Fic: The Fire Within, chapter 3. AU Human. Liam/Spike. NC-17

Oct 15, 2006 13:02

Man, LJ is being a bitch today. *rolls eyes*

Anyway, I realise Sundays are the worst days ever for posting fic since so few people seem to be around but I'm bored and hubby is sleeping and so I thought I'd just throw another chapter out there.

Title: The Fire Within, chapter 3
Author: felisblanco
Pairing: Liam/Spike
Rating: NC-17

Previous chapters are here

The Fire Within, Chapter 3

Naked bodies sliding. Bucking, moaning, gasping for breath. Oh yeah, right there. God, please. Fingers in his hair, tongue in his mouth. Cock sliding in and out of his body. So good, so good. Then thrusting, faster, harder, pounding into him. Dark brown eyes gazing down at him, filled with anger and fear and suddenly he’s scared. But he can’t stop now. Slam, slam, slamming into him, pain and such exquisite pleasure. More, more. God, yes! There, there, there!!! Ye…

‘Rrrrrrrrring!! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrring!!’

Uh… He shook his head, trying to clear the images out of his head. What the fuck had that been about? And why the fuck did the fucking phone have to ring just as he was about to fucking come?

‘Rrrrrrrrring!! Rrrrrrrrrrrring!’

“Yeah, yeah. Bloody fucking hell.” He coughed and flipped open the cell. “Hello?”

“Hi. Hi. It’s… it’s me. You know… Liam. I’m… Did I ever tell you my name? It’s… It’s Liam. Listen. Listen, Bi… Will, Spike. I’m… drunk. So very, very drunk and I was wondering… why, you know? Why and what for and then I was staring… I was staring at my hand and I have like sixty pills left and they look so damn small and I was just thinking… I was just thinking… why not? You know? And… And I… I… I think I’m a bit scared. I think… I think…”

Shit. “Liam! Liam, listen to me! Go into the bathroom, throw them in the toilet and flush them down. Now.” He was already reaching for his clothes.

“No, no. I can’t do that. I can’t… It hurts. It hurts so damn much. I need them. I need…”

Fucking buttoned jeans. Why wasn’t there a zipper? Why? “Your wound? It hurts?”

There was silence and then a low snigger that scared him even more. Fuck. Shit. “Okay, I’m coming over. Right now. Don’t take those pills, Liam. Promise me you won’t take those pills.”

“They’re so small. Look… innocent. That’s why women take them, right? No blood, no ugly scarring. I wouldn’t want… blood. There was so much fucking blood…”

Oh Jesus. “Just promise me you won’t take those pills? Promise? Liam?”

“Help me.”

There was a click and the phone went dead. Shit.

He was trying to get his boots and t-shirt on at the same time and tripped, banging his head into the wall. It sent a soaring pain into the slowly healing scar over his brow. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

It had been five days and he’d been worried, but he’d never imagined… It was obvious Liam had been drinking for days when they met and he’d had a feeling it wasn’t just because he was pissed about being on sick leave. The guy was obviously torn up by what had happened between him and that bloke. That Jesus-did-I-just-look-into-a-mirror boy with his happy smile and his big blue eyes and god, it was so obvious what he’d been, what they had been. How the hell had Liam managed to stay in the closet for so long? How the hell could not every single mate of his know?

In his hurry to start the car he managed to drop the keys under the seat. Fuck. He fumbled around in the dark with trembling fingers, finally finding the cold metal and clutching them in his hand like they would fix everything. The car started with a roar and he mentally petted his trusted friend. She might be old, she might be rusty but when in a hitch she was hundred percent trustworthy.

The streets were deserted except for an occasional car, some cruising, others hurrying. He wondered where they were going. What brings people out at this time of night? A wife in labour? Kids searching for something to ease the itch in their blood?

A friend calling to say he’s about to kill himself?

He stepped harder on the gas, heart beating in his chest. Don’t let me be to late. Please god, don’t let me be to late. Not again. Never again.

He’d asked Kate about Liam. First scolding her for not letting him know Liam had been hurt saving his life. She said she’d told him but he’d been pretty messed up those first days and he must have forgotten. She seemed genuinely surprised so she was probably right. Made him feel stupid for not remembering even if it wasn’t really his fault. She gave him the heads up: Big strong and handsome, like he hadn’t noticed. Came originally from Boston and had some family there. Broody and quite a loner. Single. She sighed and turned the wedding ring on her finger in mock remorse.

Then he’d asked her about Billy. Didn’t tell her about the picture just said Liam had been surprised he looked so much like an old mate of his. And so she’d told him. How Billy had been one of those young cute rookies that had the girls falling all over for him. Always smiling, always laughing but she wasn’t blind, she’d seen the insecurity and sadness behind the mask. Or at least afterwards she was sure it had always been there. He’d turned to drinking, like so many of them did, especially after 9/11. She’d thought he was just scared, maybe rethinking his career choice. Then suddenly there were rumours of him being seen in “questionable” places, and Big Larry, being a stupid arrogant son of a bitch had flung it at him, asking him if it was true. “How’s that Billy, you a fucking homo?” And Billy had frozen, then looked at his mates standing grinning like the whole thing was a big joke and he’d said “Yes.”

Spike had sat up straight, impressed. “Wow.”

“I know. And according to Jesse - he’s that skinny one with the goatee, remember? - it seemed like the whole crew took a step back even if they didn’t move. And Billy just stood there, staring at them and then he said ‘Lee?’ and looked at Liam, your big hero, who was his best buddy, been his mentor from the start, and Liam just turned around and walked out. Two days later the kid was dead. Shot his brains out in his bed. Shocked the shit out of everyone.”

“I can imagine.” Now he knew what Liam had meant about driving someone to suicide. Shit.

She’d run her finger along the rim of her mug. “Think Liam feels guilty, turning on his buddy like that. Feels he should have stood by him. But he was probably just as shocked as everyone else and didn’t know how to react. Imagine knowing someone and then finding out you don’t know them at all.”

“Yeah.” Imagine that.

She’d given him a smile. “Too bad you weren’t already here. Could have helped him, you know. Seeing you not being afraid.”

Spike had looked down into his own mug. The coffee was turning cold. “Who says I’m not afraid?”

She’d stared at him then, blinking uncertainly. “You are?”

He’d given her a half smile. “A tiny little thing like me? A flaming fairy? Don’t particularly enjoy walking alone in the dark, no.”

She’d seemed taken aback. “But you always act like you don’t give a shit. About anyone.”

He’d shrugged. “Don’t care what they think. Still care what they do. Especially if it means broken bones and bruises.”

She’d blushed and stammered about those guys definitely not being from their division and no way anyone would do that ever again. He’d smiled and nodded but he wasn’t convinced. Only needed one asshole to turn things around again.

Finally he arrived at Liam’s place. He rang the bell but no one answered. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Frantic he started pushing the other buttons until finally someone shouted at him in a hoarse voice to shut the fuck up.

“Let me in, mate. Forgot my keys.”

“Like hell.”

Fuck. He kept on pushing buttons until a little old lady’s voice asked him if he knew what time it was.

“Yes, I know. Please, I need to get in. My friend might be hurt.”

“Oh dear. Who’s your friend, young man?”

“Liam… something. Big, handsome brute. Fireman?”

“Oh dear, oh dear. He has looked quite awful lately. Do you promise you’re not going to break in and rape someone?”

Spike wanted to scream with frustration. “I promise. I’m a copper, ma’am.”

“Oh, all right then.”

“Thank you.”

He was in and running up the stairs while the buzzer was still ringing. God, don’t let me be too late. Please, oh please.

He banged on Liam’s door, but when he tried the knob the door swung open.

“Liam? Liam? Are you all right?”

Shit. Bottles everywhere. The smell of whiskey and sweat was pungent in the air and he could feel his stomach clench in fright. No one in the living room, no one in the bedroom Bathroom.

Liam was sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around his folded knees, blank face resting on top of them. He was shaking violently, his skin was sickly grey and he didn’t seem to have changed out of his clothes since Spike was there five days ago. Shit. No.

“Liam? Liam, it’s me. Did you take the pills? Liam, answer me.” He managed to pry the tight fists open and out of the right hand tumbled tiny white pills. Frantic he counted them. Fifteen - thirty - forty five - sixty. The relief rushed to his head and he felt dizzy. He gathered them up and threw them into the toilet bowl and then some paper on top before flushing it all down. “Liam? Please look at me. Liam?” He hesitated. “Lee?”

Brown glassy eyes blinked and then slowly focused on him. “Billy?”

“It’s Spike. It’s Spike, Liam. You rang me, remember?”

“Spike?” He frowned. “You told me to go to the bathroom and…”

“Yeah, and you did. Good for you. Now we need to get you up off this cold floor.” He grabbed him under the arms and started to haul him up. “Jesus, you’re freezing.”

Liam started trembling harder. “S-s-s-so cold.”

“Yeah, you are. And stinky. You need a shower, mate.” He lowered him down to sit on the toilet, keeping his head up with one hand while the other turned on the water.

Liam grunted. “Dirty.”

“Yeah.” Spike couldn’t help laughing. Liam might be drunk, he might be fucked up as hell but he wasn’t dead. And at the moment that was enough to make him smile. “And not in the good way.”

“Funny. Funny man. You… flirt. Flirting with me.”

He chuckled. “Maybe.” Off with that stinky t-shirt and… God, he was pretty.

Liam let his head fall forward, rubbing his temple against Spike’s arm. “’Cause I’m gay. So damn fucking gay.” He sobbed.

Spike crouched in front of him and tilted his head gently up, gazing into the drunk and reddened eyes. ”I know. It’s all right.”

Liam blinked, eyes wide and desperate. “Is it? Is it okay?”

Spike smiled although his heart was breaking. “Yeah. It is.”

Liam closed his eyes and started crying softly.

Feeling far out of his depth Spike brushed away Liam’s tangled and matt hair from his forehead. “Got to get you into that shower now, pet. All right?”

He loosened the jeans and with difficulty managed to lift Liam up enough to slide them from under him. Not looking, not looking. Okay, maybe looking a little. Bugger, he’d be abnormal not to. Beautiful. So beautiful and.. Jesus, the smell. Definitely not going near that one until he’s been soaped at least three times. Not that he would anyway. Not now. He wasn’t that perverted. But, bloody hell, that was one nice cock.

He shook the disturbing thoughts out of his head and stepped back. The shower was warm, all ready for Liam to… yeah, that would never work. Only hesitating slightly he started pulling off his own clothes. He dragged the t-shirt over his head and emerged, blond hair in messed up curls. Liam was staring at him open-mouthed and he blushed slightly, wondering what Liam saw when he looked at him.

“You… we gonna have sex now?” Liam blinked rapidly.

He couldn’t help smiling. “No. Not now. Just going to help you shower. Is that all right?”

Liam nodded slowly. “Yeah. That would be nice.”

It was harder than he had imagined. Liam was heavy despite his lean frame and he almost toppled over a few times before Spike managed to prop him up against the wall and told him to try keeping his legs straight. He washed him quickly but thoroughly, keeping his mind on all the unsexy things he could think of, especially while he washed the groin and backside. Not that it really helped. By the time he was satisfied with Liam being clean he was feeling increasingly dirty himself. God, it wasn’t like he was still seventeen and constantly horny. No, just twenty-five and constantly horny. He stifled a groan as Liam stumbled back, arse colliding with his cock. Ok, that was enough showering for now.

He towelled Liam dry, then dragged him into the bedroom, trying not to notice too much the stains on the sheets or the stink of booze that was all over the apartment. Guess he’d have to clean again. Liam probably hadn’t even noticed he did it last time he was here. The thought of ‘Why am I doing this for someone that doesn’t even like me?’ entered and then left his brain as soon as it got there. He owed Liam his life but that wasn’t why he was doing this.

Drying off swiftly he pulled his clothes back on and then got to work. Soon bags of empty bottles were stacked by the front door along with a pizza box and a Chinese take-out container. He could hear Liam in the bedroom, sobbing and muttering to himself. What was he going to do with him? He couldn’t really leave him alone. The pills were gone but there were knives and other sharp things and a drop from the balcony would probably kill him as well. Searching Liam’s closets for clean sheets he thought over his options. He had two days off. He could just as well spend them here as at home. The couch looked comfortable enough.

“Okay, sunshine. Roll over.” Liam groaned but complied and Spike loosened the sheet first on one side, then the other, rolling Liam back and forth, then put on a clean one the same way. Finally all those times playing nurse for his mother paid off. Before long Liam was asleep in a clean bed, drool dripping slowly from the corner of his mouth as he snored.

Spike stood watching him for a while then grabbed a blanket and an extra pillow and trotted into the living room. He stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt before lying down. Grunting with sudden exhaustion he tried to get comfortable on the couch. Wonder if it was too late to revive that dream?

Continued here

[ETA. I'm trying to answer feedback to ch.2 but LJ keeps giving me Error messages. *kicks it*]

genre: au human, fic 2006, fic, btvs/ats fic, pairing: spike/angel, the fire within

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