Fic - Lucius/Hermione - An Easy Guide on How to Impress the Favourite Muggel-born Witch

[feuerfunke]

Title: An Easy Guide on How to Impress the Favourite Muggle-born Witch
Author: feuerfunke
Disclaimer: The characters and canon situations belong to JKR. I don't make any money from writing or publishing this piece of transformative work.
Pairing: Lucius/Hermione
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 209
Summary: Lucius gets what he wants. Always.
A/N: Many thanks to my beta and banner maker, AnneM! Written for Maloy Manor's weekly prompt: {Malfoy of choice} tries to impress Hermione with cooking her a meal the Muggle way.



An Easy Guide on How to Impress the Favourite Muggle-born Witch
by Lucius Malfoy

1. Obtain a recipee of Muggle food (in not so legal ways).
2. Accio the construction plan of the Manor to find out where the kitchen is.
3. Send son on a trip, preferably one to another country. Hex all the portraits black to minimize the probability of eye-witnesses.
4. Let the house elves get the ingredients needed and order them to put everything on the canvas.
5. Forbid the house elves to enter the kitchen and give them the afternoon off. Make sure the elves will mention it to the witch by themselves.
6. Read the recipee carefully and follow the five steps.
7. If a Malfoy forgets a step - remember, it’s only for improvement.
8. Double-check the cooked meal with the picture on the recipee, which is less than accurate.
9. Ignore the skeptical look of the witch in question when presenting dinner.
10. Pointedly ignore comments such as: 'it looks like a car accident', but make a mental note to look into what exactly a car accident is.
11. If the witch is impressed, lean back and enjoy the rest of the evening.
    If the witch is not impressed, let her tend to your bruised ego and enjoy the rest of the evening.