Fic: Taking Turns (Holding This World). AU RPS. Jensen/Jared. NC-17. Part 5

[felisblanco]

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Master post | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Epilogue | Art post



“So that’s pretty much it. Unless we can prove that your father’s signature is false, Welling’s claims stand. But,” Jared hurried to add when Jensen’s head dropped to the table in frustration, rattling the empty cup of coffee on its saucer, “if it is a forgery then it has to be a damn good one to be authenticated by an analyst. So that’s our next step, getting an expert to take a look at it.”

He swallowed when Jensen raised his head and gazed at him with hopeful eyes. Damn, those eyes. They had the same effect on him now as they’d had seven years ago. Hell, everything about Jensen, his eyes, his smile, his laughter... It was like being thrown back to that night and Jared had to remind himself he wasn’t that boy anymore. That they were both different people now and getting too close to Jensen, no matter how much he wanted to, was a very bad idea.

His first thought when he saw Jensen in that awfully pompous restaurant had been, “What is he wearing?” His next had been, “Oh wow, he really wasn’t kidding about the freckles.” And then it all turned into the kind of farce Jensen’s musicals were known for. In all the chaos Jared had forgotten why he was there and that Jensen didn’t really know who he was. It had felt like they were old friends meeting up, joking and talking as if they’d known each other forever.

Wasn’t until he stood waiting in Jensen’s living room and looked around that reality came crashing down on him. Like the fact that he was, for all purposes, a fraud. Yes, he was actually a lawyer. Yes, he was there to try and help Jensen keep his father’s company from falling into the hands of a criminal. Those were truths that he had managed to convince himself were all that mattered. And maybe they would have if he was only there to do his job and then disappear from Jensen’s life again. But standing there, looking at pictures of Jensen with his family and seeing evidence of his daily if somewhat chaotic life in every detail of the room, Jared couldn’t lie to himself anymore.

The real truth was that he’d taken the case because even after seven years of absence Jensen still starred in most of his erotic dreams. And talking to Jensen on the phone had brought back memories of a time he should have wanted to forget but instead found himself missing. Not the loneliness or the hunger or the cold, but the honesty of knowing who he was and not caring what other people saw in him. Something he didn’t have the luxury of anymore.

Because Steve was right. Somehow during his years of hiding from Welling he’d started to hide from himself. Not just his identity but the sense of self worth he’d felt back then. Instead of seeing his years of living on the streets as something he’d gone through and proudly overcome, he started to see it as something to be ashamed of because he knew what people would think if he told them. JT wouldn’t have cared what anyone thought but Jared Padalecki did. And he found himself caring more than he should what Jensen would think. After all Jared had blown him so what reason had Jensen to believe he hadn’t done it to every other guy he’d met on the streets?

So when he’d turned around and seen Jensen staring at him wide-eyed he’d frozen in panic, sure he’d been caught in his lie. Wasn’t until their brief quarrel in the elevator that he realized they’d totally misunderstood each other. It would have been funny if he hadn’t felt so relieved that his secret was still safe. And ashamed that it mattered so much.

They’d gone back to their easy flirting after that, since yes, he could admit it to himself now that that’s all they had been doing since that very first phone call a week ago. It felt easy and natural and he hadn’t felt so connected to a person for a very long time. Like say, seven years. Throughout lunch he had to remind himself that they weren’t on a date, that this was a business meeting. And that however much he wanted to he couldn’t get emotionally involved with Jensen, not if he wanted to keep his past hidden. Because Chad was right, he was a horrible liar and all it would take were a few questions from Jensen and he’d be spilling everything.

“Jared? Are you with me?”

Jared blinked to find Jensen watching him, looking like he wasn’t sure whether to be concerned or amused.

“I’m sorry. I was just thinking. About the case,” he added, just to be on the safe side.

“You really think we have one?” Jensen asked, suddenly serious.

“I think we might be able to present one if we gather enough evidence. But it’s not going to be easy. You’re sure this is what you want to do?”

Jensen looked hesitant for a moment but then he nodded. “You know, I don’t really care about the company. Never have. Now that mom and Josh are gone and dad is… well, he’s not really here anymore, I even care less. But Mac cares. And it’s Welling who is… I don’t know. He’s always felt wrong somehow. I don’t think he’s a good person.”

Jared looked down. “Yeah,” he said, thinking ‘You have no idea.’

“When are you flying back?” Jensen suddenly asked.

The hope in his voice made Jared’s heart clench. He should say he had to get back right away, that he had a flight booked in only a couple of hours. Instead he found himself truthfully answering, “Early tomorrow morning. I hate flying back and forth the same day.”

“I hear ya,” Jensen said. “Personally I prefer driving. I have friends in New York,” he added then smiled. “But you knew that. Steve Carlson, the guy who called you.”

“Right, Steve.” Jared hesitated but however little contact they were bound to have chances were Steve or Chris would spill the beans anyway that they knew him. “He’s a good guy. Him and Chris.”

Jensen looked at him surprised. “You’re all friends?”

Jared wasn’t sure how to response to that. Yes, they were his friends but they were also so much more. “Well, yeah. I guess. We met through… work.” Well, that was true, in a way.

“Of course,” Jensen said and smiled. “You know, we’ve been talking way too much about me. What about you? You said you were originally from San Antonio?”

Jared swallowed. “Yeah. That was a long time ago though.” He looked down. “I don’t have any family there anymore.”

“Me neither. In Richardson, I mean. Well, some distinct relatives probably but no one close, you know.” Jensen stirred his coffee absentmindedly even if it had to be cold by now. “So did you always want to be a lawyer?”

Jared laughed. “Actually I wanted to be a vet.”

Jensen’s head snapped up. “What?”

“I know,” Jared said and shook his head, smiling. “Vet, lawyer... it’s not exactly on the same page. But I always loved animals. Especially dogs.”

“You have any yourself?” Jensen asked. He was studying Jared and Jared wondered what he was thinking.

“No, not yet. I need a better place. I still live with a roommate and I barely have him housetrained so…” He grinned but Jensen just looked at him strangely. “But I’d love to have one, definitely.”

“Hmm.” Jensen nodded then gave him a small smile. “You ready to get out of here? I could show you the seedier side of Broadway.”

“I’d love to,” Jared said and followed Jensen out of the coffeehouse and into the afternoon buzz of New York.

They sat in on part of a rehearsal at one of Jensen’s friend’s plays. A woman named Samantha who kept calling Jensen boy and scold him for not being around enough.

“Drinks on Friday,” she said and just looked at him sternly when he tried to object. It was kinda funny the way Jensen folded under her glare but when Jared tried to tease him about it Jensen just smiled and said, “She’s the mother I wish I had.”

Jared nodded in understanding, suddenly missing his own mother more than he had in years.

They stopped to get coffee and then strolled through the park, chatting idly about music and movies and whatever else came to mind. Every time they got too close to Jared’s personal life he managed to shift their talk to something else. He hoped Jensen didn’t notice but considering the contemplative glances Jensen kept giving him he thought he was being way too optimistic.

“I’m sorry,” Jensen said as they sat on a bench, watching a couple of swans fight over a piece of bread. “I’ve been keeping you all day. I’m sure you had some plans of your own, things to do while you were here.”

Jared shook his head. “Not really. I needed a day away from work. It’s been hectic.”

“Yeah?” Jensen glanced at him. “The firm ride you hard?”

“Well, I’m the firm so… yeah.”

“You have your own firm?” Jensen straightened up as he turned to look at Jared intrigued. “Wow.”

“Not really a firm. Just me and a couple of others.” He shrugged. “I started out at one of those big ones but it wasn’t for me. Some of the cases they made me take… they felt wrong, you know? And I hated that, that I didn’t have any choice. So I quit and started my own.”

“Wow,” Jensen repeated. “Can’t have been easy. I mean, the money alone…”

Jared stilled. Fuck. “I’m good at investing.” Well, that was true. “I inherited some money in college and by the time I started the firm I had a nice sum saved up.” Not quite as true but Jensen didn’t need to know that.

“It’s impressive,” Jensen said. “Everything about you sort of is.” He looked at Jared and smiled hesitantly. “That was a come on, in case you were wondering.”

Jared swallowed. “Jensen…”

Jensen looked away and when he raised his head again the smile had gone polite and a lot less genuine. “Just thought I’d give it a shot. Don’t worry about it.”

“I just…” He didn’t know what to say. “We don’t even live in the same city,” he finally tried.

“No, you’re right,” Jensen said and stood up. “Forget I mentioned it.”

Jared got up as well and for a moment they stood there, awkward, Jensen staring down at his feet and Jared watching him sadly. It was stupid how much it hurt, turning Jensen down. They didn’t really know each other - Jensen didn’t even know who Jared really was - but it felt like they did. It felt like this was something he should reach out for. If he just wasn’t so scared. “Jensen, I…”

“Jared, it’s okay.” Jensen looked up and this time the smile was real. “Hey, cheer up. You’re still my favorite lawyer.”

Jared snorted. “Well, duh. All the other lawyers you know are scumbags. You told me so yourself.”

Jensen frowned then smirked. “You’re my favorite lawyer, including the entire cast of Boston Legal. And I love that show.”

“Oh well, in that case,” Jared said, grinning. “Compliment accepted. And you’re definitely my favorite musical composer including…” He frowned. “I can’t think of anyone.”

Jensen ducked his head, his shoulders shaking with soft laughter before looking up, serious again. “I had a great day. Thank you. I really needed a day off. To just get out of the apartment.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, smiling awkwardly. “That’s the thing about working at home, you’re always working. Even when you’re watching TV or whatever, the work is always there, calling you back.”

“Yeah.” Jared nodded, trying to find something to say that didn’t sound gloomy. This felt like goodbye. Even if they were bound to talk again about the case it wouldn’t be the same. “I had a great day too. Next time you come to Washington…”

“Yeah, definitely,” Jensen said, that same polite smile back. “And I’ll call you about the authentication thing. For the signature, I mean.”

“Yeah, please do.”

They fell quiet, Jensen with his hands stuffed into his pockets and head lowered, Jared feeling stiff and awkward in his suit and unable to take his eyes of Jensen’s bowed head.

“Well, I should…” he finally said and Jensen looked up, nodding solemnly. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too.”

They shook hands and then Jensen nodded with a smile and turned away. Jared stood still, watching his retreating back, the way his shoulders slumped as he got further away and then stiffened as he shook his head, like he was annoyed with himself.

Jared sighed. It was better this way. It would never have worked, not with them living in different cities and leading such different lives. ‘Not forgetting that he doesn’t know your past and that you’re on the run from his evil lawyer,’ he reminded himself. There were too many obstacles and not enough reasons to tackle them. It was just a simple attraction, a little flirt. Not like he was in love or anything. He didn’t even know the guy.

Refusing to contemplate why he needed to convince himself so thoroughly Jared caught a cab to his hotel. The room that had seemed pleasant enough that morning suddenly felt cold and empty. He changed out of the suit and into some old jeans and a t-shirt, then flopped down on the bed, grabbing the remote and settling down to watch some mindless TV.

A few moments later he got up again and fetched his phone from the inner pocket of his jacket. He should probably call Chad, let him know what time he was coming back tomorrow. Or maybe Steve, just to let him know how everything had gone down. He fiddled with the buttons then snapped the phone shut again and put it on the nightstand. He turned up the volume on the TV instead and started flipping through the channels. William Shatner’s face popped up and Jared paused, watching Denny Crane and Alan Shore flirt shamelessly on the screen for a while. Something tightened in his chest and he turned over to the next channel, spending a few minutes watching an infomercial about some obscure cooking device. All it did was make him hungry. He checked his watch. It showed 6:30. He turned off the TV with a sigh and stood up, putting a shirt on over his t-shirt and grabbing his phone and the keys to his room. He was just feeling restless because he was hungry, that was all. A pizza and a couple of beers would fix that.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

Jensen had the phone in hand and was just about to sullenly order some comfort food when there was a knock on his door. When he grumpily opened it he came face to face with a flushed Jared, smiling at him hesitantly.

“Hi,” Jared said, slightly out of breath. Jensen stared at him. “Huh, awkward. Uhm… how many times do you get to start over? One each?”

Jensen blinked but then a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Sounds only fair.”

“Cool.” Jared grinned widely. “Hi, I’m Jared Padalecki,” he said and stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Hi.” Jensen took his hand, shaking it. “Jensen Ackles.”

They stood for a moment, just smiling at each other but then Jensen caught himself and he stepped back, opening the door further. “Come on in,” he said. “I was just about to order something to eat. You hungry?”

Jared opened his mouth to answer just as his stomach rumbled loudly.

“Guess that answers that question,” Jensen said with a grin. “Pizza? I’ve got beer in the fridge.”

“Sounds perfect.”

Jared followed Jensen into the living room. It wasn’t quite as messy as before, he’d cleared the couch and thrown away the piece of toast. The coffee cup still stood on the table though and Jensen grabbed his pj pants of the easy chair as he walked by, bundling them up in his hands as he gave Jared an apologetic grin.

“Have a seat,” he said, indicating the couch. “Make yourself at home. I’ll just order the food. What do you want?”

“Whatever,” Jared said, flopping down at the end of the couch. “I’m easy when it comes to food.”

Jensen quirked his eyebrow, wanting to ask if that applied to other things as well but decided he’d better not. “So tofu veggie pizza with anchovies sounds good then?”

Jared’s eyes widened. “Uhm… sure. Tofu?”

Jensen nodded, keeping his face as neutral as he could. “Only thing I eat.”

The look on Jared’s face went from shocked to hesitant to resigned and then he smiled widely like a tofu veggie pizza with anchovies was his favorite thing ever. Jensen grinned and when a voice came on the phone, asking for his order, he ordered a large double meat special with mushrooms, red onions and extra cheese.

When he turned around Jared was eyeing him confused. “That’s what you call tofu?”

“Nah, that’s what I call making Jared squirm for ditching me in the park.”

“Hmm,” Jared huffed but he was smiling, “I guess I deserved that.”

Jensen grinned back. “Beer?”

“God, yes.”

When Jensen got back from the kitchen Jared was already lounging on the couch, long legs kicked up on the sofa table. Jensen handed him his beer before sitting down on the other end, ankles crossed on the table to mirror Jared’s pose. The TV was turned on, sound low, with some sitcom he vaguely recognized spouting out canned laughter. The tension that had been gathering in his shoulders the last couple of hours finally faded away. He threw Jared a small smile, lifting his bottle in salute. Jared smiled hesitantly back, and again Jensen got hit with this strange feeling of déjà vu.

It was weird but sometimes when he looked at Jared it was like he was looking at someone else. Someone gangly with sad eyes and high dreams who he’d felt a strange connection to even if they’d hardly known each other. Not unlike what he was feeling now. Like this, whatever it was between him and Jared, could be something more than just a casual friendship. Maybe that was why the thought of letting Jared walk out of his life had upset him so much. He’d lost JT before he even got to know him properly. He didn’t want to make the same mistake with Jared.

He almost never allowed himself to think of JT. The few times he did he was usually drunk and depressed and ended up even more drunk and depressed, writing some horrible emo operas about homeless kids that sold themselves on the streets for a piece of bread and a blanket. His sister used to call it his suicide folder because, “You ever produce this and everyone in the audience will blow their brains out.”

“It’s that bad?” he’d asked, half-insulted

“No, it’s brilliant. It’s harsh and real and gritty and absolutely fucking heartbreaking. People would watch it and cry and hate themselves and then go blow their brains out. You’d never get past opening night.”

He’d had to admit she might have a point.

Truth was sometimes he felt like he had that kid to thank for all he was now. If they hadn’t met all those years ago he would probably be high up on the Ackles Industry corporate list by now, with a trophy wife on his arm and a couple of spoiled brats running around his ankles. Which was probably most people’s idea of success but it only made him shudder in horror. It made him wish even harder that he could turn back time and save the kid from his horrible fate. After all, if it hadn’t been for him JT would most likely still be alive.

They sat in comfortable silence, watching the movie until the pizza arrived, then fell back on idle chitchat as they ate. It felt easy and natural, like they’d known each other for years. Jared did skitter away from anything too personal though and for now Jensen was willing to indulge him. From the little things he let slip Jensen gathered he came from a broken home and didn’t have much contact with his family. In Jensen’s case it sounded ideal but it obviously bothered Jared, especially the fact that his sister wanted little to nothing to do with him. Jensen couldn’t help wondering how anyone could have a bone to pick with this guy. Seriously, so far there was nothing about him that didn’t spell ‘good and decent’. With a side dish of hot and funny and sexy as hell.

Time flew by and it was suddenly midnight. The empty pizza box had long since been cleared away and there were six empties in the kitchen in addition to the half full bottles on the table in front of them. Jared had been dozing off on the couch for the last half hour and however much Jensen would have loved for him to stay the night he didn’t think it would be a good idea, considering how skittish Jared seemed to be. He allowed himself a few minutes of watching Jared sleep, amazed at how young he looked when he finally allowed himself to relax, before gently shaking him awake.

“You’re free to sleep on my couch if you want,” he said, yawning to show he had nothing but sleep in mind, but Jared shook his head.

“My flight is pretty early and I’ve already paid for the hotel,” he said, stifling a yawn as well. He stood up, tugging the creaks out of his neck before stretching his arms above his head, his spine popping and his shirt riding up to reveal a flat tanned stomach, a very tantalizing treasure trail and… a mole right above his hipbone.

Jensen stared at it. He could still feel JT’s tongue licking that exact spot on his hipbone, indicating the place where he himself had a mole. The clogs started turning dangerously fast in Jensen’s head and before he could consider what he was doing he was up from the couch and pushing Jared’s t-shirt up his chest to reveal another mole a couple of inches under Jared’s nipple. Oh God.

Jared stumbled back, more in surprise than actual defense, huffing out a short laugh and a breathless, “Jensen, what…?”

Jensen stood there frozen, one hand still on Jared’s chest. “You’re JT,” he said dazed.

Jared went deadly pale, staring back with obvious fear in his eyes. “What?” he said, weakly. “No. I’m… Who?” He started to turn away but Jensen grabbed his arm, forcing him abruptly back.

“You! You are JT! You…” His voice shook. He felt dizzy and confused and for some reason really, really angry. “I thought you were dead! I’ve thought for seven years that you were dead, that I got you killed and…” He pushed Jared back, the solid chest strong and broad and alive under his palm. “You asshole!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Jared stammered but Jensen pushed him again so he fell back on the couch, sprawling there awkwardly.

“Don’t! Don’t you dare lie to me! You kept reminding me of him but I never…” Jensen’s voice broke and he hitched his breath. “He was dead so it couldn’t be. It couldn’t! But you’re not dead. You’re alive, you asshole!”

“Look,” Jared said flustered. “You’re wrong. I’m not…” He tried to stand up but again Jensen pushed him back down.

“Drop your pants,” he said coldly.

Jared stared at him. “What?”

“Take your goddamn pants off. If you’re not JT, you don’t have a mole by your dick. So drop them.”

“I’m not gonna…” Jared protested but when Jensen crouched down and angrily got to work on his belt buckle he didn’t struggle, just lay there looking both mortified and devastated. Belt loosened and the top buttons undone, Jensen tugged Jared’s underwear down then sat staring at the dark mole underneath Jared’s curls.

“Jensen…”

Jared’s pleading voice broke Jensen out of his stupor and he stumbled back, falling on his ass before getting quickly to his feet. His knees felt weak and his head dizzy. He had no idea what to do, what to think.

“Why?” he finally managed. “Why did you…?”

“I’m sorry.” Jared sighed. “I never meant for you to find out.”

If anything that hurt even more. “You never…?” His shock quickly turned into anger and he glared at Jared, wanting nothing more than to punch his face in. “Jesus, Jared! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have any idea how that has weighted on me all these years? That you… that a young kid got killed because of me?”

By the shocked look on Jared’s face it was obvious that had never occurred to him. “What? No! Jensen, no.” He fumbled with his pants, awkwardly fastening them again. “You had nothing to do with what happened…”

“Nothing to do…!” Jensen glared at him incredulous. “Are you kidding me? You got arrested because I spent the night with you!”

Jared got to his feet, shaking his head grimly. “I got arrested because Chad the moron figured out who you were and thought he’d make a quick buck. He called in asking for money and… Well, you know the rest.”

Jensen blinked. A steady pounding was starting behind his temple and he absentmindedly rubbed at it with his thumb. “No,” he said, suddenly feeling so very tired. “I don’t. I don’t know what happened to you, Jared, or JT or whatever the hell your name is. All I know is that the Feds busted in on me naked in your bed and then tried to convince me I had been kidnapped and raped. I told them they were morons and to let you go and…” He swallowed. “Then Welling told me you had been killed in a jail fight.”

Jared stared at him. “Tom Welling?”

Jensen nodded. “But clearly you weren’t because you’re here. I don’t… I don’t understand anything.”

Jared bit his lip, looking uncertain, but then he suddenly started talking, the words rushing out nervously. “Tom Welling told me you were going to file charges for kidnapping and rape unless I did you a favor, delivering something to a guy you were doing ‘business’ with in Vegas. So me and Chad went there except it turned out the real delivery was us. That he was selling us.”

Jensen stepped back, staring at him in shock. His stomach turned and he felt like he might throw up. “What?” he whispered.

“Yeah.” Jared swallowed. He’d gone pale like the memory was making him ill. “Apparently Welling had been delivering him street kids for years. Know why? Because no one cares if some filthy street kids disappear. Hell, I knew kids that suddenly vanished one day and I didn’t even care. It’s just what happens, you know. But now I know where they went…” His voice broke and he looked away.

“Oh God. Did you…? Did he…?” Jensen stopped. He couldn’t even say it.

Jared shook his head. “No. He locked us up in a room and there we found Chris, tied up and waiting to be executed. We freed him and then Steve got us out. And then we ran, as far as we could.” Jared stopped, running one hand through his hair. He looked tired and hopeless. “Chris told me there was no way you had anything to do with any of it.”

Jensen blinked. In the horror of everything he’d forgotten that part of the story. “I didn’t! God, Jared, I had no idea…”

“I know,” Jared hurried to assure him. “I just… I thought it would be better if I stayed away but I didn’t know Tom had told you I’d been killed. I swear I had no idea about that. I wouldn’t have let you carry that burden, Jensen.”

“Ok, ok.” Jensen rubbed a hand tiredly over his face. “But why didn’t you…? You could have told me who you were when you called me! Why didn’t you tell me, Jared?”

“Jensen, I was a filthy street kid.” Jared sighed. “It’s not exactly something I’m proud of. And I thought… I didn’t think you even remembered me, ok? Chris says you’ve never mentioned any of it. I really didn’t think you cared.”

“I didn’t care?” Jensen laughed. It sounded half-hysterical in his own ears. “I had sex with an underage teenager and then sent him to jail to be beaten to death! Jesus, Jared! You have any idea how guilty I’ve felt all these years? How absolutely devastated?” He swallowed. “I never told anyone because… Because I fucking hated myself for it and I couldn’t really handle them hating me too, ok? That’s why. Not because I didn’t remember you. Jesus!”

“I’m sorry.” Jared took a step forward, hesitantly reaching out to him. “Jensen…”

Jensen shrunk away. “Did you remember, Jared?” he asked in a low voice. “Did you care? Christ, man. You just call me up one day like… like none of it mattered. Like we’re strangers.”

“We are strangers, Jensen,” Jared said tiredly and Jensen turned away. “No, Jensen please, listen. Of course I remembered. Of course I cared. But it was a different life. I was a different person then. This is who I am now. That’s why I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want you to just see that loser kid whenever you looked at me.”

Jensen swung around, glaring at him. “I liked that loser kid,” he said. “At least he was honest! And he might have been poor and homeless but he had more integrity than whoever you think you are now.”

Jared flinched but Jensen was too angry to back down.

“You dress up in a nice suit and flaunt your lawyers degree like… like that makes you somehow better? Well, you know what, if there was a degree in humanity that loser street kid would have Ph.D.’d your ass.”

Jared clenched his jaw. “Where the hell do you come off judging me? You’ve rolled in money your whole life, Jensen. You don’t know anything about me or my life.”

“Then fucking tell me!” Jensen yelled back, exasperated.

Jared glared at him. “Tell you what? You want to know what it’s like watching your dad beat up your brother so bad he can’t walk for days, all the time knowing you’re next? Or what it feels like hiding your seven year old sister under your bed so she won’t be smacked around for spilling her milk. Or maybe you want to hear about what it was like having to fight for your life on the streets because you’re young and small and apparently ‘asking for it’ even if you don’t even know what ‘it’ is.”

Jensen stared at him, his stomach turning. “What? No, you told me…”

Jared shrugged annoyed. “I told you I didn’t do that. Doesn’t mean no one ever did it to me. Christ, Jensen, I was thirteen when I ran away from home. I didn’t know shit, ok? I didn’t even know people did that.”

“Jesus.” Jensen gave into his weak knees and sat heavily down on the sofa table. “Jesus, Jared. I’m so sorry.”

Jared sighed, his anger seeming to drain away. “See this is why I didn’t want you to know. Why I don’t want anyone to know where I come from. Because it’s not who I am. It’s not what I want to be judged by.”

Jensen looked up at him startled. “I would never judge you because of that,” he said hurt.

“No?” Jared rolled his eyes. “Jensen, you’re doing it right now. I can see it. You’re wondering if being sexually abused made me gay. You’re wondering if I sucked you off that night because I thought I had to. You’re looking at me now, wondering how I paid my way through law school, ‘prostitution’ being on the top of your list. And if we had gotten involved again you’d never been able to touch me without wondering if you were doing it wrong, if you were reminding me of them and what they did. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Jensen swallowed. “You’re not wrong. Except about the law school thing, I hadn’t even thought of that.”

“And now?” Jared asked sarcastic.

“Now… now I am.” Jensen sighed. “Ok, you’re right. I don’t know anything about you. And if I’d known about what had happened to you I probably would have at least considered these things. But… You’re not exactly helping out here, man.” He swallowed, trying to find the right words without alienating Jared even further. “You’re so scared people might judge you that you don’t give them any info to work with. You don’t fight prejudice with anger, Jared, you do it with education. If all you’re willing to tell people is ‘I was an abused street kid’ then that’s all they’re gonna base their opinion on.”

“Why should I have to tell them anything?” Jared asked angry. “It’s no one’s business but my own.”

Jensen raised his head and gazed at Jared a long time before sighing and standing up. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t mean…” Jared started but Jensen raised one hand and shook his head.

“It’s ok. I’m just…” He gave Jared a tired smile. “I’m glad you’re alive. It’s all that matters to me. That you’re alive and happy. That’s all I need to know.” He bit his lip then looked down. “It’s late. I’m going to bed. You can… Whatever. Good night.”

He turned and walked toward the bedroom. He didn’t even know why he was so upset. He should be happy that the kid was alive. And he was, he was really happy. But he also felt stupidly hurt that Jared hadn’t trusted him with who he was. That what happened between them all those years ago and had haunted Jensen ever since apparently didn’t mean anything to Jared.

“I’m not happy,” Jared’s voice suddenly said behind Jensen and he stopped in his tracks, hand on the door to his bedroom. “I haven’t been happy since… since my mother died. I thought I never would be again and then… then there was today. That’s why I came back because… because being with you today was the happiest I’ve been since I was eleven years old.”

Jensen turned slowly around. Jared was staring at him, his face flushed and his eyes glittering. He looked like he was half a breath away from fleeing.

Jensen swallowed. “Me too. Since… I don’t know.” He dropped his gaze, taking a deep breath before looking up again. “I’m glad you came back. Both tonight and… you know, into my life. When you called me.”

“I should have done it sooner,” Jared said, sounding genuinely regretful. “If I’d known you felt so bad about it…”

“It doesn’t matter.” Jensen gave him a short smile. “I meant what I said, I’m just happy you’re alive.”

They stood gazing at each other, Jared’s cheeks still flushed, Jensen sure that everything he was feeling could be read easily on his own face. ‘I think I’m in love with you,’ he thought and Jared hitched his breath. ‘Jesus, Jared, I’ve been in love with you for seven years and I just want… I just want you.’

“I…” Jared started then stopped. “I need to…” He glanced toward the door then back at Jensen, looking conflicted. “I should go.”

Jensen swallowed. “Right.”

“But… I want to see you again. Because I… really… Goddammit!”

And just like that Jared was pressing Jensen up against the door, hard and desperate and… Jesus, so very different from the fumbling teenage boy he’d been. His hands enveloped Jensen’s face, long fingers digging into the back of his skull and Jared’s lips... God, his lips, hot and damp and hungry, moaning against Jensen’s until they fell open and breathed him in. Jensen fumbled for Jared, the thin material of his t-shirt twisting under Jensen’s fingers as he fisted it and pulled Jared closer, afraid that if he let go he might just crumble to the floor.

“Never forgot you,” Jared growled into his mouth, hands moving down to Jensen’s waist, jerking him even closer. “Fuck, Jensen, been remembering this, kissing you, for seven years.”

Jensen hitched his breath and got his hands in Jared’s hair, holding him still as he kissed him for all he was worth. When he finally pulled back for air Jared was heaving for breath, pupils blown wide as they stared down at him and his lips red and swollen.

“I don’t want to go back to my hotel,” Jared whispered.

“Then don’t,” Jensen pleaded. “Stay here. I want you to. Please.”

Jared sucked in his breath. “God, what are you doing to me?”

Jensen laughed, half-breathless. “Question is, what are you going to do to me?” he asked.

Jared’s eyes went even darker and a small smile curled his lips. “How about we pick up from where we left off seven years ago?”

“That demands we’re naked,” Jensen pointed out. “And already in bed.”

“That can be arranged,” Jared said and in one swift motion pulled the t-shirt over his head.

Jensen blinked, for a moment blinded by the miles of skin and muscles and Jesus Christ, Jared! But then his brain finally kicked into gear and he grabbed the hem of his own t-shirt, pulling it over his head and throwing it to the floor before starting on his jeans. Jared was already kicking his off and Jensen had to concentrate on his own stripping and not looking up at Jared or he would never manage to get the goddamn fucking zipper undone. Fucking hell, who designed these things?

“Need help?” Jared asked, clearly amused and Jensen glanced up, meaning to growl at him to shut up but instead finding himself once again paralyzed by the sight of Jared, now completely naked and wow, oh wow, seemed that Jared had grown everywhere!

“Holy shit!” he said, giving up on his pants altogether. “Look at you. You’re just… wow. Jesus fuck.”

Jared blinked, looking uncomfortable for a moment, but then a grin spread on his face and he snorted. “Eloquent. What is it you do for a living again?”

“Shut up,” Jensen said, pushing him hungrily up against the opposite wall. “Fuck, I want to lick every fucking mole on your body,” he growled and latched on to Jared’s right nipple sucking it into his mouth.

Jared moaned, the back of his head hitting the wall with a bang. “Jensen…” His knee came up between Jensen’s, thigh rubbing against his crotch and this time it was Jensen’s turn to moan while his hips involuntarily jerked forward, riding Jared’s thigh.

“You’re so… Jesus, Jared. Bed!” He reluctantly let Jared go and turned to open the door, then let out a surprised oomph when Jared tackled him from behind and practically threw him face down on the bed, then flipped him over and got to work on the stubborn zipper.

“Not fair you still being dressed. There!” The zipper went down with a groan and Jensen just lay back, panting, while Jared pulled at his jeans, down his thighs where he stopped for a moment, just staring at Jensen’s dick before with a growl pulling them the rest of the way and off. “Now we’re even.”

“You’re still standing,” Jensen complained but that’s as far as he got before Jared was all over him, chest to chest, lips latching on Jensen’s neck and one leg sliding in between his.

“You were saying?” Jared panted between kisses but Jensen just whimpered and flailed for a moment before settling his hands on Jared’s ass, pulling him closer and adding a little squeeze, just for emphasis.

They made out for a while, just touching and rocking against each other while trading kisses but Jensen soon got impatient and with a quick jerk managed to roll them over until he was on top, gazing down at Jared with a grin. “I believe I owe you a blowjob,” he said and laughed when Jared’s dick jumped up and slapped his stomach.

“Yeah?” Jared swallowed, his eyes dark. “It’s been a long time coming.”

“I’ll pay you back with interest,” Jensen assured him before gliding down the bed until he had Jared’s cock waving eagerly right under his lips. He gave Jared a quick glance, smiling when he saw Jared staring back, lips parted in anticipation, and then dived down, sucking him in.

Jensen very much doubted it was the best blowjob he’d ever given, or even close to the best one Jared had ever received, (not that he wanted to think about that) but his gay experiences had until now not really involved anyone even close to Jared’s proportions. Turns out size really does matter. At least when you’re trying to fit something in your mouth. Thankfully it seemed that Jared was quite happy with Jensen slobbering all over his dick and balls even if it made Jensen feel like that dog in Turner & Hooch.

“Jensen, Jensen… Jesus fuck, Jensen,” Jared blabbered and Jensen hummed and nodded and tried not to choke every time Jared lost control of his hips. “Wait, wait…” Jared finally blurted out, hand coming down to gently tug at Jensen’s hair. “Jesus Christ, Jensen, wait!”

Jensen slipped off with a pop, looking up at Jared unsure. “What?”

“I want you to fuck me,” Jared said breathless and Jensen scrambled to his knees and launched himself across the bed toward the bedside table so fast he hit Jared in the chest with his elbow before landing with Jared’s face in his armpit and his wrist aching where he banged it on the drawer.

“Fuck, sorry,” he panted. “Got a bit carried away there.”

“It’s okay,” Jared grunted, rubbing his chest. “Jeez, eager much?”

“About my dick going in your ass?” Jensen growled. “Oh yeah, big time.” He fumbled around in the drawer until he finally found a string of condoms and a half empty tube of lube then scooted back down and eyed his prize. “Been long?” he asked, giving Jared a quick glance.

Jared shrugged and pulled up his knees to give him better access. “Depends on what you mean. Been a while since someone fucked me but not that long since I had something in there.” His voice was casual but his face was a lovely shade of crimson.

Jensen grinned as he slicked up his fingers. “Yeah? You like to fuck yourself with your fingers? A dildo? What?”

“Dildo,” Jared groaned as Jensen slipped one finger inside. “Big black one.”

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Jensen panted, slicking Jared up inside before slipping another finger in. There wasn’t much resistance yet so it couldn’t have been too long. “When was the last time?” he asked, watching Jared’s eyes roll back in his head as Jensen’s fingers twisted inside him.

“Last night. After… after I talked to you on the phone.”

“Jesus!” Damn, he was gonna come before he even got in there. “You touch yourself while you talk to me on the phone, Jared?”

“Some…sometimes. Yeah. You?” Jared lifted his head and gazed down at him, eyes wide and wanting.

“Sometimes,” Jensen admitted, feeling himself blush. He looked down to where his fingers were disappearing into Jared’s body, the clenching heat almost unbearable. He carefully pulled out before pushing in again, a third finger added. Jared cursed, his head dropping back exposing a long neck as he twisted the sheets in his fists.

“Fuck, Jensen,” he groaned when Jensen had worked a steady rhythm for a while. “That’s enough. Just get in there.”

“You sure?” Jensen asked even if he was already pulling out and reaching for the condoms.

“Yes! Not that your fingers weren’t doing a great job but I’d rather have your cock fucking me.”

Jensen laughed shakily as he lined up. “Glad to hear we’re on the same page,” he said and then slowly pushed inside.

Unlike the blowjob this definitely ranked up there with Jensen’s greatest performances. Honestly, if he lived to be a hundred and one he doubted he would ever have a sexual experience even close to this one. Unless it involved Jared. Thinking about it he had to admit that Jared’s cock in his ass might possibly even surpass the amazing awesomeness that was having his cock in Jared’s ass. He was willing to do pretty much anything to make sure that theory was put to the test.

“Do you always think so much when you’re having sex?” Jared groaned and bit Jensen’s shoulder, jerking him out of his musings. “Come on, fuck me harder.”

“Pushy bottom,” Jensen muttered but did as he was asked. Oh yeah, that was even better.

“Fuck yes,” Jared panted, “like that.” He opened his eyes, gazing up at Jensen with wide blown pupils. “What were you thinking anyway?”

“What it would feel like having your monster of a cock fucking me,” Jensen groaned. “Can’t wait to try it.”

Jared’s eyes widened. “Oh you… fuck!” he said shocked and then he was coming hard, head thrown back, tendons stretched in his neck and heels digging into the mattress. Jensen hardly had time to acknowledge what was happening until he was gasping for breath, hips stuttering as he followed Jared over the top.

Completely wiped out he crashed down on Jared’s chest, panting into his neck and not even caring about the pool of come presently gluing their stomachs together. “Jesus,” he said when he finally caught his breath.

“You can say that again,” Jared grunted.

“Jesus,” Jensen repeated. “Jesus fucking Christ!”

“On a pogostick,” Jared added and then they were both laughing, almost hysterically. Jensen slid off and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling as he still shook with laughter. His hands fumbled with the condom, tying it off and discarding it somewhere on the floor with the last of his strength. Jared shifted beside him and when Jensen turned his head he met Jared’s eyes, watching him with what seemed like awe.

“What?” he asked, feeling somewhat self-conscious. He was pretty sure his hair was standing up in all directions, his face felt itchy from the sloppy blowjob earlier and his mouth tasted and probably smelled like dick.

“Nothing.” Jared said and smiled. “Just… never really got to see you that night. You know, back then. It was too dark.”

“And?” Jensen asked, feeling himself blush.

“And you weren’t kidding about the freckles. Freakish.”

“Jerk,” Jensen muttered and tried to slug him but Jared was too quick, grabbing him by the wrist and then bringing Jensen’s hand up to kiss his palm.

“You’re also freakishly gorgeous, have freakishly beautiful eyes and seriously, were you actually born with those eyelashes?”

Jensen snorted, hoping his face wasn’t quite as red as it felt. “It ain’t Maybelline if that’s what you’re asking. Seriously, dude, you have an unhealthy obsession with make-up.”

Jared threw back his head and laughed, his whole body shaking, while Jensen smirked and tried to will his pulse to slow down.

‘You are not a twelve year old girl,’ he told himself, ‘so stop acting like you’ve just run smack into Zac Efron or whatever. This whole blushing thing is not funny.’

He blinked to find Jared once again watching him, amusement still twinkling in his eyes. “I like you,” he said and Jensen’s heartbeat sped up again. “Like… really, really like you.” Jared bit his lip and looked down, cheeks flushing. “Fuck, listen to me. I sound like a pimpled teenager.” He looked up again, his eyes more determined now. “I want to keep seeing you. I know we don’t live in the same city and the whole Welling thing is something we really need to work out but… I want us to just… try.”

“Ok,” Jensen hurried to say. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Jared’s face split into the widest smile. “Yeah?”

Jensen hesitated then blurted out, “You might not have noticed but I’m kinda really, stupidly in love with you.”

Jared stared at him for a moment before heaving his breath. “Oh thank god, it’s not just me,” he said and laughed.

“Definitely not just you.” Jensen smiled in relief and shuffled a little closer. “So…” he said, stifling a yawn, “…sleep?”

“Sleep sounds good,” Jared agreed. “You don’t mind?” he added uncertainly and indicated the bed.

“Dude, you try and leave and I’ll get out my handcuffs,” Jensen warned and slung one leg over Jared’s, pressing him down into the mattress.

Jared laughed and wrapped his arms tighter around Jensen. “Kinky,” he said as he kissed Jensen’s shoulder before burrowing his nose in Jensen’s neck. “Maybe later.”

Yep, Jensen thought as he started to drift off to sleep. Definitely not letting him go this time.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

“He’s not going to let this go,” Welling said, staring angry out the window. “Figures he finds his balls just when there are none other left in the family.”

“Not sure about that,” Mike commented casually from where he sat on the leather couch on the other side of the room. “Seems to me his bitch of a sister’s got bigger balls than most guys I know.”

He leaned over, snorting the line of coke up his nose. “Ah, fuck,” he hissed, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “This is some good shit.”

Welling turned around abruptly, glaring at him. “How many times have I told you not to do that here?”

“Relax, dude,” Mike leered up at him. “Who’s gonna know?”

“I am,” Welling said coldly. “Make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Mike swallowed, suddenly feeling sober despite the drugs buzzing his brain. “Sorry, boss. I forgot.”

Welling stared him down a little longer before turning back to the window. “We might have to eliminate the problem,” he said, tapping one finger against his chin.

“Snuff the Ackles boy?” Mike asked cheerful. “I can do that.”

Welling shook his head. “He’s made a will. If he dies his share goes to his sister. That leaves her with forty percent the same as me. Until the old man dies when she gets those twenty percent as well which will leave me outnumbered. No, I think we have to be more subtle.” He furrowed his brow, thinking. Mike used the break to quickly clean the table, making sure there was no evidence left of what he’d been doing.

“That lawyer of his,” Welling finally said, “he’s some young boy fresh out of college. Plenty of student loans on his back, I’d bet. If not, then there are sure to be some loved ones he’d rather not see hurt. Either way he should be easy enough even for you to deal with.” He walked over to his desk, sitting down and giving Mike a brief glance. “Make it happen.”

Mike grinned and stood up, grabbing his red leather coat from the back of the couch. “You can count on me, boss,” he said, already punching in numbers on his cell phone. This was going to be fun.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~

“I still don’t see why you can’t stay for the weekend,” Jensen said. He was pouting like a sullen five-year-old, which Jared found ridiculously adorable. He kissed Jensen lightly on the tip of his nose and smiled down at him.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he said and gave Jensen another quick kiss, this time on the lips as he opened his mouth, no doubt to argue. “Monday, I promise. And hey, there’s always phone sex,” he added in a low voice.

Jensen instantly perked up. “Mmm yeah. Me, you and the big black dildo. And this time I want to listen while you do it.”

Jared’s cheeks went red and he looked quickly around to make sure no one had heard them. “Dude!” he hissed. “Respectable lawyer here, hello!”

Jensen laughed and wrapped Jared’s tie around his fist, pulling him in for another long deep kiss. When he was finally allowed up for air his cheeks were even more flushed, his lips felt swollen and to add insult to injury Jensen reached up and ruffled his carefully combed hair. “Oh yeah,” Jensen said with a smirk, “Very respectable.”

“I hate you,” Jared said, looking down at his wrinkled tie and the noticeable bulge in his pants. “I look like a horny frat boy,” he pouted.

“Didn’t know you were into role-play,” Jensen snorted, giving Jared a fond look. “You look hot,” he said then checked his watch. “We have about ten minutes to take care of that if you want.”

Jared stared at him. “What?”

“The handicap toilet is right there.” Jensen jerked his head to the side, smirking invitingly.

“Oh. Ok.”

Jensen grinned and grabbed his hand, dragging him through the crowd of tired and irritated passengers. A woman gave them a suspicious look when they went for the handicap toilet but Jensen just flashed her a smile and said, “He always needs to pee-pee before flying,” in a soft condescending voice, like he was talking about a child. Her face instantly softened while Jared’s went bright red again.

“Dude!” he hissed as soon as they’d closed the door.

“What?” Jensen said innocently, pushing him up against the door and giving him a quick kiss before dropping to his knees.

It was quick and sloppy and dirty and absolutely amazing. Jared kept one hand on the doorknob, steadying himself, the other on Jensen’s head, fingers twisted in his hair. When Jared bucked his hips Jensen moaned around his cock and just like that, Jared lost it. His fingers curled, gripping Jensen’s hair tight as he fucked his mouth in quick jerks, finally coming down his throat with a bit-off groan.

His knees were shaking and his shirt was plastered to his back and when he looked down to see Jensen gaze up at him, lips swollen and cheeks flushed, eyes dark and glittering and hair still twisted in Jared’s fist, he almost lost it all over again.

“God, you…” he said and without a thought dropped to his knees and crushed their mouths together. Jensen groaned, eyes fluttering close and he sucked Jared’s tongue eagerly into his mouth like he was already missing his cock. Jared’s fingers tightened again in Jensen’s hair, angling his head so he could kiss him deeper, his other hand clutching at Jensen’s bicep. He could taste his own come on Jensen’s tongue and it was so damn hot he had to pull back to suck in air or he thought he might pass out.

“Good?” Jensen asked breathless and Jared laughed.

“Jesus, yes!” He kissed Jensen again, hungry for more. “You have any idea how fucking hot you are? How goddamn crazy you make me?” He reached for Jensen’s zipper but Jensen grabbed him by the wrist, stopping him.

“Considering you’re about to miss your flight? I think I have a vague idea.”

“Fuck,” Jared groaned, closing his eyes in frustration. “I don’t wanna go.”

Jensen kissed him and then gently tucked him in. “Monday,” he said. “And we’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Jared slowly got to his feet and consequently met his reflection in the mirror. “Damn, now I definitely look like a frat boy,” he said. “One that’s just been sucked off by his very hot teacher.”

“Hey, I’m not that much older than you,” Jensen objected. “But yeah. You look totally fucked out and gorgeous.” He grinned. “Every single person on that flight is gonna know exactly what you were doing.”

Jared shivered. “Jesus.” He straightened his tie and ran both hands down his jacket, trying to get rid off the worst creases but there was nothing he could do about the flushed and satisfied look on his face. “Now I hate you even more.”

“Mission accomplished,” Jensen said smugly as he unlocked the door and opened it.

A very pissed off man in a wheelchair glared up at them and Jared could feel his face go even redder. “Uhm…” he started but Jensen just smiled at the man and tipped his head at Jared.

“Diaper change,” he said and raised a finger to his lips. “Long story, don’t ask.”

The man’s angry glare changed into a mixture of sympathy and badly hidden disgust and they left him looking at the bathroom door like he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to go in there.

“You just love embarrassing me, don’t you?” Jared hissed.

“Well, you are adorable when you blush,” Jensen said casually. “Oh look, you have two minutes. Go!” He patted Jared on the ass, urging him on.

“I’ll get you back for this,” Jared said and pulled Jensen in for one last kiss. “Next time.” He smacked Jensen’s ass hard and then hurried to the gate, grinning when he heard a loud wolf whistle behind him. If he swung his hips a little more than usual, so what?

He was almost at the gate when a man came up behind him, walking uncomfortably close. Jared looked back annoyed and almost tripped over his feet when a face he hadn’t seen in seven years grinned up at him.

“Tom Welling wants to talk,” the man Chad had nicknamed Baldy said. “Now.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk to him,” Jared said as coolly as he could manage. “I have a flight to catch.”

The bald man in the red leather coat shrugged like he didn’t care one way or the other. “I guess we can talk to your boyfriend instead.” He gave Jared a quick grin. “I hear he likes it rough.”

Jared stopped abruptly and swung around, grabbing the man by the front of his coat. “You touch him and I kill you!” he growled. “I swear to god!”

“See, that’s where you got it wrong,” Baldy said calmly. “You touch me and my men kill him.” He smiled again then added in a low sing-song voice, “They’re watching…”

Jared let him quickly go. “What the hell do you want?”

“Just talk.” The man straightened his coat. “That’s all. We have a proposition for you.”

Jared wanted to tell him just where he could stick his damn proposition but he had no doubt the threat was real. He threw a glance to where he’d left Jensen but couldn’t see him. That didn’t mean anything. He could just be on his way home. Or he could be lying in the back of a van, waiting to be gutted.

“Alright, if Welling wants to talk then let’s talk. Lead the way.”

As he followed the bald man out of the airport he couldn’t help thinking that he was walking straight into a trap.

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