19: At this point I'll be glad if I can see October gone without the count rising any god damn more.  This one was in the bathtub, and even though it was basically bedtime and I could have let it go, I didn't want it surprising me in the shower the next morning, so I washed it down the drain.  I am a bloodthirsty man; this is just the way of things

18: Another nasty-looking one on the ceiling of the living room, of all places.  This is not a place that makes hiding possible; I had time to get the Sorry Stick and some tissues before doing that which needed to be done.

I have to point out that I have now reached the same count as 2008, but it's only October.  What is this.  What is going on.  If ( Read more... )

 17: What in the good god damn fuck is up with large spiders being all up in my bedroom.  That is not cool.  Luckily, it's where I keep the Sorry Stick, too.  You can guess what I just did.

 16: Another one on the wall of my god damn bedroom.  This one was much smaller, less than a dime's diameter, and a curiously vivid red-brown.  I'm sure that's not the color it ended up when I smashed it with a napkin and threw it into my trashcan, though.  I am not sorry; there's no way I'm going to let a spider live in the room where I sleep.

 15: Holy mother of fuck; this one was at least an inch across, thick-built and nasty, crawling around on my bedroom wall JUST NOW.  I hope I didn't wake the housemate in the room next door when I destroyed it with the Sorry Stick.

14: This brazen motherfucker was on the underside of the god damned toilet seat.  It was a little less than a dime's diameter, brown, with spindly, arched legs. I wasn't sitting down on the toilet at the time, thank fuck, but the thought of what could have happened had my toilet needs been different triggers only shudders.  My arachnicidal reflexes ( Read more... )

 13: On the wall of my bedroom right above the dresser, about a quarter's diameter and moving like it had a bad drunk on. My housemates were all asleep, but I had just watched seven episodes of The Wire. I was not in a fuckin'-around mood. Its crushed and mangled body is inside a wad of tissues in my trashcan right now. Triflin'-ass muthafucka.

12: Crawling around on the wall of the men's room at the office, about a quarter's diameter and far too quick to be comfortable around.  I felt more comfortable approaching it with three layers of paper towels in hand and performing a rattlesnake-quick strike-and-crush move that I feel should go into some database of anti-arachnid martial arts.  I ( Read more... )

 11: Jesus fucking holy shit Christ this thing was enormous.  At least a quarter's diameter, but hideously thick and battle-ready in all the wrong ways.  It was crawling around on the stairwell wall, a space that I am confident in saying was TOO DAMN NARROW.  Smashed it with the Sorry Stick and cleaned it up using three (3) layers of tissue.  You ( Read more... )

10: Somewhere between a nickel and a quarter's diameter, crawling around on the east wall of my bedroom. Bold, but foolish; the Sorry Stick is no more than two steps from my hand from where I'm sitting.  The end was predictable and swift.  There will never be mercy as long as the enemy does not keep its distance.