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50 Things Guys Should Know About Girls
1. You have to tell a girl how you feel about her...we make no assumptions
-sure we do, either everyone wants us or everyone thinks we're fat
2. It never hurts to workout...take your own advice.
-although we don't care if you're not a gym rat. you're hot no matter what.
3. Girls like sex just as much, if not more than guys.
-guess the cat is out of the bag
4. Not all girls masturbate...the ones who don't aren't lying...the ones who do will tell you.
-although i don't see why you must know
5. We hate porn
-some of it
6. hmmm....guys in jeeps=yummmmm...!
-actually, some of us don't care what you drive
7. Girls need food, water, and complements to survive.
-and oxygen. i mostly ignore complements.
8. We think about you all the time.
-not all the time...sorry
9. Being able to make us laugh is so much more important than how much you can benchpress
-true, but there is nothing wrong with a guy who can benchpress a lot...however, it's not the only thing that matters
10. we may think you are gay if you wear tighty-whities on a regular basis
-some of us really don't care
11. hold our hand.
-even if you're sweaty and dirty. if you're gross though, make sure you shower before anything else. i'll hold your dirty hand but that's as far as i go.
12. no back-seat drivers...NONE.
unless i'm about to run over a small, fluffy animal.
13. Girls generally don't like giving head, so you better be ready to reciprocate if and when you get it.
-and some girls like it, but you'll never know until you ask.
14. We are not your all-night restaurant.
-but some of us really would love to cook for you
15. Anything we say or do during that 4 days to a week each month cannot be held against us.
-most of us have learned how to deal with pms, so this is a bad excuse.
16. if you hold our hand while you are driving we will be thoroughly impressed...especially if it's a stick.
-and then we'll tell you to get your other hand on the wheel.
17. under no circumstances will we have a threesome.
unless the other guy is really hot. haha ;)
18. you look hot in hooded articles of clothing.
okay, that's true
19. If you think for any reason that we don't like you then we probably don't.
-no! we probably DO like you but won't say anything
20. having us over while you and your buddies play video games is not considered "quality time".
-depends on the video game
21. just because we groom ourselved on a regular basis does not mean we're high maintenance.
it's not our fault society tells us to look cute or you'll hate us. plus, what guy doesn't like a girl that smells like berries or cookies?
22. never comment on how much a girl eats...ever.
-unless she's not eating enough
23. keep in mind that we withhold sex when we're mad at you, so you might wanna get around to apologizing.
-and if the relationship gets to this point, it's time for an out. apologizing isn't a guarentee we'll do it, either
24. you just can't force us to like sports...especially those associated withthe WWF.
-unless you're a goof about it and are willing to teach us
25. we're typically smarter than you...so get over it and stop whining when we get better grades than you. And if you do get better grades than us yes it's impressive but don't brag...it's not attractive.
-okay, so if you're not smart, it's okay. we love you no matter what. and go ahead and brag, atleast you did something right
26. If you do not own a wife-beater, stop reading this list, and go invest in one...right now.
-sure, sounds nice, but don't always wear it...that gets manky.
27. the ability to play the guitar will help you get laid.
-unless you can't play...no really...girls who sleep with you because you play guitar have stds.
28. we're sorry, Brad Pitt just IS hott...get over it!!!!
-he's not hot. really.
29. walks in the rain, kisses on the forehead or cheek, and cookin dinner for us will get you everywhere.
-stop trying to make us have sex with you. we will eventually, unless you beg. blah.
30. Just because we're in a serious relationship doesn't mean we plan to marry you someday, so stop being so damn scared!!!!
-true, we just like to scare you
31. If you're developing such good finger skills playing video games, you better put them to good use sometimes.
-because happy girls are more willing to make you happy.
32. Anything you say or do to another girl that you wouldn't want us to know about is considered cheating.
-yeah, so...back off.
33. if we can admit that we're wrong, you'd better be able to do the same.
-apologies are nice
34. the excuse "i can't dance" is unacceptable...we'll appreciate the simple fact that you're trying.
-or we can just ditch the dance...
35. On that note, if you refuse to dance, expect us to dance with other guys...and lots of them.
-nice girls wouldn't do that to you
36. Think before you speak...it'll make a world of difference.
-or blurt things out. we want to know what you're really thinking, not what you think we want you to think
37. Not all girls kiss on the first date, get over it...we're creatures of mystery.
-and some of us do
38. Make fun of our clothes...prepare to die.
-we can't help modern fashion sucks
39. we don't always expect you to pay for us, but it doesn't hurt to at least offer every once in a while.
-but only if you have the money
40. tell us we're beautiful
-but only if you mean it
41. the "little things" in a relationship are really the biggest.
-because we love you
42. foreplay isn't something we should have to ask for...its a prerequisite.
-so do it and you might get something in return. and all is right in the world.
43. Don't screw us over...especially if we have an older brother or older protective guy friends...they will hunt you down and kill you.
-don't screw people over in general.
44. If you're gonna look at other girls, at least make sure we don't see you do it.
-uh...
45. Just because we're still just "hanging out" doesn't make it okay to sleep
with your ex-girlfriend, friends with benefits, etc.
-there should be a waiting period.
46. No girl just wants to be your "friend with benefits".
-depends on the guy. and some of us are skanky.
47. we're sensitive too...be gentle (and we're not talking about our hearts here guys).
-and some of us are sadistic! ha HA
48. one word when it comes to smoking...quit.
-unless you want me to eat garlic on a regular basis and then kiss you
49. we reserve the right to hate all of your ex-girlfriends.
-well, maybe dislike, but hate...
50. if we happen to trip, fall, etc., while wearing the exceptionally high shoes that we have, go ahead and laugh...we will too...that is unless we hurt ourselves...
-probably because we're wearing the heels for you...so if we're laughing you can laugh too...and then help us up.
40 Things Girls Should Know About Guys
1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
-bastard. if that's the case, don't get pissed because your tiny "friend" isn't doing the job.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
-no, learn to put the seat down.
3) Don't cut your hair. Ever.
-does this apply to all hair or just whatever is on my head? does this mean i can go a week without shaving my legs?
4) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
-you shouldn't have to search for the perfect present because any decent girlfriend will like whatever you give her.
5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
-no kidding. honesty is the best policy but don't get mad when we cry. can't help it.
6) Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
-and sometimes i'm not thinking about you. so there.
7) Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
-okay...
8) Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
-why be so controlling? who cares if she has a cat, dog, fish, whatever. get over yourself.
9) Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
-no, but some dogs are better than some men...
10) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
-fine, then monday is girly things day.
11) Shopping is not sport.
-i never said it was...
12) Anything you wear is fine. Really.
-gee, thanks
13) You have enough clothes.
-you can never have enough clothes
14) You have too many shoes.
-what? i have 3 pairs! one of those being flip-flops!
15) Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
-crying is a result of you being an insensitive jerk and not talking to us first. if you don't like it, talk to us next time.
16) Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad's way past idiot.
-that's so rude! i love my brother and father!
17) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
-dense.
18) No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
-sweet, nice boyfriends know those things matter to girls and they will remember.
19) Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
-you should learn how to do it by now, how old are you?
20) Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
-we just want you to match...sheesh...
21) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
-but not to every question
22) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
-maybe we're trying to give you a hint. stop being dense.
23) Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
-no, but it shows you're a nice guy.
24) Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
-you woudn't say that if they were naked.
25) Check your oil.
-i do, thank you.
26) Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
-right, because you won't follow any of them anyway
27) Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
-either way you'll be upset
28) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
-fine
29) Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
-sure, but that applies to us, too then. take that.
30) If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
-uh, they're freaky anyway. and i thought you said it didn't matter what we wore...
31) If something we said can be interpreted makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
-right...
32) Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
-you can look without drooling
33) Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
-good advice.
34) You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-but not both.
-okay, do it right the first time then
35) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
-it's good to know i'm so visible in your world.
36) Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
-ooooh, so you like raping and pillaging and spreading diseases? yay, get in line between the other losers.
37) Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
-agreed
38) Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
-golf? that's kinda queer
39) Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
-yeah, but it's true. also, a chick like that will never want to date you.
40) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out
-i guess that's good news. who needs all that awkwardness anyway?