(no subject)
RHEA IS IN A BIZARRE PLACE first off, she's a passive person in a relationship where she is the...more pro-active personality, which is difficult! She does have...not exactly set gender roles - but set duties for each gender role - physical sex doesn't have so much to do with it as mental gender, I suppose. So for her, if there are two men in a relationship, one plays the part of the "man" and the other play the "woman" part. It's the same if there are two women in a relationship and the same if it's a man and a woman, except the woman could be the man if she wanted, and the man could be the woman if he so wished. And, since she (with only a little niggling) identifies herself as female, she is more comfortable taking what she sees as the "female" role - that is to say, passive and not exactly subservient, but close. It's actually the role her father played in her family - the "male" figure, her mother, was the strong breadwinner type, while her father was the homemaker. And that's the role she thinks she should be playing - quiet, and passive.
But since Wang sort of plays the more passive role in their relationship (he's quiet, and doesn't have many friends and does as she says without her having to ask more than once or twice) she's sort of stuck playing the "husband" in her eyes which is. I WILL NOT DENY she enjoys being in control for once because she has never noticed before when the balance of power shifts in her favour in her relationships or at least. Not noticed to this extent. This is nice but, while she will kick and yell and fight with people like Aidan and Dan to come out top in their exchanges, she sort of does it so violently because she knows she never will, and unconsciously she's actually okay with that, even if consciously she rejects those smarmy blonde bastards. Because if the other person is in control of their relationship, nothing is expected of her and she cannot disappoint because they are in charge. Equal relationships are for other people, and she honestly doesn't believe it's possible for her to have them.
However! With this relationship she has with Wang, she sees herself as being the one In Charge and this absolutely fills her with a mixture of dread and insecurity when she thinks about it. So she's pretty much an angry bear when it comes to mentioning her romance life - she will snap if anyone even jokes about her being a bad girlfriend. And she will pout like a child and carry a grudge WATCH OUT DANILO and be angry but not really do that much because she secretly believes they're right and she deserves to be mocked for her failure. So she is carrying that insecurity and doesn't actually. want to talk to anyone about it right now, because she doesn't want her fears confirmed. And she's feeling a little frustrated with him in a kind of "well what if i'm not the one to initiate contact or make him do stuff with me? i bet he'll just forget 8| ...oh god he really will won't he and he'll forget about me and find someone better and leave me forever...but i don't want to be the one to do stuff maybe i'll just stay here and see if he comes looking but what if he doesn't look" way. That general frustration is sort of permeating the rest of her life.
Add that with how insecure she's feeling after her figh...well. yellining at Lucas for no good reason, and she's trying her best to keep quiet and keep her mouth from running away with her when she's with people she genuinely enjoys the company of and it is not working. She's managing to keep the mildly eccentric comments she normally makes at bay, but then every now and again she will slip and come out with something truly insane while talking to someone and will have to curl up in the foetal position while rocking and praying that they won't react badly. She's kind of. really unhappy and annoyed at herself at the moment social-wise, and is probably being fairly avoidant except with people like ol' uncle Dragon (because in Rhea!logic all humans are fleas to him, what does it matter if this one is slightly weirder than the rest?) and spending silent time with Adam and letting him drag her everywhere, because she loves and trusts Adam. She knows she should be a little worried about Taiwei spreading the info about her potential everywhere (which in her experience leads to people avoiding her, watching what they say around her, or using her for it), but she doubts he will. He seems too nice.
YES SO even though she has a lot to be thankful for, she's managed to screw it all up in her head and really upset herself. :(
But since Wang sort of plays the more passive role in their relationship (he's quiet, and doesn't have many friends and does as she says without her having to ask more than once or twice) she's sort of stuck playing the "husband" in her eyes which is. I WILL NOT DENY she enjoys being in control for once because she has never noticed before when the balance of power shifts in her favour in her relationships or at least. Not noticed to this extent. This is nice but, while she will kick and yell and fight with people like Aidan and Dan to come out top in their exchanges, she sort of does it so violently because she knows she never will, and unconsciously she's actually okay with that, even if consciously she rejects those smarmy blonde bastards. Because if the other person is in control of their relationship, nothing is expected of her and she cannot disappoint because they are in charge. Equal relationships are for other people, and she honestly doesn't believe it's possible for her to have them.
However! With this relationship she has with Wang, she sees herself as being the one In Charge and this absolutely fills her with a mixture of dread and insecurity when she thinks about it. So she's pretty much an angry bear when it comes to mentioning her romance life - she will snap if anyone even jokes about her being a bad girlfriend. And she will pout like a child and carry a grudge WATCH OUT DANILO and be angry but not really do that much because she secretly believes they're right and she deserves to be mocked for her failure. So she is carrying that insecurity and doesn't actually. want to talk to anyone about it right now, because she doesn't want her fears confirmed. And she's feeling a little frustrated with him in a kind of "well what if i'm not the one to initiate contact or make him do stuff with me? i bet he'll just forget 8| ...oh god he really will won't he and he'll forget about me and find someone better and leave me forever...but i don't want to be the one to do stuff maybe i'll just stay here and see if he comes looking but what if he doesn't look" way. That general frustration is sort of permeating the rest of her life.
Add that with how insecure she's feeling after her figh...well. yellining at Lucas for no good reason, and she's trying her best to keep quiet and keep her mouth from running away with her when she's with people she genuinely enjoys the company of and it is not working. She's managing to keep the mildly eccentric comments she normally makes at bay, but then every now and again she will slip and come out with something truly insane while talking to someone and will have to curl up in the foetal position while rocking and praying that they won't react badly. She's kind of. really unhappy and annoyed at herself at the moment social-wise, and is probably being fairly avoidant except with people like ol' uncle Dragon (because in Rhea!logic all humans are fleas to him, what does it matter if this one is slightly weirder than the rest?) and spending silent time with Adam and letting him drag her everywhere, because she loves and trusts Adam. She knows she should be a little worried about Taiwei spreading the info about her potential everywhere (which in her experience leads to people avoiding her, watching what they say around her, or using her for it), but she doubts he will. He seems too nice.
YES SO even though she has a lot to be thankful for, she's managed to screw it all up in her head and really upset herself. :(