The Difference Between Right and Wrong Chapter 3
Title: The Difference Between Right and Wrong
Category: Doubt
Pairing: Sister Aloysius/ Sister James
Rating: M
Summary: Sister James and Sister Aloysius have become closer over the past few months. What happens when Sister James starts to feel things she shouldn't?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the strange ideas that come from my mind.
Title: The Difference Between Right and Wrong
Category: Doubt
Pairing: Sister Aloysius/ Sister James
Rating: M
Summary: Sister James and Sister Aloysius have become closer over the past few months. What happens when Sister James starts to feel things she shouldn't?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the strange ideas that come from my mind.
Sister Sarah James sits in the small space, light filters through the barrier that separates herself from the the stranger on the other side of the wall. Her fingers are curled around the cross in her hand; the metal is cool and calming against her warm, nervous skin. When she turns her head toward the netted opening between the two small rooms in the confessional booth she can see the silhouette of a Father's head.
She returns her eyes to the closed wooden door and brings the cross up to her lips before returning it to her lap. “Father please forgive me for I fear I have sinned,” she whispers.
“God will forgive you in due time if you confess your sins my dear child.” The man's voice is deep and soothing. It reassures Sarah that there is hope for her though she has strayed off the path from God in a way that does not appear able to be mended.
“I am having thoughts Father. Thoughts that I fear will never go away. I want to do things that I shouldn't.” She worries that he will not hear her quiet tone, but at the same time is afraid of speaking up, and making her thoughts reality.
“If you speak them God is willing to forgive you for having them.”
“They are inappropriate thoughts. I want to be close to someone; a friend of mine. I want to be close to them physically as well as emotionally.”
“It is normal to feel the need to be with another; you are human after all. The important thing is that you overcome these urges, and not act on them.”
“It is more complicated than wanting to be with another. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can forget these feelings. The unforgivable part is the person I have feelings for is another woman.” Sister James hears a bang as the man in the other side of the confessional booth drops his Bible.
The man clears his throat. “I will pray for you my child. Resist the temptation of the Devil, and God will reward you.”
“Thank you Father.” She touches two fingers to to her head, chest, and both shoulders forming a cross before quickly exiting the confessional space.
The Father quietly steps out of the confessional booth just in time to catch a glimpse of a the hem of a nun's habit swishing around the corner.
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As the young redhead exists the church she hears a familiar voice calling her name, “Sarah, I've been looking for you.”
She turns to find Sister Aloysius moving across the sidewalk, her dark shawl wrapped tightly around her body. “Hello Aloysius.” Sarah makes her way over to the older woman. “I was just confessing.” Aloysius raises a dark blonde eyebrow at Sarah.
“Confessing? Whatever for? You do not seem to be the type of person that should need to confess, not that I regard it in a low light.”
“Small things; I am only confessing trivial things, Aloysius, to bring myself closer to God.”
“I see,” The blonde responds quietly. “I suppose I assumed with my offer those small things could be confessed to me.” Aloysius stares at the ground. Sarah wishes the older woman would look at her so that she could see what is in Aloysius' revealing eyes. She does not want to hurt Aloysius, just as she did not want to lie to Aloysius, but what she confessed is not something she can tell the older woman now, or ever.
The younger woman glances around hoping that there is no one in viewing proximity before she reaches out and places her hand on Aloysius' shoulder. The older woman quickly shrugs off Sarah's touch. “Not in public,” The blonde mumbles.
“Sorry,” Sarah whispers.
“I must go pray. I will see you later Sarah; perhaps then we can discuss what I had been hoping to.” Sister Aloysius pushes past Sarah.
“And what was that?” Sarah asks without turning toward the older woman.
“Nothing of importance.”
“Aloysius...”
“Everything and nothing like we always do,” Aloysius interjects.
Sarah sighs as she listens to the sound of Aloysius' entering the church. Why can't Sister James ever do anything right when it comes to the older woman?
With her shoulders slouched she makes her way back to the parish lost in thought.
What neither woman realized was the same Father that listened to Sarah's confession was watching them from a window on the second floor of the church. He instantly recognized the high and mighty dragon, Sister Aloysius Beauvier. However her young suitor he cannot place. He wonders if the principal is aware of her young companion's emotions, and if they have yet sinned. He vows to keep an eye on the sharp-tongued older woman to make sure she does not harm herself by leaving the path of God.
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Sarah knocks on the door of Aloysius' office. A shuffling comes from behind the barrier. She waits patiently, as nerves cause her brain to scream. Encourage her to run. The door knob clicks as it turns and Sarah finds herself gazing into stormy blue eyes. All of her fears are erased with the presence of the older woman.
“Hello Sister, may I speak to you?” Sarah asks in her quiet tone. Aloysius nods, but does not move from her place filling the door frame. “Privately?”
“I suppose if you must,” Aloysius steps aside. She refuses to look Sarah in the eyes knowing how her own betray her. She closes the door behind Sister James.
Sarah stops as soon as she has entered the room and waits for Aloysius to turn around so that they are face to face.
Both of Aloysius' eyebrows shoot up her forehead as she finds herself inches from Sarah. “I'm sorry.”
“For what?” Aloysius finds herself fidgeting with the pen in her hand but she does not back down.
Sarah can feel a warmth in the pit of her stomach, her lips are itching to touch Aloysius', but she does not move knowing that she needs to get her point across. “For this morning. I did not mean to hurt you. I honestly did not think of confessing to you,” Sarah watches as the pain begins to trickle into Aloysius' eyes. “Not because I don't trust you, because I do.” Sarah realizes that her hand is seeking out Aloysius' and she allows it to. She tightens her grip when the older woman tries to pull away. “I have a confession for you now Aloysius if you are willing to listen.”
“Okay,” Aloysius replies suspiciously.
“Only if you are willing,” Sister James says knowing that she needs Sister Aloysius to show that she cares as Sarah is trying to do now by reaching out.
“I am. If you need to talk I want you to talk to me,” Sister Aloysius reveals without thinking. Sarah watches as the older woman words register in her mind. The blonde's expression becomes shy, but remains on Sarah; paralyzed by the younger woman's radiant smile.
Sarah releases Aloysius' hand and makes sure the office door is locked before she moves to the chairs that sit in front of Aloysius' desk. She turns them to face each other. As she does this she ponders her own courage that was almost nonexistent three weeks ago. She sits in the chair on the right and motions for Aloysius to take the other.
The older woman complies, surprised by the younger woman's confidence as well.
Sister James takes both of Sister Aloysius' hands in her own without hesitation. She leans forward so that her elbows are resting on her legs. “I lied you you this morning,” Sarah reveals quietly. Aloysius tries to pull back, but Sarah won't let her. “Please hear me out. I need to get this off of my chest, and you said you would listen.” Sister Aloysius nods.
“I lied to you, because I did not want to hurt you. What I had to confess this morning is something I can barely confess to God alone in my room at night during prayers. It is something I can barely confess to myself, because I know it is so wrong, but to me it feels so right,” Sarah pauses in an attempt to try to read Aloysius' emotions. “I was afraid of what you would think of me. I did not want to ruin our friendship so I did not confess to you. Having you in my life is better than I could ever have hoped for. I've never had a friend like you Aloysius...”
“Well I would hope not. We have a rather complicated friendship. Full of hesitance and mistakes.” Sarah raises an eyebrow at Aloysius.
“What friendship isn't? I lied to you this morning Aloysius, because I am afraid of losing you. Because I know if you find out about what I needed to confess you will leave me. I don't want to lose your friendship.”
Aloysius stares at Sarah; mouth slightly open. “There is only once that I've ever seen you this open Sarah, and I know that time it was not intentional. Thank you. You are forgiven.”
Sarah watches Aloysius, shocked that she could close the conversation so abruptly. That the older woman has nothing more to say; is not going to tell Sarah something revealing in return. “That's it? Aloysius, I just let you in and you have nothing to say in return?” The older woman is busy examining Sarah's hands in her own. At the redhead's question she looks up surprised.
“You hurt me earlier.” She removes her hands from Sarah's and stands up before returning to the other side of her desk. Sarah rolls her eyes at the older woman, Perhaps in time Aloysius will let her in.
“Don't you have tests to correct?” Aloysius asks Sarah in a stern voice.
“Uh, yeah I should go do that,” Sarah responds with her head down feeling rejected.
“I meant,” Aloysius quickly corrects herself with the young woman's reaction, “That you could do it in here. It's not likely we will be disturbed since it's the weekend and...”
“I would love to.” Sarah interrupts. “I will be right back.” The young woman rushes out of the office with a smile on her face.
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With a stack of papers teetering in her arms Sister James barely avoids crashing into Sister Raymond on her way back to Sister Aloysius' office. “Hello Sister Raymond.”
“Sister James I can barely see you behind your stack of papers.”
“I have some correcting to do.”
“I can see that. I've just come from talking to Father O'Riley. He says that he suspects there is sinful behavior going on within the Parish and to keep an eye out. He asked me to spread the word. He was on the way to see Sister Aloysius when I left him. He seems serious about the sin. Whatever has happened or is happening he seems determine to stop and deliver due punishment for. What do you think it could be?”
Sarah thinks about her confession earlier that morning. She knew the voice sounded familiar. How much had Father O'Riley seen?
“I'm not sure. Drinking maybe. Thank you Sister Raymond I will keep my eye out.” Sister James turns around and makes her way back to her classroom.
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Entering the dinning room Sarah gazes at her spot to the left of Sister Aloysius with foreboding. She is relieved to find that Sister Aloysius is not yet at the table. Sarah takes a seat and waits as the other Sisters filter into the room from different locations.
Sister Aloysius is the last to enter the room; appearing distracted. She sits at the head of the table and says prayer before everyone begins to eat in silence. Sarah can feel Aloysius' piercing eyes searching her face, but whenever Sarah looks up the eyes are gone. Returned to the food being pushed around on the older woman's plate.
Sarah hears the bell that signals an announcement sounding from her right. When Aloysius is satisfied that she has everyone's attention she begins. “I regret having to say that so shortly after the mishap with Father Flynn we have another rather large sin going on in the parish. I spoke with Father O'Riley today; he did not specify what the sinner is doing, but he said it is of the utmost importance that it is stopped. He says what the person is doing can spread to others, and it is unhealthy and immoral.”
The Sisters gaze around in wonder and suspicion. Something this serious among them could not be going on behind their backs could it?
“So keep an eye out.”
The women finish their dinners in silence. When they are allowed to leave Sarah darts up, and is all the way to the door before she hears Aloysius say, “Sister James please stay to help pick up plates.”
Sarah stops and turns around. She meets Aloysius' cold, stormy eyes. They hold each others' gaze before Aloysius breaks it to speak to the cook. “You may go we will handle clean up tonight.” The cook thanks Aloysius before leaving; not wanting to be in the same room as the obviously irritated woman for longer than necessary.
“You did not come back to spend time with me earlier,” Sister Aloysius coolly states.
“I heard you were in a meeting with Father O'Riley.” Sarah replies while picking up plates.
“Why would that stop you?”
Sarah takes a deep breath, “I didn't want to get you involved.”
“In what?” Sister Aloysius moves into the kitchen and Sister James follows her.
“Nothing,” Sarah mumbles setting the dishes in the sink. Aloysius copies her actions, and for the first time initiates contact with Sarah by grabbing her arm. Not allowing the young woman to zone out by doing the task she was asked to.
“Look at me Sarah.” Sister James cautiously complies. “What is it that you don't want me involved in?”
“I said it is nothing,” Sarah replies trying to release herself from Aloysius' tight grasp.
“It was your confession today wasn't it? That's what set Father O'Riley off. Sarah what have you gotten yourself into?”
“Nothing, Aloysius. Please let go of me.” Sarah pleads with defeat.
“What are you doing Sarah? I know you, and you wouldn't willingly stray from the path. What have you gotten yourself into?”
“It's none of your business.” Sister James answers. Her tone is sharp; hoping Aloysius will get the message to back off.
“It is my business,” Aloysius hisses back in a deadly tone. “Father Flynn warned me to watch out. Whatever you have gotten yourself into will affect me too at some point or another. Tell me what your confession was Sarah.”
“Oh, so that's all you care about is it? You are not concerned about me; you are concerned about yourself!” The younger woman's voice is rising without her permission.
“No,” Aloysius opens her mouth as she searches for words. “No! That's not it Sarah. I care about you. I want to help you. Father O'Riley is hell bent on getting whoever is sinning out of here. I am assuming it is you since you have not denied it. Let me help you.”
“You can't! You can't help me out of this Aloysius. I don't want your help so back off!” Sarah regrets her words the moment they cross the barrier of her lips and become reality.
Aloysius regards the younger woman for a moment before turning and storming out of the room; a mixture of pain and anger openly displayed on her face.
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When Sarah was young she found comfort in the church. When she watched her father battle with cancer she was releaved to know that he would be going to a better place. When she was picked on and taunted in her own Catholic School for being different she dealt with it, because she knew God was watching over her, and had something planned for the rest of her life. She now finds herself kneeling before the alter of the church. Her prayer beads are curled around her fingers the crucifix supporting Jesus hangs in front of her chest; twirling each time her hands shake. Tears stream down Sister James' face as she silently begs God to forgive her. She tries to explain to him, and to herself that she cannot control the way she feels for Aloysius, and that she wishes she didn't have these emotions. But she knows God can detect her lies. He can see how she is trying to manipulate herself, and he is not happy.
Sobs begin to rack Sarah's body as the weigh on her shoulders increases. She is a sinner and she enjoys it. She wants to scream, the pain in her heart is devouring her insides with the weight of her secret, but no noise will come out. So she continues to cry; hoping her tears will release the ache that has taken over her body.
She is sorry that she hurt Aloysius. She is sorry she was born to be attracted to the older Sister. She wishes she could take it all back. She wishes God could find it in his heart to forgive her.
The creaking of a seat behind Sarah makes her jump. She turns her tear stained face toward the person behind her and is shocked to find Aloysius sitting there watching her.
The older woman motions toward empty space next to her. Sarah gets up and cautiously perches on the edge of the pew. She keeps her fingers tangled in her prayer beads, and gazes at Aloysius like a wounded puppy.
Aloysius can feel her heart shatter at the sight of the young redhead. “Come here,” she whispers and wraps her arms around Sarah.
Sarah leans into Aloysius. “I know you will not tell me what is going on at the moment, and why you felt the need to confess, but I still want to help you through it. I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier Sarah; I just care about you and don't want you getting hurt if I can prevent it.”
Sarah stares at the older woman with wide eyes. This is what she has been waiting for, and now that Aloysius has opened up she does not know how to react. “I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I didn't mean it Aloysius,” Sarah says between uneven breaths. She gazes up at the blonde. Aloysius sends her a small smile.
“Will you let me help you?”
“Honestly I don't think anyone can help me at this point.”
“I can try.”
Sarah sadly smiles at the older woman as she enjoys the warmth of Aloysius' embrace. “I appreciate your determination, but it's complicated. I can't stop what I've started now.”
TBC...
Category: Doubt
Pairing: Sister Aloysius/ Sister James
Rating: M
Summary: Sister James and Sister Aloysius have become closer over the past few months. What happens when Sister James starts to feel things she shouldn't?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the strange ideas that come from my mind.
Title: The Difference Between Right and Wrong
Category: Doubt
Pairing: Sister Aloysius/ Sister James
Rating: M
Summary: Sister James and Sister Aloysius have become closer over the past few months. What happens when Sister James starts to feel things she shouldn't?
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the strange ideas that come from my mind.
Sister Sarah James sits in the small space, light filters through the barrier that separates herself from the the stranger on the other side of the wall. Her fingers are curled around the cross in her hand; the metal is cool and calming against her warm, nervous skin. When she turns her head toward the netted opening between the two small rooms in the confessional booth she can see the silhouette of a Father's head.
She returns her eyes to the closed wooden door and brings the cross up to her lips before returning it to her lap. “Father please forgive me for I fear I have sinned,” she whispers.
“God will forgive you in due time if you confess your sins my dear child.” The man's voice is deep and soothing. It reassures Sarah that there is hope for her though she has strayed off the path from God in a way that does not appear able to be mended.
“I am having thoughts Father. Thoughts that I fear will never go away. I want to do things that I shouldn't.” She worries that he will not hear her quiet tone, but at the same time is afraid of speaking up, and making her thoughts reality.
“If you speak them God is willing to forgive you for having them.”
“They are inappropriate thoughts. I want to be close to someone; a friend of mine. I want to be close to them physically as well as emotionally.”
“It is normal to feel the need to be with another; you are human after all. The important thing is that you overcome these urges, and not act on them.”
“It is more complicated than wanting to be with another. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can forget these feelings. The unforgivable part is the person I have feelings for is another woman.” Sister James hears a bang as the man in the other side of the confessional booth drops his Bible.
The man clears his throat. “I will pray for you my child. Resist the temptation of the Devil, and God will reward you.”
“Thank you Father.” She touches two fingers to to her head, chest, and both shoulders forming a cross before quickly exiting the confessional space.
The Father quietly steps out of the confessional booth just in time to catch a glimpse of a the hem of a nun's habit swishing around the corner.
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As the young redhead exists the church she hears a familiar voice calling her name, “Sarah, I've been looking for you.”
She turns to find Sister Aloysius moving across the sidewalk, her dark shawl wrapped tightly around her body. “Hello Aloysius.” Sarah makes her way over to the older woman. “I was just confessing.” Aloysius raises a dark blonde eyebrow at Sarah.
“Confessing? Whatever for? You do not seem to be the type of person that should need to confess, not that I regard it in a low light.”
“Small things; I am only confessing trivial things, Aloysius, to bring myself closer to God.”
“I see,” The blonde responds quietly. “I suppose I assumed with my offer those small things could be confessed to me.” Aloysius stares at the ground. Sarah wishes the older woman would look at her so that she could see what is in Aloysius' revealing eyes. She does not want to hurt Aloysius, just as she did not want to lie to Aloysius, but what she confessed is not something she can tell the older woman now, or ever.
The younger woman glances around hoping that there is no one in viewing proximity before she reaches out and places her hand on Aloysius' shoulder. The older woman quickly shrugs off Sarah's touch. “Not in public,” The blonde mumbles.
“Sorry,” Sarah whispers.
“I must go pray. I will see you later Sarah; perhaps then we can discuss what I had been hoping to.” Sister Aloysius pushes past Sarah.
“And what was that?” Sarah asks without turning toward the older woman.
“Nothing of importance.”
“Aloysius...”
“Everything and nothing like we always do,” Aloysius interjects.
Sarah sighs as she listens to the sound of Aloysius' entering the church. Why can't Sister James ever do anything right when it comes to the older woman?
With her shoulders slouched she makes her way back to the parish lost in thought.
What neither woman realized was the same Father that listened to Sarah's confession was watching them from a window on the second floor of the church. He instantly recognized the high and mighty dragon, Sister Aloysius Beauvier. However her young suitor he cannot place. He wonders if the principal is aware of her young companion's emotions, and if they have yet sinned. He vows to keep an eye on the sharp-tongued older woman to make sure she does not harm herself by leaving the path of God.
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Sarah knocks on the door of Aloysius' office. A shuffling comes from behind the barrier. She waits patiently, as nerves cause her brain to scream. Encourage her to run. The door knob clicks as it turns and Sarah finds herself gazing into stormy blue eyes. All of her fears are erased with the presence of the older woman.
“Hello Sister, may I speak to you?” Sarah asks in her quiet tone. Aloysius nods, but does not move from her place filling the door frame. “Privately?”
“I suppose if you must,” Aloysius steps aside. She refuses to look Sarah in the eyes knowing how her own betray her. She closes the door behind Sister James.
Sarah stops as soon as she has entered the room and waits for Aloysius to turn around so that they are face to face.
Both of Aloysius' eyebrows shoot up her forehead as she finds herself inches from Sarah. “I'm sorry.”
“For what?” Aloysius finds herself fidgeting with the pen in her hand but she does not back down.
Sarah can feel a warmth in the pit of her stomach, her lips are itching to touch Aloysius', but she does not move knowing that she needs to get her point across. “For this morning. I did not mean to hurt you. I honestly did not think of confessing to you,” Sarah watches as the pain begins to trickle into Aloysius' eyes. “Not because I don't trust you, because I do.” Sarah realizes that her hand is seeking out Aloysius' and she allows it to. She tightens her grip when the older woman tries to pull away. “I have a confession for you now Aloysius if you are willing to listen.”
“Okay,” Aloysius replies suspiciously.
“Only if you are willing,” Sister James says knowing that she needs Sister Aloysius to show that she cares as Sarah is trying to do now by reaching out.
“I am. If you need to talk I want you to talk to me,” Sister Aloysius reveals without thinking. Sarah watches as the older woman words register in her mind. The blonde's expression becomes shy, but remains on Sarah; paralyzed by the younger woman's radiant smile.
Sarah releases Aloysius' hand and makes sure the office door is locked before she moves to the chairs that sit in front of Aloysius' desk. She turns them to face each other. As she does this she ponders her own courage that was almost nonexistent three weeks ago. She sits in the chair on the right and motions for Aloysius to take the other.
The older woman complies, surprised by the younger woman's confidence as well.
Sister James takes both of Sister Aloysius' hands in her own without hesitation. She leans forward so that her elbows are resting on her legs. “I lied you you this morning,” Sarah reveals quietly. Aloysius tries to pull back, but Sarah won't let her. “Please hear me out. I need to get this off of my chest, and you said you would listen.” Sister Aloysius nods.
“I lied to you, because I did not want to hurt you. What I had to confess this morning is something I can barely confess to God alone in my room at night during prayers. It is something I can barely confess to myself, because I know it is so wrong, but to me it feels so right,” Sarah pauses in an attempt to try to read Aloysius' emotions. “I was afraid of what you would think of me. I did not want to ruin our friendship so I did not confess to you. Having you in my life is better than I could ever have hoped for. I've never had a friend like you Aloysius...”
“Well I would hope not. We have a rather complicated friendship. Full of hesitance and mistakes.” Sarah raises an eyebrow at Aloysius.
“What friendship isn't? I lied to you this morning Aloysius, because I am afraid of losing you. Because I know if you find out about what I needed to confess you will leave me. I don't want to lose your friendship.”
Aloysius stares at Sarah; mouth slightly open. “There is only once that I've ever seen you this open Sarah, and I know that time it was not intentional. Thank you. You are forgiven.”
Sarah watches Aloysius, shocked that she could close the conversation so abruptly. That the older woman has nothing more to say; is not going to tell Sarah something revealing in return. “That's it? Aloysius, I just let you in and you have nothing to say in return?” The older woman is busy examining Sarah's hands in her own. At the redhead's question she looks up surprised.
“You hurt me earlier.” She removes her hands from Sarah's and stands up before returning to the other side of her desk. Sarah rolls her eyes at the older woman, Perhaps in time Aloysius will let her in.
“Don't you have tests to correct?” Aloysius asks Sarah in a stern voice.
“Uh, yeah I should go do that,” Sarah responds with her head down feeling rejected.
“I meant,” Aloysius quickly corrects herself with the young woman's reaction, “That you could do it in here. It's not likely we will be disturbed since it's the weekend and...”
“I would love to.” Sarah interrupts. “I will be right back.” The young woman rushes out of the office with a smile on her face.
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With a stack of papers teetering in her arms Sister James barely avoids crashing into Sister Raymond on her way back to Sister Aloysius' office. “Hello Sister Raymond.”
“Sister James I can barely see you behind your stack of papers.”
“I have some correcting to do.”
“I can see that. I've just come from talking to Father O'Riley. He says that he suspects there is sinful behavior going on within the Parish and to keep an eye out. He asked me to spread the word. He was on the way to see Sister Aloysius when I left him. He seems serious about the sin. Whatever has happened or is happening he seems determine to stop and deliver due punishment for. What do you think it could be?”
Sarah thinks about her confession earlier that morning. She knew the voice sounded familiar. How much had Father O'Riley seen?
“I'm not sure. Drinking maybe. Thank you Sister Raymond I will keep my eye out.” Sister James turns around and makes her way back to her classroom.
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Entering the dinning room Sarah gazes at her spot to the left of Sister Aloysius with foreboding. She is relieved to find that Sister Aloysius is not yet at the table. Sarah takes a seat and waits as the other Sisters filter into the room from different locations.
Sister Aloysius is the last to enter the room; appearing distracted. She sits at the head of the table and says prayer before everyone begins to eat in silence. Sarah can feel Aloysius' piercing eyes searching her face, but whenever Sarah looks up the eyes are gone. Returned to the food being pushed around on the older woman's plate.
Sarah hears the bell that signals an announcement sounding from her right. When Aloysius is satisfied that she has everyone's attention she begins. “I regret having to say that so shortly after the mishap with Father Flynn we have another rather large sin going on in the parish. I spoke with Father O'Riley today; he did not specify what the sinner is doing, but he said it is of the utmost importance that it is stopped. He says what the person is doing can spread to others, and it is unhealthy and immoral.”
The Sisters gaze around in wonder and suspicion. Something this serious among them could not be going on behind their backs could it?
“So keep an eye out.”
The women finish their dinners in silence. When they are allowed to leave Sarah darts up, and is all the way to the door before she hears Aloysius say, “Sister James please stay to help pick up plates.”
Sarah stops and turns around. She meets Aloysius' cold, stormy eyes. They hold each others' gaze before Aloysius breaks it to speak to the cook. “You may go we will handle clean up tonight.” The cook thanks Aloysius before leaving; not wanting to be in the same room as the obviously irritated woman for longer than necessary.
“You did not come back to spend time with me earlier,” Sister Aloysius coolly states.
“I heard you were in a meeting with Father O'Riley.” Sarah replies while picking up plates.
“Why would that stop you?”
Sarah takes a deep breath, “I didn't want to get you involved.”
“In what?” Sister Aloysius moves into the kitchen and Sister James follows her.
“Nothing,” Sarah mumbles setting the dishes in the sink. Aloysius copies her actions, and for the first time initiates contact with Sarah by grabbing her arm. Not allowing the young woman to zone out by doing the task she was asked to.
“Look at me Sarah.” Sister James cautiously complies. “What is it that you don't want me involved in?”
“I said it is nothing,” Sarah replies trying to release herself from Aloysius' tight grasp.
“It was your confession today wasn't it? That's what set Father O'Riley off. Sarah what have you gotten yourself into?”
“Nothing, Aloysius. Please let go of me.” Sarah pleads with defeat.
“What are you doing Sarah? I know you, and you wouldn't willingly stray from the path. What have you gotten yourself into?”
“It's none of your business.” Sister James answers. Her tone is sharp; hoping Aloysius will get the message to back off.
“It is my business,” Aloysius hisses back in a deadly tone. “Father Flynn warned me to watch out. Whatever you have gotten yourself into will affect me too at some point or another. Tell me what your confession was Sarah.”
“Oh, so that's all you care about is it? You are not concerned about me; you are concerned about yourself!” The younger woman's voice is rising without her permission.
“No,” Aloysius opens her mouth as she searches for words. “No! That's not it Sarah. I care about you. I want to help you. Father O'Riley is hell bent on getting whoever is sinning out of here. I am assuming it is you since you have not denied it. Let me help you.”
“You can't! You can't help me out of this Aloysius. I don't want your help so back off!” Sarah regrets her words the moment they cross the barrier of her lips and become reality.
Aloysius regards the younger woman for a moment before turning and storming out of the room; a mixture of pain and anger openly displayed on her face.
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When Sarah was young she found comfort in the church. When she watched her father battle with cancer she was releaved to know that he would be going to a better place. When she was picked on and taunted in her own Catholic School for being different she dealt with it, because she knew God was watching over her, and had something planned for the rest of her life. She now finds herself kneeling before the alter of the church. Her prayer beads are curled around her fingers the crucifix supporting Jesus hangs in front of her chest; twirling each time her hands shake. Tears stream down Sister James' face as she silently begs God to forgive her. She tries to explain to him, and to herself that she cannot control the way she feels for Aloysius, and that she wishes she didn't have these emotions. But she knows God can detect her lies. He can see how she is trying to manipulate herself, and he is not happy.
Sobs begin to rack Sarah's body as the weigh on her shoulders increases. She is a sinner and she enjoys it. She wants to scream, the pain in her heart is devouring her insides with the weight of her secret, but no noise will come out. So she continues to cry; hoping her tears will release the ache that has taken over her body.
She is sorry that she hurt Aloysius. She is sorry she was born to be attracted to the older Sister. She wishes she could take it all back. She wishes God could find it in his heart to forgive her.
The creaking of a seat behind Sarah makes her jump. She turns her tear stained face toward the person behind her and is shocked to find Aloysius sitting there watching her.
The older woman motions toward empty space next to her. Sarah gets up and cautiously perches on the edge of the pew. She keeps her fingers tangled in her prayer beads, and gazes at Aloysius like a wounded puppy.
Aloysius can feel her heart shatter at the sight of the young redhead. “Come here,” she whispers and wraps her arms around Sarah.
Sarah leans into Aloysius. “I know you will not tell me what is going on at the moment, and why you felt the need to confess, but I still want to help you through it. I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier Sarah; I just care about you and don't want you getting hurt if I can prevent it.”
Sarah stares at the older woman with wide eyes. This is what she has been waiting for, and now that Aloysius has opened up she does not know how to react. “I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I didn't mean it Aloysius,” Sarah says between uneven breaths. She gazes up at the blonde. Aloysius sends her a small smile.
“Will you let me help you?”
“Honestly I don't think anyone can help me at this point.”
“I can try.”
Sarah sadly smiles at the older woman as she enjoys the warmth of Aloysius' embrace. “I appreciate your determination, but it's complicated. I can't stop what I've started now.”
TBC...