A Letter to Lee Hongbin
Title: A Letter to Hongbin
Author:fickleminded9
Rating: G
Summary: Before college ends, Taekwoon decides to confess.
Pairings:leo/hongbin
Dear Hongbin,
Do you want to know a secret?
Do you want to know why N-hyung invited you to his birthday party last year, despite the both of you never talking to each other before?
Well, maybe it's not actually a secret - maybe you already know this; I mean, I have been pretty obvious about it over the past ten months...
Do you want to know why I clam up and go quiet whenever you're around? Why I find it so hard to talk to you like a normal person?
It's because I like you.
There, I said it - I like you.
I like the way you're so socially awkward; the way our eyes meet at dance functions and you shoot me a look that says "I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing"; the way you laugh at things that people don't usually find funny - this often leads to awkward laughter and sometimes, awkward silence, but really, it is the cutest thing.
I like the way you're so passionate about photography; The way your face lights up when you talk about cameras - I don't know much about photography, Bin-ah, but whenever you go on about lenses, focal length, aperture... I feel like I could listen to you forever.
I like the way we make funny faces at each other when we meet; the way it's sort of become our thing. Sometimes, I get a little shy doing it in front of other people, especially because they know I have feelings for you... but you know what? I'm glad you keep doing it even after I've stopped.
I like the way you try not to leave out other people; the way you make someone feel included by asking them questions, when they're silent in a conversation; the way you tried to make friends with that girl who felt out of place in an all-boy's computer science class. That was really sweet of you.
I like the way you're such a good person; the way you picked up that inhaler you saw on the floor that one time, handing it to a teacher in case someone needed it badly; the way you're so genuine when you compliment other people -"S-senpai~", "I'm impressed", "Too cool!"... I will never forget your unconventional praises. The ones that are short and strange, but make me so happy whenever I hear them.
Remember that one time we were walking together and I was worried that I was making things awkward, so I blurted out "I'm sorry, but I'm not really good at talking to people"? Do you remember how you looked at me without any judgement, without giving so much as a pause before saying "It's okay - silence is good sometimes"... It was then that I realized how nice you actually were. And how much I actually liked you.
Yeah, I said it again - I like you. A lot.
But at the same time, I really, really hate you.
I hate the way you're so socially awkward. To the point that I find it extremely difficult to talk to you, because I'm socially awkward too.
I hate the way you can't seem to put your camera down to actually look at me. To realize that I'm right here, admiring you like you were one of the greatest things I've ever encountered.
I hate the way we make funny faces at each other all the time. Instead of talking and getting to know each other better. It sucks that I don't know how to talk to you, and I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry that I can't seem to have a proper conversation with you.
I hate the way you're so nice to everyone. It makes me feel insignificant. That I'm not as important to you like you are to me - but then again, I guess I'm really not.
I hate the way you're such a good guy. It only makes me want you more, keeps me thinking about you, makes me feel like I'm not good enough for you.
And I hate how you never remember things about me. How you forgot that I was the one who invited you over to join our group study sesh, and not Ravi. How you forgot that I was in Year 11 Physics with you...
I hate how you'll never like me the way you like Hyuk. The way you drive a knife through my chest every time you pat him on the head affectionately; the way you'll never stare at me like you stare at him...
I hate how I'm willing to forgive you even though you hurt me over and over and over again.
And I hate how I'll probably never see you again,
I hate that it's probably for the best, you turning into a dusty old memory once college is over. One day, I'll wake up without your name echoing through my mind anymore, but you know what? That's okay.
Because liking you has taught me so much. I've learnt so many things through this crush on you, honestly, and I'll always be thankful to you for these lessons
Dear Hongbin,
I hope you take good care of yourself from now on.
I hope you sleep early, keep healthy, don't work too hard... Remember to let lose every once in a while because stress is not a good thing.
Don't get too upset when you don't get the results you want - pick yourself up and keep moving on, because I believe that you have the strength to conquer anything.
Most importantly, learn to love yourself.
You're an amazing person, Hongbin-ah.
Never ever doubt that.
Sincerely,
Taekwoon
Author:fickleminded9
Rating: G
Summary: Before college ends, Taekwoon decides to confess.
Pairings:leo/hongbin
Dear Hongbin,
Do you want to know a secret?
Do you want to know why N-hyung invited you to his birthday party last year, despite the both of you never talking to each other before?
Well, maybe it's not actually a secret - maybe you already know this; I mean, I have been pretty obvious about it over the past ten months...
Do you want to know why I clam up and go quiet whenever you're around? Why I find it so hard to talk to you like a normal person?
It's because I like you.
There, I said it - I like you.
I like the way you're so socially awkward; the way our eyes meet at dance functions and you shoot me a look that says "I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing"; the way you laugh at things that people don't usually find funny - this often leads to awkward laughter and sometimes, awkward silence, but really, it is the cutest thing.
I like the way you're so passionate about photography; The way your face lights up when you talk about cameras - I don't know much about photography, Bin-ah, but whenever you go on about lenses, focal length, aperture... I feel like I could listen to you forever.
I like the way we make funny faces at each other when we meet; the way it's sort of become our thing. Sometimes, I get a little shy doing it in front of other people, especially because they know I have feelings for you... but you know what? I'm glad you keep doing it even after I've stopped.
I like the way you try not to leave out other people; the way you make someone feel included by asking them questions, when they're silent in a conversation; the way you tried to make friends with that girl who felt out of place in an all-boy's computer science class. That was really sweet of you.
I like the way you're such a good person; the way you picked up that inhaler you saw on the floor that one time, handing it to a teacher in case someone needed it badly; the way you're so genuine when you compliment other people -"S-senpai~", "I'm impressed", "Too cool!"... I will never forget your unconventional praises. The ones that are short and strange, but make me so happy whenever I hear them.
Remember that one time we were walking together and I was worried that I was making things awkward, so I blurted out "I'm sorry, but I'm not really good at talking to people"? Do you remember how you looked at me without any judgement, without giving so much as a pause before saying "It's okay - silence is good sometimes"... It was then that I realized how nice you actually were. And how much I actually liked you.
Yeah, I said it again - I like you. A lot.
But at the same time, I really, really hate you.
I hate the way you're so socially awkward. To the point that I find it extremely difficult to talk to you, because I'm socially awkward too.
I hate the way you can't seem to put your camera down to actually look at me. To realize that I'm right here, admiring you like you were one of the greatest things I've ever encountered.
I hate the way we make funny faces at each other all the time. Instead of talking and getting to know each other better. It sucks that I don't know how to talk to you, and I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry that I can't seem to have a proper conversation with you.
I hate the way you're so nice to everyone. It makes me feel insignificant. That I'm not as important to you like you are to me - but then again, I guess I'm really not.
I hate the way you're such a good guy. It only makes me want you more, keeps me thinking about you, makes me feel like I'm not good enough for you.
And I hate how you never remember things about me. How you forgot that I was the one who invited you over to join our group study sesh, and not Ravi. How you forgot that I was in Year 11 Physics with you...
I hate how you'll never like me the way you like Hyuk. The way you drive a knife through my chest every time you pat him on the head affectionately; the way you'll never stare at me like you stare at him...
I hate how I'm willing to forgive you even though you hurt me over and over and over again.
And I hate how I'll probably never see you again,
I hate that it's probably for the best, you turning into a dusty old memory once college is over. One day, I'll wake up without your name echoing through my mind anymore, but you know what? That's okay.
Because liking you has taught me so much. I've learnt so many things through this crush on you, honestly, and I'll always be thankful to you for these lessons
Dear Hongbin,
I hope you take good care of yourself from now on.
I hope you sleep early, keep healthy, don't work too hard... Remember to let lose every once in a while because stress is not a good thing.
Don't get too upset when you don't get the results you want - pick yourself up and keep moving on, because I believe that you have the strength to conquer anything.
Most importantly, learn to love yourself.
You're an amazing person, Hongbin-ah.
Never ever doubt that.
Sincerely,
Taekwoon