Fic: The Fire Within, Chapter 14. AU Human. Liam/Spike. NC-17
Title: The Fire Within, chapter 14
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike, Lindsey/Faith, Lindsey/Spike(sort of)
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 9291 words this part
Author's note: Finally! Only took me 16 years but here it is! And no more waiting, I'm done! Also available on AO3.
Continued from here.
Spike pulled on another t-shirt and glared at himself in the mirror before ripping it off again, throwing it on the bed in frustration. This was stupid. He didn’t know why he was being such a pansy. What did it matter what he wore anyway? He should just pick something and stop worrying what other people might think. Considering the kind of music they’d be playing, he very much doubted the fashion police was gonna show up to judge him.
Thing was, he hadn’t been on stage since his punk days, and this wasn’t that kind of gig. Hell, it was as far from it as it could be. His old band mates would think he was taking the piss if they knew what he was doing. Country, even the rockier kind, was pretty much in the same class as disco as far as they were concerned. Only a few weeks ago he would have agreed with them, and he blamed it entirely on Lindsey that the music was growing on him. Some of the songs were actually pretty good, and he’d found himself humming them at all hours, then groaning when he realized what he was doing.
Throwing open the doors to his closet once again Spike stared into it. He needed something that would make him feel comfortable, like himself, and still not too much out of place in a crowd of cowboys. He’d never realized how much the whole punk get-up had helped boosting his confidence. Leather and chains, spiked hair and eyeliner, and suddenly he wasn’t William anymore. He was Spike, singer of Hard as Nails, the coolest fucking punk band in England. Or so they’d repeatedly told themselves despite no record company wanting to sign them up, and even the clubs being rather reluctant to allow them on stage. Which only fueled their belief in their music. They had their small fanbase and really, all it took was one pair of knickers thrown on stage, and their night was complete.
Spike sighed. He still missed his old band members. One had overdosed shortly after the band broke up, one was a rather well-known DJ, and the last one had become a corporate lawyer. He wasn’t really sure whether he found that sad or amusing.
He finally settled on some ratty jeans, a black t-shirt, and his old Docs. He put a silver chain around his neck and wrapped some leather straps around his wrist. Then he determinedly turned around, facing the mirror. A toned down, kiddie-safe version of his old persona met his eyes. He frowned and the rather tame looking man in the mirror frowned back.
“Bloody hell, you’re getting old,” he told himself and plucked at his hair, trying to make it stand up in spikes. It was too long and just fell flat again, mocking him with the dirty-blond roots starting to show at his scalp.
He stood scowling at himself in the mirror for a while and then turned around and marched into the bathroom.
It was time for a change anyway.
---------------
Liam sat in his car, watching the door to the Tequila as his fingers drummed against the steering wheel. He felt nervous, almost enough to start the car and head back home. He wasn’t really sure what it was that had his stomach in such a knot. This wasn’t a gay bar; in fact it was probably the most redneck place in all of LA. Plus the chances of him running into anyone he knew were rather slim. Well, except for Lindsey of course. And Faith. And whoever else Lindsay or Will had invited. Kate maybe.
He suddenly saw himself walking in and coming face to face with the better part of LA’s police department. His hands started sweating.
Ok, so what if he did? Not like he was there on a date. Not really. He was just there to listen to the music. Music… he actually disliked. Something he’d made no secret of in the past, and anyone who knew him would question what the hell he was really doing there. And then see Will and put two and two together and…
His right hand moved to the key, still sitting in the ignition. He didn’t really have to go in. He could just tell Spike…
His fingers slipped off the key, and his hand fell with a small thud on his thigh.
It wouldn’t matter what lie he told Spike, he would know. And he would look at Liam with those sad eyes, filled with disappointment. And that… That would be it.
Liam sucked in air through his nose, letting it slowly fill his lungs before blowing it out again through strained lips. He could do this. He could. Before he could once again change his mind, he ripped the key out of the ignition and got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.
The thick air of stage smoke and alcohol hit him as soon as he stepped through the door. He had no idea what it was like on a regular Saturday, but he had a feeling the place was exceptionally crowded tonight. Denim, and leather and Stetsons filled his vision, and the mere idea of Spike in this environment was enough to make him chuckle nervously.
God, he hoped Spike had the sense to dress appropriately. Not that he was the pink and sparkly spandex type of gay on his worst of days, but something as innocent as an earring or a too tight t-shirt might be enough to set some of these guys off, he was sure.
Liam elbowed his way slowly to the bar, ordering a shot and a beer, before turning to look at the stage. That’s when he realized that the rather sensual singing coming from the speakers wasn’t in fact a recording but the voice of a lone singer, sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage. A faint beam of light hit the guitar, the rest of the stage was rendered almost black in the dim lighting, but if he peered his eyes Liam could make out the rest of the band members, hidden in the shadows. He couldn’t see Spike anywhere, but he was fairly sure the singer was Lindsey.
It was a slow ballad, sad but not too sappy lyrics, and when the last note died out and the lights came back on, the bar broke out in applause and catcalls. The singer raised his head, smirking at the audience from beneath the wide brim of his Stetson, and yeah, that was Lindsey alright. Liam still couldn’t get over his surprise that Lindsey could sing, and not only that, he was rather good to tell the truth. He still wasn’t too hung up on the music but then again, he’d always been more for the classic, as in composers, not rock.
The mellow atmosphere was broken by a series of hard drumming and Liam watched Lindsey kick back the stool as he stood up, grabbing the mic in its stand as he lounged into a rock version of Sweet Home Alabama. The fact that he lost several inches in height by now standing on his own two feet didn’t go unnoticed by Liam, and he grinned as he sipped at his beer. They’d make a nice pair up there, him and Spike. Two Hobbits with guitars.
The smile slipped away as the image went a bit further than he’d intended. That was the thing, they would make a nice pair. They had things in common, like music and singing and… height. And yeah, they also had a lot of differences, like backgrounds and… Well, sexual orientation. But Lindsey wouldn’t be the first one to realize late in his life that he wasn’t quite as straight as he thought. It happened all the time, guys going bi-curious and experimenting. And maybe finding out they liked it a lot better than the tired old straight scene.
What if…?
“Damn, he’s good, right?”
Liam choked on his beer, managing at the last moment to swallow instead of spitting it straight into Faith’s face.
“Man, you alright?” she shouted in his ear, trying to make herself heard over the loud music.
“Yeah,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You just startled me.”
“Sorry,” she said although she looked nothing but. “Spike hasn’t come on yet, if you were wondering.”
He stiffened, searching her face for any trace of mocking but she was watching the stage, a look of wonder in her eyes. He followed her gaze. Lindsey had chucked off his jacket under the hot lights of the stage, and the sleeveless Texas t-shirt he was wearing showed some nicely defined arms and muscular shoulders. He glanced at Faith and grinned when he saw her unconsciously lick her lips, her eyes widening when Lindsey did a little hip-roll. Maybe he wouldn’t have to worry about Lindsey coming after Spike after all.
He finished his beer and downed the shot before ordering another round for the both of them. Faith clinked their bottles together with a grin, and they sat nodding their heads to the music through the rest of the song and the next one as well.
As the last tone of the third song died out, Lindsey put down the guitar to adjust the mic to the stool that was once again brought on stage, along with a second one. Faith grabbed Liam’s arm and started tugging him toward the stage.
“Come on. I wanna see this.”
“What? No, I think…”
But it was too late, she was already dragging him through the crowd, and he only had time to mumble his apologies to the burly cowboys he bumped into on the way before he was suddenly standing less than five feet from the stage, staring up at the guy now sitting next to Lindsey, nervously tuning his guitar.
Holy fucking Christ!
“Fuck, I wish he was bi,” Faith shouted in Liam’s ear, a little too loud considering there was no music to drown her out. “I’d be on that piece of ass so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him.”
Spike’s head shot up, his eyes widening when he saw the two of them so close. Faith blew him a kiss and Liam offered him a curt nod, face burning red. He glanced around nervously but no one was paying them any attention, and when he set his eyes back on Spike, the startled look had been replaced with a wicked smile. He leaned to the side, tapping Lindsey’s shoulder as he said something too low for Liam to catch. Lindsey looked up, eyes first pausing on Liam, and he grinned. Then he caught sight of Faith, and Liam could have sworn the tough cowboy flushed pink even if his smile never faltered. Faith blew him a kiss as well and then wiggled her ass in a little dance that had Lindsey laughing and shaking his head in amusement.
Oh yeah, Liam had nothing to worry about there.
He shifted his attention back to Spike and was startled to find him watching him with what looked like nervous hesitation. The urge to blow him a kiss, just like Faith had done, was so strong that Liam found himself puckering his lips, and he quickly pulled them back, biting them for good measure.
Not that Spike hadn’t looked good before, but holy fucking shit, this was something else.
The black t-shirt fit him perfectly, as well as the tattered jeans, and the soles of his Docs were so thin-worn Liam expected Spike’s socks to show through. On any other guy it would have looked plain but on Spike it was like a goddamn porn show. He had leather straps wrapped around his wrist and a silver chain hanging around his neck, but the biggest shock was the hair. Or rather yet, the lack of it.
Spike’s head was covered in short but even stubble that looked smooth as velvet from where Liam was standing. His fingers ached to run over Spike’s scalp to check if it really was as soft as it looked, and by the look on Spike’s face, he knew exactly what Liam was thinking. He ran his hand hesitantly over his head, swallowing as he gave Liam a questioning look. It took Liam a moment to realize Spike was asking him if he approved or if he thought Spike looked like a complete moron. Liam was tempted to mock him, just for the hell of it, but in that moment he suddenly noticed …
Oh God, Spike’s eyes.
The thin eyeliner was fine enough that no one would notice unless they were looking for it but still strong enough that they emphasized Spike’s eyes in a way that took Liam’s breath away. He was still standing frozen, staring, when Lindsey leaned into the mic, introducing Spike as his ‘very good friend, and yeah, he’s a cop, too,’ and to ‘please give him a warm welcome’ adding, “Don’t mind the accent, not his fault he’s a pansy-ass Brit,” which earned him a slap up the back of his head from Spike.
Faith was practically bouncing by Liam’s side as the first notes of the song started, whooping and laughing with glee. Liam found himself holding his breath, waiting for the singing to start. He hadn’t really heard Spike sing, except for sometimes humming along with whatever was playing on the radio, and he suddenly had this irrational fear that Spike would sound awful, and everyone would laugh at him. After all, being in a punk band was a long way away from this. Did punk singers actually sing? Wasn’t it more… yelling and shouting and stuff?
As if Spike could tell what he was thinking he shot Liam a reassuring grin and then tilted his head and opened his mouth.
Later Liam wasn’t sure if the bar actually went quiet or if his attention was so focused on Spike everything else faded away. But it seemed as if there was only one voice in the smoky establishment, and that was Spike’s, though it was occasionally joined in by Lindsey’s more gritty back-up voice. For some reason he’d thought it would be the other way around, that Spike would be Lindsey’s back up, but this was totally his moment in the spotlight.
Spike kept his eyes lowered, left hand skidding over the guitar’s neck expertly while the fingers of his right plucked at the strings over its body. It was a slow, rather sensual song, not at all what Liam had been expecting. A love song, obviously, and he couldn’t help smiling when it was revealed to be about a girl. Not that he’d really thought Spike stupid enough to sing about some Big Gay Love in a place like this, but it was still rather funny hearing him claim “she’s the one” and “baby girl, you drive me crazy”.
The song ended, and Liam embarrassingly enough found himself applauding like crazy. A quick look around revealed him not to be the only one, so he let loose a few whistles as well, just for the hell of it. Spike blushed and bowed his head in acknowledgement, laughing when Lindsey leaned over and shouted something in his ear that Liam couldn’t hear over the ruckus but looked suspiciously much like, “I told you they’d love you.”
The next song was more rock, a fast and powerful piece of music well suited for dancing and Liam soon found himself pushed this way and that by enthusiastic dancers. He was about to make his escape when Faith grabbed his wrist and snatched him back.
“C’mon, you can’t leave me here!” she shouted. “Dance, baby, dance.”
“No! I don’t…” He huffed when Faith launched herself at him, wrapping her legs around his waist and humping him with one arm slung around his neck, like he was some damn bull. Jesus Christ!
He tried to make some awkward moves, feeling absolutely ridiculous. When he shot Spike a glance, it was met by the biggest grin he’d ever seen. He managed to free one hand long enough to flip Spike the finger which only made Spike grin wider.
He was gonna kill him for this. He really was.
Faith’s feet had finally found the floor again which should have been a relief except now she had her back turned and was grinding her ass up against him, arms high in the air as she got lost in the music. Liam glanced around in panic and caught Lindsey’s eyes, glaring at him with venom.
He was just about to shrug an apology when he remembered the many times he’d felt jealous of Spike spending time with the guy, and so, instead of continuing his struggle to escape, he changed tactics, wrapping one arm around Faith’s waist. She looked back with a grin and he grinned back before grabbing her hand and twisting her around in a twirl.
He hadn’t lied when he said he didn’t dance. That didn’t mean he didn’t know how.
For a moment Lindsey looked ready to jump off the stage and strangle him but then Spike got off the stool and slung one arm around Lindsey’s neck as they launched into the chorus. After a while Lindsey relaxed, especially after Spike pulled him closer and whispered something in his ear between lines. Liam couldn’t help wondering what he’d said. ‘Don’t worry, he’s gay’? He waited for the old panic to surface but for some reason it didn’t. Probably because Spike seemed to trust Lindsey, and Liam was beginning to suspect he could trust Spike when it came to reading people.
By the time the song ended, Liam felt flushed and sweaty. One look at Faith confirmed that she was no better off, but, if the smile on her face was anything to go by, she was having the time of her life. Lindsey announced they were taking a break, and the crowd applauded as the band disappeared off the stage.
“Beer?” Liam asked, and Faith nodded, still trying to catch her breath. They made their way through the crowd to the bar, but it seemed every other person in the place had had the same idea and they found themselves squished by beer thirsty cowboys on all sides. Liam wasn’t a small man but even he had to admit that fighting for drinks with these guys was a lost cause.
“C’mon,” Faith shouted in his ear, “Let’s go backstage. I bet the guys got enough to drink there.”
He tried to protest, but she was already dragging him through the crowd, so he followed her, despite the knot forming in his stomach.
He’d been expecting some kind of security, but this wasn’t really that kind of place, so they made it backstage without any trouble. Faith practically ran through the door and launched herself at Lindsey, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him hard on the mouth.
“Fucking ace, partner, you were amazing!”
Lindsey blushed deep red and mumbled something unintelligible, but he looked pleased as pie as he wrapped his arms around her to hug her back.
One look around the room told Liam Spike wasn’t there, and he was just wondering how to ask where he was, without being too obvious, when Spike came out through a door that led to a small bathroom. He stopped and smiled hesitantly, but then Faith squeed and ran to him, kissing him as well. Only on the cheek though, Liam noticed, and it seemed that Lindsey did as well, because his grin grew even wider.
“You guys, you’re great! I had no idea!” she laughed and grabbed the beer Lindsey offered her. “Next time the radio is a bust I’ll make you sing in the car, mister.”
“Yeah, yeah. Better me than you, sweetheart,” Lindsey said with a grin, grunting when she slugged his arm hard. “I’m kidding! Jeez.”
“So… you like it?”
Liam turned to find Spike standing close, sipping a beer, eyes studying him. He would have looked like he didn’t give a damn what Liam thought, if it wasn’t for the tiny twitch at his scarred eyebrow and the way one nail kept plucking at the label.
Liam shrugged, smirking. “I guess it was alright. For country.”
“Shut up.” But a smile appeared as Spike blew out a breath he probably hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “You looked like you were enjoying yourself well enough, pet. Some moves you’ve got there.”
This time Liam was the one blushing. “Blame your psycho friend over there. She practically molested me on the dance floor.”
“Hey!”
Another blow, hitting Liam’s arm this time, and he grimaced. She had a kickass punch, that girl.
“Don’t try and claim you didn’t like it, buster. Bet you haven’t had so much fun in ages,” she said before turning back to Lindsey, totally missing the way Liam’s face fell. It was true, last time he went out dancing…
“Here.” A bottle of beer was thrust into his hand, and when he looked up Spike was watching him with a sympathetic smile. “Have one on me.”
“I thought the bar paid for those.”
Spike grinned. “Yeah, but I could drink the lot myself. Of course, if you don’t want it…”
He laughed as Liam took a large swig.
“So, you going back on stage, or are you done?”
“One more song, if the band gets called back up after the final number,” Spike replied, face solemn again. “Well, that was the plan. I’m still not sure…”
“Don’t,” Lindsey interrupted. “It will be fine, man. Stop worrying.”
“So you keep saying but…”
“Dude, relax. You’re just backing me up anyway. If there’s any trouble it will be on me.”
Liam frowned. “Why would there be trouble?”
“It’s -” Lindsey started but Spike shot him a glare, and he cut himself off. “Just something we haven’t sung before. That’s all.”
Liam opened his mouth to ask further, but just then some girl he’d remembered seeing behind the bar popped her head in and said people were getting restless, could they please get their asses back on stage?
“Sure, sweetheart,” Lindsey drawled and finished the rest of his beer before standing up. His eyes had a slightly glassy shine, and Liam wondered how many beers he’d chugged already. “You guys wanna wait here or…?”
“Hell no. I wanna dance,” Faith said and downed her beer as well, before grabbing Liam’s hand. “Come on.”
“But…” He’d actually much rather stay behind, especially since Spike wouldn’t be going on stage again for at least half an hour. But it would take a stronger man than him to refuse Faith once she was in a mood.
They were just slipping through the door when Lindsey called Faith’s name and when she turned around, he grabbed her arm and pulled her close, kissing her hard on the mouth. For a second she froze in shock, and then she was kissing him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. When they finally pulled apart, she was panting and looking rather dazed.
“Just making sure you know what’s what,” Lindsey said and licked his lips. “Ok?”
She nodded, grinning happily, her eyes following him as he stalked toward the stage with the guitar gripped hard in his hand.
‘What was that about?’ Liam mouthed at Spike, but Spike just smiled and shook his head, and then Faith was once again dragging Liam to the dance floor. The last he saw of Spike he was swallowing down the rest of his beer and grabbing another one, looking increasingly ill at ease. Then the door shut between them.
The next half an hour Liam tried his best to keep up with Faith’s rather enthusiastic dancing. Seemed now Lindsey had finally made his intentions clear, she was determined to show all her sexy moves, and Liam, as her designated dance partner, had to endure more groping and rubbing than he’d ever been privileged to receive from a woman. The fact that she didn’t seem worried at all what he might think of her advances, made him wonder if maybe she knew.
And maybe it was the beer talking, but again, to his surprise, he found himself not panicking at the thought. In fact he felt relieved, that she probably had known for a while, and she didn’t even care. He was starting to get what Spike had meant, that people knowing liberated him from the constant fear of them finding out. After all, Gunn and Fred were the only people he felt totally at ease with. Maybe it would be alright if a few people knew. Like Faith and Lindsey. If he could choose who to have on his side, those two would be there. Maybe not the biggest and strongest people he knew, but from what Spike had showed him, they were loyal, and they wouldn’t let anyone fuck with their friends.
He was sweaty and tired, and his feet had started to hurt like hell, so when Lindsey bid goodnight on behalf of the band, Liam breathed out in relief. But it soon became obvious that the crowd was far from ready to let them go and after a couple of minutes of constant applause and whistling they came back on stage, this time with Spike in tow. He looked nervous, his eyes shifting until they settled on Liam in the crowd, gazing at him with what seemed like pleading.
Liam frowned in confusion. Was Spike asking him to save him from having to sing? Or was it something else? But why…?
The drums started tapping, then the guitar and bass joined in, and whatever had been worrying Spike seemed to disappear as the music got into full swing. It wasn’t anything Liam recognized but then again, he wasn’t very familiar with country music. Lindsey started singing, the lyrics the kind Liam would have expected. Something about walking into a bar and drinking and being a typical redneck cowboy. Lindsey gave Spike a huge grin, looped one arm around his neck and then they started in on the chorus together, like a couple of drunken buddies. Damn they were good, Liam thought. Really damn goo-
“…And I ride into the city. I make a lot of noise ‘cause the boys they are so pretty…”
Liam froze.
Few people seemed to have picked up on the lyrics but as the song progressed, more and more stopped dancing and stared up at the stage with an odd expression. Someone booed while others stalked off the dance floor, faces grim.
Liam was starting to panic when he realized that the number of people protesting, versus the number of people who either just shrugged or laughed and continued dancing, was hardly noticeable.
“I can’t believe it! This is so cool!” Faith shouted in his ear before sticking two fingers in her mouth and wolf whistling loud enough to carry above the music. Lindsey looked up with a grin and blew her a kiss when she raised her hand in a ‘rock-on’ gesture.
Liam stared at her in disbelief. Then he looked around at the crowd that was enthusiastically dancing along, the few protesters having either been shoved off the dance floor or just left on their own accord. He felt dizzy. What the hell was happening?
“And the boys say ‘Save a horse, ride a cowboy’…”
The guy on Lindsey’s left threw himself into an enthusiastic harmonica solo that had both Lindsey and Spike doubling over in laughter. They clung to each other, seeming intoxicated with exhilaration as much as alcohol. Lindsey lay a hand on Spike’s stomach to steady him as he swayed slightly. They both looked so happy, so carefree, that jealousy shot through Liam, hot and fierce like fire. He knew there was nothing between them, seeing Lindsey with Faith had put all those fears behind him, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to push Lindsey aside and…
It hit him then, what he was really jealous of. Not Spike and Lindsey together as lovers, but as friends. Just being able to be there, on stage, not caring who the hell saw them, laughing, and singing and hugging each other as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He’d never had that, not with Gunn or any of the guys, and certainly not with Billy, who he’d made sure to touch as little as possible in public. He never hugged people, not even his friends, not even as a joke. Always afraid someone would see through him, that they’d know. He touched people stiffly, shaking their hands like they were contagious and kept his distance, making sure he didn’t bump into people more than he could help. This easy companionable display in front of him… he’d never had that. Ever.
Faith was talking to him, shouting something gleefully in his ear but he wasn’t listening. His eyes were fixated on Spike and Lindsey, singing with increased fervor as the song wore on. He suddenly felt an urgent need to cry, tears stinging his eyes, the lump in his throat growing with every breath. In all his life, he’d never felt so alone.
Someone was tugging at his arm, and he glanced down to find Faith looking up at him with soft eyes. She snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a quick kiss on the cheek, then whispered in his ear, “It’s alright, Liam. Ok? Stop worrying.”
He stared at her in confusion when she let go of him, stroking his cheek with her fingers as she gave him a big smile before turning back towards the stage, bouncing on her feet and whooping her approval. Liam looked up and caught Spike watching him, singing and grinning happily, and Liam managed to grin back. Whatever he was thinking and feeling, it would have to wait. This was neither the time nor place.
The song was drawing to a close, chorus repeated with gusto, until they ended with a howl and then stood panting as the place went wild. Liam found himself applauding with the rest, his palms stinging, and his face breaking into a genuine grin at the look of happy surprise on Spike’s face. Lindsey’s arm was still slung around Spike’s neck and when Spike turned his head to shout something in Lindsey’s ear he was met with a pair of lips instead as Lindsey pulled him in and kissed him hard. Spike seemed to freeze for a moment and then he kissed him back, sliding his hands up to Lindsey’s neck and tangling his fingers in the long hair. For a few seconds they just stood like that, locked together tight as the noise of applause and cheering got even louder. Then they pulled apart, and Spike started laughing, punching Lindsey on the arm and shaking his head in amusement. Lindsey grinned and then scrunched up his face, smacking his lips.
Liam stood still, blinking in shock. He had a feeling he was missing some sort of joke. The kiss didn’t seem planned, not on Spike’s part anyway, and whatever it might have turned into under any other circumstances, it wouldn’t now, judging from their reactions. Honestly, he didn’t know how he felt about the whole thing. The guys bid their farewell and left the stage among bouts of laughter and a shower of wolf whistles, and, before Liam had time to think what to do, Faith grabbed his hand and dragged him backstage.
He searched her face for any hint of anger, but she was still grinning happily, shaking her head slightly in amusement. Her cheeks were flushed, and he could feel her heartbeat, fast and steady in her fingers, where they grasped at his wrist. They finally managed to cut through the crowd of people leaving the premises and slip through the door. Liam suddenly wanted to dig his heels in and stop her from pulling him into the small room again. What if it hadn’t been a joke? What if they walked in on them now, kissing, or something worse?
But Faith had already pushed the door open and let go of Liam’s hand as she stalked across the room and right up to Lindsey, where he was sitting on a small table, cooling his forehead against the cold glassy surface of a beer bottle.
“So, you kiss every pretty thing you see,’ she asked, “or is this a special night?”
Lindsey at least had the decency to blush. “Just making good on a deal,” he said. He turned his head to look at Spike, who stood leaning against the wall, looking flushed and a little dazed as if he was still coming down from the high. “Pucker up, pretty boy.”
Spike blinked, the words clearly catching him off guard. “What, now?”
Lindsey smirked. “You chickening out on me?”
“Like hell I am,” Spike said, sounding indignant, but his eyes kept flickering to Liam and he looked anything but comfortable. “So I just go out there and what? Snog the next bird I see?”
Liam’s eyes bugged out of his head. He was about to ask what the fuck was going on, and since when did Spike make out with girls, but before he had the chance to open his mouth and reveal his stupidity, Faith thankfully saved him.
“That’s what that was?” She cuffed Lindsey over the head, non-too lightly either, and then crossed the room until she was standing in front of Spike, eyeing him up. “Well, come on then.”
“Wha-what?” Spike stammered. Liam was so used to Spike always being so damn calm, so in control all the time, that he couldn’t help smirking at how flustered Faith was making him. Right up until the moment he realized what exactly was making Spike so nervous, and by the time he did, it was too late.
The kiss between Faith and Lindsey had been hard and deep and passionate. Her kiss with Spike was soft and slow and sweet. The kind of kiss that happens between fresh-faced teenagers, between tired new parents, between friends that love as much as they lust. The kind of kiss Liam remembered from coming home after a shift, tired and weary and smelling like a dead child’s burnt skin. The kind where they’d just hold on for the longest time, pulling strength from each other’s warmth then slowly kiss their way to the kind of heat that doesn’t come from just lust but love, from knowing the other person will always be there for exactly that.
The memory cut him so deep he had to steady himself on the wall. He was still trying to get his breath back when Faith pulled back, flushed and smiling, her hand coming up to flutter at her chest.
“Hot damn,” she breathed out, fanning herself, before turning to Lindsey with a raised eyebrow, licking her lips. “No wonder you turned gay.”
“I’ll show you gay,” Lindsey growled and pulled her into his arms. Her thrilled squeak got cut off as he captured her mouth with his, kissing her hard. Suddenly they were making out like teenagers, the rest of the room clearly having evaporated from their minds.
Liam looked away, awkward, his gaze coming to a halt as it met Spike’s. The blue eyes were dark, intense. Liam felt hot all of a sudden, the slight buzz he was feeling, and the live porn scene in front of them not helping one bit.
“You wanna get out of here?” Spike’s words were casual, the tone even, careful to betray nothing in the others’ company.
Liam swallowed. “Yeah, I… Yeah. Sure. I’ve got the truck out front.”
Spike nodded, grabbed a leather duster draped over a chair and put it on before heading for the door. Liam blinked. Jesus. With the haircut and the eyeliner and now the damn leather… Liam’s knees felt weak. “Hold on,” he stammered, trying to get his breath back.
Spike stopped, then turned with a resigned look on his face, his shoulders squaring, as if he was steeling himself for being told they should sneak out the back door so no one would see them leave together. And it hit Liam that this was what Spike thought it was going to be like from now on, every time they went anywhere together. That he would be shoved into the shadows, be told to hide from their friends, their colleges. He could see Spike pulling mentally away, could see him bracing himself for the rejection.
So he pulled Spike in and kissed him.
---------------
It wasn’t until the moment Liam kissed him that Spike realized how far he’d regressed these last few weeks, from the man he’d fought all his life to be. Liam’s fear had infiltrated his own system to the point that his first instinct was to jerk back, shocked and frightened that they’d get caught. But it was Liam that tightened his hold, Liam who pulled Spike closer, Liam who deepened the kiss, until Spike felt dizzy with it.
When he finally let go, Spike was feeling lightheaded and, from the way Liam was swaying, he didn’t seem much better off. He rested his forehead against Spike’s, their breath ghosting over each other’s lips. Spike’s heart kept hammering in his chest. What now?
Finally, Liam took an unsteady breath and asked, “Okay?”
Spike sighed with relief. He looked up and smiled. “Yeah. You wanna get out of here, luv?”
They turned their heads in sync, like they’d both remembered at the same moment that they were not alone in the room, only to realize that they were. Faith and Lindsey must have slipped past them while they were otherwise… occupied. Spike blushed, and a quick glance at Liam confirmed he’d had the same exact thought. Guess he was out now. At least to the people who mattered.
They walked through the club, close but not holding hands. Liam didn’t offer and Spike figured he’d better not push his luck. He’d forgotten he had practically no hair to keep his head warm anymore and, as they stepped out into the street, the cool night air caressed his sheared scalp, making him shiver. He hunched his shoulders, wrapping the leather duster tighter around himself. He wasn’t really sure it went with the new look, but some habits die hard, and in the old days he’d always fancied it brought him luck, wearing it on the night of a gig. Maybe he should get himself a leather jacket instead. Not quite as dramatic.
Once in the truck, Liam didn’t start the car, just kept fingering the keychain, a four-leaf clover Spike figured was some sort of throwback to his Irish roots. Liam kept staring out into the night, looking a million miles away. The minutes ticked by.
“I can take a taxi,” Spike finally said.
Liam jerked awake and looked over, blinking, like he’d forgotten Spike was there. Spike didn’t know whether to be concerned or insulted.
“Taxi,” he repeated. “If you’d rather. It’s alright.”
It was. After all, the plan had been to take baby steps, work towards acceptance and building trust. Instead Liam had jumped out of the closet and kissed him in front of their friends. If he needed time to process, Spike couldn’t blame him.
“No.” Liam shook his head. “Sorry. I was just…” He stopped, clearing his throat. “Honesty, right? That’s what we’re going for?”
“Yeah,” Spike said slowly. Once again he was struck by how little they actually knew each other. For instance, he couldn’t even guess what Liam was thinking right now. Why he was looking so unsure.
“I felt jealous. Earlier, when you were singing. You and Lindsey.”
Spike sighed. “Liam…”
“No, I don’t mean…” Liam turned his head to look Spike in the eyes. “That’s not why I kissed you, just so we’re clear.” He looked away again, licking his lips nervously. “I didn’t feel jealous of him kissing you. I get it, it was a show, a challenge. Even if he looked to be a little too much into it…” Liam pressed his lips together. “Sorry. What I’m trying to say…” He visibly swallowed. “I felt jealous because he’s your friend, and he touched you. He had his arm around your shoulders, his hand on your stomach. And I just…” Liam ran a palm over his face and sighed.
“Liam,” Spike said, gently palming his knee. “We’re just mates.”
“I know!” Liam said, sounding frustrated. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’re mates, friends. I mean, I have friends. I have Gunn and, and you. But I could never… I’ve never been able to do that. To be close like that, because what if…” He stopped. His hand was trembling.
“What if someone thought it was something more,” Spike finished, finally realizing what Liam was getting at. “What if someone saw you hug a bloke, and decided you were a big fat homo.”
“I’m sorry. Shit. It’s fucking pathetic.”
“No, it’s not. But it’s sad.” Spike took Liam’s hand, pulling it away from his face. “And I’m sorry. For your loneliness.”
Liam snorted. “I’m okay. I mean, no, obviously I’m a fucking mess, but you knew that.” He sighed. “I just wanted you to know… if I ever look like I wanna punch any of your friends, that’s probably why. Unless they’re being assholes, then they damn well deserve whatever they get.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Spike smiled and squeezed his hand. “For what it’s worth, I’m bloody proud of you.”
Liam frowned at him. “For what?”
“You just kissed me. In front of our mates. Who didn’t know. Guessed, maybe. Probably. But still, you bloody well snogged me, right in front of them. That’s a big step if I ever saw one.”
Liam blushed. “I just… I wanted to. I know we were gonna take it slow, still are, I guess, but I wanted, I needed to kiss you. Because… because you didn’t expect me to. And you damn well should, you know. If we’re gonna do this, you should expect to be kissed and not just behind locked doors. That’s all.”
Spike stared at him. “Bloody hell, pet. I’ve never wanted you more than right now. If we weren’t taking it slow, I’d slip your zipper down and blow you right here, in the middle of the bloody street.”
Liam’s eyes darkened. “If we weren’t taking it slow, I’d damn well let you.”
They stared at each other, leaning slowly in, until Spike took a deep breath and pulled back. “As much as I’d love to say fuck slow and just get on with it, I really don’t wanna mess this up, pet. Again.”
Liam drew back as well. “Yeah. Right. You’re right. Doesn’t mean I don’t really wanna fuck you right now. Like so, so bad.” He groaned.
“Yeah, you’re not alone there.” Spike shifted in his seat. His jeans were tight to begin with, now they felt about as comfortable as a fucking chastity belt.
Liam sighed. He gave Spike a small smile, seeming to study him. Spike was about to ask if he had something in his teeth when Liam reached over and ran his palm over Spike’s head. Spike shivered. If he’d been a cat, he was pretty sure he’d purr.
“You like it?” he asked. Liam answered the question by pulling him across the seat. They kissed until the windows started to steam up, and Spike was quickly losing control, getting close to pulling Liam’s zipper down anyway and giving him head, right there, plans and rules be damned.
Liam suddenly let him go, sitting back and breathing heavily. “Fuck. See, I’m trying to do the right thing and focus on our friendship, and then you go ahead and shave your fucking head and wear… that! Jesus!”
Spike smirked. “Not my fault you have a kink. Bald guys in leather, that your thing?”
Liam rolled his eyes. “You’re my thing. The leather is just… bonus.”
Spike snorted, feeling ridiculously pleased. “Yeah?”
“Definitely.” Liam drew a deep breath. “So, what now? I mean, I’ll drive you home right now, but tomorrow? And so on. I was thinking maybe we could go out. On a proper date. Dinner.” He swallowed. “Somewhere public.”
“We can take it more slowly. Coffee, drinks, slow walks on the beach.” Spike grinned when Liam’s face twitched. “Ballroom dancing, day at the spa, opera…”
“Oh fuck you,” Liam huffed, finally catching on.
“That would be the final goal, yeah.”
“Jesus.” Liam started the truck and put it in gear. “I’m taking you out to dinner. You wanna wear a dress and run barefoot on the beach, go ahead. After I drop you off back home, that is.”
Spike laughed. “Whatever you say, luv. Although I’d look bloody fabulous in a dress, I’ll have you know.”
“Funny.” But Spike caught Liam glancing quickly over, like he was picturing Spike in a tight little strap dress and liking the idea more than he wanted to admit. Something to file away for later, Spike thought with a grin.
They drove to Spike’s place in silence, apart from Spike giving Liam the occasional direction. It was dark, and the streets were more or less deserted, the clock already a quarter past midnight. Liam parked outside the apartment building, and they sat silent for a moment. Spike finally took a deep breath and reached for the door. “I’d give you a good night kiss,” he said, “but I’m thinking it might be a bit too much at the moment.”
Liam shifted in his seat. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“I’ll give you a ring tomorrow, yeah? See how the planning is going for that date.” He gave Liam a grin. “Night.”
He could feel Liam’s gaze following him to the door, but he didn’t look back, just unlocked the door and slipped inside. Then hurried up the stairs to his apartment before he had an unfortunate accident in the stairwell. They might be taking it slow, but his hand was gonna make a damn quick job of it as soon as he was safe behind locked doors.
---------------
“So,” Lindsey said where they stood leaning against his and Faith’s squad car outside Denny’s, waiting for Faith and Kate, who were picking up their morning coffees and bagels. Spike didn’t have to look over to know there was a grin on his friend’s face. “You and Liam? Just friends?”
Spike could feel his face heat up. “Sod off.”
“It’s just that your lips were sorta close together for just friends.”
“Says the bloke who had his tongue down my bloody throat last Saturday!” Spike shot back, smirking when Lindsey’s ears turned red.
“Well, you know you’re just so damn purty,” Lindsey leered. “Once I got your sweet lips, darling, I just couldn’t help myself. Not that I heard any complaints,” he added. “Got a bit carried away, did ya?”
Spike shrugged. “You’re a bloody good kisser. Might want to reconsider your straight card.” He looked over when Lindsey shifted awkwardly beside him. “No… Really? Bloody hell.”
“Shut up. Not saying I’m … Just … It wasn’t bad, okay? It was … I … Thank Christ, the girls are back!”
Lindsey pushed off of the car, but Spike noticed he didn’t hurry to put distance between them, if anything he moved slightly closer. Like he wanted Spike to know that whatever sexual crisis he might be having it didn’t change anything between them. “Please tell me you didn’t get onions, baby,” he said, eyeing Faith’s bagel with disgust, “or I might just have to swap you with Spike.”
“Again?” Faith said, raising one eyebrow.
“As partners!” Faith tilted her head and Lindsey sputtered, “Job partners! Stop it with that look, woman! And give me that!” He made grabby hands for Faith’s bagel as she danced away from him, giggling and telling him he’d take away her onions over her dead body. “You’re not stinking up the car again!”
“Any idea what that was all about?” Kate asked Spike as she handed him his order.
“We swing on weekends. Keeps their love life spicy,” Spike quipped, almost spitting out his coffee when she frowned and said, “Oh, I thought they just started seeing each other?”
Kate looked so confused that for a moment he considered running with it. Especially as Lindsey possibly sleeping with him apparently didn’t surprise her in the least. Again, as he’d done on and off since that night, his mind started wandering, wondering what it would be like. The kiss had been … and with Lindsey’s hot and sweaty body pressing against his own....
It was Spike’s turn to shift slightly on his feet as his uniform suddenly felt a bit too tight in certain areas. Especially when he thought about Liam in the audience, watching them …
Spike cleared his throat. “I’m just taking the piss, Kate. Joking. I’m joking,” he clarified when she scrunched up her nose. “I’ve no bloody clue what they’re on about.”
They stood sipping their coffees and enjoying their breakfast in the sun while Lindsey and Faith made up, rather enthusiastically. “Your coffee’s getting cold,” Spike finally shouted when, judging by their increased use of tongue, it looked like they’d totally forgotten they were in a public place. Lindsey pulled away, looking embarrassed, but Faith just grinned and slapped his butt the minute he turned his back on her.
“You know you’re gonna have to get new partners,” Kate pointed out. “I’m not gonna tell,” she hastened to add when Lindsey scowled at her. “It’s just that you just made out in front of Denny’s. And, you know, the captain really likes his waffles.” She jerked her thumb discreetly toward the window, which clear glass did nothing to conceal the rather sourly looking bald man staring daggers at them.
“Shit!” Lindsey ran his hands through his hair and straightened his clothes, like that would actually make a difference, but Faith just shrugged.
“I figured we would. I have the request written and ready. What? Like I haven’t been planning this for a while.”
“You planned me kissing you?” Lindsey scoffed.
“Honey, did you not see me dancing that night? Plus, I kissed you first. Just a small one but still. After flirting with you for months, I figured if that didn’t do the trick, nothing would.”
“Oh.”
Lindsey looked so shocked Spike burst out laughing. “To think you could have made your move months ago, mate. He was scared, luv,” he told Faith. “Thought you might kick his tiny arse.”
“Thought you liked my ass,” Lindsey shot back.
“Well, yeah. That’s why I’m making sure she takes good care of it.”
“Are they flirting?” Kate asked Faith, looking confused again. “It feels like they’re flirting.”
“Nah,” Spike said at the same time as Lindsey answered, “Always,” and Faith rolled her eyes and said, “Think they’re already dating.”
“You people are really strange,” Kate said, draining her cup and gathering their trash to throw away. “You coming?”
“Yeah.” He waited until she was in the car before looking over at Lindsey. “We’ll talk, yeah?”
Lindsey nodded, his ears turning red again. “Sure. Yeah. Thanks.”
Spike grinned. “My pleasure. Literally.” Then ducked into the car before Lindsey could punch him.
They’d been driving for a while when Kate cleared her throat. “You okay?”
Spike looked at her with a frown. “Yeah? Why?”
“Thought maybe you and McDonald …” She shrugged. “Just seemed like you were getting close. Always knew he had the hots for his partner but didn’t really expect it to happen. But you and him …”
“He’s not gay,” Spike pointed out, subtly avoiding that Lindsey possibly wasn’t so straight either, according to latest developments.
“He doesn’t have to be. There is such a thing as bisexuality, you know.” She shot him a look then pushed up her watch, revealing a tiny pink, blue and purple heart tattoo on the inside of her wrist. “Not all queers wear rainbows.” She grinned at the shocked look on his face. “Bigot.”
“Hey!” But she did have a point. He did tend to look at people as either gay or straight. He really should get out more. Hit a queer bar or two. Get to know the people in his community. “You never said,” he said, voice soft.
She blushed. “You never asked.”
“Not a thing you ask about, pet, unless you want your head smashed in. Been there, done that, not looking to repeat the bloody experience. More times than necessary,” he added, more to himself, but when she glanced his way he shrugged and said, “Sometimes you need to ask.”
She nodded. “Better before than after you stick your tongue down their throat.” She wrinkled her nose, as if at a bad memory, before glancing back at Spike. “So, you really okay or just putting on a brave face?”
“I’m alright. Really,” he assured her when she looked dubious. “I was never… no. He’s been …” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “He’s a good friend. That’s all. I mean, that’s all I want from him.”
She nodded. “So, how did it go this weekend? I swear I was gonna come, I was just so damn tired I fell asleep on the couch and the next thing I know it’s four o’clock in the morning and my neck is bent to hell. Anyone we know show up? Apart from Faith.”
“It was good. Fun. People seemed to like it anyway.” Spike hesitated. He didn’t want to lie but he didn’t want to point directly at Liam either. “Think there might have been some blokes from the fire department. I saw Liam.”
“Yeah? That’s good. He needs to lighten up a little. Go out, meet a girl, get laid.”
Spike bit his lip. “Yeah.”
They fell into silence. After a while Kate cleared her throat again. “Or guy.”
Spike froze. Shit.
“I mean,” she continued, “I’ve known him for years, and as far as I know he’s never had a girlfriend. And there is… Well, he’s never exactly been the life of the party but ever since his friend died, that guy I told you about, the one you remind me of, he’s pretty much been a hermit. Makes a girl wonder.” She shot Spike a sideway glance. “Heard you two met up last week.”
Spike swallowed. “He saved my life,” he said, willing his voice to be steady. “Figure I owe him at least a few drinks.”
She nodded. “Right. Yeah. Just, you know, be careful.”
“Why? He a bad drunk?” Like he didn’t know already.
“No idea, but he’s damn grumpy sober. But that’s not what I meant.” She glanced over again. “I don’t know what his relationship was with Billy, but it can’t have been a good one. Considering what happened. Would hate to see that happen to you. If that’s what it was. If that’s what you’re hoping for.”
“Don’t worry, Not hoping for anything. It’s just drinks.” Spike turned his head and stared out the window. Fuck, he hated lying.
“Okay. Sorry. Just looking out for you.” She was silent for a while then said, “Maybe you can partner with McDonald. After I transfer.”
Spike shrugged. He still wasn’t sure Lindsey had been joking about not wanting to, no matter how much he’d apologized.
She sighed. “It was just a thought.”
They fell into silence. When a call finally came through, they were both grateful for the distraction.
Continued here.
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike, Lindsey/Faith, Lindsey/Spike(sort of)
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 9291 words this part
Author's note: Finally! Only took me 16 years but here it is! And no more waiting, I'm done! Also available on AO3.
Continued from here.
Spike pulled on another t-shirt and glared at himself in the mirror before ripping it off again, throwing it on the bed in frustration. This was stupid. He didn’t know why he was being such a pansy. What did it matter what he wore anyway? He should just pick something and stop worrying what other people might think. Considering the kind of music they’d be playing, he very much doubted the fashion police was gonna show up to judge him.
Thing was, he hadn’t been on stage since his punk days, and this wasn’t that kind of gig. Hell, it was as far from it as it could be. His old band mates would think he was taking the piss if they knew what he was doing. Country, even the rockier kind, was pretty much in the same class as disco as far as they were concerned. Only a few weeks ago he would have agreed with them, and he blamed it entirely on Lindsey that the music was growing on him. Some of the songs were actually pretty good, and he’d found himself humming them at all hours, then groaning when he realized what he was doing.
Throwing open the doors to his closet once again Spike stared into it. He needed something that would make him feel comfortable, like himself, and still not too much out of place in a crowd of cowboys. He’d never realized how much the whole punk get-up had helped boosting his confidence. Leather and chains, spiked hair and eyeliner, and suddenly he wasn’t William anymore. He was Spike, singer of Hard as Nails, the coolest fucking punk band in England. Or so they’d repeatedly told themselves despite no record company wanting to sign them up, and even the clubs being rather reluctant to allow them on stage. Which only fueled their belief in their music. They had their small fanbase and really, all it took was one pair of knickers thrown on stage, and their night was complete.
Spike sighed. He still missed his old band members. One had overdosed shortly after the band broke up, one was a rather well-known DJ, and the last one had become a corporate lawyer. He wasn’t really sure whether he found that sad or amusing.
He finally settled on some ratty jeans, a black t-shirt, and his old Docs. He put a silver chain around his neck and wrapped some leather straps around his wrist. Then he determinedly turned around, facing the mirror. A toned down, kiddie-safe version of his old persona met his eyes. He frowned and the rather tame looking man in the mirror frowned back.
“Bloody hell, you’re getting old,” he told himself and plucked at his hair, trying to make it stand up in spikes. It was too long and just fell flat again, mocking him with the dirty-blond roots starting to show at his scalp.
He stood scowling at himself in the mirror for a while and then turned around and marched into the bathroom.
It was time for a change anyway.
---------------
Liam sat in his car, watching the door to the Tequila as his fingers drummed against the steering wheel. He felt nervous, almost enough to start the car and head back home. He wasn’t really sure what it was that had his stomach in such a knot. This wasn’t a gay bar; in fact it was probably the most redneck place in all of LA. Plus the chances of him running into anyone he knew were rather slim. Well, except for Lindsey of course. And Faith. And whoever else Lindsay or Will had invited. Kate maybe.
He suddenly saw himself walking in and coming face to face with the better part of LA’s police department. His hands started sweating.
Ok, so what if he did? Not like he was there on a date. Not really. He was just there to listen to the music. Music… he actually disliked. Something he’d made no secret of in the past, and anyone who knew him would question what the hell he was really doing there. And then see Will and put two and two together and…
His right hand moved to the key, still sitting in the ignition. He didn’t really have to go in. He could just tell Spike…
His fingers slipped off the key, and his hand fell with a small thud on his thigh.
It wouldn’t matter what lie he told Spike, he would know. And he would look at Liam with those sad eyes, filled with disappointment. And that… That would be it.
Liam sucked in air through his nose, letting it slowly fill his lungs before blowing it out again through strained lips. He could do this. He could. Before he could once again change his mind, he ripped the key out of the ignition and got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.
The thick air of stage smoke and alcohol hit him as soon as he stepped through the door. He had no idea what it was like on a regular Saturday, but he had a feeling the place was exceptionally crowded tonight. Denim, and leather and Stetsons filled his vision, and the mere idea of Spike in this environment was enough to make him chuckle nervously.
God, he hoped Spike had the sense to dress appropriately. Not that he was the pink and sparkly spandex type of gay on his worst of days, but something as innocent as an earring or a too tight t-shirt might be enough to set some of these guys off, he was sure.
Liam elbowed his way slowly to the bar, ordering a shot and a beer, before turning to look at the stage. That’s when he realized that the rather sensual singing coming from the speakers wasn’t in fact a recording but the voice of a lone singer, sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage. A faint beam of light hit the guitar, the rest of the stage was rendered almost black in the dim lighting, but if he peered his eyes Liam could make out the rest of the band members, hidden in the shadows. He couldn’t see Spike anywhere, but he was fairly sure the singer was Lindsey.
It was a slow ballad, sad but not too sappy lyrics, and when the last note died out and the lights came back on, the bar broke out in applause and catcalls. The singer raised his head, smirking at the audience from beneath the wide brim of his Stetson, and yeah, that was Lindsey alright. Liam still couldn’t get over his surprise that Lindsey could sing, and not only that, he was rather good to tell the truth. He still wasn’t too hung up on the music but then again, he’d always been more for the classic, as in composers, not rock.
The mellow atmosphere was broken by a series of hard drumming and Liam watched Lindsey kick back the stool as he stood up, grabbing the mic in its stand as he lounged into a rock version of Sweet Home Alabama. The fact that he lost several inches in height by now standing on his own two feet didn’t go unnoticed by Liam, and he grinned as he sipped at his beer. They’d make a nice pair up there, him and Spike. Two Hobbits with guitars.
The smile slipped away as the image went a bit further than he’d intended. That was the thing, they would make a nice pair. They had things in common, like music and singing and… height. And yeah, they also had a lot of differences, like backgrounds and… Well, sexual orientation. But Lindsey wouldn’t be the first one to realize late in his life that he wasn’t quite as straight as he thought. It happened all the time, guys going bi-curious and experimenting. And maybe finding out they liked it a lot better than the tired old straight scene.
What if…?
“Damn, he’s good, right?”
Liam choked on his beer, managing at the last moment to swallow instead of spitting it straight into Faith’s face.
“Man, you alright?” she shouted in his ear, trying to make herself heard over the loud music.
“Yeah,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You just startled me.”
“Sorry,” she said although she looked nothing but. “Spike hasn’t come on yet, if you were wondering.”
He stiffened, searching her face for any trace of mocking but she was watching the stage, a look of wonder in her eyes. He followed her gaze. Lindsey had chucked off his jacket under the hot lights of the stage, and the sleeveless Texas t-shirt he was wearing showed some nicely defined arms and muscular shoulders. He glanced at Faith and grinned when he saw her unconsciously lick her lips, her eyes widening when Lindsey did a little hip-roll. Maybe he wouldn’t have to worry about Lindsey coming after Spike after all.
He finished his beer and downed the shot before ordering another round for the both of them. Faith clinked their bottles together with a grin, and they sat nodding their heads to the music through the rest of the song and the next one as well.
As the last tone of the third song died out, Lindsey put down the guitar to adjust the mic to the stool that was once again brought on stage, along with a second one. Faith grabbed Liam’s arm and started tugging him toward the stage.
“Come on. I wanna see this.”
“What? No, I think…”
But it was too late, she was already dragging him through the crowd, and he only had time to mumble his apologies to the burly cowboys he bumped into on the way before he was suddenly standing less than five feet from the stage, staring up at the guy now sitting next to Lindsey, nervously tuning his guitar.
Holy fucking Christ!
“Fuck, I wish he was bi,” Faith shouted in Liam’s ear, a little too loud considering there was no music to drown her out. “I’d be on that piece of ass so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him.”
Spike’s head shot up, his eyes widening when he saw the two of them so close. Faith blew him a kiss and Liam offered him a curt nod, face burning red. He glanced around nervously but no one was paying them any attention, and when he set his eyes back on Spike, the startled look had been replaced with a wicked smile. He leaned to the side, tapping Lindsey’s shoulder as he said something too low for Liam to catch. Lindsey looked up, eyes first pausing on Liam, and he grinned. Then he caught sight of Faith, and Liam could have sworn the tough cowboy flushed pink even if his smile never faltered. Faith blew him a kiss as well and then wiggled her ass in a little dance that had Lindsey laughing and shaking his head in amusement.
Oh yeah, Liam had nothing to worry about there.
He shifted his attention back to Spike and was startled to find him watching him with what looked like nervous hesitation. The urge to blow him a kiss, just like Faith had done, was so strong that Liam found himself puckering his lips, and he quickly pulled them back, biting them for good measure.
Not that Spike hadn’t looked good before, but holy fucking shit, this was something else.
The black t-shirt fit him perfectly, as well as the tattered jeans, and the soles of his Docs were so thin-worn Liam expected Spike’s socks to show through. On any other guy it would have looked plain but on Spike it was like a goddamn porn show. He had leather straps wrapped around his wrist and a silver chain hanging around his neck, but the biggest shock was the hair. Or rather yet, the lack of it.
Spike’s head was covered in short but even stubble that looked smooth as velvet from where Liam was standing. His fingers ached to run over Spike’s scalp to check if it really was as soft as it looked, and by the look on Spike’s face, he knew exactly what Liam was thinking. He ran his hand hesitantly over his head, swallowing as he gave Liam a questioning look. It took Liam a moment to realize Spike was asking him if he approved or if he thought Spike looked like a complete moron. Liam was tempted to mock him, just for the hell of it, but in that moment he suddenly noticed …
Oh God, Spike’s eyes.
The thin eyeliner was fine enough that no one would notice unless they were looking for it but still strong enough that they emphasized Spike’s eyes in a way that took Liam’s breath away. He was still standing frozen, staring, when Lindsey leaned into the mic, introducing Spike as his ‘very good friend, and yeah, he’s a cop, too,’ and to ‘please give him a warm welcome’ adding, “Don’t mind the accent, not his fault he’s a pansy-ass Brit,” which earned him a slap up the back of his head from Spike.
Faith was practically bouncing by Liam’s side as the first notes of the song started, whooping and laughing with glee. Liam found himself holding his breath, waiting for the singing to start. He hadn’t really heard Spike sing, except for sometimes humming along with whatever was playing on the radio, and he suddenly had this irrational fear that Spike would sound awful, and everyone would laugh at him. After all, being in a punk band was a long way away from this. Did punk singers actually sing? Wasn’t it more… yelling and shouting and stuff?
As if Spike could tell what he was thinking he shot Liam a reassuring grin and then tilted his head and opened his mouth.
Later Liam wasn’t sure if the bar actually went quiet or if his attention was so focused on Spike everything else faded away. But it seemed as if there was only one voice in the smoky establishment, and that was Spike’s, though it was occasionally joined in by Lindsey’s more gritty back-up voice. For some reason he’d thought it would be the other way around, that Spike would be Lindsey’s back up, but this was totally his moment in the spotlight.
Spike kept his eyes lowered, left hand skidding over the guitar’s neck expertly while the fingers of his right plucked at the strings over its body. It was a slow, rather sensual song, not at all what Liam had been expecting. A love song, obviously, and he couldn’t help smiling when it was revealed to be about a girl. Not that he’d really thought Spike stupid enough to sing about some Big Gay Love in a place like this, but it was still rather funny hearing him claim “she’s the one” and “baby girl, you drive me crazy”.
The song ended, and Liam embarrassingly enough found himself applauding like crazy. A quick look around revealed him not to be the only one, so he let loose a few whistles as well, just for the hell of it. Spike blushed and bowed his head in acknowledgement, laughing when Lindsey leaned over and shouted something in his ear that Liam couldn’t hear over the ruckus but looked suspiciously much like, “I told you they’d love you.”
The next song was more rock, a fast and powerful piece of music well suited for dancing and Liam soon found himself pushed this way and that by enthusiastic dancers. He was about to make his escape when Faith grabbed his wrist and snatched him back.
“C’mon, you can’t leave me here!” she shouted. “Dance, baby, dance.”
“No! I don’t…” He huffed when Faith launched herself at him, wrapping her legs around his waist and humping him with one arm slung around his neck, like he was some damn bull. Jesus Christ!
He tried to make some awkward moves, feeling absolutely ridiculous. When he shot Spike a glance, it was met by the biggest grin he’d ever seen. He managed to free one hand long enough to flip Spike the finger which only made Spike grin wider.
He was gonna kill him for this. He really was.
Faith’s feet had finally found the floor again which should have been a relief except now she had her back turned and was grinding her ass up against him, arms high in the air as she got lost in the music. Liam glanced around in panic and caught Lindsey’s eyes, glaring at him with venom.
He was just about to shrug an apology when he remembered the many times he’d felt jealous of Spike spending time with the guy, and so, instead of continuing his struggle to escape, he changed tactics, wrapping one arm around Faith’s waist. She looked back with a grin and he grinned back before grabbing her hand and twisting her around in a twirl.
He hadn’t lied when he said he didn’t dance. That didn’t mean he didn’t know how.
For a moment Lindsey looked ready to jump off the stage and strangle him but then Spike got off the stool and slung one arm around Lindsey’s neck as they launched into the chorus. After a while Lindsey relaxed, especially after Spike pulled him closer and whispered something in his ear between lines. Liam couldn’t help wondering what he’d said. ‘Don’t worry, he’s gay’? He waited for the old panic to surface but for some reason it didn’t. Probably because Spike seemed to trust Lindsey, and Liam was beginning to suspect he could trust Spike when it came to reading people.
By the time the song ended, Liam felt flushed and sweaty. One look at Faith confirmed that she was no better off, but, if the smile on her face was anything to go by, she was having the time of her life. Lindsey announced they were taking a break, and the crowd applauded as the band disappeared off the stage.
“Beer?” Liam asked, and Faith nodded, still trying to catch her breath. They made their way through the crowd to the bar, but it seemed every other person in the place had had the same idea and they found themselves squished by beer thirsty cowboys on all sides. Liam wasn’t a small man but even he had to admit that fighting for drinks with these guys was a lost cause.
“C’mon,” Faith shouted in his ear, “Let’s go backstage. I bet the guys got enough to drink there.”
He tried to protest, but she was already dragging him through the crowd, so he followed her, despite the knot forming in his stomach.
He’d been expecting some kind of security, but this wasn’t really that kind of place, so they made it backstage without any trouble. Faith practically ran through the door and launched herself at Lindsey, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him hard on the mouth.
“Fucking ace, partner, you were amazing!”
Lindsey blushed deep red and mumbled something unintelligible, but he looked pleased as pie as he wrapped his arms around her to hug her back.
One look around the room told Liam Spike wasn’t there, and he was just wondering how to ask where he was, without being too obvious, when Spike came out through a door that led to a small bathroom. He stopped and smiled hesitantly, but then Faith squeed and ran to him, kissing him as well. Only on the cheek though, Liam noticed, and it seemed that Lindsey did as well, because his grin grew even wider.
“You guys, you’re great! I had no idea!” she laughed and grabbed the beer Lindsey offered her. “Next time the radio is a bust I’ll make you sing in the car, mister.”
“Yeah, yeah. Better me than you, sweetheart,” Lindsey said with a grin, grunting when she slugged his arm hard. “I’m kidding! Jeez.”
“So… you like it?”
Liam turned to find Spike standing close, sipping a beer, eyes studying him. He would have looked like he didn’t give a damn what Liam thought, if it wasn’t for the tiny twitch at his scarred eyebrow and the way one nail kept plucking at the label.
Liam shrugged, smirking. “I guess it was alright. For country.”
“Shut up.” But a smile appeared as Spike blew out a breath he probably hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “You looked like you were enjoying yourself well enough, pet. Some moves you’ve got there.”
This time Liam was the one blushing. “Blame your psycho friend over there. She practically molested me on the dance floor.”
“Hey!”
Another blow, hitting Liam’s arm this time, and he grimaced. She had a kickass punch, that girl.
“Don’t try and claim you didn’t like it, buster. Bet you haven’t had so much fun in ages,” she said before turning back to Lindsey, totally missing the way Liam’s face fell. It was true, last time he went out dancing…
“Here.” A bottle of beer was thrust into his hand, and when he looked up Spike was watching him with a sympathetic smile. “Have one on me.”
“I thought the bar paid for those.”
Spike grinned. “Yeah, but I could drink the lot myself. Of course, if you don’t want it…”
He laughed as Liam took a large swig.
“So, you going back on stage, or are you done?”
“One more song, if the band gets called back up after the final number,” Spike replied, face solemn again. “Well, that was the plan. I’m still not sure…”
“Don’t,” Lindsey interrupted. “It will be fine, man. Stop worrying.”
“So you keep saying but…”
“Dude, relax. You’re just backing me up anyway. If there’s any trouble it will be on me.”
Liam frowned. “Why would there be trouble?”
“It’s -” Lindsey started but Spike shot him a glare, and he cut himself off. “Just something we haven’t sung before. That’s all.”
Liam opened his mouth to ask further, but just then some girl he’d remembered seeing behind the bar popped her head in and said people were getting restless, could they please get their asses back on stage?
“Sure, sweetheart,” Lindsey drawled and finished the rest of his beer before standing up. His eyes had a slightly glassy shine, and Liam wondered how many beers he’d chugged already. “You guys wanna wait here or…?”
“Hell no. I wanna dance,” Faith said and downed her beer as well, before grabbing Liam’s hand. “Come on.”
“But…” He’d actually much rather stay behind, especially since Spike wouldn’t be going on stage again for at least half an hour. But it would take a stronger man than him to refuse Faith once she was in a mood.
They were just slipping through the door when Lindsey called Faith’s name and when she turned around, he grabbed her arm and pulled her close, kissing her hard on the mouth. For a second she froze in shock, and then she was kissing him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. When they finally pulled apart, she was panting and looking rather dazed.
“Just making sure you know what’s what,” Lindsey said and licked his lips. “Ok?”
She nodded, grinning happily, her eyes following him as he stalked toward the stage with the guitar gripped hard in his hand.
‘What was that about?’ Liam mouthed at Spike, but Spike just smiled and shook his head, and then Faith was once again dragging Liam to the dance floor. The last he saw of Spike he was swallowing down the rest of his beer and grabbing another one, looking increasingly ill at ease. Then the door shut between them.
The next half an hour Liam tried his best to keep up with Faith’s rather enthusiastic dancing. Seemed now Lindsey had finally made his intentions clear, she was determined to show all her sexy moves, and Liam, as her designated dance partner, had to endure more groping and rubbing than he’d ever been privileged to receive from a woman. The fact that she didn’t seem worried at all what he might think of her advances, made him wonder if maybe she knew.
And maybe it was the beer talking, but again, to his surprise, he found himself not panicking at the thought. In fact he felt relieved, that she probably had known for a while, and she didn’t even care. He was starting to get what Spike had meant, that people knowing liberated him from the constant fear of them finding out. After all, Gunn and Fred were the only people he felt totally at ease with. Maybe it would be alright if a few people knew. Like Faith and Lindsey. If he could choose who to have on his side, those two would be there. Maybe not the biggest and strongest people he knew, but from what Spike had showed him, they were loyal, and they wouldn’t let anyone fuck with their friends.
He was sweaty and tired, and his feet had started to hurt like hell, so when Lindsey bid goodnight on behalf of the band, Liam breathed out in relief. But it soon became obvious that the crowd was far from ready to let them go and after a couple of minutes of constant applause and whistling they came back on stage, this time with Spike in tow. He looked nervous, his eyes shifting until they settled on Liam in the crowd, gazing at him with what seemed like pleading.
Liam frowned in confusion. Was Spike asking him to save him from having to sing? Or was it something else? But why…?
The drums started tapping, then the guitar and bass joined in, and whatever had been worrying Spike seemed to disappear as the music got into full swing. It wasn’t anything Liam recognized but then again, he wasn’t very familiar with country music. Lindsey started singing, the lyrics the kind Liam would have expected. Something about walking into a bar and drinking and being a typical redneck cowboy. Lindsey gave Spike a huge grin, looped one arm around his neck and then they started in on the chorus together, like a couple of drunken buddies. Damn they were good, Liam thought. Really damn goo-
“…And I ride into the city. I make a lot of noise ‘cause the boys they are so pretty…”
Liam froze.
Few people seemed to have picked up on the lyrics but as the song progressed, more and more stopped dancing and stared up at the stage with an odd expression. Someone booed while others stalked off the dance floor, faces grim.
Liam was starting to panic when he realized that the number of people protesting, versus the number of people who either just shrugged or laughed and continued dancing, was hardly noticeable.
“I can’t believe it! This is so cool!” Faith shouted in his ear before sticking two fingers in her mouth and wolf whistling loud enough to carry above the music. Lindsey looked up with a grin and blew her a kiss when she raised her hand in a ‘rock-on’ gesture.
Liam stared at her in disbelief. Then he looked around at the crowd that was enthusiastically dancing along, the few protesters having either been shoved off the dance floor or just left on their own accord. He felt dizzy. What the hell was happening?
“And the boys say ‘Save a horse, ride a cowboy’…”
The guy on Lindsey’s left threw himself into an enthusiastic harmonica solo that had both Lindsey and Spike doubling over in laughter. They clung to each other, seeming intoxicated with exhilaration as much as alcohol. Lindsey lay a hand on Spike’s stomach to steady him as he swayed slightly. They both looked so happy, so carefree, that jealousy shot through Liam, hot and fierce like fire. He knew there was nothing between them, seeing Lindsey with Faith had put all those fears behind him, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to push Lindsey aside and…
It hit him then, what he was really jealous of. Not Spike and Lindsey together as lovers, but as friends. Just being able to be there, on stage, not caring who the hell saw them, laughing, and singing and hugging each other as if it was the most natural thing in the world. He’d never had that, not with Gunn or any of the guys, and certainly not with Billy, who he’d made sure to touch as little as possible in public. He never hugged people, not even his friends, not even as a joke. Always afraid someone would see through him, that they’d know. He touched people stiffly, shaking their hands like they were contagious and kept his distance, making sure he didn’t bump into people more than he could help. This easy companionable display in front of him… he’d never had that. Ever.
Faith was talking to him, shouting something gleefully in his ear but he wasn’t listening. His eyes were fixated on Spike and Lindsey, singing with increased fervor as the song wore on. He suddenly felt an urgent need to cry, tears stinging his eyes, the lump in his throat growing with every breath. In all his life, he’d never felt so alone.
Someone was tugging at his arm, and he glanced down to find Faith looking up at him with soft eyes. She snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a quick kiss on the cheek, then whispered in his ear, “It’s alright, Liam. Ok? Stop worrying.”
He stared at her in confusion when she let go of him, stroking his cheek with her fingers as she gave him a big smile before turning back towards the stage, bouncing on her feet and whooping her approval. Liam looked up and caught Spike watching him, singing and grinning happily, and Liam managed to grin back. Whatever he was thinking and feeling, it would have to wait. This was neither the time nor place.
The song was drawing to a close, chorus repeated with gusto, until they ended with a howl and then stood panting as the place went wild. Liam found himself applauding with the rest, his palms stinging, and his face breaking into a genuine grin at the look of happy surprise on Spike’s face. Lindsey’s arm was still slung around Spike’s neck and when Spike turned his head to shout something in Lindsey’s ear he was met with a pair of lips instead as Lindsey pulled him in and kissed him hard. Spike seemed to freeze for a moment and then he kissed him back, sliding his hands up to Lindsey’s neck and tangling his fingers in the long hair. For a few seconds they just stood like that, locked together tight as the noise of applause and cheering got even louder. Then they pulled apart, and Spike started laughing, punching Lindsey on the arm and shaking his head in amusement. Lindsey grinned and then scrunched up his face, smacking his lips.
Liam stood still, blinking in shock. He had a feeling he was missing some sort of joke. The kiss didn’t seem planned, not on Spike’s part anyway, and whatever it might have turned into under any other circumstances, it wouldn’t now, judging from their reactions. Honestly, he didn’t know how he felt about the whole thing. The guys bid their farewell and left the stage among bouts of laughter and a shower of wolf whistles, and, before Liam had time to think what to do, Faith grabbed his hand and dragged him backstage.
He searched her face for any hint of anger, but she was still grinning happily, shaking her head slightly in amusement. Her cheeks were flushed, and he could feel her heartbeat, fast and steady in her fingers, where they grasped at his wrist. They finally managed to cut through the crowd of people leaving the premises and slip through the door. Liam suddenly wanted to dig his heels in and stop her from pulling him into the small room again. What if it hadn’t been a joke? What if they walked in on them now, kissing, or something worse?
But Faith had already pushed the door open and let go of Liam’s hand as she stalked across the room and right up to Lindsey, where he was sitting on a small table, cooling his forehead against the cold glassy surface of a beer bottle.
“So, you kiss every pretty thing you see,’ she asked, “or is this a special night?”
Lindsey at least had the decency to blush. “Just making good on a deal,” he said. He turned his head to look at Spike, who stood leaning against the wall, looking flushed and a little dazed as if he was still coming down from the high. “Pucker up, pretty boy.”
Spike blinked, the words clearly catching him off guard. “What, now?”
Lindsey smirked. “You chickening out on me?”
“Like hell I am,” Spike said, sounding indignant, but his eyes kept flickering to Liam and he looked anything but comfortable. “So I just go out there and what? Snog the next bird I see?”
Liam’s eyes bugged out of his head. He was about to ask what the fuck was going on, and since when did Spike make out with girls, but before he had the chance to open his mouth and reveal his stupidity, Faith thankfully saved him.
“That’s what that was?” She cuffed Lindsey over the head, non-too lightly either, and then crossed the room until she was standing in front of Spike, eyeing him up. “Well, come on then.”
“Wha-what?” Spike stammered. Liam was so used to Spike always being so damn calm, so in control all the time, that he couldn’t help smirking at how flustered Faith was making him. Right up until the moment he realized what exactly was making Spike so nervous, and by the time he did, it was too late.
The kiss between Faith and Lindsey had been hard and deep and passionate. Her kiss with Spike was soft and slow and sweet. The kind of kiss that happens between fresh-faced teenagers, between tired new parents, between friends that love as much as they lust. The kind of kiss Liam remembered from coming home after a shift, tired and weary and smelling like a dead child’s burnt skin. The kind where they’d just hold on for the longest time, pulling strength from each other’s warmth then slowly kiss their way to the kind of heat that doesn’t come from just lust but love, from knowing the other person will always be there for exactly that.
The memory cut him so deep he had to steady himself on the wall. He was still trying to get his breath back when Faith pulled back, flushed and smiling, her hand coming up to flutter at her chest.
“Hot damn,” she breathed out, fanning herself, before turning to Lindsey with a raised eyebrow, licking her lips. “No wonder you turned gay.”
“I’ll show you gay,” Lindsey growled and pulled her into his arms. Her thrilled squeak got cut off as he captured her mouth with his, kissing her hard. Suddenly they were making out like teenagers, the rest of the room clearly having evaporated from their minds.
Liam looked away, awkward, his gaze coming to a halt as it met Spike’s. The blue eyes were dark, intense. Liam felt hot all of a sudden, the slight buzz he was feeling, and the live porn scene in front of them not helping one bit.
“You wanna get out of here?” Spike’s words were casual, the tone even, careful to betray nothing in the others’ company.
Liam swallowed. “Yeah, I… Yeah. Sure. I’ve got the truck out front.”
Spike nodded, grabbed a leather duster draped over a chair and put it on before heading for the door. Liam blinked. Jesus. With the haircut and the eyeliner and now the damn leather… Liam’s knees felt weak. “Hold on,” he stammered, trying to get his breath back.
Spike stopped, then turned with a resigned look on his face, his shoulders squaring, as if he was steeling himself for being told they should sneak out the back door so no one would see them leave together. And it hit Liam that this was what Spike thought it was going to be like from now on, every time they went anywhere together. That he would be shoved into the shadows, be told to hide from their friends, their colleges. He could see Spike pulling mentally away, could see him bracing himself for the rejection.
So he pulled Spike in and kissed him.
---------------
It wasn’t until the moment Liam kissed him that Spike realized how far he’d regressed these last few weeks, from the man he’d fought all his life to be. Liam’s fear had infiltrated his own system to the point that his first instinct was to jerk back, shocked and frightened that they’d get caught. But it was Liam that tightened his hold, Liam who pulled Spike closer, Liam who deepened the kiss, until Spike felt dizzy with it.
When he finally let go, Spike was feeling lightheaded and, from the way Liam was swaying, he didn’t seem much better off. He rested his forehead against Spike’s, their breath ghosting over each other’s lips. Spike’s heart kept hammering in his chest. What now?
Finally, Liam took an unsteady breath and asked, “Okay?”
Spike sighed with relief. He looked up and smiled. “Yeah. You wanna get out of here, luv?”
They turned their heads in sync, like they’d both remembered at the same moment that they were not alone in the room, only to realize that they were. Faith and Lindsey must have slipped past them while they were otherwise… occupied. Spike blushed, and a quick glance at Liam confirmed he’d had the same exact thought. Guess he was out now. At least to the people who mattered.
They walked through the club, close but not holding hands. Liam didn’t offer and Spike figured he’d better not push his luck. He’d forgotten he had practically no hair to keep his head warm anymore and, as they stepped out into the street, the cool night air caressed his sheared scalp, making him shiver. He hunched his shoulders, wrapping the leather duster tighter around himself. He wasn’t really sure it went with the new look, but some habits die hard, and in the old days he’d always fancied it brought him luck, wearing it on the night of a gig. Maybe he should get himself a leather jacket instead. Not quite as dramatic.
Once in the truck, Liam didn’t start the car, just kept fingering the keychain, a four-leaf clover Spike figured was some sort of throwback to his Irish roots. Liam kept staring out into the night, looking a million miles away. The minutes ticked by.
“I can take a taxi,” Spike finally said.
Liam jerked awake and looked over, blinking, like he’d forgotten Spike was there. Spike didn’t know whether to be concerned or insulted.
“Taxi,” he repeated. “If you’d rather. It’s alright.”
It was. After all, the plan had been to take baby steps, work towards acceptance and building trust. Instead Liam had jumped out of the closet and kissed him in front of their friends. If he needed time to process, Spike couldn’t blame him.
“No.” Liam shook his head. “Sorry. I was just…” He stopped, clearing his throat. “Honesty, right? That’s what we’re going for?”
“Yeah,” Spike said slowly. Once again he was struck by how little they actually knew each other. For instance, he couldn’t even guess what Liam was thinking right now. Why he was looking so unsure.
“I felt jealous. Earlier, when you were singing. You and Lindsey.”
Spike sighed. “Liam…”
“No, I don’t mean…” Liam turned his head to look Spike in the eyes. “That’s not why I kissed you, just so we’re clear.” He looked away again, licking his lips nervously. “I didn’t feel jealous of him kissing you. I get it, it was a show, a challenge. Even if he looked to be a little too much into it…” Liam pressed his lips together. “Sorry. What I’m trying to say…” He visibly swallowed. “I felt jealous because he’s your friend, and he touched you. He had his arm around your shoulders, his hand on your stomach. And I just…” Liam ran a palm over his face and sighed.
“Liam,” Spike said, gently palming his knee. “We’re just mates.”
“I know!” Liam said, sounding frustrated. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You’re mates, friends. I mean, I have friends. I have Gunn and, and you. But I could never… I’ve never been able to do that. To be close like that, because what if…” He stopped. His hand was trembling.
“What if someone thought it was something more,” Spike finished, finally realizing what Liam was getting at. “What if someone saw you hug a bloke, and decided you were a big fat homo.”
“I’m sorry. Shit. It’s fucking pathetic.”
“No, it’s not. But it’s sad.” Spike took Liam’s hand, pulling it away from his face. “And I’m sorry. For your loneliness.”
Liam snorted. “I’m okay. I mean, no, obviously I’m a fucking mess, but you knew that.” He sighed. “I just wanted you to know… if I ever look like I wanna punch any of your friends, that’s probably why. Unless they’re being assholes, then they damn well deserve whatever they get.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Spike smiled and squeezed his hand. “For what it’s worth, I’m bloody proud of you.”
Liam frowned at him. “For what?”
“You just kissed me. In front of our mates. Who didn’t know. Guessed, maybe. Probably. But still, you bloody well snogged me, right in front of them. That’s a big step if I ever saw one.”
Liam blushed. “I just… I wanted to. I know we were gonna take it slow, still are, I guess, but I wanted, I needed to kiss you. Because… because you didn’t expect me to. And you damn well should, you know. If we’re gonna do this, you should expect to be kissed and not just behind locked doors. That’s all.”
Spike stared at him. “Bloody hell, pet. I’ve never wanted you more than right now. If we weren’t taking it slow, I’d slip your zipper down and blow you right here, in the middle of the bloody street.”
Liam’s eyes darkened. “If we weren’t taking it slow, I’d damn well let you.”
They stared at each other, leaning slowly in, until Spike took a deep breath and pulled back. “As much as I’d love to say fuck slow and just get on with it, I really don’t wanna mess this up, pet. Again.”
Liam drew back as well. “Yeah. Right. You’re right. Doesn’t mean I don’t really wanna fuck you right now. Like so, so bad.” He groaned.
“Yeah, you’re not alone there.” Spike shifted in his seat. His jeans were tight to begin with, now they felt about as comfortable as a fucking chastity belt.
Liam sighed. He gave Spike a small smile, seeming to study him. Spike was about to ask if he had something in his teeth when Liam reached over and ran his palm over Spike’s head. Spike shivered. If he’d been a cat, he was pretty sure he’d purr.
“You like it?” he asked. Liam answered the question by pulling him across the seat. They kissed until the windows started to steam up, and Spike was quickly losing control, getting close to pulling Liam’s zipper down anyway and giving him head, right there, plans and rules be damned.
Liam suddenly let him go, sitting back and breathing heavily. “Fuck. See, I’m trying to do the right thing and focus on our friendship, and then you go ahead and shave your fucking head and wear… that! Jesus!”
Spike smirked. “Not my fault you have a kink. Bald guys in leather, that your thing?”
Liam rolled his eyes. “You’re my thing. The leather is just… bonus.”
Spike snorted, feeling ridiculously pleased. “Yeah?”
“Definitely.” Liam drew a deep breath. “So, what now? I mean, I’ll drive you home right now, but tomorrow? And so on. I was thinking maybe we could go out. On a proper date. Dinner.” He swallowed. “Somewhere public.”
“We can take it more slowly. Coffee, drinks, slow walks on the beach.” Spike grinned when Liam’s face twitched. “Ballroom dancing, day at the spa, opera…”
“Oh fuck you,” Liam huffed, finally catching on.
“That would be the final goal, yeah.”
“Jesus.” Liam started the truck and put it in gear. “I’m taking you out to dinner. You wanna wear a dress and run barefoot on the beach, go ahead. After I drop you off back home, that is.”
Spike laughed. “Whatever you say, luv. Although I’d look bloody fabulous in a dress, I’ll have you know.”
“Funny.” But Spike caught Liam glancing quickly over, like he was picturing Spike in a tight little strap dress and liking the idea more than he wanted to admit. Something to file away for later, Spike thought with a grin.
They drove to Spike’s place in silence, apart from Spike giving Liam the occasional direction. It was dark, and the streets were more or less deserted, the clock already a quarter past midnight. Liam parked outside the apartment building, and they sat silent for a moment. Spike finally took a deep breath and reached for the door. “I’d give you a good night kiss,” he said, “but I’m thinking it might be a bit too much at the moment.”
Liam shifted in his seat. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“I’ll give you a ring tomorrow, yeah? See how the planning is going for that date.” He gave Liam a grin. “Night.”
He could feel Liam’s gaze following him to the door, but he didn’t look back, just unlocked the door and slipped inside. Then hurried up the stairs to his apartment before he had an unfortunate accident in the stairwell. They might be taking it slow, but his hand was gonna make a damn quick job of it as soon as he was safe behind locked doors.
---------------
“So,” Lindsey said where they stood leaning against his and Faith’s squad car outside Denny’s, waiting for Faith and Kate, who were picking up their morning coffees and bagels. Spike didn’t have to look over to know there was a grin on his friend’s face. “You and Liam? Just friends?”
Spike could feel his face heat up. “Sod off.”
“It’s just that your lips were sorta close together for just friends.”
“Says the bloke who had his tongue down my bloody throat last Saturday!” Spike shot back, smirking when Lindsey’s ears turned red.
“Well, you know you’re just so damn purty,” Lindsey leered. “Once I got your sweet lips, darling, I just couldn’t help myself. Not that I heard any complaints,” he added. “Got a bit carried away, did ya?”
Spike shrugged. “You’re a bloody good kisser. Might want to reconsider your straight card.” He looked over when Lindsey shifted awkwardly beside him. “No… Really? Bloody hell.”
“Shut up. Not saying I’m … Just … It wasn’t bad, okay? It was … I … Thank Christ, the girls are back!”
Lindsey pushed off of the car, but Spike noticed he didn’t hurry to put distance between them, if anything he moved slightly closer. Like he wanted Spike to know that whatever sexual crisis he might be having it didn’t change anything between them. “Please tell me you didn’t get onions, baby,” he said, eyeing Faith’s bagel with disgust, “or I might just have to swap you with Spike.”
“Again?” Faith said, raising one eyebrow.
“As partners!” Faith tilted her head and Lindsey sputtered, “Job partners! Stop it with that look, woman! And give me that!” He made grabby hands for Faith’s bagel as she danced away from him, giggling and telling him he’d take away her onions over her dead body. “You’re not stinking up the car again!”
“Any idea what that was all about?” Kate asked Spike as she handed him his order.
“We swing on weekends. Keeps their love life spicy,” Spike quipped, almost spitting out his coffee when she frowned and said, “Oh, I thought they just started seeing each other?”
Kate looked so confused that for a moment he considered running with it. Especially as Lindsey possibly sleeping with him apparently didn’t surprise her in the least. Again, as he’d done on and off since that night, his mind started wandering, wondering what it would be like. The kiss had been … and with Lindsey’s hot and sweaty body pressing against his own....
It was Spike’s turn to shift slightly on his feet as his uniform suddenly felt a bit too tight in certain areas. Especially when he thought about Liam in the audience, watching them …
Spike cleared his throat. “I’m just taking the piss, Kate. Joking. I’m joking,” he clarified when she scrunched up her nose. “I’ve no bloody clue what they’re on about.”
They stood sipping their coffees and enjoying their breakfast in the sun while Lindsey and Faith made up, rather enthusiastically. “Your coffee’s getting cold,” Spike finally shouted when, judging by their increased use of tongue, it looked like they’d totally forgotten they were in a public place. Lindsey pulled away, looking embarrassed, but Faith just grinned and slapped his butt the minute he turned his back on her.
“You know you’re gonna have to get new partners,” Kate pointed out. “I’m not gonna tell,” she hastened to add when Lindsey scowled at her. “It’s just that you just made out in front of Denny’s. And, you know, the captain really likes his waffles.” She jerked her thumb discreetly toward the window, which clear glass did nothing to conceal the rather sourly looking bald man staring daggers at them.
“Shit!” Lindsey ran his hands through his hair and straightened his clothes, like that would actually make a difference, but Faith just shrugged.
“I figured we would. I have the request written and ready. What? Like I haven’t been planning this for a while.”
“You planned me kissing you?” Lindsey scoffed.
“Honey, did you not see me dancing that night? Plus, I kissed you first. Just a small one but still. After flirting with you for months, I figured if that didn’t do the trick, nothing would.”
“Oh.”
Lindsey looked so shocked Spike burst out laughing. “To think you could have made your move months ago, mate. He was scared, luv,” he told Faith. “Thought you might kick his tiny arse.”
“Thought you liked my ass,” Lindsey shot back.
“Well, yeah. That’s why I’m making sure she takes good care of it.”
“Are they flirting?” Kate asked Faith, looking confused again. “It feels like they’re flirting.”
“Nah,” Spike said at the same time as Lindsey answered, “Always,” and Faith rolled her eyes and said, “Think they’re already dating.”
“You people are really strange,” Kate said, draining her cup and gathering their trash to throw away. “You coming?”
“Yeah.” He waited until she was in the car before looking over at Lindsey. “We’ll talk, yeah?”
Lindsey nodded, his ears turning red again. “Sure. Yeah. Thanks.”
Spike grinned. “My pleasure. Literally.” Then ducked into the car before Lindsey could punch him.
They’d been driving for a while when Kate cleared her throat. “You okay?”
Spike looked at her with a frown. “Yeah? Why?”
“Thought maybe you and McDonald …” She shrugged. “Just seemed like you were getting close. Always knew he had the hots for his partner but didn’t really expect it to happen. But you and him …”
“He’s not gay,” Spike pointed out, subtly avoiding that Lindsey possibly wasn’t so straight either, according to latest developments.
“He doesn’t have to be. There is such a thing as bisexuality, you know.” She shot him a look then pushed up her watch, revealing a tiny pink, blue and purple heart tattoo on the inside of her wrist. “Not all queers wear rainbows.” She grinned at the shocked look on his face. “Bigot.”
“Hey!” But she did have a point. He did tend to look at people as either gay or straight. He really should get out more. Hit a queer bar or two. Get to know the people in his community. “You never said,” he said, voice soft.
She blushed. “You never asked.”
“Not a thing you ask about, pet, unless you want your head smashed in. Been there, done that, not looking to repeat the bloody experience. More times than necessary,” he added, more to himself, but when she glanced his way he shrugged and said, “Sometimes you need to ask.”
She nodded. “Better before than after you stick your tongue down their throat.” She wrinkled her nose, as if at a bad memory, before glancing back at Spike. “So, you really okay or just putting on a brave face?”
“I’m alright. Really,” he assured her when she looked dubious. “I was never… no. He’s been …” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “He’s a good friend. That’s all. I mean, that’s all I want from him.”
She nodded. “So, how did it go this weekend? I swear I was gonna come, I was just so damn tired I fell asleep on the couch and the next thing I know it’s four o’clock in the morning and my neck is bent to hell. Anyone we know show up? Apart from Faith.”
“It was good. Fun. People seemed to like it anyway.” Spike hesitated. He didn’t want to lie but he didn’t want to point directly at Liam either. “Think there might have been some blokes from the fire department. I saw Liam.”
“Yeah? That’s good. He needs to lighten up a little. Go out, meet a girl, get laid.”
Spike bit his lip. “Yeah.”
They fell into silence. After a while Kate cleared her throat again. “Or guy.”
Spike froze. Shit.
“I mean,” she continued, “I’ve known him for years, and as far as I know he’s never had a girlfriend. And there is… Well, he’s never exactly been the life of the party but ever since his friend died, that guy I told you about, the one you remind me of, he’s pretty much been a hermit. Makes a girl wonder.” She shot Spike a sideway glance. “Heard you two met up last week.”
Spike swallowed. “He saved my life,” he said, willing his voice to be steady. “Figure I owe him at least a few drinks.”
She nodded. “Right. Yeah. Just, you know, be careful.”
“Why? He a bad drunk?” Like he didn’t know already.
“No idea, but he’s damn grumpy sober. But that’s not what I meant.” She glanced over again. “I don’t know what his relationship was with Billy, but it can’t have been a good one. Considering what happened. Would hate to see that happen to you. If that’s what it was. If that’s what you’re hoping for.”
“Don’t worry, Not hoping for anything. It’s just drinks.” Spike turned his head and stared out the window. Fuck, he hated lying.
“Okay. Sorry. Just looking out for you.” She was silent for a while then said, “Maybe you can partner with McDonald. After I transfer.”
Spike shrugged. He still wasn’t sure Lindsey had been joking about not wanting to, no matter how much he’d apologized.
She sighed. “It was just a thought.”
They fell into silence. When a call finally came through, they were both grateful for the distraction.
Continued here.