses his mouth again, he won’t be able to stop. “Tell me.”
“Our lease is up,” Jensen says and then he doesn’t say anything else, just curls in on himself, fingers picking absentmindedly at a rip in the knee of Chris’s jeans. Chris is about to prod him further because he still doesn’t get it, when he suddenly does.
Oh. Oh. Maybe… No. He shouldn’t. But Jensen isn’t a kid anymore. He isn’t under Chris’s wing. He hasn’t been dependent on him or anyone for a long time. Whatever he wants to do, it will be his own decision.
So…
“You wanna move back?”
Jensen breathes out a huff of air. “Maybe,” he says, voice small. “I mean, if… I don’t know.”
“Hmm.” He rubs Jensen’s back. Smothers his hopes. Says, “Jared don’t?”
“He’s… He thinks it’s too soon.”
Far as Chris is concerned it’s two years late. Two years of feeling Jensen’s absence like a hole in his heart. But both of them moving in might be a different deal. After all, Jared might need his space. And they might as well, who knows. It’s been two years. Steve sometimes can’t even be bothered putting clothes on. Which Jensen probably won’t mind, but Jared might. And the fridge they have won’t hold half the food he suspects Jared eats on a daily basis.
“He might be right. Place ain’t really made for four people.” Jensen goes still in his arms so Chris quickly adds, “Might just be time for us to find somethin’ bigger,” since that’s where he was heading anyway.
Jensen turns in his arm, gazing up at him with those big green eyes Chris has never been able to say no to. “You would…? But you love this place!”
Chris draws in a slow breath. “I love you more,” he says, like it’s nothing, and not everything he’s been trying to keep back for the last seven years. Because he loves Steve, and he loves that Jensen has Jared, and, hey, now he even loves Jared, although it’s not quite the same. Not yet. But through it all, through watching Jensen grow up, and become his own person, and move out and find love of his own, he’s never been able to let go of loving Jensen a little bit more than he should. Wanting him a little bit more than he should.
He's happy with what he has, what Jensen gives him, gives both of them. It’s more than he ever expected the first time he leaned in and kissed Jensen, soft and gentle because he was as skittish as a rabbit, with those big green eyes staring up at him, and the pat-pat-pat of his heart beating rapidly under Chris’s palm.
Not even now, when Chris is offering to upend his whole life for him, does Jensen seem to realize why. Probably because to him this is just what Chris does, he fixes things. And the things he can’t fix, he makes better, just by being there, in any way he can.
But Chris thinks… he thinks maybe Jared’s realized. And maybe that’s what his reservations are really about.
So it doesn’t really surprise him when his phone rings the next day as he’s pruning Steve’s plants. After Jensen fell asleep on the couch, and, later, in their bed, flushed and worn out and so beautiful Chris stayed awake for over an hour, just watching him. Accepting Steve’s soft smile and calloused hand in his, resting on Jensen’s stomach, rising and falling with his deep breathing. Thinking, what if? What if they could have this again? Always?
But they can’t. Not if Jared knows. Because Steve knowing is one thing. Steve understands. Steve loves him anyway. Steve loves both of them, if maybe not quite the same way. But Jared loves Jensen above all. Jared and Jensen are endgame. And Jared might not mind the flirting, and the kissing and the fucking, but no man’s gonna want to live with someone who’s in love with the love of his life.
So he’s not surprised, not even anxious. He just feels resigned and a little tired when he picks up the phone and says, “Hey, love,” which might not be quite fair, but if he can remind Jared, only a little, of what he has to offer, well, he’s not above playing dirty.
“Hey,” Jared says. He sounds strangely hesitant but then again, he’s not really the assertive type. Something Chris should keep in mind. “Can we talk?”
“Sure. You alright, sweetheart?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m…” Jared laughs and it sounds a little lost. “I don’t know, man.”
Chris puts the pruning scissors down on the windowsill and walks over to the couch. Sits down and thinks, ‘This is the end to it all.’
“Jensen said…” Jared finally starts then stops and groans. “Did you really offer to move into a bigger place for him?”
Chris wants to say, ‘For you too,’ but that’s not what they’re talking about. “Might have,” he says instead, leaning back and closing his eyes.
“Jesus, Chris! That’s…” Jared huffs out a breath, loud enough that it buzzes in Chris’s ear. Chris can just picture him, sitting on the bed in some ratty hotel room, running his hand over his head, looking frustrated as hell. Or angry maybe. “It’s too much.”
And there it is.
“I know. I’m sorry.” This time he doesn’t bother with endearments, no matter how much he wants to, because Jared is his darling, his sweetheart. It’s never a platitude. He means it from the bottom of his heart. But he’s crossed a line and whatever they had, he guesses he’s lost it now.
“Sorry?” Jared draws in a breath, and Chris braces himself for the onslaught. “Why are you…? Never mind. Seriously, Chris, I know he’s persuasive, God do I ever, but it’s your home, man. We’ll figure something out. Don’t worry about us, okay?”
Chris blinks his eyes open. “That ain’t…” he says before he catches himself. “Uh.” This is not where he thought this conversation would go.
“I know how hard it is to say no to him, especially when he’s all blissed out and fucked good, which I suspect he was.” Jared laughs, but it’s not mean or jealous, it’s low and fond and even a little grateful. Grateful, for fuck’s sake! “Or if he’s got your dick between his teeth.”
“That ain’t…” Chris tries again, but he doesn’t seem able to finish the sentence. “No.”
Jared’s laughter cuts off. “Chris?” Now he sounds worried. And then: “Oh.”
Fuck.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, no. Jesus! Chris, no.”
“I’m sorry,” he says again and then he hangs up and turns off his phone.
He’s too hot. That’s what wakes him up. Too hot with heavy limbs slung over him, and warm bodies pressed up against him on both sides. He looks over to his left and there is Steve’s familiar face, slack with sleep. He rolls his head to the right and finds Jensen watching him.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” It comes out more like a growl than a word. Chris clears his throat. “Morn’n.”
“You alright?” Jensen gently pushes a lock of Chris’s hair out of his eyes. “You don’t look so good.”
Chris hums and closes his eyes. “’M fine, love. Ti’ed.” He’s slurring his words more than usual, the drawl sliding out of his mouth like honey, all slow and heavy. It’s possible he’s still a little drunk.
“I bet.” Jensen continues to stroke his hair, his fingers warm and soothing. “Did something happen?”
And that’s when he remembers. Fuck. “Jar’d call ya?” Chris opens one eye to see Jensen frowning down at him.
“No. I called you last night. Steve picked up. Said you were already out cold but told me to come over. Why?”
“Nothin’.” He doesn’t know what that means. Maybe he misunderstood last night. Maybe Jared didn’t… No, he did. Guess it’s just something he wants to talk to Jensen about in person, not over the phone. How they need to break off from him. “Thanks for comin’.”
“Anytime, love,” Jensen says, and Chris smiles despite himself. If this is the last he’ll get of Jensen before it all comes crashing down, he’s going to soak in it, soak it all in so when it’s just him and Steve left, it will stay with him for as long as he can hold on to it. To the warmth of Jensen by his side, the feeling of his fingers stroking through his hair, the soft breeze of his breath against his cheek.
“’M gonna sleep,” he mumbles because he can feel exhaustion dragging him under, even if he wants to stay awake forever. “Don’go.”
“I won’t.”
“No, I mean…” He fumbles for Jensen’s hand. “Don’, don’ leave.”
“I won’t.” Jensen’s voice sounds really far away.
“I love you.”
Soft lips kiss him on the cheek. “I love you, too.”
“No, I - I love…” He falls asleep.
He wakes up alone in bed, his head cracking open, threatening to spill everything out.
Oh.
Crap.
Everything did spill out.
He rolls out of bed with more effort than whatever he drank last night should warrant. Stumbles into the bathroom on wobbly feet and aims at the toilet mostly out of memory. Doesn’t bother washing his hands when he’s done, just strips out of his boxers, turns on the shower and steps under the spray before it has time to get warm. Gargles his foul-tasting mouth and spits at the drain in disgust. The cold does him good at first but then it just makes his head pound even worse. The water warming up doesn’t make it any better. He soaps himself listlessly, lathers his hair and rinses. Turns off the water and breathes.
When he pushes aside the curtain Steve is sitting on the toilet with a towel in his hands and a soft smile on his face. Chris tries for a smile of his own, but he just can’t. “Mornin’, love.”
“It’s a little later than that, baby.” Steve stands up and starts drying Chris’s hair, and Chris lets him, feeling too tired to do much of anything. “Just past noon.”
Chris hums. He figured. “He gone?”
Steve lowers the towel, brow wrinkling. “Jensen? No, he’s just making coffee. Soon as we heard you were up. We figured you could use some.”
“Oh.”
Steve gently dries his chest and back. “Baby, what’s going on?” he asks, voice soft and so kind Chris wants to cry.
He pulls Steve in, burying his face in the hair that smells of pot and coffee and Chris’s expensive shampoo that he really buys for Jensen. “Jared knows,” he mumbles, feeling his face heat.
“Ah.” Steve rubs his back. “Well, maybe it’s time.” He steps away and gives Chris a soft smile. “Come on. Let’s find you some clothes.”
Their bedroom smells of weed, and whiskey, and sweat and self-pity. Chris sits slumped on the bed, staring down at his hands, while Steve rummages through the drawers. Stands up when Steve coaxes him, stepping into the boxers when told, swaying slightly as Steve pulls them up. Moves his arms as needed when Steve pulls a t-shirt over his head, the fabric tugging at his still damp hair that’s all mussed up. Steve chuckles and runs his fingers through the curls, untangling the worst mess. Like it’s any other day, any other morning spent hung over from a late night of drinking. Fuck, Chris doesn’t deserve him. “I’m sorry.”
Steve shakes his head. “Baby, when will you ever believe me? It’s all alright.”
Chris swallows. “I told Jensen we’d all move in a bigger place together.”
Steve raises his eyebrows. Then he shrugs and smiles a little. “Yeah, we can do that.”
Chris stares at him, suddenly overwhelmed with love for this man who has not only endured his straying heart but actively encouraged it for all their years. He grabs Steve by the neck and kisses him, forgetting he probably tastes like death. To Steve’s credit he doesn’t even pull a face. “God, I love you.”
Steve grins. “I know.” He tucks a bunch of Chris’s hair behind his ear then slings an arm around his waist. “Come on. Let’s get you some coffee for that hangover.”
Jensen is sitting at the kitchen table, sipping coffee. Face naked, undyed hair falling in his eyes, as unguarded as he only really gets in their company. As soon as they walk in, Jensen gets up and pulls Chris into his arms. “You look like hell, man,” he says and kisses Chris softly, only scrunching up his nose a bit at the taste of his garbage mouth. “Sit down. I made coffee.”
Steve kisses Chris on top of his head before disappearing into the living room. Chris wants to ask him to stay but he can’t get the words out. He sits silent as Jensen pours him coffee - black, no sugar, the way he likes it - and pushes it in front of Chris before sitting down across the table.
“Can you…?” Chris says, patting the seat beside him. Jensen doesn’t ask why, just moves over, pushing the chairs close enough for them to press into each other’s sides. They sit in silence, sipping their coffee while Chris gathers courage. Finally, he sighs and puts the mug down. “I gotta tell you somethin’, darlin’.”
Jensen goes absolutely still beside him. “Okay.” His voice is small, like back in the early days when he was afraid to say anything. “What?”
“Look, you know I love Steve-“
Jensen sucks in his breath, jerking so violently Chris automatically turns to catch him by the elbow so he doesn’t fall off the chair. “You’re breaking up?” Jensen asks, voice shaking. “Are you breaking up? Are you leaving?”
“What? No!”
Jensen closes his eyes, his body shuddering in relief. When he blinks his eyes open again, they’re glittering. Shit. Chris reaches out to cup his face. “No,” he repeats. “That ain’t never gonna happen.” Never mind that he’s been waiting for Steve to break up with him ever since he first admitted he’d fallen for someone else. “I just told you, sweetheart, I love him. And he loves me.” He shakes his head. “God knows why.” He takes Jensen’s hand, kissing the knuckles. “And I know you love Jared, darlin’, this ain’t got nothing to do with that. But…” He takes a deep breath. “I love you.”
Jensen bites his lip, looking confused. “I know. I love you, too.”
“No.” Chris sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “I love you. Like… Like I love Steve. Like you love Jared.”
“I know. I love you, too,” Jensen repeats puzzled.
“No, you don’t get what I’m sayin’, darlin’.” He drops his head, because he can’t watch Jensen’s face when he realizes. “I’m in love with you. Always have been. I’m sorry.”
A warm palm lands on his neck, pulling him so close their foreheads touch. “Chris,” Jensen breathes against his lips, “I know.”
He opens his eyes, startled to see the warmth in Jensen’s eyes. What?
“And I’m telling you,” Jensen says calmly, holding his gaze. “I love you too.” He smiles. “Fell in love with you, you smarmy bastard, first time you called me sweetheart.”
Chris wants to believe, so badly, but he watched Jensen fall head over heels for Jared and there’s no way that ain’t real. “No.” He pulls back, shaking his head. “It ain’t… It… You…” Frustrated he throws up his hands. “Jared!”
“And then I fell in love with Jared,” Jensen continues patiently, like he’s explaining to a two-year-old. “And I was going crazy ‘cause I had to have him, and for that to happen I had to be on my own. That’s why I left, you know that. But I never stopped loving you. I’ve always loved you.” He smiles, and Chris’s heart aches, he loves him so much. “I mean, I love Steve, but it’s different. When I’m not here, I miss Steve, and I know he misses me, but I miss you like a limb, man. Like… Fuck, Chris, I love you.”
Hope sparks in Chris’s chest but he’s quick to smother it. “Jared won’t-“
Jensen laughs. “Remember you and him, right here in this kitchen, like two weeks ago? Yeah, you’re a really good kisser, man. He’s fallen, like hard. I might have to fight him for you.”
Oh. He really didn’t expect that. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”
“Will you…!” Jensen rolls his eyes. “Chris! Listen to me. It’s all good. Okay? All of it. Only thing that could make this better would be if we got Steve and Jared to fall in love with each other and then we’d be like a… pentagram or something.”
Chris’s face splits into a smile. God. He loves Jensen so fucking much. “A pentagram has five points, darlin’, not four.”
“A box then?” Jensen scrunches up his nose. It’s adorable. Chris wants to kiss it. “I don’t wanna be a box. A box is boring.”
“You don’t have to be anything you don’t wanna be, love,” Chris says, laughing because his chest feels suddenly ridiculously light. “Fuck, I love you.”
“Yeah?” Jensen grins. “How about you kiss me then?”
Chris smiles. He’s never been good with words, not even now he’s sure he picked the right ones to make his feelings clear. But kisses, he’s good with those. He’s good with putting his emotions into the softness of his lips, the gentle licks of his tongue, the warmth of his breath. It’s a language he’s fluent in, but it's never been as crucial to get the message across as now.
Chris reaches for Jensen’s face, cradling it gently in the palm of his hand. Jensen’s bright green eyes sparkle with amusement, but the longer Chris gazes into them, the more they soften and grow warmer. Chris runs his fingers through Jensen’s hair to cup the back of his head, tilting it just a little, and then he leans forward and presses his lips against Jensen’s. Just a soft kiss before he parts his lips, breath warm and inviting. Jensen’s sharp inhale hitches the air right out of Chris’s mouth, and whatever tightness was left in Chris’s chest eases. He runs his tongue over Jensen’s lower lip then licks into his mouth, grateful that by now they both taste of the same coffee, although Jensen has an added taste from his morning cigarette, that he won’t tell Jared about, and Chris figures he’s still got last night’s bad decisions coating his tongue. It doesn’t seem to matter though, judging by the soft needy sounds Jensen is making, the way he’s trying to suck Chris’s tongue down his throat. He gets lost in the heat of Jensen’s mouth, the slickness of his tongue, the softness of his hair sliding between his fingers, the warmth of his body moving until he’s straddling Chris’s lap, one hand slipping under his t-shirt, the other grabbing a hold of his hair, like he’s still worried Chris might get up and leave.
“You wanna move this to the bedroom?” Jensen finally murmurs breathless against his lips and God, does he want to but…
“I need to talk to Jared, sweetheart. I can’t…” He sighs, resting his head on Jensen’s shoulder. “I need to know we’re alright.”
“Why wouldn’t you be?” Jensen asks, sounding genuinely baffled.
“‘Cause I don’t think he knew about, about that whole bein’ in love thing, and I kinda told him, so for all I know he might be on his way to beat my ass,” Chris says, feeling his face go hot.
“Huh. He didn’t know?” Jensen sounds surprised, like Chris being in love with him has been obvious for all to see and God, Chris really hopes not. “But he knows I love you. I mean, I’ve told him I love you. I’ve told you, while he was there! I mean, I say it all the time! He knows I mean… Like, that I mean I love you. Right?”
Oh Jesus. “I’m guessin’ if you didn’t tell him like you just told me, then no.” Chris groans. “I’m so goddamn dead.”
Jensen sits back. “Think this is why he hasn’t called this morning?” His voice is back to sounding small and scared, and fuck that!
Chris kisses him hard then stands up, letting Jensen glide off his lap until they’re both standing. “I’ll talk to him, sweetheart. Put things straight.”
“Think it’s a bit late for that,” Jensen quips but he sounds far away, lost in his worries.
Chris takes Jensen’s hands in his. “Hey, look at me. What do you want, love? ‘Cause I can pull back; damn, I can lie to him, if that’s what you need me to do. You know that.”
“I don’t want any of that!” Jensen says. “I want us to be… You know what I want! And if you… I mean, I know you do, but Steve…”
“Steve’s in, sweetheart. You know Steve. ‘The more the merrier’.”
“Okay. Good. Good. But what if Jared…?” Jensen swallows. “We wouldn’t have to be all… like, all the time. We can be couples sometimes. Or a triangle. Or… a box.” He grimaces.
“We can. But only if we’re all on board. And…” Chris takes a deep breath. “Darlin’, you gotta be prepared that he might not be.”
For a moment Jensen looks anguished but then his mouth sets in a stubborn line. “I’ll talk to Jared.”
Chris shakes his head. “No. Please, love. I need to do this. Let me do this.”
“But he-”
“Please.”
Jensen is clearly struggling but in the end he nods. “Okay. Can we still kiss?” he asks hopeful.
Chris smiles and cradles Jensen’s face in his hands. “Darlin’, ain’t nothin’ that could ever make me stop kissin’ you. Not even your giant boyfriend bein’ pissed as hell.”
The phone feels heavy in his hand, the dark screen staring accusingly back at him. It’s still turned off since the last time he talked to Jared and just the thought of turning it back on has his entrails strangling his insides. His palms are sweating, making the phone slippery in his hand. How is he supposed to explain this awful mess? ‘Hey, man. So here’s the deal, I’m in love with Jensen, and he’s in love with me, but he’s also in love with you, and you know I love you too and yes, Steve’s on board for the whole thing and, hey, how about we all just live together like one big gay family?’ Fuck. Jared’s gonna kill him, no matter what Jensen thinks.
The frantic knocking on the door makes him jump so hard he drops the phone under the couch. Jesus! What?
“Chris? Steve? Open up!”
Chris stares at the door in horror. No. No! Jared is not supposed to be here. He’s supposed to be far away so Chris has time to get out of town if that’s how the conversation will go. The conversation he’s suddenly going to have to have in person instead of in the safety of miles apart.
Jared bangs on the door again, and Chris stands slowly up. He’s many things, half of them not good, but he’s not a coward. And he’ll take his punches if that’s what’s gonna happen. Truth is, he’s expecting a fist to the face as soon as he opens the door, and he wouldn’t begrudge Jared it one bit.
What he isn’t expecting is Jared pulling him into a hug so tight he can hardly breathe. Jared smells of stale air and bad coffee and he’s still got a backpack, slowly sliding off his shoulder. Which means he came straight here from the airport because… Well, not to beat him all to hell, it seems, but then what?
“Jesus, Chris, you scared the shit out of me,” Jared says. “Pick up your goddamn phone, man!”
Oh.
“I’m sorry, love. Was turned off, that’s all. Didn’t mean to scare you.” He pulls away and Jared lets him go, reluctantly it seems, which Chris just doesn’t get because, damn, he’s the bad guy here. He’s the goddamn villain.
“Well, you damn well did. Got on the first flight I could find, man. You don’t… You don’t do that! Okay? You don’t just… Jesus! And now Jensen isn’t picking up either, just sent me a message to get over here, which I was doing anyway, and…You fucking scared me!” Jared drops the backpack on the floor, closes the door behind him like he already lives here, and pulls Chris back in, crushing him with an added fierceness that catches Chris completely off guard. “I could fucking kill you!”
“Was kinda thinking you might,” Chris says into Jared’s armpit, feeling awkward as hell.
Jared reels back and stares at him. Chris adverts his eyes, but when he dares to look up again Jared’s gaze has turned soft, and he kisses Chris, just a light press of lips. “You look like shit, man. Come on,” he says. “Let’s sit down.”
He drags Chris to the couch and Chris slumps down beside him. He is so damn tired. He’s just so goddamn tired. When Jared puts an arm over his shoulder, Chris doesn’t even fight it, just lets himself sink into Jared’s warm body, Jared’s soothing fingers running through his hair.
“So, you’re in love with Jensen,” Jared says, like it’s no big deal. “You know, I kinda figured. You get this look…”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. That’s not… No.” Jared shakes his head. “He loves you, too, you know.”
Chris lets out a soft, shaky breath. Here goes nothing. “I didn’t. I mean, not like that. But… He came over, and we… we talked. Turns out he always did. Same as me. I guess… I guess we just have that thing. That thing where you love more than one person. And he kinda thought you knew, and now he’s freakin’ the fuck out, ‘cause I told him you probably didn’t. That when we say ‘I love you’ to each other we don’t just mean… I think maybe, maybe that ain’t so clear to other people.” He swallows, his throat is so damn dry. He’d kill for a beer right now. “I’m kinda fallin’ in love with you, too. You should probably know that before… before you do whatever you gotta.”
Jared sits very still. Finally, he says, “Okay.” He breathes out a soft laugh. It doesn’t sound angry, just a little bewildered. “Jensen is in love with you. Okay. That’s… Huh. Is he in love with Steve?”
“Is different, is all I know. You should ask him.” Chris closes his eyes. “Thought you were gonna punch me,” he admits and cringes when Jared sighs, the force of his breath jolting Chris’s chest.
“For being in love with the most amazing person on the planet?” Jared laughs again. “I’d have to hit myself.”
“Not quite the same, love.”
“Seems it is.” Jared shifts beside him. Chris knows that if he opened his eyes he’ll see Jared watching him. “You’re in love with me?” Jared asks, voice soft and slightly quivering.
“Think I might be,” Chris murmurs. “You not bein’ an asshole an’all ain’t exactly discouragin’.”
“Well, you let me know when you figure it out. I might not dislike you either.”
The smile evident in Jared’s voice is what finally emboldens Chris to blink his eyes open. Seems he was right about the watching. Damn, those eyes are pretty. “Yeah?” he asks, feeling stupidly hopeful.
“You’re a really good kisser, man,” Jared says, smiling. “In fact, I wouldn’t mind you kissing me right now.”
Chris sits up slowly, Jared’s arm sliding down his back and to his waist as he turns and reaches up to cup Jared’s face. He’s still not quite sure they’re talking about the same thing, but in case they are, he’s gonna do his best not to fuck this up.
“Anytime, love,” he promises with all his heart, his stupid heart that swells when Jared smiles and leans in. Chris puts all his love and hope and gratitude in the kiss, starting slow and light before licking across Jared’s lips and then into his mouth, sweeping Jared’s moans out with his tongue. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you,’ he kisses and ‘God, I do love you. I love you so much.’ He rubs his thumb over Jared’s jaw, feeling the scratch of stubble catch his fingerprints, his other hand resting on Jared’s thigh, a silent promise of later.
When they finally pull apart, they’re both flushed, their breathing quick and shallow.
“You wanna take this to the bedroom?” Jared asks in an echo of Jensen’s question just a couple of hours earlier, and Chris can’t help but laugh.
“Think maybe we should put Jensen out of his misery first,” he says and Jared blushes, looking chagrined, like he’d forgotten for a moment that he has a neurotic boyfriend who by now probably thinks the two loves of his life have killed each other.
“I’ll tell him to come over,” Jared says, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “Plenty of time for us to enjoy a little one-on-one later.” He taps out a message, grinning as the phone pings immediately with a reply. “Especially if we’re still thinking about moving in together,” he adds with a glance at Chris, teeth worrying his lip. “Are we?”
Chris takes his hand, holding Jared’s gaze so there’s no mistaking the sincerity of his words. “Me and Steve, we’d like nothin’ more, love. Ain’t been the same since Jensen moved out, and gettin’ you too would only make things better. But it’s up to you, darlin’. You and Jensen. Y’all talk it over, decide what you wanna do. And if it’s that, we’ll figure out how best to make that happen, alright?”
Jared nods. He reaches out and cups the back of Chris’s head, pulling him in for another kiss. This time Chris takes the back seat, just closes his eyes and enjoys the ride, thinking, ‘This is how he kisses Jensen’. For some reason that makes his belly fire up until he’s moaning into Jared’s mouth.
“Jesus,” he hears Jared mumble, and suddenly Chris is on his back, with Jared kissing his way down his throat, one gigantic hand pushing up under his t-shirt, warm fingers straddling the major part of his chest, and, goddamn, that is one of the hottest things he’s ever felt! Just thinking what those hands could do, where those fingers could go… Fuck!
He starts fumbling frantically at his jeans, with Jared chuckling viciously in his ear while biting him lightly on the shoulder and, Jesus! Come on, come on, he should be able to work his own goddamn pants open!
“Need a little help there?” Jared asks, and then those long fingers are unbuttoning Chris’s jeans and tugging the fly apart, not even hesitating before slipping inside to cup his dick through the thin cotton of his underwear.
Chris’s hips jump up, dick pressing into the heat of Jared’s palm. The whole thing is happening so fast he feels a little dizzy from all the blood rushing down from his brain. Jared’s fingers close around his cock, squeezing it, and he gasps, one hand coming up to grab Jared’s neck, pulling him down. He moans into Jared’s mouth as Jared’s clever fingers free his dick and start stroking it just a little too tight. God, it’s so goddamn good and again Chris is struck thinking, this is how Jared jerks off Jensen. Just like this is how he kisses Jensen, and this is how he presses Jensen down into the couch when they make out. And if Chris asks, he knows Jared will show him just how he sucks Jensen’s dick into his mouth, and just how he fucks Jensen with that alarmingly big cock. And maybe those thoughts make Chris a goddamn creep, but he’s long ago accepted that when it comes to love he gets way more obsessed than is healthy.
“That good?” Jared murmurs, panting into his ear. “Yeah? Like that?”
“Yeah,” he whimpers.
“Damn, I wanna fuck you. With Jensen right here, watching us.”
Chris comes with a violent shudder, gasping for air, his whole body going rigid and shaking before collapsing in a bag of bones and liquid muscles with blood rushing in his ears.
“Fuck,” Jared whispers, and Chris whimpers again, because, God, yes, he wants that! He tries to turn over because his lungs are still too spent to speak, and Jared must get the hint, because he literally flips him over like a fish, pulls Chris’s jeans and underwear down to his ankles and starts searching in the couch for the bottle of lube that somehow always finds its way there. Sure enough, Chris hears him laugh in triumph before he pushes Chris’s knees apart and before he knows it Jared’s lubed fingers are touching his heated skin, making him shiver.
“Fuck, you’re hot,” Jared groans, nuzzling at the back of Chris’s neck. “Gonna fuck you, right now. That okay?”
“What you think I’m ass-up for?” Chris mumbles into the pillows. He’s having a little trouble breathing so he turns his head the other way, just in time to see Jensen slip through the door, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. He puts a finger to his lips so Chris doesn’t say anything, just closes his eyes and gives himself over to Jared’s fingers - those illegally limber, long fingers - opening him up until he’s sure Jared could fit a goddamn baseball bat in there, Jesus fucking Christ! And still it’s a surprise when Jared’s fingers slip out and, after a quick moment of rustling and cursing, are replaced with Jared’s dick, pressing into him. Oh God! Oh Jesus! No wonder Jensen is sometimes limping. That’s … Wow. Wow! God, how fucking big is that thing? Sure, he's seen it and touched it and even sucked it but … Jesus Christ in Heaven!
He’s panting by the time Jared finally bottoms out, breaths coming in short shallow bursts. He’s faintly aware of Jared murmuring endearments, telling him he’s doing good and is it okay if he moves? Chris opens his eyes to catch Jensen sitting in one of the comfy chairs, dick in hand, watching him with a touch of concern. It’s not that Chris only tops, it’s just that Steve and Jensen are the ones that really love having their asses stuffed, the bigger the better. Chris enjoys a dick up his ass as much as the next person but he’s not the one getting fisted or pegged with the biggest dildo in the store. And so this… this is a bit more than he’s used to.
“Just breathe,” Jensen says, and Jared’s dick drives even deeper as he jumps. Chris whines in disbelief, the sound wrenching out of his throat.
“Jesus Christ, Jen, when the hell did you get here?”
“About the time you started fingering him.” The smile is soft as Jensen jumps out of the chair, dick bouncing, to come over and give Jared a kiss. “Welcome home, baby.”
Chris groans. He’s stuffed to the brink with Jared’s cock but, no, go ahead, please, make out with each other. Don’t mind him! “Please,” he grits out between his teeth. “God, please move!”
Jared laughs - laughs, the bastard! - and gives Jensen another kiss from the sound of it before pulling back slowly, slowly, for fucking ever, until Chris feels the head start pulling at the rim, and he hitches his breath.
“Hey,” Jensen says, face suddenly appearing before his own. “Isn’t he great?”
“Mmhmm,” Chris manages, and then he’s gasping as Jared pushes in again, slow and steady. “Jesus!”
“I know! Fuck, you’re hot. Look at you.” Jensen kisses him hard, managing to get his tongue into Chris’s mouth even if the angle is awkward. “Just wait until he really gets going. He’s gonna blow your fucking mind.”
Chris’s mind is already blowing sky high by the time Jared’s big hands grab hold of his hips, hauling him up on his knees. He tries to rise up on his elbows to prepare himself for the ride, but he collapses at the first hard thrust, his face getting smushed into the pillows when Jared continues to fuck him hard and deep and fast. Oh God! Oh God, it’s so good! It’s so goddamn, fucking good he can hardly breathe.
Familiar hands brush his hair aside, and he opens his eyes to see Jensen staring at him with the sort of reverence he’s always been afraid to show on his own face when he looks at Jensen.
“God, I love you so much,” Jensen whispers, gazing into his eyes. Chris can see his hand moving, out of the corner of his eye, and the realization that Jensen is jerking off to him being fucked hard by his (their?) boyfriend, is so overwhelming his brain short-circuits.
Through a haze he hears his own sobs and whimpers under the growing grunts of Jared’s increasingly shorter breaths, along with Jensen’s shallow pants and constant mantra of, “God, I love you, I love you, I love you so much,” that are probably directed at Jared but if only one of those are meant for Chris it’s more than enough. He’s almost too far gone to register the door opening and slamming shut, struggling one eye open to see Steve shrugging off his coat with an annoyed, “You could have called me,” before dropping beside Jensen, kissing him hard while covering Jensen’s hand with his own. Jared laughs breathlessly when he sees Jensen fall back on the floor, his dick disappearing into Steve’s mouth. “Yeah, baby. Jesus, look at you,” Jared groans, and then he pulls Chris up by the hair, turning his head so he can kiss him, hard and desperate, while his dick drives even deeper in. Chris’s world goes white.
He wakes up on the couch, under a warm blanket, with Steve snuggled into his side and Jensen and Jared snoring in an entangled embrace in one of the comfy chairs, more or less undressed. His ass is throbbing, not unpleasantly, but it might be a day or so before he lets anyone near that area again. Steve stirs beside him, and Chris slides an arm over his waist, drawing him closer. “Love you,” he murmurs into Steve’s ear, smiling when Steve mutters, “Yeah, yeah,” before falling asleep again. He’s still tired, so he drifts back to sleep, dreaming of them all lying on the big bed, Jensen smiling up at him, saying, “Of course I’m in love with you, you doofus,” while Jared and Steve make out beside them like a couple of teenagers.
The next time he wakes up he’s alone, but the apartment smells of coffee and toast, and he can hear Steve humming in the kitchen. For a moment he wonders if it was all a dream but then he shifts on the couch and… Ow, no, that definitely happened. Damn, he has some newfound respect for Jensen’s ass. No wonder it took his fist so easily that time they… Chris squirms, his dick showing a little more interest than he’s ready for this early in the morning. He sits up, noticing he still has his t-shirt on but he’s naked from the waist down and he can’t spot his pants anywhere. Huh.
He stumbles to his feet, stretching as he makes his way into the kitchen. His hand is on his lower stomach, scratching idly at the slight itch he always gets when he falls asleep with jizz on his skin, when he rounds the corner and comes eye to eye with not just Steve, but Jensen and Jared, looking way too perky where they sit by the kitchen table with coffee in hand, smirking at him.
“Uhm.” He looks down at his naked self, face heating slightly, but then he figures, fuck it, he’s having the filthy kind of sex with these people that would make a hooker blush. A little nudity is nothing. Although the kitchen chairs aren’t really that comfortable to plant his naked ass on, he belatedly realizes. Especially when his ass is really, really tender. He’s contemplating his options, ignoring the pair of idiots (God, he loves them) laughing at him beyond the table. “Coffee,” he finally grumbles and sighs gratefully when a full mug appears magically before him.
“I’ll go get you some pants,” Steve says, kissing him on the temple before heading toward the bedroom.
“Not on our account,” Jensen says, and Chris can hear the leer in his voice, the little asshole. “Although the view was better when you were still standing up.”
“Fuck off, darlin’,” Chris murmurs. The coffee is making him feel a little better. He didn’t even drink last night, he shouldn’t be this damn tired. Even if he just got fucked six ways from Sunday. He shifts and grimaces at the sharp sting.
“You okay?” Jared asks, suddenly serious. “I didn’t… I mean, did I…?”
“I’m good, love,” Chris assures him, because, damn, he’ll take a little discomfort any day if it means he gets to have this. All of them together, drinking coffee, the morning after some fabulous sex. “But I’m startin’ to get why Jenny’s all bowlegged.”
Jared bursts out laughing as Jensen sputters, indignant, that Chris is no better: “Like your mama put a barrel between your legs, you damn redneck!”
Chris just grins and waggles his eyebrows. “Now you know that ain’t true, but if your man keeps this up, you might be getting’ competition in that area.”
Jared’s smile is wide as he reaches over and grabs Chris’s hand in his. “Your man too, now,” he says, and Chris pulls in a sharp breath. “If that’s still on the table,” Jared quickly backtracks, looking suddenly unsure and embarrassed.
Chris swallows. He really should have pants on for this conversation. “Always,” he says anyway, holding Jared’s gaze and then shifting it to Jensen who is absolutely beaming. “You two, me and Steve, whichever way y’all wanna do this.”
“Here, put some pants on, baby, before you guys start crying,” Steve says with a smile, handing him a pair of boxers. “Nothing worse than a bare-assed man bawling his eyes out.”
“That ain’t what you said last week when you were sobbin’ into your pillow as I reamed your ass,” Chris says, but he still gets up, blushing fiercely at the sound the chair makes when he peels his sweaty ass off its slick surface. He must admit he does feel better once he’s not as exposed to the elements.
“So, we’re really doing this?” Steve says, hopping up on the counter, speech distorted by the piece of toast clenched between his teeth.
Jensen and Jared look at each other, and then they look at Chris and damn if he’s not holding his breath, terrified they’re gonna snatch it away from him, just when it’s finally within his reach. “Yeah, if we’re all in. Steve?”
“You know me, the more the merrier,” Steve says, like always, but he’s watching Chris, like he’s waiting for him to say something. Which is when Chris realizes Steve might not know what went down the night before.
“So here’s what’s what,” Chris says, his heart banging like a goddamn drum in his chest because this doesn’t really get any easier, no matter how often he says it. “I ain’t… I mean, I know this ain’t normal, but I think, I think I’ve always been… It ain’t that one person’s not enough, it’s just…”
“Chris is polyamorous,” Steve says, smiling softly as Chris sends him a grateful nod. That’s the word he was looking for. Still sounds weird to him, especially as he keeps putting an R in the wrong place and then it sounds like he’s wearing armor all over when that’s exactly the opposite of what he’s doing right now. “And I’m thinking there might be more of you, even if you maybe never thought of it that way.”
“Huh,” Jared says, looking pensive. “There’s a thought. And you?” he asks, looking curious.
“I’m just here for the orgies,” Steve says, grinning madly, but then his face sobers. “Honestly, I love all of you, but I’m in love with Chris, he owns my heart. And yeah, Jensen, you know I love you more than I probably should love a guy when I already have a man. But it’s not quite like you love Chris or how Chris loves you. Jared, sorry man, I’m not quite clear where we stand so… But that’s fine. We don’t have to be a, you know, a cluster. Like, I’d appreciate some one-on-one time with my man every now and then. And I’m guessing you would, too. One-on-one or three of you or three of us or whatever. I think we just need to respect each other spaces, you know. Which means a bigger place, I’m guessing. Jensen’s old bedroom’s not exactly roomy and we can hardly fit around the table, all four of us.”
“Come here,” Chris says, pushing away from the table to make place on his lap, which Steve claims happily, slinging an arm around Chris’s neck. He looks over to find Jared looking perplexed. “You alright, love?”
“Yeah. I just… I don’t think I’ve ever heard you string more than three words together before,” he says, grinning at Steve. “I had no idea you were so chatty.”
“That’s because I usually put my mouth to better use,” Steve says with a wink and a flick of his tongue.
“That you do, sweetheart,” Chris says, pulling him closer to give an example. Judging from the sounds he’s hearing, the boys are right there with them.
The sun is shining way too brightly through the window, and he’s got a headache to match the ache he’s sitting on, and the floor is much too cold for his bare feet, but honestly, Chris has never been happier. With a warm Steve on his lap, and Jensen’s foot sneaking its way between his legs, and Jared laughing softly, and his whole chest so filled with love it’s warming up the whole room.
God, he loves them! So, so much!
Continued here