(no subject)
"being single is better" "i'm doing great with my life"
i used to say that a lot.
"that boy, noo i like him just as friend, nothing more"
other favorite sentence of mine.
Have you all wonder why? well, i don't know either. Maybe that's the truth or maybe i just too afraid to open up.
"just date each other already!" you two fit each other"
that, and many other sentences from my friends when i close to 1 guy. Maybe at first i really only like him as friend, but as the gossips get bigger, i can't assure myself again. i'm lost. and it's my fault. i let my defense crumble down, i let myself think 'maybe i like him' 'maybe we'll look good together' and so on. my fault.
I always believe, i control my own feeling, i'll love someone when i think i love him, that's why i try not to think.
But now, i confused. my friends start to mingle in. and the worst is, i let them! my defense wall still takes time to be built. I bet the doesn't know i feel when they start wooing me, him, us. I just want to tell them to shut up and stop bothering me, shut up so i can think that i don't like him.
I don't know until when i'll hang on to this principle.
But do you guys know, why do i protect myself? moreover, my mind? because i tend to take act faster than the boy, and i act based on my mind and brain. Stupid much? i know. And i've tasted the bitter feeling to be rejected. And no, thanks, i have enough of it.
That's why i do it all, think that i don't deserve to be loved, to protect myself, to not get my expectation high, only to have them crush merciless. no, no thank you. i've seen too much people's expectation went deeper than the ground because of me.
And i'm a pretty fast to think that i like someone. There is this senior, i get comfortable around him. I let myself think that he likes me back, but hes kinda cold to me, maybe he only thinks of me as a mere acquaintance. I'm fucked up, i know.
And now i'm writing this, why? why i write this? my friend can read it and poof, my secrets get out from hell, but why? simple, i'm not strong enough to keep it all.
why? because that's what i think of myself.
why? why didn't i tell other people or my best friends my problem? because i can't trust people that easy, yes, not even my best friends have my full trust
why?
just.. geunyang..
i used to say that a lot.
"that boy, noo i like him just as friend, nothing more"
other favorite sentence of mine.
Have you all wonder why? well, i don't know either. Maybe that's the truth or maybe i just too afraid to open up.
"just date each other already!" you two fit each other"
that, and many other sentences from my friends when i close to 1 guy. Maybe at first i really only like him as friend, but as the gossips get bigger, i can't assure myself again. i'm lost. and it's my fault. i let my defense crumble down, i let myself think 'maybe i like him' 'maybe we'll look good together' and so on. my fault.
I always believe, i control my own feeling, i'll love someone when i think i love him, that's why i try not to think.
But now, i confused. my friends start to mingle in. and the worst is, i let them! my defense wall still takes time to be built. I bet the doesn't know i feel when they start wooing me, him, us. I just want to tell them to shut up and stop bothering me, shut up so i can think that i don't like him.
I don't know until when i'll hang on to this principle.
But do you guys know, why do i protect myself? moreover, my mind? because i tend to take act faster than the boy, and i act based on my mind and brain. Stupid much? i know. And i've tasted the bitter feeling to be rejected. And no, thanks, i have enough of it.
That's why i do it all, think that i don't deserve to be loved, to protect myself, to not get my expectation high, only to have them crush merciless. no, no thank you. i've seen too much people's expectation went deeper than the ground because of me.
And i'm a pretty fast to think that i like someone. There is this senior, i get comfortable around him. I let myself think that he likes me back, but hes kinda cold to me, maybe he only thinks of me as a mere acquaintance. I'm fucked up, i know.
And now i'm writing this, why? why i write this? my friend can read it and poof, my secrets get out from hell, but why? simple, i'm not strong enough to keep it all.
why? because that's what i think of myself.
why? why didn't i tell other people or my best friends my problem? because i can't trust people that easy, yes, not even my best friends have my full trust
why?
just.. geunyang..