FIC: Big Love: "Marked"
Fandom: Big Love
Pairing: Sarah/Heather
Title: Marked
Author: Julie
Rating: PG
Summary: First kiss, Sarah & Heather, takes place shorty after the bathtub scene between Sarah & Lois in "Easter" (ep. 8)in which they discuss their individuality and feeling "marked."
Marked
She couldn’t stop thinking about the heat in her body.
Lots of things made her hot, but a different kind of hot. Hot like when the slutty girls at Deb’s called her Morbot, and she felt the uncomfortable flush of embarrassment creeping up the back of her neck, or hot like when the sermon on Sunday was particularly affecting, and she felt a tightening in her chest like she might just bust with the good, rightness of it. There was even the flip floppy sick hot that she felt standing in front of her father shifting her weight and trying to explain why she neglected to mention that the teen center she volunteered at was a gay and lesbian support center.
But this heat was not like any of that.
This heat was something different altogether.
It was a heat that belonged only to Sarah, to a swelling around her ribcage that she supposed was related to her heart, to words catching in her throat and a warm tingle that came from a low, centered point in her body. This heat was pushing down bad fantasies in the moment of darkness when she blinked her eyes, and trying not to stare too hard at how the blue in Sarah’s eyes matched perfectly the blue in the sky on the most perfect yellow sun perfect world kindergarten drawing of day.
This heat was the kind that could not be wished away, or prayed away, and especially not hidden away.
She said, “I have to tell you something.”
“Don’t tell me you’re quitting Deb’s,” Sarah groaned, sitting up from her lazy girltalk bed sprawl to look sharply at Heather. “I’d freak if I had to go back to just having those rejects to talk to again.”
She said, “I’m not quitting. It’s something else. It’s something important, that I’ve been thinking about for a long time.”
Sarah looked at her quizzically. “What’s with serious face? Jeez, you sound like you’re going to tell me you’re a polygamist all of a sudden or something.”
She said, “I used to watch the Brady Bunch.”
“And? I did too, the reruns were on like a million times a day.”
She said, “It’s just, I used to watch the Brady Bunch, but it never appealed to me because it didn’t make sense...there were too many of them, all thrown together and one bathroom, and mishaps that always got handled even though you couldn’t turn around without two of them on the stairs and one at the table and the parents seemed to always be everywhere without being anywhere at all. It was like something just didn’t fit right in the equation. Your family is like that, there’s so many of you but instead of being squashed in one house, you have three but it’s always someone coming in or out and someone always coming in second or third, but not like I thought it would be. Your mom is really nice, and everyone seems so normal, but still it’s like something just doesn’t fit the right way here, and I can’t figure it out because polygamy is just so wrong.”
“But I’m not...” Sarah started, but was interrupted by Heather.
“Wait,” she said. “Let me finish.”
Sarah waited. Heather was quiet.
“I’m waiting,” Sarah said flatly.
She said, “I’m not supposed to feel like this is normal, but I do.”
“My family is normal,” Sarah said. “It’s just...bigger...than most people’s.”
She said, “I’m not talking about your family, I’m talking about you.”
She said, “I’m not supposed to feel like this about you. But I do.”
“Feel like how?” Sarah said, a slow smile crossing her face.
She said, “Like polygamy is not wrong. Like the grass is purple and Santa Claus is real. Like I grew up in New York City instead of Utah, and you’re the captain of the football team instead of a girl that I wait all day just to be next to.”
Sarah smiled wider.
“What are you smiling about?”
“It’s just,” Sarah said, leaning far, leaning so far across the bed that Heather barely had time to enjoy the tips of Sarah’s blonde hair brushing over her bare calves before Sarah’s face swam out and then into focus inches from her own face, “I was curious how long it would take you. It actually took much less time than I expected.”
She looked down her nose at Sarah’s lips, lips that hovered shockingly close to her own. She tried to focus on Sarah’s words, and not be too mesmerized by the moisture she could see in tiny beads in the cracks of her soft mouth skin.
She said, “You knew?”
“I knew.” Sarah said, her hands finding the tops of Heather’s thighs and resting there, for balance, for more.
“You’re not mad? Or grossed out or think I’m weird or whatever?”
“I definately think you’re weird,” Sarah smiled. “But lucky for you, I got over weird a long time ago.”
Heather felt a smile forming on her own face, finally.
She said, “Now what do we do?”
“Stop thinking,” Sarah said, leaning closer. “Kiss me. I’m right here.”
Her eyes widened. “I’m not sure if I’m very good at it,” she started, shifting slightly to adjust to the sudden wetness she felt in her own body. She had time to briefly worry that Sarah might smell that strange smell, the one that was coming with the wetness, before she was overwhelmed with sensations of soft warm lips, and tightening hands on her thighs, and a girl smell that she had smelled a hundred times before but never really at all.
“Stop. Thinking.” Sarah said, punctuating each word with a kiss.
And she did.
For several minutes, until finally Sarah pulled away, putting her hands on Heather’s shoulders and looking at her, right in her eyes.
“Okay?” Sarah asked, searching her face.
“Very okay,” Heather replied.
Sarah looked at her another moment.
“Are you worried?” Sarah asked.
“Very worried,” Heather replied.
“Don’t worry,” Sarah said, leaning back and pulling them both down onto the pillow, curling her hand around Heather’s and nestling her head against Heather’s shoulder. “If it comes down to it, I’ll cut off my hair for you.”
“What does that mean?” Heather asked, glancing sideways at Sarah, who was looking dreamily up at the ceiling.
“That we’re marked,” Sarah said, and closed her eyes, smiling softly.
Pairing: Sarah/Heather
Title: Marked
Author: Julie
Rating: PG
Summary: First kiss, Sarah & Heather, takes place shorty after the bathtub scene between Sarah & Lois in "Easter" (ep. 8)in which they discuss their individuality and feeling "marked."
Marked
She couldn’t stop thinking about the heat in her body.
Lots of things made her hot, but a different kind of hot. Hot like when the slutty girls at Deb’s called her Morbot, and she felt the uncomfortable flush of embarrassment creeping up the back of her neck, or hot like when the sermon on Sunday was particularly affecting, and she felt a tightening in her chest like she might just bust with the good, rightness of it. There was even the flip floppy sick hot that she felt standing in front of her father shifting her weight and trying to explain why she neglected to mention that the teen center she volunteered at was a gay and lesbian support center.
But this heat was not like any of that.
This heat was something different altogether.
It was a heat that belonged only to Sarah, to a swelling around her ribcage that she supposed was related to her heart, to words catching in her throat and a warm tingle that came from a low, centered point in her body. This heat was pushing down bad fantasies in the moment of darkness when she blinked her eyes, and trying not to stare too hard at how the blue in Sarah’s eyes matched perfectly the blue in the sky on the most perfect yellow sun perfect world kindergarten drawing of day.
This heat was the kind that could not be wished away, or prayed away, and especially not hidden away.
She said, “I have to tell you something.”
“Don’t tell me you’re quitting Deb’s,” Sarah groaned, sitting up from her lazy girltalk bed sprawl to look sharply at Heather. “I’d freak if I had to go back to just having those rejects to talk to again.”
She said, “I’m not quitting. It’s something else. It’s something important, that I’ve been thinking about for a long time.”
Sarah looked at her quizzically. “What’s with serious face? Jeez, you sound like you’re going to tell me you’re a polygamist all of a sudden or something.”
She said, “I used to watch the Brady Bunch.”
“And? I did too, the reruns were on like a million times a day.”
She said, “It’s just, I used to watch the Brady Bunch, but it never appealed to me because it didn’t make sense...there were too many of them, all thrown together and one bathroom, and mishaps that always got handled even though you couldn’t turn around without two of them on the stairs and one at the table and the parents seemed to always be everywhere without being anywhere at all. It was like something just didn’t fit right in the equation. Your family is like that, there’s so many of you but instead of being squashed in one house, you have three but it’s always someone coming in or out and someone always coming in second or third, but not like I thought it would be. Your mom is really nice, and everyone seems so normal, but still it’s like something just doesn’t fit the right way here, and I can’t figure it out because polygamy is just so wrong.”
“But I’m not...” Sarah started, but was interrupted by Heather.
“Wait,” she said. “Let me finish.”
Sarah waited. Heather was quiet.
“I’m waiting,” Sarah said flatly.
She said, “I’m not supposed to feel like this is normal, but I do.”
“My family is normal,” Sarah said. “It’s just...bigger...than most people’s.”
She said, “I’m not talking about your family, I’m talking about you.”
She said, “I’m not supposed to feel like this about you. But I do.”
“Feel like how?” Sarah said, a slow smile crossing her face.
She said, “Like polygamy is not wrong. Like the grass is purple and Santa Claus is real. Like I grew up in New York City instead of Utah, and you’re the captain of the football team instead of a girl that I wait all day just to be next to.”
Sarah smiled wider.
“What are you smiling about?”
“It’s just,” Sarah said, leaning far, leaning so far across the bed that Heather barely had time to enjoy the tips of Sarah’s blonde hair brushing over her bare calves before Sarah’s face swam out and then into focus inches from her own face, “I was curious how long it would take you. It actually took much less time than I expected.”
She looked down her nose at Sarah’s lips, lips that hovered shockingly close to her own. She tried to focus on Sarah’s words, and not be too mesmerized by the moisture she could see in tiny beads in the cracks of her soft mouth skin.
She said, “You knew?”
“I knew.” Sarah said, her hands finding the tops of Heather’s thighs and resting there, for balance, for more.
“You’re not mad? Or grossed out or think I’m weird or whatever?”
“I definately think you’re weird,” Sarah smiled. “But lucky for you, I got over weird a long time ago.”
Heather felt a smile forming on her own face, finally.
She said, “Now what do we do?”
“Stop thinking,” Sarah said, leaning closer. “Kiss me. I’m right here.”
Her eyes widened. “I’m not sure if I’m very good at it,” she started, shifting slightly to adjust to the sudden wetness she felt in her own body. She had time to briefly worry that Sarah might smell that strange smell, the one that was coming with the wetness, before she was overwhelmed with sensations of soft warm lips, and tightening hands on her thighs, and a girl smell that she had smelled a hundred times before but never really at all.
“Stop. Thinking.” Sarah said, punctuating each word with a kiss.
And she did.
For several minutes, until finally Sarah pulled away, putting her hands on Heather’s shoulders and looking at her, right in her eyes.
“Okay?” Sarah asked, searching her face.
“Very okay,” Heather replied.
Sarah looked at her another moment.
“Are you worried?” Sarah asked.
“Very worried,” Heather replied.
“Don’t worry,” Sarah said, leaning back and pulling them both down onto the pillow, curling her hand around Heather’s and nestling her head against Heather’s shoulder. “If it comes down to it, I’ll cut off my hair for you.”
“What does that mean?” Heather asked, glancing sideways at Sarah, who was looking dreamily up at the ceiling.
“That we’re marked,” Sarah said, and closed her eyes, smiling softly.