Portalocity Headquarters [At the Worst Possible Time, but Friday morning in Fandom]
It was pretty obvious from the Powerpoint presentation, but the Portalocity gnome said it anyway:
“We’re bollocksed.”
The tech support gnome who’d been giving the report turned pale and nodded. The Portalocity gnome looked down at his spreadsheets. “Last year we had 300 million travelers use our services between American Thanksgiving and the New Year. We have almost that many booked already. And you’re saying that the system will take--”
“Five percent of that,” tech support replied. “At most. The multiverse has become unstable. There are whole swathes that have just disappeared entirely.”
He ducked his head at the strength of the glares directed at him. “It’s not us! Our servers are robust! It’s the universe that’s broken.”
The Portalocity gnome gave him a baleful look. “I’m sure that will go over well with our customers.”
“The ones that are left, anyway,” tech support muttered as the gnome stomped off toward public relations:
Greetings, valued customers!
We here at Portalocity™ are pleased to announce that we are offering all customers 50,000 frequent traveler kilometers for their patience in dealing with our extended delays over the past month. We have been experiencing the multiversal equivalent of a DDoS attack and are still not back to full capacity.
As such, we regret to inform you that beginning Monday, November 21st, 2011 (or your universe’s equivalent) we will be unable to process travel arrangements for customers who are not part of our three levels of frequent travelers (Primary Porters™, Perpetual Portalers™ and the Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimers™), fall into specific special categories of medical emergencies and space/time repairs, or are located at the following inter-dimensional nexuses: Brigadoon, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Milliways, and Fandom Island.
Might we suggest leaving for the holidays a little early this year? Perhaps tomorrow?
Some restrictions may apply to package deals and all bookings you make, such as five or more layovers, multiple days spent in airports/train stations/unwashed latrines/being chased by easily frightened villagers/disappearing without a trace, etc. Bookings made less than 14 days in advance are still non-refundable. Portalocity™ does not accept live animals or human sacrifices as a form of payment for any trip. Local taxes may apply. Offers void in the Dark Ages and portions of Pittsburgh.
Please add deals@portalocity.com to your address book or safe sender list so our emails get to your inbox. This message was sent by Portalocity ™, Mushroom By The Glade, None of Your Business, Sometime.
Please follow us at Portalocity on Twitter and on Facebook!
You are receiving this email because you have an existing relationship with Portalocity. If you no longer wish to receive marketing communications, you can unsubscribe.
The gnome sighed. "Get public relations more Zima from whatever universe still sells that dreck. This is going to be ugly."
[OOC: And this serves as your IG warning that after Sunday, NPCs are stuck in their own universes.]
“We’re bollocksed.”
The tech support gnome who’d been giving the report turned pale and nodded. The Portalocity gnome looked down at his spreadsheets. “Last year we had 300 million travelers use our services between American Thanksgiving and the New Year. We have almost that many booked already. And you’re saying that the system will take--”
“Five percent of that,” tech support replied. “At most. The multiverse has become unstable. There are whole swathes that have just disappeared entirely.”
He ducked his head at the strength of the glares directed at him. “It’s not us! Our servers are robust! It’s the universe that’s broken.”
The Portalocity gnome gave him a baleful look. “I’m sure that will go over well with our customers.”
“The ones that are left, anyway,” tech support muttered as the gnome stomped off toward public relations:
Greetings, valued customers!
We here at Portalocity™ are pleased to announce that we are offering all customers 50,000 frequent traveler kilometers for their patience in dealing with our extended delays over the past month. We have been experiencing the multiversal equivalent of a DDoS attack and are still not back to full capacity.
As such, we regret to inform you that beginning Monday, November 21st, 2011 (or your universe’s equivalent) we will be unable to process travel arrangements for customers who are not part of our three levels of frequent travelers (Primary Porters™, Perpetual Portalers™ and the Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimers™), fall into specific special categories of medical emergencies and space/time repairs, or are located at the following inter-dimensional nexuses: Brigadoon, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Milliways, and Fandom Island.
Might we suggest leaving for the holidays a little early this year? Perhaps tomorrow?
Some restrictions may apply to package deals and all bookings you make, such as five or more layovers, multiple days spent in airports/train stations/unwashed latrines/being chased by easily frightened villagers/disappearing without a trace, etc. Bookings made less than 14 days in advance are still non-refundable. Portalocity™ does not accept live animals or human sacrifices as a form of payment for any trip. Local taxes may apply. Offers void in the Dark Ages and portions of Pittsburgh.
Please add deals@portalocity.com to your address book or safe sender list so our emails get to your inbox. This message was sent by Portalocity ™, Mushroom By The Glade, None of Your Business, Sometime.
Please follow us at Portalocity on Twitter and on Facebook!
You are receiving this email because you have an existing relationship with Portalocity. If you no longer wish to receive marketing communications, you can unsubscribe.
The gnome sighed. "Get public relations more Zima from whatever universe still sells that dreck. This is going to be ugly."
[OOC: And this serves as your IG warning that after Sunday, NPCs are stuck in their own universes.]