The Easy Guide to having a One Night Stand in Sunnydale (Buffyverse, Faith/Cordelia, R)
Title: The Easy Guide to having a One Night Stand in Sunnydale
Author: Netgirl_y2k
Recipient: dexwebster
Fandom: Buffyverse
Pairing: Faith/Cordelia
Rating: R
Word count: 1,700
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, this chipped Jack Daniels mug belongs to me
Summary: "The kiss was deep and wet and very, very French. The part of Cordelia's brain that was still functioning at higher levels sent a mental Nya na na na na to Xander Harris"
i. Get Rescued
"Get down!"
Like most residents of Sunnydale Cordelia's nerves had been honed to a fine point of terror by years of vampires, demons and assorted other weirdness. So when she heard someone shouting for her to duck she ducked, throwing herself down onto the damp ground.
This prompt response meant that rather than hitting Cordelia the small dwarf-like demon that was flying through the air soared over her head and hit the wall of the nearby crypt with a dull thwack.
Cordelia attempted to struggle to her feet. Okay, the demon was only three feet tall and mostly unconscious but on the Hellmouth you never really knew what might need to be run away from at short notice. The demon began to stir and Cordelia made another concentrated effort to get upright, her impractical shoes slipping on the wet grass and sending her splattering back into the mud.
It was at this point that the thrower of the demon made her appearance. Faith vaulted over a tombstone, neatly sidestepped Cordelia (who had managed to get to her feet and was unsuccessfully attempting to divest her clothes of mud) grabbed the small demon and easily snapped its neck.
She spun around, drawing a knife from her belt. She stopped with the blade just shy of Cordelia's neck.
"Oh," she said, "it's you."
Cordelia spared only a momentary glance at the knife before she turned the full force of her glare on Faith.
"Do you have any idea how much this dress cost? It's ruined! I'd bill you for it but I don't suppose they pay you for tossing dwarves at innocent bystanders."
Faith looked Cordelia up, then down, then up again, "I dunno princess, I think it looks pretty good. You ever think of taking up mud wrestling, bet you could make a killing?"
Cordelia rolled her eyes, if she'd wanted to listen to those kinds of propositions she would have taken Xander back.
Faith used the blade of her knife to pick under her fingernails; Cordelia watched her and decided that if she accidentally took the whole finger off it would be her own fault.
"Why are you still here, don't you have some demon throwing to be getting on with?"
"Just making sure you're okay, didn't B ever tell you that Sunnydale cemeteries ain't exactly the place to be taking a midnight walk?"
The true reason Faith was staying was that Cordelia trying to wipe the streaks of mud off the front of her dress was pulling at the fabric in many entertaining ways and she had no intention of leaving until the free show was over. But there was no way that she was going to tell that to Cordelia.
"I was taking a shortcut to the Bronze," Cordelia lied. Her real reason for being in the Eastfield cemetery after sunset was that ever since Daddy's little tax mix-up her family were living in a damp apartment on the north side of the cemetery. But there was no way she was going to share that information with Skanky the vampire slayer.
"I'm finished for the night; I'll walk you out of here."
"No thanks," Cordelia replied, "I don't accept dates with people who throw demons at me."
Faith shrugged, "suit yourself. Try not to get killed," she shoved her knife back into her belt and began to stroll casually away.
Cordelia watched her for a moment before hurrying to catch up. "Alright, but this doesn't mean that I like you."
ii. Get Drunk
"This doesn't mean that I like you," Cordelia said for the fifth time since she and Faith had left the cemetery, "and I'm not hanging out with you. I just happen to be here at the same time as you."
They were sitting in the back booth of a dark bar where Faith had claimed the patrons wouldn't notice Cordelia's mud streaked dress or the twigs and leaves tangled in her hair. All they'll notice is a hot girl in a hot dress, she'd said.
Cordelia had followed Faith out of the graveyard bitching the whole time about how her night was ruined. It was bad enough that the entire town derided her as a Xander Harris cast off without her going to the Bronze looking like she'd crawled through a hedge backwards to get there. It was then that Faith had given her a long look and offered to buy her a drink.
What the hell, Cordelia had thought, her entire night -if not her whole life- was already shot to hell and if Faith wanted to make up for the dwarf throwing incident by buying her a latte then what harm could it do?
It had quickly become apparent that Faith's taste in drinks ran more towards heavily alcoholic amber liquid than caffeine.
Cordelia was on her third something and soda, she'd let Faith order when her own request for a cosmopolitan had been laughed at by the barman. Faith was drinking the something without the soda and telling Cordelia the story of how she'd eliminated the pack of short demons that had planned on harnessing the power of the Hellmouth.
"What were they going to do?" Cordelia asked. Not that she really cared, of course.
"Use it to grow higher than my knee," Faith suggested. "Whatever, they're all dead now."
Faith drained her glass, tipped the almost empty bag of chips upside down and caught the falling crumbs in her mouth.
"I'm gonna get some more chips. You want anything?"
Cordelia indicated no, her head was starting to feel quite swimmy and pleasant and she was finding Faith not totally horrible company, a definite sign that she'd had too much to drink.
"Suit yourself," Faith bounced over to the bar and returned with another glass of pungent liquid and another bag of chips, which she proceeded to rip open with her teeth. "God, I could eat a horse, slaying always makes me hungry."
"Just hungry?" Cordelia looked at Faith over the rim of her glass. She'd heard Xander wax lyrical often enough about Faith's declaration that killing things made her horny. She really was better off without that loser, wasn't she?
"Princess, if I didn't know you better I'd think that was a come on."
iii. Have Sex
Clothes were strewn from the door to the bed, halfway to the bathroom and then back to the bed. Faith and Cordelia were lying on top of the mattress, the sheets having been kicked off the bed during the debacle of getting Faith out of her leather pants.
Faith's teeth scraped over Cordelia's collarbone as her fingers found the cheerleaders nipple and pinched, hard. Cordelia made a sound halfway between a yelp and a moan and rolled so that Faith's body was underneath hers. Faith hadn't figured Cordelia for the dominant type, but what the hell, could be fun.
Cordelia's fingers tangled in Faith's dark hair and dragged her -protesting, understandably- away from Cordelia's chest. The kiss was deep and wet and very, very French. The part of Cordelia's brain that was still functioning at higher levels sent a mental Nya na na na na to Xander Harris, then Faith dragged her fingernails all the way from Cordelia's shoulders to her ass and pretty much all higher brain functions were gone.
Cordelia had always considered herself a person who could give as well as she got so she pulled back from Faith, just far enough to slip a hand between their bodies. Her palm grazed over Faith's breasts, swept down over her ribs, dipped in at her belly button and stopped just where her hip met her thigh. Her fingers teasing the sensitive skin she found there.
"What's your last name?" she asked oh so casually.
"What?" Faith demanded, or at least that's what Cordelia assumed she demanded, she was breathing very heavily and speaking through clenched teeth.
"I don't have sex in gross motel rooms with people whose last names I don't know."
"You fuck people whose full names you do know in motels?" Faith ground out.
Cordelia said nothing but let her fingers drift away, upwards towards Faith's hip.
Faith leaned up, caught the back of Cordelia's neck and dragged her down for a kiss; she bit down on Cordelia's bottom lip, not hard enough to draw blood but very nearly. When Cordelia pulled back with a squeak Faith whispered something barely audible in her ear.
Cordelia smiled triumphantly and allowed Faith to guide her fingers to where she wanted them to go. She finished that night as the one of only three people in town who knew Faith's real last name.
iv. Discover the Person you Screwed is Evil
"Will Buffy be ready?" Xander asked.
"Buffy's always ready," Willow replied.
It wasn't that Cordelia was eavesdropping on her ex and his pet nerd, it was just that her locker was very near to theirs and if the world was planning to end she really thought that she deserved to know about it in advance.
"It's a shame Faith's gone over to the dark side of the force," Xander said, going into that lame Darth Vader impression that Cordelia had always hated even when she'd thought he was cute. Xander, that is, not Darth Vader.
"I always thought Faith was evil," Willow said, "It was the black leather. There's just something about black leather pants that scream Hello, I'm evil."
"Faith's evil?" Cordelia exclaimed, slamming her locker door shut and relishing Willow and Xander's shock at her sudden interruption. "Faith's evil, seriously?"
"Yeah," Willow replied meekly, the boyfriend stealing bitch. "For, like, ages."
"Yeah, Cordy, get with the programme," Xander said. Then promptly withered under the strength of Cordelia's death glare.
"Ew," said Cordelia.
"Very profound," said Willow. Then, as if suddenly remembering she was still supposed to be feeling guilty about the boyfriend stealing she scurried away with Xander hot on her heels.
"Ew," Cordelia repeated. Faith was evil. She'd had sex with evil, that was so tacky, that was so...so Buffy.
"Ew."
Author: Netgirl_y2k
Recipient: dexwebster
Fandom: Buffyverse
Pairing: Faith/Cordelia
Rating: R
Word count: 1,700
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, this chipped Jack Daniels mug belongs to me
Summary: "The kiss was deep and wet and very, very French. The part of Cordelia's brain that was still functioning at higher levels sent a mental Nya na na na na to Xander Harris"
i. Get Rescued
"Get down!"
Like most residents of Sunnydale Cordelia's nerves had been honed to a fine point of terror by years of vampires, demons and assorted other weirdness. So when she heard someone shouting for her to duck she ducked, throwing herself down onto the damp ground.
This prompt response meant that rather than hitting Cordelia the small dwarf-like demon that was flying through the air soared over her head and hit the wall of the nearby crypt with a dull thwack.
Cordelia attempted to struggle to her feet. Okay, the demon was only three feet tall and mostly unconscious but on the Hellmouth you never really knew what might need to be run away from at short notice. The demon began to stir and Cordelia made another concentrated effort to get upright, her impractical shoes slipping on the wet grass and sending her splattering back into the mud.
It was at this point that the thrower of the demon made her appearance. Faith vaulted over a tombstone, neatly sidestepped Cordelia (who had managed to get to her feet and was unsuccessfully attempting to divest her clothes of mud) grabbed the small demon and easily snapped its neck.
She spun around, drawing a knife from her belt. She stopped with the blade just shy of Cordelia's neck.
"Oh," she said, "it's you."
Cordelia spared only a momentary glance at the knife before she turned the full force of her glare on Faith.
"Do you have any idea how much this dress cost? It's ruined! I'd bill you for it but I don't suppose they pay you for tossing dwarves at innocent bystanders."
Faith looked Cordelia up, then down, then up again, "I dunno princess, I think it looks pretty good. You ever think of taking up mud wrestling, bet you could make a killing?"
Cordelia rolled her eyes, if she'd wanted to listen to those kinds of propositions she would have taken Xander back.
Faith used the blade of her knife to pick under her fingernails; Cordelia watched her and decided that if she accidentally took the whole finger off it would be her own fault.
"Why are you still here, don't you have some demon throwing to be getting on with?"
"Just making sure you're okay, didn't B ever tell you that Sunnydale cemeteries ain't exactly the place to be taking a midnight walk?"
The true reason Faith was staying was that Cordelia trying to wipe the streaks of mud off the front of her dress was pulling at the fabric in many entertaining ways and she had no intention of leaving until the free show was over. But there was no way that she was going to tell that to Cordelia.
"I was taking a shortcut to the Bronze," Cordelia lied. Her real reason for being in the Eastfield cemetery after sunset was that ever since Daddy's little tax mix-up her family were living in a damp apartment on the north side of the cemetery. But there was no way she was going to share that information with Skanky the vampire slayer.
"I'm finished for the night; I'll walk you out of here."
"No thanks," Cordelia replied, "I don't accept dates with people who throw demons at me."
Faith shrugged, "suit yourself. Try not to get killed," she shoved her knife back into her belt and began to stroll casually away.
Cordelia watched her for a moment before hurrying to catch up. "Alright, but this doesn't mean that I like you."
ii. Get Drunk
"This doesn't mean that I like you," Cordelia said for the fifth time since she and Faith had left the cemetery, "and I'm not hanging out with you. I just happen to be here at the same time as you."
They were sitting in the back booth of a dark bar where Faith had claimed the patrons wouldn't notice Cordelia's mud streaked dress or the twigs and leaves tangled in her hair. All they'll notice is a hot girl in a hot dress, she'd said.
Cordelia had followed Faith out of the graveyard bitching the whole time about how her night was ruined. It was bad enough that the entire town derided her as a Xander Harris cast off without her going to the Bronze looking like she'd crawled through a hedge backwards to get there. It was then that Faith had given her a long look and offered to buy her a drink.
What the hell, Cordelia had thought, her entire night -if not her whole life- was already shot to hell and if Faith wanted to make up for the dwarf throwing incident by buying her a latte then what harm could it do?
It had quickly become apparent that Faith's taste in drinks ran more towards heavily alcoholic amber liquid than caffeine.
Cordelia was on her third something and soda, she'd let Faith order when her own request for a cosmopolitan had been laughed at by the barman. Faith was drinking the something without the soda and telling Cordelia the story of how she'd eliminated the pack of short demons that had planned on harnessing the power of the Hellmouth.
"What were they going to do?" Cordelia asked. Not that she really cared, of course.
"Use it to grow higher than my knee," Faith suggested. "Whatever, they're all dead now."
Faith drained her glass, tipped the almost empty bag of chips upside down and caught the falling crumbs in her mouth.
"I'm gonna get some more chips. You want anything?"
Cordelia indicated no, her head was starting to feel quite swimmy and pleasant and she was finding Faith not totally horrible company, a definite sign that she'd had too much to drink.
"Suit yourself," Faith bounced over to the bar and returned with another glass of pungent liquid and another bag of chips, which she proceeded to rip open with her teeth. "God, I could eat a horse, slaying always makes me hungry."
"Just hungry?" Cordelia looked at Faith over the rim of her glass. She'd heard Xander wax lyrical often enough about Faith's declaration that killing things made her horny. She really was better off without that loser, wasn't she?
"Princess, if I didn't know you better I'd think that was a come on."
iii. Have Sex
Clothes were strewn from the door to the bed, halfway to the bathroom and then back to the bed. Faith and Cordelia were lying on top of the mattress, the sheets having been kicked off the bed during the debacle of getting Faith out of her leather pants.
Faith's teeth scraped over Cordelia's collarbone as her fingers found the cheerleaders nipple and pinched, hard. Cordelia made a sound halfway between a yelp and a moan and rolled so that Faith's body was underneath hers. Faith hadn't figured Cordelia for the dominant type, but what the hell, could be fun.
Cordelia's fingers tangled in Faith's dark hair and dragged her -protesting, understandably- away from Cordelia's chest. The kiss was deep and wet and very, very French. The part of Cordelia's brain that was still functioning at higher levels sent a mental Nya na na na na to Xander Harris, then Faith dragged her fingernails all the way from Cordelia's shoulders to her ass and pretty much all higher brain functions were gone.
Cordelia had always considered herself a person who could give as well as she got so she pulled back from Faith, just far enough to slip a hand between their bodies. Her palm grazed over Faith's breasts, swept down over her ribs, dipped in at her belly button and stopped just where her hip met her thigh. Her fingers teasing the sensitive skin she found there.
"What's your last name?" she asked oh so casually.
"What?" Faith demanded, or at least that's what Cordelia assumed she demanded, she was breathing very heavily and speaking through clenched teeth.
"I don't have sex in gross motel rooms with people whose last names I don't know."
"You fuck people whose full names you do know in motels?" Faith ground out.
Cordelia said nothing but let her fingers drift away, upwards towards Faith's hip.
Faith leaned up, caught the back of Cordelia's neck and dragged her down for a kiss; she bit down on Cordelia's bottom lip, not hard enough to draw blood but very nearly. When Cordelia pulled back with a squeak Faith whispered something barely audible in her ear.
Cordelia smiled triumphantly and allowed Faith to guide her fingers to where she wanted them to go. She finished that night as the one of only three people in town who knew Faith's real last name.
iv. Discover the Person you Screwed is Evil
"Will Buffy be ready?" Xander asked.
"Buffy's always ready," Willow replied.
It wasn't that Cordelia was eavesdropping on her ex and his pet nerd, it was just that her locker was very near to theirs and if the world was planning to end she really thought that she deserved to know about it in advance.
"It's a shame Faith's gone over to the dark side of the force," Xander said, going into that lame Darth Vader impression that Cordelia had always hated even when she'd thought he was cute. Xander, that is, not Darth Vader.
"I always thought Faith was evil," Willow said, "It was the black leather. There's just something about black leather pants that scream Hello, I'm evil."
"Faith's evil?" Cordelia exclaimed, slamming her locker door shut and relishing Willow and Xander's shock at her sudden interruption. "Faith's evil, seriously?"
"Yeah," Willow replied meekly, the boyfriend stealing bitch. "For, like, ages."
"Yeah, Cordy, get with the programme," Xander said. Then promptly withered under the strength of Cordelia's death glare.
"Ew," said Cordelia.
"Very profound," said Willow. Then, as if suddenly remembering she was still supposed to be feeling guilty about the boyfriend stealing she scurried away with Xander hot on her heels.
"Ew," Cordelia repeated. Faith was evil. She'd had sex with evil, that was so tacky, that was so...so Buffy.
"Ew."