I've offered my old laptop to my parents. Currently it has an unusable version of Windows installed on it, and having no idea where a copy of Windows is that I could install on the computer and then legally give it to my folks might be, I've offered to install Linux for them. All my good sense tells me that vanilla Ubuntu 9.04 is the obvious right
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Iceweasel
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I've also heard that Wolvix is a nice distro for some XFCE loving.
Linux Mint is a pretty nice Ubuntu derivation that is a bit more familiar to windows folks IMO, and it has a XFCE version to deal with your GNOME hate. Or go KDE!
OpenBSD is what madmen do when they tire of everyday life. I recommend installing it on something like shinmatsuz's computer.
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