Comments | fgnord: Some days it's hard not to feel like an asshole

fgnord

Some days it's hard not to feel like an asshole

Dec 08, 2007 00:31

As much as I enjoy the world's complexities, sometimes I just wish that things could be black and white ... that I could look at situations and know what the moral course of action is, and feel confident in taking it. This week I've gotten the pleasure of facing two such situations that tested my sense of "rightness". One being the breakup ... even ( Read more... )

Comments 6

mkwilson December 8 2007, 21:41:29 UTC

In my experience, at the end of a relationship someone has to be the asshole. Sad, but true.

fgnord December 9 2007, 23:04:18 UTC

Yeah, it definitely seems that way. I wish there was a way I could make it less of a surprise. In this case we weren't having fights or anything leading up to it, so I don't think she had any reason to expect it was coming. But she seemed ok by the end of it, so I hope I handled it as well as possible.

fox359 December 9 2007, 19:02:56 UTC

Sounds like you're just doing what needs to be done on both counts...

fgnord December 9 2007, 23:05:17 UTC

I certainly hope so.

As for the breakup... robini December 10 2007, 04:39:59 UTC

Speaking as someone who has been in a situation where the other party didn't want to be in the relationship, but opted to "play dead" rather than break it off, I can honestly say I think you did the right thing. Breakups are never fun, but the sooner the other person gets closure, the sooner they can move on. It takes courage to actually say what you're feeling - and it can make you the focal point for the other person's hurt. But in my experience, sometimes providing that focus, and letting someone think you ARE an asshole is the kindest thing you can do for them. If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. And It's easier to think "he didn't give me a chance" than that "he tried and tried and tried to make it work, but ultimately I was just too flawed."

Re: As for the breakup... fgnord December 10 2007, 06:02:31 UTC

I think that's right. I certainly can't imagine the breakup would have been any better if I had delayed longer, and I didn't want there to be expensive Xmas gifts hanging over my head when it happened. I also still feel a bit guilty about how long it took me to figure out that I needed to be out of my previous relationship, and i didn't want to err on the side of dragging things out too long again.