The Next Texan face 13/?
Title: The Next Texan face 13/?
Pairing: need I even say?
Rating: NC-17 (in later chapters)
Disclaimer: all that follows is fictional
Banner: by amtamburo
Summary: Jared is a contestant on a game show. Jensen is the host.
Warnings: This fic is incomplete because freakn_out never finished it.
There are soft fingers carding through my hair. It feels nice: gentle and affectionate in ways I’ve missed for so long. I keep my eyes closed. I don’t want to break this spell. I don’t want those fingers to stop.
“You stupid, stupid idiot,” comes a soft voice from nearby.
I nearly open my eyes, thinking I’ve been caught out, but the light brushing through my hair doesn’t stop, and the voice just continues, “It’s not enough that you have to be the freakin’ hero all the goddamn time… nooo, you have to go on and be a stupid, fucking stubborn hero too.”
My brain is still not functioning enough to connect the voice to its person, and the touch is so nice that all I do is lean my head minutely towards it. The hand stops its motion, and I try to keep my breathing as slow and deep as possible, just wanting to keep the fingers running through my hair.
The hand doesn’t continue its motion. Instead the palm lightly slides down the side of my face, coming to a stop flat along my jaw line. The thumb begins to brush over my cheek, the touch so soft and gentle, that it takes all of my willpower to not lean into it and give my wakefulness away. For some reason I think that would be a bad idea.
There’s a soft sigh, and the hand stops all motion, merely cradling my face like a sculptor would his completed artwork. In a quiet, whispered voice, comes, “And what the fuck are you doing to me?”
I blink my eyes open, needing to give my brain a jumpstart to get working. I want to know who this person is. I see a pair of green eyes that widen in shock and then with a sudden scuttling, Jensen is metres away from the bed.
For a moment I really, really want to go after him and pull him back to how it was, with him as warmth beside the bed. But then a sudden memory of the last time I’d felt this feeling bubbling in my chest, and suddenly all tenderness is doused with a bucket of ice.
No! I won’t let him! I won’t let him get to me. Not this time!
I scramble backwards, my back coming into contact with the hardness of the headboard, and a faint twinge of pain shoots through my leg. Wincing, I’m momentarily distracted, but when Jensen’s quiet, “Sorry,” breaks through the silence, my eyes snap back up to lock with his.
His cheeks are flushed with embarrassment, and he quickly looks away. In a cold, quiet voice that sounds so wrong on my own tongue: I manage to get out, “Are you?”
Eyes hesitantly coming up to meet mine, he holds my gaze, “Yes.”
A bitter taste fills my mouth, and I look down at my hands, clenched into fists on the duvet. “That’s what I thought.”
All thought confirmed, I now know exactly what I mean to the man. And that comes to a grand total of zero.
Shifting down on the bed, relishing and focusing on the pain, and blaming it for the tears that are filling my eyes, I roll onto my side, turning my back to Jensen.
*************
What did I do wrong?
I shake my head at myself: I know what I did wrong: I kissed a straight guy, that’s what. And to top it off, I got caught talking shmack to his supposedly anaesthetically-drugged, sleeping form. It’s why my apology was taken so badly that I’m confused about. It’s why Jared’s slim, muscular form is shaking slightly, and why I could’ve sworn I’d seen tears in his eyes before he turned away.
Before I can think of a thing to do or say, the sounds of the tent being unzipped fills the silence. Jeff’s head emerges, and he approaches me, “How’s he doing?”
We stare down at the long expanse of Jared’s tanned back, and I reply honestly, “I don’t know.”
Jeff grunts and circles the bed, crouching down before Jared. The younger man just buries his head in the pillows, and a crease wrinkles Jeff’s brow, “Jared, you in pain, man?”
In a barely visible motion, Jared shakes his head. Scowling, Jeff pulls me across the room, before asking accusingly, “What happened? I mean, what happened today? It’s not like Jared to be so… so off.”
My toes suddenly seem fascinating.
In a low voice, Jeff growls, “Jensen, what did you do?”
Snapping my eyes back up, I meet an angry glare that makes me take a step backwards. Geez, when did he go all ‘Jared-protector’?
But I find myself mumbling something incoherent to the wall just past Jeff’s shoulder. In a sharp voice, Jeff snaps, “What was that?”
“I kissed him,” I whisper.
His eyes widen and dart towards Jared, then back to me. “You kissed him?” he hisses.
I clench my eyes shut, it sounds even worse when said aloud, “He’d just broken up with his girl…”
“Fuck, Jensen.”
As if it’s important, as if it makes even the slightest bit of difference, I blurt out, “But he kissed me back… and I just, you know how I feel about him.”
Running a hand through his dark hair, Jeff leans heavily against the wall, gaze flickering back to Jared’s still form. I’m not even concerned about the fact that Jared might be able to hear all of this. It’s not like he’d be hearing anything new anyway.
My eyes rake up and down the long exposed torso, searching for non-existent flaws. Jeff notices, and in a cold voice he says, “This isn’t like you, Jensen.”
And with that, the man turns and exits the tent, leaving a painful silence in his wake.
I know I have to fix this: for Jared’s sake. I just have to keep apologising until he can stand to be in the same room as me.
Kneeling beside the bed, I reach out with shaking fingers. When my hand comes in contact with his shoulder, he flinches, a feat I mimic, but I do not let go. Gently I roll him over to face me.
The sight of his damp face, moisture droplets clinging to his eyelashes, and pearly drops curling on his cheeks, makes my chest clench painfully with the knowledge that this is my fault. He’s struggling, trying to turn away and hide his tears, but me letting go is not even on my agenda.
Instead, I do the only thing I can think of, and pull him up into my arms. He lets out a shaky, surprised gasp, but I just tighten my arms behind his back, and press him close to me.
He’s stock still, and I wonder for a moment whether I’ve hurt him. But just as I’m about to pull away: one of his hands circle around to my back, clenching in the material of my shirt stopping even the thought of ever leaving that warm embrace.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur into his ear, “for everything.”
He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t shove me away either. I can only take that as a good sign.
A cough comes from behind us and I nearly let out a stream of curses at having to let Jared out of my arms. I lower him gently back down, before spinning around to find the trio of Jared’s friends smirking at me.
I blush; clear my throat and say, “Guys.”
“Jensen,” replies a beaming Mike.
Turning back to Jared, I find him staring at me, confusion coating his face thickly; he doesn’t even appear to have noticed we have company. “I’ll see you later,” I say softly. He merely blinks at me.
I head for the door, nodding towards the three.
********