"And my baby's name is Amy. And her mommy's name is Aimee. And her sister's name is Aimy"

[ferretsofglory]

A good evening and tuck in with Jordan, and that's all I really need. She's who I am here for. I'm here for you too if you want to talk with me, but this at me berate needs to stop. "We'll you can just take all your shit and go, leave me with an empty house, I don't care." I do. And I wouldn't do that. This is my home too, we built it together. A

Comments

[ravengirl]

To paraphrase, it is not an affair because she lied about her relationship with you? Um.

Have you talked about a mediator, a counselor, in order to save your relationship? If you're past that point, or if you cannot accept her back if she recognizes her fault, I'm afraid all is lost. You're not married (correct?) and, as much as we love the children of those we also love, we lose them in the end, too. I'm so sorry. None of this is good. And you deserve good.

[ferretsofglory]

I suggested it, but she wasn't open to it yet, she already sees a therapist for depression and isn't sure she wants to do more of that. I would fully welcome her back and am open to repair if that comes. I'm hurt about the whole ordeal but also feel that it's a space we could heal and maybe even come out better because of that journey. That's what has me planting my feet and trying to sort through, though I am the only one sorting right now.

If I go, I know that ends it all. If that happens I'm going to have to live with that big sad in the loss of a child I felt was part of me. I lose all of that.

[ferretsofglory]

My only thought on one path of it is to find a new place, something on the river and maybe share that search with Jordan a bit, get her amped about another place to visit sometimes if she likes that she helped pick, so to speak. Then I can transition out in the migration mode that I came in and that may make it easier, less jarring.

There is the dog too, but that's totally my thing and I dont want it to come off as a bribe tactic, so that could wait till I get out.

I realize my problem is as selfish as K's is and I'm just trying to maintain as much grace and peaceful calm for everyone as possible. I'm too Forrest Gump for my own good.

[ravengirl]

Your problem isn't selfish. You want to love, that's the most unselfish thing. And you want to continue to love Jordan and you want a companion animal to love, too-- none of this is selfish.

You *might* be "too nice." I wish there was no such thing, but the nice people get hurt...maybe a bit more than your average bear? Maybe.