FIC: Five Things Lister Doesn't Know About Rimmer
Title: Five Things Lister Doesn't Know About Rimmer
Author: Fia Reynne
Fandom: Red Dwarf
Rating: PG
Characters: Lister, Rimmer
Summary: The title really says it all. Old Skool fannish indulgence for laurenmitchell. Shout-out to my RDSS peeps.
Disclaimer: Oh, I own them. Their creators just don't realize that yet, because I let them keep all the proceeds.
Lister, Rimmer thinks, is an open book.
He talks about his life before Red Dwarf in great excess of detail, providing information Rimmer could never have thought to ask for, even if he actually wanted to know, which he usually does not. Rimmer could tell you about Lister's first pimple, to his own great dismay. His first embarrassing dream, his first sodding wank, right straight up to his first pee this morning.
There is nothing about Lister which Rimmer has not already heard, or will not hear in the near future. However.
There is very little Lister actually knows about Rimmer.
For instance, Lister doesn't know about the summer Rimmer spent growing his hair out and wearing frocks, because he'd decided if he couldn't be a good son for his father, perhaps he could manage to be a good daughter for his mum. He'd cocked that up, pun well and truly intended, when the girls in the cabin next to theirs at their holiday destination turned out to be rather attractive and the younger of them claimed to be a lesbian. She'd taken to Rimmer straight away. Imagine his surprise when she'd stuck her hand under his skirt after only a few moments' snogging. Imagine hers. It had been a very abbreviated holiday, what with Rimmer's mum having to take him to hospital to have his arm set.
Lister doesn't know that after years of listening to him sing Kochanski's praises, Rimmer's developed a bit of a crush on her, himself. It's a shame the woman's been dead several million years, really, because if she's got even an ounce of taste, she'd have to choose Rimmer over Lister, and then Rimmer would gracefully turn her down as a gesture of friendship and loyalty to Lister. Maybe then he'd be the sort of friend Lister would admit to having, because Lister doesn't know that he's the only real friend Rimmer's ever had. Rimmer's sure he suspects that Rimmer can't have had many, but he's never confirmed it. It would be mortifying.
No, and Lister also doesn't know about the hologram kit Rimmer found in his room at Legion's compound. Legion thought he wanted a companion, another hard-light hologram with which to spend the rest of eternity. Since holograms don't die, you see. But humans do. They're soft and warm and fragile, where hard light is hard and cold and indestructible. Rimmer knows some day Lister will die, and he is prepared for that eventuality.
Furthermore, Lister doesn't and in all probability never will know why. Why Rimmer gravitates toward him despite an apparent dislike for all things David Lister. Why Rimmer wants to be brave and honorable, despite his very nature. Lister doesn't know that the answer to the question he asked him so many years before -- Have you ever been in love? -- is suddenly yes.
Author: Fia Reynne
Fandom: Red Dwarf
Rating: PG
Characters: Lister, Rimmer
Summary: The title really says it all. Old Skool fannish indulgence for laurenmitchell. Shout-out to my RDSS peeps.
Disclaimer: Oh, I own them. Their creators just don't realize that yet, because I let them keep all the proceeds.
Lister, Rimmer thinks, is an open book.
He talks about his life before Red Dwarf in great excess of detail, providing information Rimmer could never have thought to ask for, even if he actually wanted to know, which he usually does not. Rimmer could tell you about Lister's first pimple, to his own great dismay. His first embarrassing dream, his first sodding wank, right straight up to his first pee this morning.
There is nothing about Lister which Rimmer has not already heard, or will not hear in the near future. However.
There is very little Lister actually knows about Rimmer.
For instance, Lister doesn't know about the summer Rimmer spent growing his hair out and wearing frocks, because he'd decided if he couldn't be a good son for his father, perhaps he could manage to be a good daughter for his mum. He'd cocked that up, pun well and truly intended, when the girls in the cabin next to theirs at their holiday destination turned out to be rather attractive and the younger of them claimed to be a lesbian. She'd taken to Rimmer straight away. Imagine his surprise when she'd stuck her hand under his skirt after only a few moments' snogging. Imagine hers. It had been a very abbreviated holiday, what with Rimmer's mum having to take him to hospital to have his arm set.
Lister doesn't know that after years of listening to him sing Kochanski's praises, Rimmer's developed a bit of a crush on her, himself. It's a shame the woman's been dead several million years, really, because if she's got even an ounce of taste, she'd have to choose Rimmer over Lister, and then Rimmer would gracefully turn her down as a gesture of friendship and loyalty to Lister. Maybe then he'd be the sort of friend Lister would admit to having, because Lister doesn't know that he's the only real friend Rimmer's ever had. Rimmer's sure he suspects that Rimmer can't have had many, but he's never confirmed it. It would be mortifying.
No, and Lister also doesn't know about the hologram kit Rimmer found in his room at Legion's compound. Legion thought he wanted a companion, another hard-light hologram with which to spend the rest of eternity. Since holograms don't die, you see. But humans do. They're soft and warm and fragile, where hard light is hard and cold and indestructible. Rimmer knows some day Lister will die, and he is prepared for that eventuality.
Furthermore, Lister doesn't and in all probability never will know why. Why Rimmer gravitates toward him despite an apparent dislike for all things David Lister. Why Rimmer wants to be brave and honorable, despite his very nature. Lister doesn't know that the answer to the question he asked him so many years before -- Have you ever been in love? -- is suddenly yes.