stream of consciousness
this is a stream of consciousness story I wrote a while back, and since it has poetic tendencies I'll post it here. I'm not gonna bother putting it into lines, because it's long enough already, lol.
Where did it go? I don't remember. But sometimes it just seems like it was meant to be. If I close my eyes will she be there? What have I done? I don't know. I can't go on like this. It just won't do. Will you help me? No. You can't. Can you? It doesn't seem likely. I was on the beach. It was night. The sun was just past the horizon and the sky was just dark enough that I couldn't see anything but it was still light enough to not be night. It was that time when more light does nothing. You just can't see and you feel like the musky dusk is just creeping in all around you. It's trapping you and you can't make it stop. You can see it coming but you can't see it at all. Then all of a sudden it's dark and then your eyes adjust again. When it's dark sometimes you can see better than when it's light. I remember once when I was a kid I was playing in the backyard and it was dusk. My mom was calling me to come in but I couldn't hear her. The dusk was dulling all of my senses. I was just sitting in the yard. I wasn't moving but I wasn't scared. I was just waiting. I think I'll go to dinner tonight. I wonder if she's even home yet. I could call her and ask her. Hey what's up? Are you doing anything later tonight? I was just thinking I'd go out to dinner and I wanted to know if you would come with me. I could say that. What if she's not there? I hate getting her mom on the phone. I always feel awkward after a parent says her kid isn't there. I don't know what to say after that. It's better not to call. Maybe I'll just surprise her. Show up at her door and ask her there. But then what if she's not home? It's even worse coming to the door when a parent has to tell you her kid isn't there because then you actually have to see them and turn around and walk away with them watching you and you can't tell them to close the door please stop looking at me because that's rude so you just let them watch the back of your head as you walk back to your car sad and lonely and don't even go to dinner because you just wanted to see her you didn't really want dinner it was just an excuse anyway. Why does this have to be so complicated? It's because the world isn't run like clockwork. If it were I'd never have to hear a parent say her kid isn't there try again later tomorrow next week sometime soon I hope. It's just so frustrating to find a reliable date nowadays. But I can't remember a time when it was easy so maybe I'm just now noticing it. It's like the dusk. You've seen it all your life but it's only a bother that one time when it's happening right now and there's nothing you can do to change it to make it brighter no light will make it easier you just have to live with it the way that it is and that's all there is to it.
it's completely dark now. I feel better.
Where did it go? I don't remember. But sometimes it just seems like it was meant to be. If I close my eyes will she be there? What have I done? I don't know. I can't go on like this. It just won't do. Will you help me? No. You can't. Can you? It doesn't seem likely. I was on the beach. It was night. The sun was just past the horizon and the sky was just dark enough that I couldn't see anything but it was still light enough to not be night. It was that time when more light does nothing. You just can't see and you feel like the musky dusk is just creeping in all around you. It's trapping you and you can't make it stop. You can see it coming but you can't see it at all. Then all of a sudden it's dark and then your eyes adjust again. When it's dark sometimes you can see better than when it's light. I remember once when I was a kid I was playing in the backyard and it was dusk. My mom was calling me to come in but I couldn't hear her. The dusk was dulling all of my senses. I was just sitting in the yard. I wasn't moving but I wasn't scared. I was just waiting. I think I'll go to dinner tonight. I wonder if she's even home yet. I could call her and ask her. Hey what's up? Are you doing anything later tonight? I was just thinking I'd go out to dinner and I wanted to know if you would come with me. I could say that. What if she's not there? I hate getting her mom on the phone. I always feel awkward after a parent says her kid isn't there. I don't know what to say after that. It's better not to call. Maybe I'll just surprise her. Show up at her door and ask her there. But then what if she's not home? It's even worse coming to the door when a parent has to tell you her kid isn't there because then you actually have to see them and turn around and walk away with them watching you and you can't tell them to close the door please stop looking at me because that's rude so you just let them watch the back of your head as you walk back to your car sad and lonely and don't even go to dinner because you just wanted to see her you didn't really want dinner it was just an excuse anyway. Why does this have to be so complicated? It's because the world isn't run like clockwork. If it were I'd never have to hear a parent say her kid isn't there try again later tomorrow next week sometime soon I hope. It's just so frustrating to find a reliable date nowadays. But I can't remember a time when it was easy so maybe I'm just now noticing it. It's like the dusk. You've seen it all your life but it's only a bother that one time when it's happening right now and there's nothing you can do to change it to make it brighter no light will make it easier you just have to live with it the way that it is and that's all there is to it.
it's completely dark now. I feel better.