Comments | fenrix: Gay Monogamous Relationships? Why so Rare?

fenrix

Gay Monogamous Relationships? Why so Rare?

May 28, 2009 17:25

For the longest time I've been leaning toward finding myself a monogamous relationship (when I haven't been trying to run from interested people at least). Honestly though, I'm finding it very difficult to even find anyone else who's looking for that. Why are monogamous relationships so rare? When I do find someone who might be interested in one ( Read more... )

monogamous, relationships, gay

Comments 30

silveradept May 29 2009, 00:23:31 UTC

I would think monogamy is possible, regardless of the genders of the people involved. What may be contributing to the dearth of long-term relationships is the process of dating - once you find someone who's compatible, you then have to find out whether they're compatible enough to invest in, and then you go together for a while to see if that compatibility holds up over time. For a lot of couples or bigger relationship units, it won't.

As for cheating and other things, most people aren't really confident enough to be honest about everything they want in a relationship. Whether it's kinks or openness of relationship or anything else. So encouraing honesty is about all you can do to try and curb the tendency.

fenrix May 29 2009, 02:51:56 UTC

Oh yeah, monogamy is definitely possible. It just takes work for the parties involved to work on what they want out of the relationship ahead of time. Agreed, they very much do need to keep completely open on things at the beginning, figure out what they want, otherwise things will turn up later that will make it ultimately fail.

silveradept May 29 2009, 03:04:19 UTC

And relationships and people change over time. People who are unwilling to recognize that needs and desires may change as time goes on are just gunning for a relationship failure.

Noting from above comments, there's really no reason to believe that a closed, monogamous relationship is best for raising children. A limited open relationship, even in heterosexual relations, will probably work out fine, so long as all parties involved understand they're helping to raise and care for the child while they're part of the relationship. I'm pretty sure poly relationships with kids turn out kids that are okay, too. Monogamy is the societal expectation - it may not be the biological one, and it may not be the best one, depending on whether you believe the village theory of raising kids.

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fenrix May 29 2009, 03:11:48 UTC

Wow, 13 years? Congrats!!! Hmm, that all makes perfect sense how, how relationships tend to fail in that time period. Guess it just means that people who end relationships after 6 months pick up on it a bit more quickly, but are never aware of why it failed, so they try again, and again, etc. I've run into the internet issue as well.

It's hard to find people that want to make a relationship work beyond sex. Most only look for sex, which is why it fails. Last person I was with decided they wanted pets instead of a mate after about 7 months. Since that one I've been seeing issues in just about everyone that echos that little tendency.

It's good to know that there are some furries out ther that can maintain a stable relationship at least, gives me some hope that I'll be able to find one eventually.

tigerwolfvix May 29 2009, 00:55:23 UTC

Do people just say that they want monogamy just to get laid?

Well it certainly doesn't work for me in the opposite direction. I'm all "yeah, I'm poly... that cool with you?" and they're like "WHAT?!?!? NO! OF COURSE NOT!"

bounderfox May 29 2009, 04:03:34 UTC

Grrrf. Could have talked with me about this one ya know ( ... )

itico May 29 2009, 04:36:18 UTC

Really, it comes down to what is more important to both parties. If the relationship is based on sex or appearance...Well, good looks fade and sex with the same person can get boring.

For to many of the furries that I have met were only interested in appearance or sex. In it for the good time. Well, good times fade.

You know your real friends when you crash. When you are out of money, get kicked out of your house and any other really bad thing happens. Suddenly, all the good-time friends are gone.

You get the idea.

Cicero and I have been together now for over two years. Even though we are a hetero couple, the chance of progeny is well below zero. (Believe me.) So, there must be some other reason why we are together.

All lasting relationships are based on trust and respect. If you don't have that, well, enough said.

Peace.