FBB2012: Entry #3 [2/2]
[ part one]
---
Krystal accepted Amber's invitation to go out for ice cream the next Saturday, determined to move past whatever she felt for Amber. Surely she would see Amber again and realize that she'd invented this whole crush thing in her head. Right?
Except...life was not that simple.
“Are you okay?” Amber asked her for probably the eighth time that afternoon after Krystal had nearly dropped her ice cream cone onto the sidewalk when Amber had nudged her innocently in the side to point at something in the store front that they were passing.
“I'm fine!” Krystal immediately assured her, voice too high and smile absolutely fake and overly enthusiastic. It occurred to her that she was lying about her mental well-being a lot lately.
Amber looked at her skeptically, but let it drop- not feeling like it was her place yet to pry and huff in annoyance like Jessica. Krystal was somewhat relieved.
“So how did that paper you had to write last weekend go?” Amber asked, seeming to want to make conversation even when Krystal was more tongue-tied than she'd ever been in her entire life.
“Huh?” Krystal furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Paper? She hadn't had any papers due recently...
“The paper that you said that you had to write last weekend?” Amber pressed.
“...right!” Krystal piped up, laughing almost hysterically when she remembered that that had been her lame excuse for not going out last weekend- a total lie of course, “It was fine. It...yeah. It was alright.” She nodded, hoping she sounded convincing and not insane.
Amber's expression seemed to indicate that she was still acting like an idiot, but she figured that speaking any more on the topic would only make it worse so she looked away and took a big bite of her ice cream as a distraction.
“Mmm!” Krystal exclaimed through closed lips, wincing and waving her hand at her mouth like that might make the pain in her teeth dissipate. That bite of ice cream might have been a poor choice.
“Brain freeze?” Amber asked knowingly, placing a warm hand on Krystal's elbow while she flailed about until she could swallow the ice cream and her head stopped aching.
“Yeah,” she sighed, almost resigned to the fact that Amber probably thought that she was a complete moron.
“Hate those,” Amber commented, still sounding somewhat unsure of what exactly was going on with Krystal that day, though her hand remained on her elbow- steady and comforting and wonderful. Krystal closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“Maybe I should head home,” she said reluctantly, feeling like she should escape before she made an even bigger fool of herself, despite the fact that she didn't want Amber to let go of her elbow, “I'm...out of sorts.”
Amber nodded sympathetically, forehead creased in concern, “Let me know if I can do anything...I don't have much going on this week, so if you need anything...”
“Thanks,” Krystal quickly interjected, shooting Amber a small smile before she waved and walked away as fast as her feet could carry her.
God. She was so, so fucked.
---
“Are you sure you don't have it?” the irate girl across the counter demanded, scowling at Krystal like everything that was wrong with the world was her fault- like maybe she'd woken up that day and decided to make life miserable for this random girl.
“If it's not on the shelf, we don't have it,” Krystal explained for the third time. She didn't have to check herself. She knew because she'd helped Victoria restock the shelves the night before. And any textbooks that they were out of, they didn't have in the back either. Except this girl seemed to think that she was some clueless lazy-ass. It took all of Krystal's willpower not to sneer at the girl in return and challenge her to a bet on whether or not they had the damn textbook in stock.
“Can you check the back?” the girl asked, attitude and dissatisfaction dripping from each and every word.
Krystal fought back a sigh and nodded even though she knew that the book wouldn't be there. Maybe if she went to look, the girl would stop bugging her and leave.
“I'll be right back,” she told her and walked around the register to make her way to the back room, ready to vent her frustrations to Victoria and Sulli who were doing inventory back there. Again.
Except before Krystal could even open her mouth to let out the exasperated sound that was lodged in her throat, she stopped dead in her tracks, staring straight ahead in complete and utter shock.
“Krystal!” Sulli squeaked, jumping back from Victoria- cheeks pink with embarrassment.
Victoria whipped around, opening her mouth like she was about to defend herself- claim that it wasn't what it looked like- before she realized that it would do no good and shut it again. It's not like they could claim that kissing was somehow conducive to doing inventory. No, Krystal was pretty sure that no inventory was getting done if they were back here kissing. But that was just as well. She'd done inventory with Sulli last weekend anyway.
“So...” Krystal began, torn as to whether she should gloat or just excuse herself and talk to them later. She chose a combination, “I'll leave you two alone,” she giggled, only feeling slightly bad for how horrified they both seemed that she'd caught them, “It's about damn time, though,” she added as she made her way back to the front of the store, itching to text Luna that instant.
“We don't have it,” Krystal informed the girl who was standing at the register, foot tapping in impatience. Or more likely, foot tapping just to make the point that she was impatient. Krystal really didn't need the display to figure that out.
“Why do you look so happy about that?” the girl snapped, glaring as Krystal made her way back behind the counter.
“Sorry,” she apologized, trying to school her face into a more neutral expression, “The smile was unrelated.”
“Well what am I supposed to do now? I need that book to write a paper that's due in two days!”
Krystal bit her tongue against telling the girl that she probably should have planned ahead better. But she knew that she was not one to talk- she almost always procrastinated doing her assignments until she was scrambling at the last minute.
“Order it on Amazon?” she suggested instead, shrugging, “It's probably cheaper anyway and they ship really fast.”
Ready to argue, the girl closed her mouth, silenced by Krystal's suggestion.
“Well...you should make sure you have things in stock,” she finally said before hastily exiting the store- probably rushing home to order the book she needed.
Krystal let out a breath of relief, grabbing her phone from her pocket to text Luna. But then she paused. Maybe she should talk to Victoria and Sulli before texting the other girl. As much as she was dying to tell her.
Instead, she fired off a text to Sulli.
No more customers. Want to come out and explain yourselves/celebrate the fact that you two aren't complete idiots anymore?
In two minutes, Sulli emerged from the back room with Victoria in tow, looking like she was about to be scolded. Krystal rolled her eyes and grinned at them.
“Seriously, should we break out the champagne?”
---
It turned out that the two girls had been sneaking kisses in the back room for two weeks before Krystal walked in on them, but they were too afraid to tell anyone- afraid of their friends' reactions.
Krystal had stared at them in disbelief upon that explanation, resisting the urge to smack both of them upside the head and instead told them that she and Luna had been waiting for them to finally get together. Which was, somehow, a surprise to both of them. Which just proved how stupid and oblivious people got when they were in love.
Nonetheless, they agreed to tell Luna that day and Krystal had received a text from the aforementioned girl that was nothing but a bunch of gibberish followed by an upper case finally, which made Krystal smile.
Krystal was extremely happy for her friends (even if she'd be kind of afraid to venture into the back room when the two of them were working back there together in the future), but none of that made her own issues disappear.
In fact, after seeing Victoria and Sulli get together, it just made her think about Amber more and more, imagining what it would be like if they were dating- what it would be like to kiss her. It was driving her absolutely insane.
And then there was the fact that she'd basically acted like Sulli and Victoria's reluctance to admit their feelings for one another was ridiculous, when that was exactly what she was doing in regards to Amber. But that was different, wasn't it?
She and Amber had gotten off to a very bizarre start- kind of almost going on a date, but then not really. And Krystal had been absolutely sure that she'd been straight before. When she knew for a fact that Sulli had kissed a female friend back in high school on a dare and had enjoyed it more than she thought she would. So...it was completely different, right?
Except maybe not so much.
And she couldn't stop thinking about kissing Amber.
So that's how she got the idea that if she just kissed Amber, she might realize that she didn't enjoy it at all and she could finally put the whole thing to rest and move on. Of course there was the distinct possibility that the opposite would happen, but by that point, she was willing to try anything.
---
Can I come over? Krystal texted Amber the Wednesday after the ice cream debacle. She knew it was kind of rude to just invite herself over to the other girl's apartment and Amber would probably be surprised that Krystal wanted to hang out during the week, but she'd driven herself insane enough that she couldn't wait until Saturday to see Amber again. And there was no way that she was going to invite Amber to her apartment. Not when Jessica would insist upon meeting her.
Sure. I have some homework to do, but we can watch a movie or something while I half pay attention to my work, Amber replied and then sent another text right after, You remember where I live?
Yep, Krystal assured her, thinking back to the day when they'd stopped by the other girl's apartment between getting coffee and going to a movie because Amber had spilled coffee on her jeans and wanted to change.
Alright cool. See you around 7?
Sounds good :)
Krystal took a deep breath. She didn't have a plan. How she was going to somehow get Amber to kiss her without getting the wrong idea (or the right one) was not something she'd figured out. But hopefully it would just fall into place. Somehow.
---
“Almost done?” Krystal asked, looking away from the screen to watch as Amber rapidly typed on her laptop.
“Yeah, I think so,” she replied, typing another few words before scrolling to the top of the page and squinting at what she'd written.
Krystal knew that she was being a pest. She should just watch the movie (some dumb comedy that Amber owned that she hadn't seen before) and let Amber work, but she didn't think an opportunity to kiss was going to come up while Amber was focused on her computer. Turning back to the screen, Krystal tried to care about whether or not the main characters were going to be able to get alcohol for their party to impress the girls they liked, even though she just kept thinking about taking that stupid laptop off of Amber's lap and pressing their lips together. Actually, alcohol might help in this situation, but she didn't have any and it was a weeknight anyway. She'd just have to think of something else.
“Done!” Amber announced ten minutes later, clicking the save button with a flourish before closing her computer and getting up to set it on the kitchen table, “And the movie isn't even half way through,” she proclaimed proudly, settling back onto the couch and smiling widely at Krystal.
Krystal offered a nervous smile in response, heart suddenly beating frantically against her ribs. She had the sudden urge to scoot closer to the other girl, press against her side, and feel her warmth. But that was inappropriate.
Amber's gaze strayed to the movie while Krystal continued to look at Amber. Maybe if she waited, there would be a window of opportunity in which kissing wouldn't be quite so awkward and random...
“Kiss me.” Or not.
“What?” Amber's eyes were suddenly on her- wide with surprise and confusion, “You want me to kiss you?”
“Um...” Krystal shifted, looking down at her lap, “yeah?
“Just...why? I mean, okay, but...why?”
Krystal felt a rush of adrenaline shoot through her legs at the okay. She'd agreed. Amber was going to kiss her. Holy shit.
“I don't...I don't know,” Krystal said, which was partially true, “I just...want to know what it's like.”
She finally gained the courage to look at the other girl, knowing her cheeks were on fire. Amber still looked like someone had told her that the sky was actually neon yellow.
“Oh...” Amber was studying her like maybe her intentions would show up clearly on her face, though Krystal was sure that she just looked like a tomato. A very nervous tomato. Which was unbelievably stupid, she reminded herself. It wasn't like this was going to be her first kiss. Not even close. But...this was her first kiss with Amber. And that seemed like a big enough deal to be in a category of its own.
When Krystal didn't say anything further, Amber began to lean forward- eyes determined and lips parted just slightly. Sucking in a breath, Krystal closed her eyes and braced herself, not knowing what she should even expect.
Amber's lips were soft against hers- warm and gentle, but not unsure. Krystal felt a spark inside her chest at the contact, kissing back as soon as she got over her initial shock. But it was imperative that she kiss back. What good would it do to just sit there while Amber kissed her? In order to fully see what it was like, she had to kiss back. Or at least that was the logical reason that her brain provided.
Her hands found Amber's waist as she felt the other's hands settle on her neck- fingers stroking lightly against the skin and making her shiver in response, hoping that Amber wouldn't stop. And she didn't. That is, until Krystal abruptly pulled back, eyes wide and heart thundering in her chest.
“I-” she choked out, realizing for the first time with complete certainty that her feelings for Amber weren't imagined. They weren't just her mind getting confused due to their first meeting. They weren't influenced by the other relationships that she'd seen between two girls. They weren't based on if-only-Amber-was-a-boy thoughts. They just were.
“Are you okay?” Amber asked, looking appropriately concerned despite the somewhat dazed look in her eyes from the kiss.
“I think so,” Krystal ventured, feeling somewhat comforted by just Amber's presence. If she had to experience this epiphany, at least she wasn't alone.
“You look a little like you've seen a ghost,” Amber tried to joke, her laugh slightly stilted. She was nervous, Krystal realized. For the first time since they'd become friends (barring when Amber had initially asked for her number), Amber was nervous.
“I just- how can I like guys all my life and then...”
“You might just be confused,” Amber offered, saying just what Krystal had been trying to tell herself for the past two weeks, “Since you thought I was a guy at first, maybe your mind still associates me with masculinity. Or something.”
“No,” Krystal shook her head, “I've...I've thought a lot about this. How I feel. And...it's not that. I don't like you like I would like a guy. I...I can't even explain what I feel. But it's more. It's...shit, Amber. I don't know. And you probably don't even want to date me anymore since...we've been friends this whole time. And then the fact that I've never dated a girl befo-mmf.”
Krystal was cut off by Amber's lips claiming hers once again- this time more forcefully so that Krystal had to grip Amber's sides firmly to keep herself steady. Her head was certainly spinning and she really wasn't sure what to think other than the fact that she wanted more- heat simmering under her skin with each passing moment, only exacerbated when Amber's tongue slipped between her lips to tangle with her own.
Shuddering with want like she'd never experienced before, Krystal angled her head to deepen the kiss further- feeling a jolt of lust at the quiet groan that Amber let out against her lips. She thought that maybe they should stop to discuss this, but at the same time, she trusted Amber- trusted her more than she'd ever trusted anyone else that she'd kissed. In fact, despite the fact that they'd only met a couple of months ago, she trusted her as much as she did her closest friends. Even more in some ways that she couldn't articulate.
“Oh my god,” she murmured when Amber broke away from her tender lips to press kisses against her neck, tangling her fingers in Amber's short hair and tilting her head back in invitation, “Please.”
Amber paused, lips against the column of her throat, “What...what are you saying? Like please don't stop doing that? Or...?”
“I don't know,” Krystal admitted, head still spinning and stomach filled with fluttering somethings, “I just...I need you.”
“Krystal,” Amber pulled back to look Krystal in the eye, “Don't you think this is kind of fast?”
Krystal pouted, hating that Amber wanted to be cautious with her.
“I mean, you just realized how you feel. And it's...something new. I don't want to take advantage of you,” Amber explained, “I don't want you to regret it.”
“I won't,” Krystal insisted, knowing that she was being a little childish, but not wanting to give up, “I know it's new, but I'm sure about this. I like you more than anyone I've ever been with. We've gotten to be good friends and now that I realize that I have feelings for you, I don't see why we have to be more cautious than anyone would expect me to be if I wanted a friend of mine to be my boyfriend.”
Krystal sighed, frustrated and feeling like she wasn't getting across what she wanted Amber to understand. Everything sounded like a pile of steaming cliches, but she couldn't ignore the feeling in her gut. If there was ever a person worth taking a chance on, it was the girl sitting next to her.
“I'm your boyfriend?” Amber asked, lips quirking in amusement.
“No,” Krystal whined, “Shut up. You know that's not what I meant.”
“How about girlfriend?” Amber suggested, smirk transforming into a hopeful smile.
Krystal felt her heart give a thump at the word girlfriend, “Really?”
“If you want,” Amber amended, reaching out to squeeze Krystal's hand.
“Yeah,” Krystal smiled shyly, squeezing back.
Amber grinned, pressing her lips chastely to Krystal's- the kiss becoming more intense when Krystal grabbed the back of Amber's neck to pull her closer. There was heat settling in her abdomen and all she wanted was more more more.
“Are you sure?” Amber asked, warm breath puffing against her lips, “Don't feel like we have to-”
“I want to,” Krystal repeated for what she felt was probably the tenth time, “Please.”
“Whatever you want, princess,” Amber teased, pressing a kiss to Krystal's lips.
“Shut up,” Krystal complained, hitting Amber's shoulder weakly as the other girl laughed before they were wrapped up in each other's mouths again- teasing and jokes forgotten as hands skimmed over clothes. And then under them.
---
It was far too early for Krystal to be this happy. But she still found herself grinning as she made her way down the sidewalk- too early even for business men and women to be on their way to the office- heading back to her apartment...in yesterday's clothes. Amber had had an early class so Krystal had forced herself up and out of the warm cocoon they'd made between Amber's sheets. It certainly wouldn't be the last time that she was in Amber's bed. But despite the ungodly hour, everything looked beautiful in the early morning light; even the trashcans that sat on street corners and the dirty pigeons eating some french fires that had been dropped on the sidewalk.
She felt a little crazy, but it was hard to be anything but giddy as she recalled the previous night. The heated kisses that had her flushed and dizzy. Wandering hands, sliding under her shirt and under her bra. The feeling of feeling so...appreciated as she lay in the dark on Amber's bed with nothing to cover herself. But she hadn't been embarrassed, even as Amber's eyes raked over her. Because all she saw in the other's gaze was reverence, arousal, and tenderness.
Then there were Amber's warm fingers between her legs, making her arch up and cry out in pleasure. And her own fumbling fingers that managed to have Amber gasping into her neck as she found her peak as well.
Krystal was almost happily giggling to herself, as she unlocked her apartment door, expecting Jessica to still be asleep- taking advantage of every last minute of shut-eye before she had to be up for work. But Jessica was sitting at the counter, a hollow look on her face and a collection of crumpled tissues strewn around her. Was she sick? But then Krystal saw the tear tracks.
“What's wrong?” she asked, dropping her purse carelessly and hurrying into the apartment to at least make sure that Jessica wasn't hurt.
Jessica looked at her uncomprehendingly for a moment before looking over at the clock as though she'd just now realized that Krystal had been out all night.
“I was at Amber's,” Krystal hastily explained, wanting to know why Jessica had been up all night crying, “Are Mom and Dad alright? What about Grandma?”
“They're fine,” Jessica said, voice rough from crying and thin from lack of sleep.
“Unnie,” Krystal fretted, “What happened?”
“Taeyeon...” and then her face crumpled, fresh tears pouring over her cheeks.
Krystal wrapped her arms around Jessica, feeling just how small the older girl was. She wanted to protect her from whatever had happened, despite being the younger sister.
“She broke up with me,” Jessica finally choked out, face buried in Krystal's shoulder, “We got into another argument over her not wanting to acknowledge the relationship and she left.”
“I'm so sorry,” Krystal murmured, stroking Jessica's back as she sobbed, not knowing what else to say. So she just stood there, letting Jessica cry in her arms.
Neither of them went anywhere that day- Jessica calling in sick to work and Krystal ditching her class. Instead, they sat on the couch watching chick flicks and eating ice cream. As was customary is situations like these.
---
It had been nearly a week since “the sleepless night,” as Krystal and Jessica had begun to call it. Even though Krystal insisted that she had gotten some sleep. It was dubbed that mostly because it was better to call it that than have to actually have to refer to Taeyeon- any mention of the other woman bringing tears to Jessica's eyes.
But it had also become a way for Jessica to tease Krystal, once she found out about what had happened and why she'd ended up staying over in the first place. And normally, Krystal would have gotten sick of Jessica poking fun at her (especially since she was now convinced that her life experience as a lesbian would greatly help Krystal and she had started to act like a know-it-all on the subject of relationships with girls), but any reminder of that night just made Krystal smile, so she hadn't told Jessica to shut up about it. Yet.
Krystal had seen Amber a couple of times since that night, but she mostly stayed in to make sure that Jessica was distracted and not wallowing in her misery. There were lots of movies viewed that week and lots of snacks eaten. Krystal had even convinced Jessica to watch a horror movie with her. And while Jessica complained to Krystal at 4 in the morning how terrified she was and how they never should have watched it, Krystal just gloated to herself about the fact that Jessica hadn't mentioned Taeyeon all night. At least she was distracted!
But when Krystal was coming home with milk the following Tuesday, she found a miserable looking Taeyeon at the entrance to their building- unable to even get into the lobby since she didn't have a key and since there was no one there to let her in. Krystal thanked her lucky stars that Jessica was at work in case Taeyeon had actually buzzed up to their apartment. She'd been doing a little better and she didn't want a visit from Taeyeon to send her spiraling downwards again.
“Krystal!” Taeyeon exclaimed when she caught sight of the younger girl, “I need to talk to Jessica.”
“She's at work,” Krystal replied coolly, not too pleased with how Taeyeon had broken her sister's heart, “She won't be back for a few hours, but it would probably be better if you were gone by then.”
Taeyeon looked like she'd been hit, stepping back and curling into herself like she was afraid Krystal would start yelling at her.
“You don't have to look like I'm going to beat you,” Krystal told her, “I'm just protecting Jessica.”
“I know,” Taeyeon answered, voice quiet, “Can I at least talk to you?”
Krystal paused for a moment, trying to decide whether or not it was a good idea. But she finally nodded and motioned for Taeyeon to follow her inside as she unlocked the door.
“What did you want to say?” Krystal asked once they were in the apartment and she was putting the gallon of milk in the fridge.
“I made a mistake,” Taeyeon admitted, looking at her hands and shifting uncomfortably in the kitchen chairs, “I was just so afraid of what people would think, so I wouldn't let Jessica hold my hand when we were out to lunch. It turned into a big fight and...I shouldn't have left. I was just scared.”
Krystal sighed, knowing that it wasn't fair to judge Taeyeon too much for her actions. She'd grown up in a very different environment than Jessica and Krystal had. While the Jung family, for the most part, was open minded and accepting of Jessica when she'd come out at eighteen, Taeyeon's family openly expressed their distaste for anyone who wasn't straight. Taeyeon hadn't even told her family of her attraction to girls and might not ever feel comfortable doing so at the risk of losing her family. So it wasn't as though Taeyeon behaved the way she did to hurt Jessica. But that didn't change the fact that it hurt her nonetheless.
“You did make a mistake,” Krystal agreed, “But I don't want you to apologize and get back together with her if you're just going to keep pushing her away. I don't want her to get hurt again.”
“I know,” Taeyeon nodded, “And I really want to try my best to never hurt her again. I just need to get used to the fact that not everyone is like my family and that there are plenty of people who won't judge us for our relationship.”
“You can start with realizing that I'm not going to judge you,” Krystal told her, taking a seat across from her at the table, “I'm not saying that I want you guys to make out in front of me or anything, but you can sit closer than three feet apart on the couch.”
Taeyeon ducked her head, flushing.
“I'm completely okay with my sister's sexuality and I am supportive of your relationship.”
“Thank you, I-”
“As long as you don't keep hurting her,” she amended.
Taeyeon looked ashamed before agreeing.
“But it's most important for you to be comfortable in your own skin,” Krystal went on, suddenly feeling like maybe she could give some useful advice to the older girl, “If you're comfortable with yourself and your sexuality, then it won't matter to you what other people think. I understand that it's different with your family because they're your family, so it's only natural to care what they think. But people you pass on the street? They don't matter at all.”
“You're right,” Taeyeon allowed, “I'm not completely comfortable with myself yet. I was just brought up to think that there was something wrong with being gay, so it's hard to feel okay with it. Even though I logically know that it's not wrong.”
“I understand,” Krystal said, “I mean, not completely because I know that my family is supportive of Jessica. But being okay with someone else being gay is very different from being okay with yourself being gay.”
Taeyeon nodded in agreement.
“Recently...I've always considered myself straight. And while I've never had a problem with Jessica's sexuality, I suddenly felt like I was going crazy when I started having feelings for a girl. I felt like it must be a mistake and that it shouldn't be happening to me. But then I realized that it doesn't change who I am at all. It doesn't matter if I like boys or girls or both. Because it's all part of me and it has been all my life. It doesn't change who I am. The only thing that can change who I am is if I choose to deny how I feel. And if being with this girl makes me happy, then why not accept that and embrace it? To deny it would only hurt both of us.”
Taeyeon was looking at her with eyes full of understanding and a little bit of awe.
“Does Jessica know how smart you are?” she asked, smiling for the first time since Krystal had seen her outside the building.
“No, she doesn't appreciate my wisdom at all,” Krystal joked, making Taeyeon laugh.
“That all made perfect sense,” Taeyeon told her, serious again, “I mean, I knew that deep down, but it's hard to make myself believe it. And it helps so much to hear someone else say it like that, so plainly. Because you're right. About everything.”
Krystal smiled, “I'm glad that I could help. So I'll let you stay here until Jessica comes home so you can talk to her. But if you hurt her again, I will kill you.”
Taeyeon's eyes widened, not used to Krystal threatening violence. And though it was unlikely that Krystal would actually be able to kill anyone, her message got across loud and clear.
“Thank you,” Taeyeon said to her.
And Krystal knew that she really meant it.
---
Krystal looked up at the clock from her spot behind the register, the edge of the counter digging into her hips bones uncomfortably. Another two hours until she got off work. But at least Luna was there to keep her company when Sulli and Victoria “snuck off” (they were not inconspicuous at all) to make out in the back room, Krystal assumed, and for Victoria to feel up Sulli in her spandex shorts under her dress. For the time being, though, they were all together in the front of the store.
Feeling a vibration against her thigh, Krystal reached into her pocket to grab her phone.
Do you mind staying at Amber's tonight?
It was from Jessica. And it was obvious that she was having Taeyeon over and wanted the apartment to themselves. Taeyeon was definitely making an effort to not act like she was ashamed of their relationship, but it was taking some getting used to on her part, so if Jessica wanted her to be fully relaxed so they could do...things (Krystal did not want to think about that ever), Krystal would have to go to Amber's. Which she was not opposed to at all.
Hey can I stay over tonight~? she texted Amber before shoving her phone back into her pocket just in time to catch Luna ranting.
“I mean, where are all the straight people? How am I supposed to find someone to date if everyone is gay?”
“Luna, you realize that you're not trying to date girls, so the fact that Sulli and Victoria are together and that I'm with Amber doesn't actually hurt your chances of getting a boyfriend,” Krystal pointed out, seeing Sulli crack up out of the corner of her eye.
“And then there was this cute guy in my vocal training class,” Luna went on, “And I thought liked me, but then I saw him kissing some guy,” she complained.
Krystal felt her phone buzz.
Sure, anything in mind? ;)
Rolling her eyes fondly, she texted Amber back.
Pervert. I was just asking b/c Jess wants to be alone with Taeyeon.
“I'm sure you'll find a nice boy soon enough,” Victoria was telling Luna when Krystal started paying attention to the conversation.
Her phone went off again.
A likely story~ I'm up for anything, princess ;)
Krystal flushed, hiding a giggle in her hand.
“Ugh! And you guys are all so happy and lovey dovey!” Luna griped, “Krystal texting with Amber every ten seconds and you two with your stolen glances. I'm gonna die alone!”
“You won't die alone,” Victoria assured her at the exact same moment that Krystal said, “Yeah, you might.”
Krystal earned a dirty look from both Luna and Victoria for that, though Sulli snorted in amusement and found herself on the end of Victoria's disapproving look as well.
“Look! There are a bunch of guys coming in right now,” Sulli announced, trying to be helpful so she could get back in Victoria's good graces.
The first boy to walk in meandered over to the best sellers table and started reading the backs of books. He was definitely attractive, but he had half his head shaved. Not Luna's type. However, the second boy had shiny brown hair that fell into his eyes and biceps that he obviously took pride in. Krystal could see Luna straighten up and pay attention.
But then he walked up behind the first boy, whose back was tot hem, and grabbed his ass.
“Stop it,” the first boy snapped, not even looking up from the book he was examining.
“Aw come on,” the second boy said, “No one is paying attention.”
“Actually, I'm pretty sure there are four girls behind us who are watching us. And at least one of them is disappointed that you take it up the ass.”
At the, he walked casually away, not sparing a look at the other boy or at the group of them at the registers. The second boy, however, turned around to see what he was talking about.
He grinned at them, obviously not self conscious about what the other boy had announced and he actually seemed pleased that one of them had shown an interest in him, even if he was clearly taken.
Just then, the door opened and a third boy walked through.
“Jinki!” the second boy exclaimed, walking up to him and clapping him on the back, “He's straight,” he announced, looking over at the four of them.
And then he wandered off, seemingly in search of his blunt boyfriend.
The third boy, Jinki apparently, just stood there in confusion.
“Well, that was easy,” Krystal observed, watching as Luna hopped down from her spot at the counter and made her way over to the dumb-founded boy.
“You see? Everyone lived happily ever after,” Victoria announced.
Sulli giggled as Krystal pretended to gag.
But then her phone went off again and she found herself smiling at another text from Amber.
Maybe happily ever after was alright. Even if it wasn't what she expected at all.
---
Krystal accepted Amber's invitation to go out for ice cream the next Saturday, determined to move past whatever she felt for Amber. Surely she would see Amber again and realize that she'd invented this whole crush thing in her head. Right?
Except...life was not that simple.
“Are you okay?” Amber asked her for probably the eighth time that afternoon after Krystal had nearly dropped her ice cream cone onto the sidewalk when Amber had nudged her innocently in the side to point at something in the store front that they were passing.
“I'm fine!” Krystal immediately assured her, voice too high and smile absolutely fake and overly enthusiastic. It occurred to her that she was lying about her mental well-being a lot lately.
Amber looked at her skeptically, but let it drop- not feeling like it was her place yet to pry and huff in annoyance like Jessica. Krystal was somewhat relieved.
“So how did that paper you had to write last weekend go?” Amber asked, seeming to want to make conversation even when Krystal was more tongue-tied than she'd ever been in her entire life.
“Huh?” Krystal furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Paper? She hadn't had any papers due recently...
“The paper that you said that you had to write last weekend?” Amber pressed.
“...right!” Krystal piped up, laughing almost hysterically when she remembered that that had been her lame excuse for not going out last weekend- a total lie of course, “It was fine. It...yeah. It was alright.” She nodded, hoping she sounded convincing and not insane.
Amber's expression seemed to indicate that she was still acting like an idiot, but she figured that speaking any more on the topic would only make it worse so she looked away and took a big bite of her ice cream as a distraction.
“Mmm!” Krystal exclaimed through closed lips, wincing and waving her hand at her mouth like that might make the pain in her teeth dissipate. That bite of ice cream might have been a poor choice.
“Brain freeze?” Amber asked knowingly, placing a warm hand on Krystal's elbow while she flailed about until she could swallow the ice cream and her head stopped aching.
“Yeah,” she sighed, almost resigned to the fact that Amber probably thought that she was a complete moron.
“Hate those,” Amber commented, still sounding somewhat unsure of what exactly was going on with Krystal that day, though her hand remained on her elbow- steady and comforting and wonderful. Krystal closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
“Maybe I should head home,” she said reluctantly, feeling like she should escape before she made an even bigger fool of herself, despite the fact that she didn't want Amber to let go of her elbow, “I'm...out of sorts.”
Amber nodded sympathetically, forehead creased in concern, “Let me know if I can do anything...I don't have much going on this week, so if you need anything...”
“Thanks,” Krystal quickly interjected, shooting Amber a small smile before she waved and walked away as fast as her feet could carry her.
God. She was so, so fucked.
---
“Are you sure you don't have it?” the irate girl across the counter demanded, scowling at Krystal like everything that was wrong with the world was her fault- like maybe she'd woken up that day and decided to make life miserable for this random girl.
“If it's not on the shelf, we don't have it,” Krystal explained for the third time. She didn't have to check herself. She knew because she'd helped Victoria restock the shelves the night before. And any textbooks that they were out of, they didn't have in the back either. Except this girl seemed to think that she was some clueless lazy-ass. It took all of Krystal's willpower not to sneer at the girl in return and challenge her to a bet on whether or not they had the damn textbook in stock.
“Can you check the back?” the girl asked, attitude and dissatisfaction dripping from each and every word.
Krystal fought back a sigh and nodded even though she knew that the book wouldn't be there. Maybe if she went to look, the girl would stop bugging her and leave.
“I'll be right back,” she told her and walked around the register to make her way to the back room, ready to vent her frustrations to Victoria and Sulli who were doing inventory back there. Again.
Except before Krystal could even open her mouth to let out the exasperated sound that was lodged in her throat, she stopped dead in her tracks, staring straight ahead in complete and utter shock.
“Krystal!” Sulli squeaked, jumping back from Victoria- cheeks pink with embarrassment.
Victoria whipped around, opening her mouth like she was about to defend herself- claim that it wasn't what it looked like- before she realized that it would do no good and shut it again. It's not like they could claim that kissing was somehow conducive to doing inventory. No, Krystal was pretty sure that no inventory was getting done if they were back here kissing. But that was just as well. She'd done inventory with Sulli last weekend anyway.
“So...” Krystal began, torn as to whether she should gloat or just excuse herself and talk to them later. She chose a combination, “I'll leave you two alone,” she giggled, only feeling slightly bad for how horrified they both seemed that she'd caught them, “It's about damn time, though,” she added as she made her way back to the front of the store, itching to text Luna that instant.
“We don't have it,” Krystal informed the girl who was standing at the register, foot tapping in impatience. Or more likely, foot tapping just to make the point that she was impatient. Krystal really didn't need the display to figure that out.
“Why do you look so happy about that?” the girl snapped, glaring as Krystal made her way back behind the counter.
“Sorry,” she apologized, trying to school her face into a more neutral expression, “The smile was unrelated.”
“Well what am I supposed to do now? I need that book to write a paper that's due in two days!”
Krystal bit her tongue against telling the girl that she probably should have planned ahead better. But she knew that she was not one to talk- she almost always procrastinated doing her assignments until she was scrambling at the last minute.
“Order it on Amazon?” she suggested instead, shrugging, “It's probably cheaper anyway and they ship really fast.”
Ready to argue, the girl closed her mouth, silenced by Krystal's suggestion.
“Well...you should make sure you have things in stock,” she finally said before hastily exiting the store- probably rushing home to order the book she needed.
Krystal let out a breath of relief, grabbing her phone from her pocket to text Luna. But then she paused. Maybe she should talk to Victoria and Sulli before texting the other girl. As much as she was dying to tell her.
Instead, she fired off a text to Sulli.
No more customers. Want to come out and explain yourselves/celebrate the fact that you two aren't complete idiots anymore?
In two minutes, Sulli emerged from the back room with Victoria in tow, looking like she was about to be scolded. Krystal rolled her eyes and grinned at them.
“Seriously, should we break out the champagne?”
---
It turned out that the two girls had been sneaking kisses in the back room for two weeks before Krystal walked in on them, but they were too afraid to tell anyone- afraid of their friends' reactions.
Krystal had stared at them in disbelief upon that explanation, resisting the urge to smack both of them upside the head and instead told them that she and Luna had been waiting for them to finally get together. Which was, somehow, a surprise to both of them. Which just proved how stupid and oblivious people got when they were in love.
Nonetheless, they agreed to tell Luna that day and Krystal had received a text from the aforementioned girl that was nothing but a bunch of gibberish followed by an upper case finally, which made Krystal smile.
Krystal was extremely happy for her friends (even if she'd be kind of afraid to venture into the back room when the two of them were working back there together in the future), but none of that made her own issues disappear.
In fact, after seeing Victoria and Sulli get together, it just made her think about Amber more and more, imagining what it would be like if they were dating- what it would be like to kiss her. It was driving her absolutely insane.
And then there was the fact that she'd basically acted like Sulli and Victoria's reluctance to admit their feelings for one another was ridiculous, when that was exactly what she was doing in regards to Amber. But that was different, wasn't it?
She and Amber had gotten off to a very bizarre start- kind of almost going on a date, but then not really. And Krystal had been absolutely sure that she'd been straight before. When she knew for a fact that Sulli had kissed a female friend back in high school on a dare and had enjoyed it more than she thought she would. So...it was completely different, right?
Except maybe not so much.
And she couldn't stop thinking about kissing Amber.
So that's how she got the idea that if she just kissed Amber, she might realize that she didn't enjoy it at all and she could finally put the whole thing to rest and move on. Of course there was the distinct possibility that the opposite would happen, but by that point, she was willing to try anything.
---
Can I come over? Krystal texted Amber the Wednesday after the ice cream debacle. She knew it was kind of rude to just invite herself over to the other girl's apartment and Amber would probably be surprised that Krystal wanted to hang out during the week, but she'd driven herself insane enough that she couldn't wait until Saturday to see Amber again. And there was no way that she was going to invite Amber to her apartment. Not when Jessica would insist upon meeting her.
Sure. I have some homework to do, but we can watch a movie or something while I half pay attention to my work, Amber replied and then sent another text right after, You remember where I live?
Yep, Krystal assured her, thinking back to the day when they'd stopped by the other girl's apartment between getting coffee and going to a movie because Amber had spilled coffee on her jeans and wanted to change.
Alright cool. See you around 7?
Sounds good :)
Krystal took a deep breath. She didn't have a plan. How she was going to somehow get Amber to kiss her without getting the wrong idea (or the right one) was not something she'd figured out. But hopefully it would just fall into place. Somehow.
---
“Almost done?” Krystal asked, looking away from the screen to watch as Amber rapidly typed on her laptop.
“Yeah, I think so,” she replied, typing another few words before scrolling to the top of the page and squinting at what she'd written.
Krystal knew that she was being a pest. She should just watch the movie (some dumb comedy that Amber owned that she hadn't seen before) and let Amber work, but she didn't think an opportunity to kiss was going to come up while Amber was focused on her computer. Turning back to the screen, Krystal tried to care about whether or not the main characters were going to be able to get alcohol for their party to impress the girls they liked, even though she just kept thinking about taking that stupid laptop off of Amber's lap and pressing their lips together. Actually, alcohol might help in this situation, but she didn't have any and it was a weeknight anyway. She'd just have to think of something else.
“Done!” Amber announced ten minutes later, clicking the save button with a flourish before closing her computer and getting up to set it on the kitchen table, “And the movie isn't even half way through,” she proclaimed proudly, settling back onto the couch and smiling widely at Krystal.
Krystal offered a nervous smile in response, heart suddenly beating frantically against her ribs. She had the sudden urge to scoot closer to the other girl, press against her side, and feel her warmth. But that was inappropriate.
Amber's gaze strayed to the movie while Krystal continued to look at Amber. Maybe if she waited, there would be a window of opportunity in which kissing wouldn't be quite so awkward and random...
“Kiss me.” Or not.
“What?” Amber's eyes were suddenly on her- wide with surprise and confusion, “You want me to kiss you?”
“Um...” Krystal shifted, looking down at her lap, “yeah?
“Just...why? I mean, okay, but...why?”
Krystal felt a rush of adrenaline shoot through her legs at the okay. She'd agreed. Amber was going to kiss her. Holy shit.
“I don't...I don't know,” Krystal said, which was partially true, “I just...want to know what it's like.”
She finally gained the courage to look at the other girl, knowing her cheeks were on fire. Amber still looked like someone had told her that the sky was actually neon yellow.
“Oh...” Amber was studying her like maybe her intentions would show up clearly on her face, though Krystal was sure that she just looked like a tomato. A very nervous tomato. Which was unbelievably stupid, she reminded herself. It wasn't like this was going to be her first kiss. Not even close. But...this was her first kiss with Amber. And that seemed like a big enough deal to be in a category of its own.
When Krystal didn't say anything further, Amber began to lean forward- eyes determined and lips parted just slightly. Sucking in a breath, Krystal closed her eyes and braced herself, not knowing what she should even expect.
Amber's lips were soft against hers- warm and gentle, but not unsure. Krystal felt a spark inside her chest at the contact, kissing back as soon as she got over her initial shock. But it was imperative that she kiss back. What good would it do to just sit there while Amber kissed her? In order to fully see what it was like, she had to kiss back. Or at least that was the logical reason that her brain provided.
Her hands found Amber's waist as she felt the other's hands settle on her neck- fingers stroking lightly against the skin and making her shiver in response, hoping that Amber wouldn't stop. And she didn't. That is, until Krystal abruptly pulled back, eyes wide and heart thundering in her chest.
“I-” she choked out, realizing for the first time with complete certainty that her feelings for Amber weren't imagined. They weren't just her mind getting confused due to their first meeting. They weren't influenced by the other relationships that she'd seen between two girls. They weren't based on if-only-Amber-was-a-boy thoughts. They just were.
“Are you okay?” Amber asked, looking appropriately concerned despite the somewhat dazed look in her eyes from the kiss.
“I think so,” Krystal ventured, feeling somewhat comforted by just Amber's presence. If she had to experience this epiphany, at least she wasn't alone.
“You look a little like you've seen a ghost,” Amber tried to joke, her laugh slightly stilted. She was nervous, Krystal realized. For the first time since they'd become friends (barring when Amber had initially asked for her number), Amber was nervous.
“I just- how can I like guys all my life and then...”
“You might just be confused,” Amber offered, saying just what Krystal had been trying to tell herself for the past two weeks, “Since you thought I was a guy at first, maybe your mind still associates me with masculinity. Or something.”
“No,” Krystal shook her head, “I've...I've thought a lot about this. How I feel. And...it's not that. I don't like you like I would like a guy. I...I can't even explain what I feel. But it's more. It's...shit, Amber. I don't know. And you probably don't even want to date me anymore since...we've been friends this whole time. And then the fact that I've never dated a girl befo-mmf.”
Krystal was cut off by Amber's lips claiming hers once again- this time more forcefully so that Krystal had to grip Amber's sides firmly to keep herself steady. Her head was certainly spinning and she really wasn't sure what to think other than the fact that she wanted more- heat simmering under her skin with each passing moment, only exacerbated when Amber's tongue slipped between her lips to tangle with her own.
Shuddering with want like she'd never experienced before, Krystal angled her head to deepen the kiss further- feeling a jolt of lust at the quiet groan that Amber let out against her lips. She thought that maybe they should stop to discuss this, but at the same time, she trusted Amber- trusted her more than she'd ever trusted anyone else that she'd kissed. In fact, despite the fact that they'd only met a couple of months ago, she trusted her as much as she did her closest friends. Even more in some ways that she couldn't articulate.
“Oh my god,” she murmured when Amber broke away from her tender lips to press kisses against her neck, tangling her fingers in Amber's short hair and tilting her head back in invitation, “Please.”
Amber paused, lips against the column of her throat, “What...what are you saying? Like please don't stop doing that? Or...?”
“I don't know,” Krystal admitted, head still spinning and stomach filled with fluttering somethings, “I just...I need you.”
“Krystal,” Amber pulled back to look Krystal in the eye, “Don't you think this is kind of fast?”
Krystal pouted, hating that Amber wanted to be cautious with her.
“I mean, you just realized how you feel. And it's...something new. I don't want to take advantage of you,” Amber explained, “I don't want you to regret it.”
“I won't,” Krystal insisted, knowing that she was being a little childish, but not wanting to give up, “I know it's new, but I'm sure about this. I like you more than anyone I've ever been with. We've gotten to be good friends and now that I realize that I have feelings for you, I don't see why we have to be more cautious than anyone would expect me to be if I wanted a friend of mine to be my boyfriend.”
Krystal sighed, frustrated and feeling like she wasn't getting across what she wanted Amber to understand. Everything sounded like a pile of steaming cliches, but she couldn't ignore the feeling in her gut. If there was ever a person worth taking a chance on, it was the girl sitting next to her.
“I'm your boyfriend?” Amber asked, lips quirking in amusement.
“No,” Krystal whined, “Shut up. You know that's not what I meant.”
“How about girlfriend?” Amber suggested, smirk transforming into a hopeful smile.
Krystal felt her heart give a thump at the word girlfriend, “Really?”
“If you want,” Amber amended, reaching out to squeeze Krystal's hand.
“Yeah,” Krystal smiled shyly, squeezing back.
Amber grinned, pressing her lips chastely to Krystal's- the kiss becoming more intense when Krystal grabbed the back of Amber's neck to pull her closer. There was heat settling in her abdomen and all she wanted was more more more.
“Are you sure?” Amber asked, warm breath puffing against her lips, “Don't feel like we have to-”
“I want to,” Krystal repeated for what she felt was probably the tenth time, “Please.”
“Whatever you want, princess,” Amber teased, pressing a kiss to Krystal's lips.
“Shut up,” Krystal complained, hitting Amber's shoulder weakly as the other girl laughed before they were wrapped up in each other's mouths again- teasing and jokes forgotten as hands skimmed over clothes. And then under them.
---
It was far too early for Krystal to be this happy. But she still found herself grinning as she made her way down the sidewalk- too early even for business men and women to be on their way to the office- heading back to her apartment...in yesterday's clothes. Amber had had an early class so Krystal had forced herself up and out of the warm cocoon they'd made between Amber's sheets. It certainly wouldn't be the last time that she was in Amber's bed. But despite the ungodly hour, everything looked beautiful in the early morning light; even the trashcans that sat on street corners and the dirty pigeons eating some french fires that had been dropped on the sidewalk.
She felt a little crazy, but it was hard to be anything but giddy as she recalled the previous night. The heated kisses that had her flushed and dizzy. Wandering hands, sliding under her shirt and under her bra. The feeling of feeling so...appreciated as she lay in the dark on Amber's bed with nothing to cover herself. But she hadn't been embarrassed, even as Amber's eyes raked over her. Because all she saw in the other's gaze was reverence, arousal, and tenderness.
Then there were Amber's warm fingers between her legs, making her arch up and cry out in pleasure. And her own fumbling fingers that managed to have Amber gasping into her neck as she found her peak as well.
Krystal was almost happily giggling to herself, as she unlocked her apartment door, expecting Jessica to still be asleep- taking advantage of every last minute of shut-eye before she had to be up for work. But Jessica was sitting at the counter, a hollow look on her face and a collection of crumpled tissues strewn around her. Was she sick? But then Krystal saw the tear tracks.
“What's wrong?” she asked, dropping her purse carelessly and hurrying into the apartment to at least make sure that Jessica wasn't hurt.
Jessica looked at her uncomprehendingly for a moment before looking over at the clock as though she'd just now realized that Krystal had been out all night.
“I was at Amber's,” Krystal hastily explained, wanting to know why Jessica had been up all night crying, “Are Mom and Dad alright? What about Grandma?”
“They're fine,” Jessica said, voice rough from crying and thin from lack of sleep.
“Unnie,” Krystal fretted, “What happened?”
“Taeyeon...” and then her face crumpled, fresh tears pouring over her cheeks.
Krystal wrapped her arms around Jessica, feeling just how small the older girl was. She wanted to protect her from whatever had happened, despite being the younger sister.
“She broke up with me,” Jessica finally choked out, face buried in Krystal's shoulder, “We got into another argument over her not wanting to acknowledge the relationship and she left.”
“I'm so sorry,” Krystal murmured, stroking Jessica's back as she sobbed, not knowing what else to say. So she just stood there, letting Jessica cry in her arms.
Neither of them went anywhere that day- Jessica calling in sick to work and Krystal ditching her class. Instead, they sat on the couch watching chick flicks and eating ice cream. As was customary is situations like these.
---
It had been nearly a week since “the sleepless night,” as Krystal and Jessica had begun to call it. Even though Krystal insisted that she had gotten some sleep. It was dubbed that mostly because it was better to call it that than have to actually have to refer to Taeyeon- any mention of the other woman bringing tears to Jessica's eyes.
But it had also become a way for Jessica to tease Krystal, once she found out about what had happened and why she'd ended up staying over in the first place. And normally, Krystal would have gotten sick of Jessica poking fun at her (especially since she was now convinced that her life experience as a lesbian would greatly help Krystal and she had started to act like a know-it-all on the subject of relationships with girls), but any reminder of that night just made Krystal smile, so she hadn't told Jessica to shut up about it. Yet.
Krystal had seen Amber a couple of times since that night, but she mostly stayed in to make sure that Jessica was distracted and not wallowing in her misery. There were lots of movies viewed that week and lots of snacks eaten. Krystal had even convinced Jessica to watch a horror movie with her. And while Jessica complained to Krystal at 4 in the morning how terrified she was and how they never should have watched it, Krystal just gloated to herself about the fact that Jessica hadn't mentioned Taeyeon all night. At least she was distracted!
But when Krystal was coming home with milk the following Tuesday, she found a miserable looking Taeyeon at the entrance to their building- unable to even get into the lobby since she didn't have a key and since there was no one there to let her in. Krystal thanked her lucky stars that Jessica was at work in case Taeyeon had actually buzzed up to their apartment. She'd been doing a little better and she didn't want a visit from Taeyeon to send her spiraling downwards again.
“Krystal!” Taeyeon exclaimed when she caught sight of the younger girl, “I need to talk to Jessica.”
“She's at work,” Krystal replied coolly, not too pleased with how Taeyeon had broken her sister's heart, “She won't be back for a few hours, but it would probably be better if you were gone by then.”
Taeyeon looked like she'd been hit, stepping back and curling into herself like she was afraid Krystal would start yelling at her.
“You don't have to look like I'm going to beat you,” Krystal told her, “I'm just protecting Jessica.”
“I know,” Taeyeon answered, voice quiet, “Can I at least talk to you?”
Krystal paused for a moment, trying to decide whether or not it was a good idea. But she finally nodded and motioned for Taeyeon to follow her inside as she unlocked the door.
“What did you want to say?” Krystal asked once they were in the apartment and she was putting the gallon of milk in the fridge.
“I made a mistake,” Taeyeon admitted, looking at her hands and shifting uncomfortably in the kitchen chairs, “I was just so afraid of what people would think, so I wouldn't let Jessica hold my hand when we were out to lunch. It turned into a big fight and...I shouldn't have left. I was just scared.”
Krystal sighed, knowing that it wasn't fair to judge Taeyeon too much for her actions. She'd grown up in a very different environment than Jessica and Krystal had. While the Jung family, for the most part, was open minded and accepting of Jessica when she'd come out at eighteen, Taeyeon's family openly expressed their distaste for anyone who wasn't straight. Taeyeon hadn't even told her family of her attraction to girls and might not ever feel comfortable doing so at the risk of losing her family. So it wasn't as though Taeyeon behaved the way she did to hurt Jessica. But that didn't change the fact that it hurt her nonetheless.
“You did make a mistake,” Krystal agreed, “But I don't want you to apologize and get back together with her if you're just going to keep pushing her away. I don't want her to get hurt again.”
“I know,” Taeyeon nodded, “And I really want to try my best to never hurt her again. I just need to get used to the fact that not everyone is like my family and that there are plenty of people who won't judge us for our relationship.”
“You can start with realizing that I'm not going to judge you,” Krystal told her, taking a seat across from her at the table, “I'm not saying that I want you guys to make out in front of me or anything, but you can sit closer than three feet apart on the couch.”
Taeyeon ducked her head, flushing.
“I'm completely okay with my sister's sexuality and I am supportive of your relationship.”
“Thank you, I-”
“As long as you don't keep hurting her,” she amended.
Taeyeon looked ashamed before agreeing.
“But it's most important for you to be comfortable in your own skin,” Krystal went on, suddenly feeling like maybe she could give some useful advice to the older girl, “If you're comfortable with yourself and your sexuality, then it won't matter to you what other people think. I understand that it's different with your family because they're your family, so it's only natural to care what they think. But people you pass on the street? They don't matter at all.”
“You're right,” Taeyeon allowed, “I'm not completely comfortable with myself yet. I was just brought up to think that there was something wrong with being gay, so it's hard to feel okay with it. Even though I logically know that it's not wrong.”
“I understand,” Krystal said, “I mean, not completely because I know that my family is supportive of Jessica. But being okay with someone else being gay is very different from being okay with yourself being gay.”
Taeyeon nodded in agreement.
“Recently...I've always considered myself straight. And while I've never had a problem with Jessica's sexuality, I suddenly felt like I was going crazy when I started having feelings for a girl. I felt like it must be a mistake and that it shouldn't be happening to me. But then I realized that it doesn't change who I am at all. It doesn't matter if I like boys or girls or both. Because it's all part of me and it has been all my life. It doesn't change who I am. The only thing that can change who I am is if I choose to deny how I feel. And if being with this girl makes me happy, then why not accept that and embrace it? To deny it would only hurt both of us.”
Taeyeon was looking at her with eyes full of understanding and a little bit of awe.
“Does Jessica know how smart you are?” she asked, smiling for the first time since Krystal had seen her outside the building.
“No, she doesn't appreciate my wisdom at all,” Krystal joked, making Taeyeon laugh.
“That all made perfect sense,” Taeyeon told her, serious again, “I mean, I knew that deep down, but it's hard to make myself believe it. And it helps so much to hear someone else say it like that, so plainly. Because you're right. About everything.”
Krystal smiled, “I'm glad that I could help. So I'll let you stay here until Jessica comes home so you can talk to her. But if you hurt her again, I will kill you.”
Taeyeon's eyes widened, not used to Krystal threatening violence. And though it was unlikely that Krystal would actually be able to kill anyone, her message got across loud and clear.
“Thank you,” Taeyeon said to her.
And Krystal knew that she really meant it.
---
Krystal looked up at the clock from her spot behind the register, the edge of the counter digging into her hips bones uncomfortably. Another two hours until she got off work. But at least Luna was there to keep her company when Sulli and Victoria “snuck off” (they were not inconspicuous at all) to make out in the back room, Krystal assumed, and for Victoria to feel up Sulli in her spandex shorts under her dress. For the time being, though, they were all together in the front of the store.
Feeling a vibration against her thigh, Krystal reached into her pocket to grab her phone.
Do you mind staying at Amber's tonight?
It was from Jessica. And it was obvious that she was having Taeyeon over and wanted the apartment to themselves. Taeyeon was definitely making an effort to not act like she was ashamed of their relationship, but it was taking some getting used to on her part, so if Jessica wanted her to be fully relaxed so they could do...things (Krystal did not want to think about that ever), Krystal would have to go to Amber's. Which she was not opposed to at all.
Hey can I stay over tonight~? she texted Amber before shoving her phone back into her pocket just in time to catch Luna ranting.
“I mean, where are all the straight people? How am I supposed to find someone to date if everyone is gay?”
“Luna, you realize that you're not trying to date girls, so the fact that Sulli and Victoria are together and that I'm with Amber doesn't actually hurt your chances of getting a boyfriend,” Krystal pointed out, seeing Sulli crack up out of the corner of her eye.
“And then there was this cute guy in my vocal training class,” Luna went on, “And I thought liked me, but then I saw him kissing some guy,” she complained.
Krystal felt her phone buzz.
Sure, anything in mind? ;)
Rolling her eyes fondly, she texted Amber back.
Pervert. I was just asking b/c Jess wants to be alone with Taeyeon.
“I'm sure you'll find a nice boy soon enough,” Victoria was telling Luna when Krystal started paying attention to the conversation.
Her phone went off again.
A likely story~ I'm up for anything, princess ;)
Krystal flushed, hiding a giggle in her hand.
“Ugh! And you guys are all so happy and lovey dovey!” Luna griped, “Krystal texting with Amber every ten seconds and you two with your stolen glances. I'm gonna die alone!”
“You won't die alone,” Victoria assured her at the exact same moment that Krystal said, “Yeah, you might.”
Krystal earned a dirty look from both Luna and Victoria for that, though Sulli snorted in amusement and found herself on the end of Victoria's disapproving look as well.
“Look! There are a bunch of guys coming in right now,” Sulli announced, trying to be helpful so she could get back in Victoria's good graces.
The first boy to walk in meandered over to the best sellers table and started reading the backs of books. He was definitely attractive, but he had half his head shaved. Not Luna's type. However, the second boy had shiny brown hair that fell into his eyes and biceps that he obviously took pride in. Krystal could see Luna straighten up and pay attention.
But then he walked up behind the first boy, whose back was tot hem, and grabbed his ass.
“Stop it,” the first boy snapped, not even looking up from the book he was examining.
“Aw come on,” the second boy said, “No one is paying attention.”
“Actually, I'm pretty sure there are four girls behind us who are watching us. And at least one of them is disappointed that you take it up the ass.”
At the, he walked casually away, not sparing a look at the other boy or at the group of them at the registers. The second boy, however, turned around to see what he was talking about.
He grinned at them, obviously not self conscious about what the other boy had announced and he actually seemed pleased that one of them had shown an interest in him, even if he was clearly taken.
Just then, the door opened and a third boy walked through.
“Jinki!” the second boy exclaimed, walking up to him and clapping him on the back, “He's straight,” he announced, looking over at the four of them.
And then he wandered off, seemingly in search of his blunt boyfriend.
The third boy, Jinki apparently, just stood there in confusion.
“Well, that was easy,” Krystal observed, watching as Luna hopped down from her spot at the counter and made her way over to the dumb-founded boy.
“You see? Everyone lived happily ever after,” Victoria announced.
Sulli giggled as Krystal pretended to gag.
But then her phone went off again and she found herself smiling at another text from Amber.
Maybe happily ever after was alright. Even if it wasn't what she expected at all.