The Odds are Against Me

[festusmonroe]

The time is near. I can feel it in my bones that I'm due for another catastrophe. Roughly once per quarter I'm beset by some great trial. It's been about three months since my van got stolen. Roughly three months prior to that my old band's singer had a drug induced meltdown and broke into my house, nullifying a great rock and roll group and my

Comments

[archiedavis]

from experience, i have learned NEVER to bet against the haunted house scenario...

[festusmonroe]

If it goes through, I'll have to bone up on my exorcism skills, and maybe invest in a talking canine sidekick.

Just passing through...

[cattlegoblin]

Hi there. I stumbled across your journal through the 'Jacksonville' search option (oh, the woes of a boring desk job) and I thought I'd post and say that your profile and recent entries made me smile. You seem like a kindred spirit, I'd like to add you to my friends list if you don't mind, and I'd be tickled fuschia if you did the same :)

Sure thing, little gnome!

[festusmonroe]

Done and done. Consider yo'self added.

By the by, what shade is fuschia? Is it like purple? And how does one get tickled in such a manner? Is it a rash? Does it require some kind of ointment?

[stilled_life]

Alright. I think it's clear what I have to do. I practice Santeria and I got a crystal ball. My New Year's resolution is to focus any supernatural powers I (imagine) I have to help you avoid spontaneously combusting (what are the odds looking like on that one, by the way) or any other catastrophe you feel is looming like some looming predatory creature given to looming in the near future. It'll be part of my whole reinventing myself as some otherworldly sprite-like creature randomly performing acts of niceness.

[festusmonroe]

I've always wanted some sort of benevolent sprite bending the cosmos in my favor. Your hard work is much appreciated.

As far as spontaneous combustion, the latest line in Vegas is 207:3. If you ask me, the safe bet is my van's engine calling it a day. Though the money bet is on the urine-soaked guitar amplifier, so if you could concentrate your Santerrific powers on those two it would make my day.

[stilled_life]

I would just like to note for the record that the strangest part of this entire exchange, for me, is that fact that last night, my best friend and I opened our Christmas presents to each other. Without any prompting from me for the holiday season, she gave me a Voodoo doll, thus cementing any deluded ideas I might have that I actually do have supernatural powers. Also, it's travel-sized for my convenience. So I can work the juju on the go. Prepare to be mojo'd.

[festusmonroe]

Just got back into town, and as of yet all systems nominal. So far so good.

You're not performing any ritual sacrifices for this are you? I mean, if you are it's cool, I'm not one to judge or anything--you can't argue with results, after all. I'd hate to have you go to too much trouble. I guess that's why the voodoo doll seems so handy; no mess, a minimum of utensils, pocket sized. I may have to get one of my own.

[akhliber]

"I'm talking to you, Chris."

i'm shocked!
i would do no such thing!

so, uh, when did you say you're coming back home?

heh heh heh

oh, come to think of it, i got a letter today informing me that in February, my name is going to be announced as the LUCKY WINNER of TEN MILLION DOLLARS (!!!), so i'll buy you a new house if you'll let me just have a little fun. nothing major. honest!

Re:

[festusmonroe]

Heh heh! The cops! Heh heh!