Haru Haru
Title: Haru Haru
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, Mild angst, Mild romance...
Pairing: ShiMin centric, Ninja! HanChul; some KyuMin, some WonKyu
Summary: "Sungmin was gone; he had left. He had chosen Cho Kyuhyun over him -- a man Siwon had once thought to be his best friend."
Word Count: 1925
Disclaimer: Never gonna happen.
Warnings: Character-death
Authors Note: This story is inspired by Big Bang's 'Haru Haru'. Requested by
emo_what97. (I totally used your prompt to it's full advantage! My imagination is fairly useless... xD I hope you enjoy it, nonetheless. ^^)
Spot: Amber emo_what97, Nattie nattieloveqyu.
He watched from afar, as they walked around the courtyard, their fingers intertwined.
Every touch; every kiss; every caress. Every show of affection was another stab to his poor, tormented heart.
What had he done to deserve this? What had he ever done to make Sungmin leave?
Call him naïve; call him unrealistic, but Siwon had believed that their love would last -- that they would get their 'happily ever after' in the very end.
Oh, how wrong he was.
He could only scoff bitterly now, at those wistful dreams he had once held on to.
Sungmin was gone; he had left. He had chosen Cho Kyuhyun over him-- a man Siwon had once thought to be his best friend.
In truth, he had never doubted Kyuhyun's loyalty; let alone the latter's ability to deceive.
Well, guess he was wrong about that too…
"Siwon." someone called, breaking him out of his stupor -- bringing him back to reality, which honestly, wasn't any better than the thoughts that ran through his mind.
"Hmmm?" His eyes were still on said couple.
“Are you okay?” Hangeng asked, following Siwon’s gaze, his eyes full of obvious pity.
Was he seriously asking that?
Every single day, Siwon was... forced to witness his ex and his - former - best friend as they strode around the college campus, hand in hand.
It was mocking, really!
How could Hangeng ask such a thing? Of course he wasn’t okay!
“I’m perfectly fine, Ge.” Siwon lied, forcing a smile. It was a reflex; a die-hard habit - to flick away any concern that came his way. You see, Siwon was stoic that way.
Heechul spat from across the table. “Liar!” As if that made things any better. “Hannie, I love you, but sometimes you can be a really big pabo… No offence.” He added to the China-man beside him.
Siwon sighed, tired of it all. He just wanted to escape; to run away from the sympathetic looks for just a few hours.
“I’m leaving.”
He got up and did so.
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He remembered it very well - the moment Sungmin had ended their relationship. The memory came to him more often than he would’ve preferred - as if a horror movie had been set on repeat, playing again and again in his mind, with him having no control over it...
“Siwon.” A familiar voice called, and he turned to face its source.
Relief took over at the sight of the person before him -- he hadn't seen Sungmin in so many days.
“Min! I’ve been so worried… you haven’t been showing up for lectures and -”
“-- Siwon.” The elder man said once more, his voice hoarser now. “I need you to listen to me, okay?” Sungmin was biting his lip -- something he usually did when on the verge of tears.
Siwon could only nod, sensing that something was terribly, terribly wrong.
“I don’t think we should be together anymore."
"P-pardon?" He didn't want to believe what he had just heard. It had to be a joke!
Sungmin let out a shaky breath, his face otherwise composed. "You're not the one I want to be with anymore." His words were cruel, but his tone somehow gentle.
The younger man was speechless, his heart sinking beyond control. "Oh." he managed stupidly, dropping his gaze.
Awkward silence ensued.
Then finally, Sungmin said, "I'm sorry."
And just like that, he left Siwon standing, heartbroken by the bleachers.
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Kyuhyun was in front of the lecture hall now, explaining the mechanics of a complex physics theory. The real lecturer however, was standing by the side, admiration written all over his face.
Siwon groaned. Ugh, how he hated the subject! Those stupid formulas never failed to give him a huge head-ache.
Why he'd even taken physics as an elective in the first place, he had no idea.
Maybe it was the fact that he would at least be in one class with his over-achiever of a best friend. But that was before things with Kyuhyun had become... complicated.
Siwon stared at the whiteboard, not really hearing anything at all.
The marker squeaked on the board in protest, as Kyuhyun deftly wrote out the final answer, therefore completing the formula. He looked up in triumph, an involuntary smirk on his face.
Siwon frowned. He knew that Kyuhyun didn’t mean to come off as arrogant at that moment - that the sly smile he now conveyed was just a habit; only a sign of victory. And yet, looking at that expression of smugness on Kyuhyun’s face, Siwon couldn’t help but feel the abhorrence trickling into his veins.
I hate you.
His gaze followed, as Kyuhyun walked back to his respective seat.
I hate that you're better than me in physics.
Now, he knew he didn't really care about that.
I hate that Sungmin chose YOU, instead of me. I hate that you ruined our relationship; that you took away the one person I had actually loved.
"Burn in hell..." the words rolled off his tongue before he could stop them.
Shocked at himself, Siwon jolted up in his seat. Never in his life had he uttered such horrid words of anyone -- let alone Kyuhyun.
His morals -- violated, all because of sinful jealousy!
He had to get away before it got worst.
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"Siwon-ah, are you sure you want to do this?" Heechul asked with evident desperation.
"Yes." He had never been so sure of anything in his entire life.
Beside him, Hangeng sighed. "Okay, then. Have a safe trip." he smiled sadly at his dongsaeng.
"Thank you, Ge ge."
"Remember to call me when you've settled in your new dorm. I want every friggin detail of how the students there treat you! If any of them try to mess with you, Wonnie, you better tell me -- I'll be there bitch-slapping them before you know it!" Even at times like these, Heechul could make him laugh. "I'm serious!" the elder man exclaimed.
Siwon chuckled again. "You take care too, hyung." Boy, was he gonna miss the eccentric fella!
He gave them each a hug, Heechul accepting his unwillingly -- "Yah, I don't do skin-ship!" -- then, stepped through the gates to departure.
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Siwon sighed, trudging into the airplane.
He was leaving Korea now; entering a university over-seas, in the hopes of leaving the past behind.
Heechul, Hangeng, Kyuhyun... Sungmin. He didn't know if he would ever see them again.
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His heart raced, his palms were sweaty. He was running as fast as his feet would take him, his footsteps thump thump, thumping on the solid linoleum floor.
He could not be too late. He could not.
The annoying beep, beep, beep of the phone in his pocket stopped him in his tracks.
Siwon glanced at the ID number. He knew what was coming.
"Hello." he closed his eyes, bracing himself, breathing heavily into the device.
The crackle of static, then, "Siwon, you're too late. He’s gone." Kyuhyun's voice was strained.
"I'm sorry."
No.
No, no, no, no no!
It had to be a dream! Kyuhyun was lying -- he had to be!
The tears streamed down his cheeks, as reality sank in.
Sungmin.
Sungmin was dead.
"I'll be there in five. I'm inside the building already anyways." Siwon quietly said into the
head-piece. Then, he hung up, the drops still falling restlessly.
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There was one memory of Sungmin which he had forgotten. He wished he had held on to it, but at the time, its value of importance had seemed insignificant.
Siwon wanted to hit himself for not remembering, especially now that it all made sense; now that he knew what Sungmin had meant.
Listening to Kyuhyun now, the memory ghosted into his mind - crystal clear; as if it had occurred just yesterday…
Sungmin dragged him to a bench in the park, motioning for him to sit down.
He sighed, then said, “Siwon, I will always love you”, his voice dead-serious.
Siwon looked up and smiled, taking Sungmin’s free hand in both of his. He didn’t say a word - his heart leaping with joy at the elder man’s words.
“No matter what happens, I will.” This time, the pink-lover’s voice had a desperate edge to it. “You have to believe me, okay? Do you believe me, Siwon?”
Using his thumb, Siwon rubbed soothing circles on his boyfriend’s palm. “Shhhh, Min. Of course I do,” he said, looking Sungmin straight in the eyes.
“Do you promise to believe?”
Siwon laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “You sound like you’re Tinker-Bell or something!” he joked.
Sungmin smiled a little, but pressed on anyway. “Do you?”
“Yes, Min. I promise”
But of course, that promise had been broken, the second their relationship had ended. And now, when it was too late, the puzzle pieces were finally clicking into place.
Thinking back, Siwon could notice Sungmin’s careful usage of words.
"You're not the one I want to be with anymore." The elder man had said on the night of the break-up.
Siwon could now understand why.
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"Why didn't I see it?!" Siwon paced underneath the dim light of Kyuhyun's dorm room, the evening of Sungmin’s passing.
He didn’t know what he was feeling. The guilt, agony, grief, anger - they all merged into one inside of him now. Oh, how badly he wanted to hit a wall!
"Shhhh..." Kyuhyun comforted, standing up to pat the other on the back.
Siwon faced the younger man, a pointed look on his face. "You knew all this time, and you didn't tell me! You went along with his plan!" his words did not come out as harsh as he'd intended.
"I'm sorry." The look on Kyuhyun's face was pure guilt. "I'm sorry we lied to you. I'm sorry that we pretended to be in love, when the one Sungmin really loved was you."
"I shouldn't have left."
“It’s not your fault.”
Kyuhyun was right - It wasn’t.
“Sungmin thought you wouldn’t take it so hard, if he broke up with you.” The younger man explained. “He was only thinking about YOU, Siwon; how you would take his death.”
His death.
Sungmin’s lost battle to leukaemia.
The elder man had known about his diagnosis for months, and never once did he tell Siwon about it when they were together. He’d only found out when Kyuhyun had called.
Yesterday.
To tell him that Sungmin was dying.
Immediately, Siwon had taken the first flight back to Seoul. He hadn’t arrived in time, nonetheless.
“I still can’t believe it…” Siwon sighed, sitting himself on Kyuhyun’s bed, dejected. “I broke my promise. I didn’t believe.” he croaked, eyes glistened with moisture.
“He’ll forgive you.” The younger man assured.
The room grew quiet for awhile, the two men wrapped up in their respective thoughts.
Kyuhyun broke the silence first. “You know, I loved him too.” he admitted, a small smile unexpectedly gracing his lips.
“Yeah, I do.” And Siwon smiled too.
Kyuhyun said, “We have to believe that Sungmin’s in a better place now.”
“He is.” Siwon looked up, so that his next words were genuine. “Kyu, I’m sorry.” I’m sorry for hating you, when all you did was try to protect me.
“I’m sorry too.”
Their eyes met, and just like that, the two men knew - with words unspoken, that their friendship had been mended.
Siwon and Kyuhyun were best friends again.
In the gloom and doom, some good had happened after all.
They believed that they’d be alright -- after all, they weren’t alone in this.
They would get through the grief and the loss.
Together.