Ron's Willy (Barmy Prompts)
Prompt by barmy-owl: Ron loses his willy in battle. Hermione cry soo much that she floods the whole of England. XD
Rated T for language.
Hermione’s nightmares were not a rare occurrence in the Granger-Weasley household. Every once in a while, she would wake up, silently screaming, eyes fixed on the horrors unfolding in her mind rather than the pale blue of their bedroom walls. So, it didn’t really surprise Ron when one summer night, a slightly sweaty Hermione gasped and woke up from her fretful sleep, sitting up abruptly in bed, her hair in wild disarray and eyes open wide in horror.
Ron, who had got back late from his coaching his trainees, had just been unbuttoning his shirt but abandoned the task in favor of comforting his wife. She burst into tears even as he reached the bed. Gathering her up in his arms, he ran his hand up and down her back, trying to calm her down. She seemed more distraught than usual, which had seemed quite impossible to achieve until now.
“Another nightmare, Hermione?” he asked unnecessarily, not really expecting an answer. Running his hands through her hair, he made soothing hums as she continued to sob and mumble garbled words into his shirt.
“What was that, love?”
More confusing sounds issued.
“Hermione?” he tried to pull back to look at her, but she only became more hysterical. She grabbed him by the collar and buried her face into his chest again.
Confusedly, he patted her on the head. It must’ve been an especially bad one tonight. He suddenly wondered if she had dreamt about him leaving. She always reacted worse to those than the ones about Malfoy Manor. The thought made him sick, he always hated it when she dreamt about that night. He knew she had forgiven him a long time ago, but he hadn’t fully forgiven himself. He wished he could go back in time and change it.
He gave up trying to understand her mumbles and simply stroked her hair as he rocked her back and forth, letting her cry until the tears ran out.
Gradually her sobs turned to hiccups as she returned to her normal self. She pulled away slightly and wiped her red puffy eyes.
“Sorry about that,” she murmured, not quite looking him in the eyes.
“You don’t have to apologise every time, Hermione. You do the same for me when I wake up in the middle of the night bawling my eyes out,” he said lightly.
She gave him a watery smile, but still avoided his eyes. He sighed.
“Hermione… did you dream about-“
“No! It wasn’t that, Ron. You know I haven’t had a nightmare about that in ages,” she hastened to reassure him.
“Well, if you want to classify two months as ages…”
“Ron,” she said firmly. “It wasn’t about that.”
He nodded and let out a breath.
“You know you can tell me if it was though, yeah?”
“Yes, I know,” she replied. “But like I said, it wasn’t.”
“Right. So are you going to tell me?”
“Uh, we don’t have to talk about it. It was nothing, just a silly dream.”
“Hermione, less than two minutes ago, you were shedding enough tears to flood all of England.”
She rolled her eyes at the exaggeration. Ron was given to fits of hyperbole quite often.
“Don’t try to tell me that was nothing,” he continued, ignoring her eye roll.
“Well, you’ll laugh!” she said, pouting at him.
“Love, why would I laugh at something that made you so upset?”
“No, you don’t understand! That dream, it was…I wasn’t…” she seemed unable to finish her sentences.
But Ron merely raised his eyebrows and waited patiently. She let out a deep sigh and shook her head.
“Fine,” she took a deep breath. “Fine. Now don’t laugh.”
“I promise,” he said solemnly with a hand on his chest.
She glared at him but continued.
“It started out normal. I mean, normal for my nightmares. You were on one of your missions, dueling with some escaped criminal or the other. And you were doing quite well actually, he was on his knees, and he was close to giving up. Except…” she paused.
“Except?” Ron prompted and she huffed.
“Well, h-he took one last shot, and-and-“ she lowered her eyes, but tears were threatening to spill over again.
“Oh Hermione, I’m perfectly fine, look? He didn’t kill me, after all. Why would you think I’d laugh at that?” he said comfortingly, trying to pull her into his arms again.
But she shook her head.
“No, Ron. It-it wasn’t that! He did something to you… your- well your penis fell off,” she said, managing to whisper the last part somehow, flushing a deep red.
“Huh?” Ron didn’t seem to be able to comprehend what she’d said.
“Ron?” she said anxiously, when a few minutes passed without him saying anything. He blinked at her a few times before coming out of his trance.
“What?”
“I said your penis fell off,” she whispered again, this time looking pointedly at his crotch.
“I- I heard what you said! I’m just…” he shifted uncomfortably and ran his hand through his hair.
A minute passed, then two. Hermione couldn’t think of anything else to say but seemed to have taken a sudden interest in an ink smudge on her hand. The more he stared at her, the more amusing the whole situation seemed to him.
“So let me get this straight, you were wailing like a banshee because you thought I’d lost my todger?” he said incredulously, trying and failing to suppress his urge to burst out laughing.
He didn’t think it was possible, but Hermione blushed an even deeper maroon. But this time, the cause seemed to partly be anger.
“I was NOT wailing like a banshee! And you promised you wouldn’t laugh!”
“Love, as much as I appreciate the fact that you love my willy so much, I don’t think - “
“Ron! Just stop, okay? I’m embarrassed enough already. I mean, it’s not like I can explain it, I told you it was a silly dream,” she looked away from him crossly.
He stopped his chortling and gave her a fond look.
“I’m sorry I laughed,” he said, nudging her softly. “I reckon I’m just happy that even after so many years of marriage and two kids, you’d still still care if I lost the ability to fuck you.”
“Oh don’t be so crass, Ron!” she admonished him even as she blushed for the third time in the span of mere minutes.
She did look more than a little mollified. He gave her a cheeky grin.
“Maybe we should celebrate the fact that I’m all in one piece,” he said, capturing her lips in a searing kiss.
Rose slowly trudged down the stairs, glaring blearily at her mother, who peered at her over her papers.
“Young lady, you sure took your time waking up today, didn’t you? You have plenty of homework to do, I’m sure. And I want you to help Hugo with his Herbology homework too. Nev-Professor Longbottom wrote to tell me that he’s not doing so well,” Hermione continued to rattle off the list of things for her daughter to do, as Rose’s glare intensified.
“You also need to do your share of the chores, Rose. Just because you’re home for the holidays doesn’t mean you laze about and wake up whenever you please. Honestly, sometimes I think you’re more like your fath-”
“Mum,” Rose interrupted her, speaking through gritted teeth. “Maybe I’d have been able to get up on time and do all those things if you and Dad didn’t always forget to use silencing charms on your room.”
She stalked away leaving Hermione gaping after her.
Rated T for language.
Hermione’s nightmares were not a rare occurrence in the Granger-Weasley household. Every once in a while, she would wake up, silently screaming, eyes fixed on the horrors unfolding in her mind rather than the pale blue of their bedroom walls. So, it didn’t really surprise Ron when one summer night, a slightly sweaty Hermione gasped and woke up from her fretful sleep, sitting up abruptly in bed, her hair in wild disarray and eyes open wide in horror.
Ron, who had got back late from his coaching his trainees, had just been unbuttoning his shirt but abandoned the task in favor of comforting his wife. She burst into tears even as he reached the bed. Gathering her up in his arms, he ran his hand up and down her back, trying to calm her down. She seemed more distraught than usual, which had seemed quite impossible to achieve until now.
“Another nightmare, Hermione?” he asked unnecessarily, not really expecting an answer. Running his hands through her hair, he made soothing hums as she continued to sob and mumble garbled words into his shirt.
“What was that, love?”
More confusing sounds issued.
“Hermione?” he tried to pull back to look at her, but she only became more hysterical. She grabbed him by the collar and buried her face into his chest again.
Confusedly, he patted her on the head. It must’ve been an especially bad one tonight. He suddenly wondered if she had dreamt about him leaving. She always reacted worse to those than the ones about Malfoy Manor. The thought made him sick, he always hated it when she dreamt about that night. He knew she had forgiven him a long time ago, but he hadn’t fully forgiven himself. He wished he could go back in time and change it.
He gave up trying to understand her mumbles and simply stroked her hair as he rocked her back and forth, letting her cry until the tears ran out.
Gradually her sobs turned to hiccups as she returned to her normal self. She pulled away slightly and wiped her red puffy eyes.
“Sorry about that,” she murmured, not quite looking him in the eyes.
“You don’t have to apologise every time, Hermione. You do the same for me when I wake up in the middle of the night bawling my eyes out,” he said lightly.
She gave him a watery smile, but still avoided his eyes. He sighed.
“Hermione… did you dream about-“
“No! It wasn’t that, Ron. You know I haven’t had a nightmare about that in ages,” she hastened to reassure him.
“Well, if you want to classify two months as ages…”
“Ron,” she said firmly. “It wasn’t about that.”
He nodded and let out a breath.
“You know you can tell me if it was though, yeah?”
“Yes, I know,” she replied. “But like I said, it wasn’t.”
“Right. So are you going to tell me?”
“Uh, we don’t have to talk about it. It was nothing, just a silly dream.”
“Hermione, less than two minutes ago, you were shedding enough tears to flood all of England.”
She rolled her eyes at the exaggeration. Ron was given to fits of hyperbole quite often.
“Don’t try to tell me that was nothing,” he continued, ignoring her eye roll.
“Well, you’ll laugh!” she said, pouting at him.
“Love, why would I laugh at something that made you so upset?”
“No, you don’t understand! That dream, it was…I wasn’t…” she seemed unable to finish her sentences.
But Ron merely raised his eyebrows and waited patiently. She let out a deep sigh and shook her head.
“Fine,” she took a deep breath. “Fine. Now don’t laugh.”
“I promise,” he said solemnly with a hand on his chest.
She glared at him but continued.
“It started out normal. I mean, normal for my nightmares. You were on one of your missions, dueling with some escaped criminal or the other. And you were doing quite well actually, he was on his knees, and he was close to giving up. Except…” she paused.
“Except?” Ron prompted and she huffed.
“Well, h-he took one last shot, and-and-“ she lowered her eyes, but tears were threatening to spill over again.
“Oh Hermione, I’m perfectly fine, look? He didn’t kill me, after all. Why would you think I’d laugh at that?” he said comfortingly, trying to pull her into his arms again.
But she shook her head.
“No, Ron. It-it wasn’t that! He did something to you… your- well your penis fell off,” she said, managing to whisper the last part somehow, flushing a deep red.
“Huh?” Ron didn’t seem to be able to comprehend what she’d said.
“Ron?” she said anxiously, when a few minutes passed without him saying anything. He blinked at her a few times before coming out of his trance.
“What?”
“I said your penis fell off,” she whispered again, this time looking pointedly at his crotch.
“I- I heard what you said! I’m just…” he shifted uncomfortably and ran his hand through his hair.
A minute passed, then two. Hermione couldn’t think of anything else to say but seemed to have taken a sudden interest in an ink smudge on her hand. The more he stared at her, the more amusing the whole situation seemed to him.
“So let me get this straight, you were wailing like a banshee because you thought I’d lost my todger?” he said incredulously, trying and failing to suppress his urge to burst out laughing.
He didn’t think it was possible, but Hermione blushed an even deeper maroon. But this time, the cause seemed to partly be anger.
“I was NOT wailing like a banshee! And you promised you wouldn’t laugh!”
“Love, as much as I appreciate the fact that you love my willy so much, I don’t think - “
“Ron! Just stop, okay? I’m embarrassed enough already. I mean, it’s not like I can explain it, I told you it was a silly dream,” she looked away from him crossly.
He stopped his chortling and gave her a fond look.
“I’m sorry I laughed,” he said, nudging her softly. “I reckon I’m just happy that even after so many years of marriage and two kids, you’d still still care if I lost the ability to fuck you.”
“Oh don’t be so crass, Ron!” she admonished him even as she blushed for the third time in the span of mere minutes.
She did look more than a little mollified. He gave her a cheeky grin.
“Maybe we should celebrate the fact that I’m all in one piece,” he said, capturing her lips in a searing kiss.
Rose slowly trudged down the stairs, glaring blearily at her mother, who peered at her over her papers.
“Young lady, you sure took your time waking up today, didn’t you? You have plenty of homework to do, I’m sure. And I want you to help Hugo with his Herbology homework too. Nev-Professor Longbottom wrote to tell me that he’s not doing so well,” Hermione continued to rattle off the list of things for her daughter to do, as Rose’s glare intensified.
“You also need to do your share of the chores, Rose. Just because you’re home for the holidays doesn’t mean you laze about and wake up whenever you please. Honestly, sometimes I think you’re more like your fath-”
“Mum,” Rose interrupted her, speaking through gritted teeth. “Maybe I’d have been able to get up on time and do all those things if you and Dad didn’t always forget to use silencing charms on your room.”
She stalked away leaving Hermione gaping after her.