Dear Daddy, Part 2
Dear Daddy, Pt 2
Written by Mandi/Fics_at_Random
Rated NC-17
Summary: Junior wants a relationship with her father three years after he leaves with Jack. But there’s a few things she needs to know about him first.
Ennis flopped over; makin love t’Jack took so much energy, energy he never put in with Alma. With Alma, it was jus what you did. With Jack, there was a damned good reason as t’why he did it. He looked over at them exhausted half lidded stormy blue eyes an wanted t’say how much he loved him. The words got stuck in his throat, but Jack touched his face as if he understood everythin, an smiled.
“You know I know it when you think it, right?”
“Huh?”
Jack smiled. “You never gotta say you love me. I know you do when I look at ya. Y’always bite your lip when you wanna say somethin like that.”
“I do?” He let his teeth off a his lower lip.
He merely smiled an rolled over an up onto his elbow, starin at Ennis like a hawk might a mouse. “So… what are we gonna do ‘bout Alma? An Junior? All a this?”
Ennis sighed; of all times t’bring it up, post mind altering orgasmic stage was not it. “I dunno.”
“She uh, said she didn’t want me involved.”
“I read that.”
“Well?”
“Well, I don’t even know if I’m gonna see Junior.”
“What?!” Jack scowled. “If you’re doin this t’spite Alma, so help me God, I’m gonna…”
“It ain’t ‘bout Alma!” He snapped back. “I jus’… don’t think it’d be good for Junior. I don’t think she needs t’get all worked up an confused.”
“You don’t think she already is? Don’t think she wonders why she don’t ever see her father?”
“Ain’t that…”
“Yes, it is, Ennis, it’s exactly that! That’s why she wrote you.”
“I wanna see her,” he said weakly, his vulnerability momentarily piercin through the veil. “But I don’t want her t’see me…”
“See that you’re spendin your life with me, you mean?” His eyes went cold.
“No. Ain’t you. S’me.”
“That’s some kinda cliché bullshit right there…”
“I ain’t the daddy she’s expectin.”
“How d’you know what she expects?”
“I read some a Alma’s letters. She thinks I’m some big shot rancher out here in Colorado, runnin beef cattle from here down t’New Mexico, so rich I don’t know what t’do with half my money…”
“What part a that isn’t true?”
“Junior don’t know ‘bout you. Fact, didn’t Alma outright say she didn’t want you involved?”
“D’you want me involved?”
You’re the biggest part a my life an the only reason I’m as happy as I am. You colored in my grey world. You gave me a purpose in life that I never knew I could have. You make me happy t’wake up every mornin with your arm draped over me, even though it’s hot as hell and I don’t want you hangin on me, but I’d be sad if you weren’t. I’d be heartsick t’wake up without your hot-as-the-center-a-the-sun body curled up ‘round me like it was three degrees in our bedroom that you always crank up t’seventy-two, no matter how many times I put that sonofabitchin thermostat on sixty-eight. You drive me crazy, but I was a world crazier without you., an you gotta ask if I want you involved?
“’Course,” was all he could say. The rest a the tirade got swallowed by the details a what would happen when Junior came. How do I explain Jack t’Junior? Does she even know that I left with him, on account a him? She must not, ‘cause Alma said she didn’t want Jack involved…
“What’re you thinkin?” Jack asked, Ennis’ thoughts breakin formation at the words.
“I dunno.” Mostly true.
“Don’t know or don’t wanna say? There’s a difference.”
He sighed heavily an rolled onto his side t’face his partner. “I ain’t so good at sayin these things.”
“I know. You’re bitin your lip again.”
“Means I love you, ‘ccordin t’you.”
“Sometimes… but not right now.”
Ennis shook his head. “I dunno how I’m gonna explain you t’my daughter.”
“You don’t gotta,” Jack shrugged. “I’ll pack up an go visit my Ma for a week while she’s here.”
“No,” he said firmly, raisin a hand as if he was gonna have t’physically stop Jack from doin jus’ that. “You don’t gotta run outta your own house on account a my kid.”
“Alma don’t want me involved an you gotta patch up three years worth a stuff with your daughter… I think… hell, those letters Alma sent t’catch you up t’speed didn’t say much but how proud you were a her an how much you loved an missed her.”
“Coulda wrote those damned letters myself,” he growled. “If she would a let me. Guess she thought she could be a better daddy’n me.”
“No one could be a better daddy than you.”
“Ain’t so sure,” he ran a hand lazily through his golden curls; thought t’himself that he’d need ‘em cut ‘fore Junior got here. No sense in lettin her think he father was some kind a lazy ass who drug his feet on somethin as easy as gettin his ears lowered… even if it were true.
“Jus’ ‘cause Alma wouldn’t let you be a daddy doesn’t mean you ain’t a great one. Who knows? Maybe she wrote ya as a wonderful…”
“Stop it,” Ennis said up. He was done with this whole conversation.
“Here, now,” Jack pulled him back down. “Didn’t mean it like that. Jus’ meant… I dunno. I know you’re a great guy, Junior’ll see it, too.”
“Will she?” He shook Jack away. “What if she don’t understand you an me an what we are? How the hell am I gonna tell her that?”
“I’m goin t’my Ma’s, you ain’t gotta…”
“Y’ain’t goin nowhere,” Ennis growled, an secretly, Jack was delighted t’know what high ranks he held if Ennis was willin t’risk his daughter an ex-wife’s wrath over him. “Alma don’t want Junior knowin ‘bout you, but…” You’re the biggest part a my life. There ain’t no life t’show Junior without you here, part a it. “I’m Junior’s parent, too, I gotta have a say in things.”
Jack smiled. “I love you, too. You’re bitin your lip again.”
**
“So, let’s look at this here,” Jack separated the old letters from whom they called “Daddy Alma,” reviewin all the details a the life Ennis supposedly had.
“We been over this six times,” Ennis groused. “I know who I am… or who I’m supposed t’be… I’m a successful rancher an cattle driver, we send herds from New Mexico to Colorado an back an I make more money’n God ‘cause I cornered the market with the little business sense I don’t have… You got that stuff, Jack. How’m I gonna explain Junior that her daddy somehow figured out how t’run a business on his own? I can’t find the handle a the coffee pot without help, she knows that. We gotta think of a way t’write you in…”
“I’m goin to..”
“No, you’re not.”
“Fine, I’m stayin... But maybe it would be for the best… for now… for Junior t’think I’m jus a renter in your house. Think ‘bout it, Ennis - she’s eleven. How much could she possibly know ‘bout you bein gay, or anyone bein gay? It ain’t a part a her world.”
“Ain’t a part a mine, neither.”
Jack shook his head gently. “We can call ourselves whatever we want, but the bottom line is that you got a little girl who is far too young t’understand the kinda stuff we got goin on. Why would you wanna burden your weekend with her with this “love is a force a nature” shit?”
“I don’t wanna lie t’her.”
“You ain’t lyin,” he said in his best soothin voice. “You’re jus’ protectin her from stuff she ain’t big enough t’understand.”
“Yeah…” He nodded slowly. “I guess maybe… maybe that’s okay.”
Jack stood up an kissed Ennis on the forehead. “Well, our guest is gonna be here in less than a week. I better start makin this place look like I’m a renter an not… well… me.”
Ennis hated it. The pictures a them together were taken down or moved into the separate bedroom adjacent to their bedroom, which was now, for all purposes, Ennis’ room. Ennis’. Singular. Alone.
Jack didn’t seem t’mind the transformation a the house, but it was odd not t’see the little pictures a them on the bookshelf that he replaced with some a Ennis’ old rodeo trophies; trophies that hadn’t been seen or cared about in years. Ennis hated t’look at ‘em sittin there; reminded him a how alone he was gonna be for the next coupla days and how awful he felt lyin t’Junior ‘bout his life. But he had studied the letters as if they were his cue cards; he left because a better job prospects an Alma jus’ couldn’t come along, for whatever reason. She hadn’t given him a good reason. He jus’ set out for better prospects, leavin his family behind.
For all he’d gotten from the imaginary gamble, and real one on top a it, he felt none the richer at that moment.
**
He swallowed hard; Junior would be arriving by plane in Denver in three days. The house was successfully uprooted an turned upside down. Jack still insisted on leavin for Junior’s sake, but Ennis wasn’t hearin it. He took t’simply ignorin Jack when he went on about how he ain’t been back up t’Lightning Flat in two years an he was due for a visit anyway, now was a good a time as any. By the night ‘fore Junior’s arrival, he’d stopped suggestin it an become rather morose.
“I gotta say,” he sighed, touchin one a the rodeo trophies that had taken the place of a small framed picture a the two of ‘em ropin cattle, taken by one a the ranch hands while the boys weren’t lookin. That picture was so natural a them, it fit on that little shelf, an the whole house felt so lost an broken ‘cause it weren’t there. “It’s weird t’see our house as your house with a renter… Renter who’s in love with ya.”
Ennis didn’t say anything for a long moment. “You think this is the right thing? You bein a renter an not tellin her?”
“I think so, yes,” Jack nodded. “Best t’wait ‘til she’s older, y’know?”
No, Ennis wanted t’say, but found himself noddin despite it.
**
It was their last night in the same bed an Ennis was gonna make it count for somethin.
He’d never made love t’Jack like he did tonight; like it was the last time. Felt like it was. Felt like the end a somethin.
Jack laid beneath him, eyes half lidded an flutterin with pleasure. His breath hitched with each thrust, each one feelin like he couldn’t put one more in, but somehow managed. They held tight t’each other, an Ennis only briefly wondered if he was leavin marks he might hafta explain later.
A limber leg wound ‘round Ennis back, an though he was almost sure it weren’t possible, he stiffened harder an his pulse quickened; was damned surprised half the neighborhood couldn’t hear it the way it was poundin in his ears so bad. Ennis wondered, in that brief second a bliss ‘fore an orgasm nearly knocked him backwards, how he’d come t’deserve all a this.
A few seconds later, Jack was touchin his face with a soft expression. “You bitin your lip ‘cause you love me or ‘cause you’re worried?”
“Bit a both.”
“C’mere,” Jack pulled him down so Ennis was flat against his body, noticin for a moment that Jack’s belly was wet from his own release, and scolded himself for not bein more mindful a Jack’s pleasure tonight. “You know this is all gonna be okay, right?”
“Guess so.” Who’s gonna be here tomorrow night t’hold me an tell me everythin’s gonna be okay, while my daughter that I barely know is sleepin in the guest room, while you’re sleepin in the separate bedroom that should only be for storage an wayward travelers?
“Know y’don’t believe me,” he petted Ennis’ curls that hadn’t been cut yet, smilin at his man’s reluctance t’do even the simplest thing with his wild hair. I’ll cut it myself tomorrow mornin, like I always do… Ennis Del Mar hadn’t been to a barber in roughly two and a half years.
“I do,” he protested, a slight tone a misery in his voice.
“You don’t,” Jack smiled. “Always were a shitty liar.”
“Hmm.”
“It’ll be okay.”
Those were the last words Ennis Del Mar heard ‘fore he fell into a blissful, if not entirely too deep of a sleep.
TBC
Written by Mandi/Fics_at_Random
Rated NC-17
Summary: Junior wants a relationship with her father three years after he leaves with Jack. But there’s a few things she needs to know about him first.
Ennis flopped over; makin love t’Jack took so much energy, energy he never put in with Alma. With Alma, it was jus what you did. With Jack, there was a damned good reason as t’why he did it. He looked over at them exhausted half lidded stormy blue eyes an wanted t’say how much he loved him. The words got stuck in his throat, but Jack touched his face as if he understood everythin, an smiled.
“You know I know it when you think it, right?”
“Huh?”
Jack smiled. “You never gotta say you love me. I know you do when I look at ya. Y’always bite your lip when you wanna say somethin like that.”
“I do?” He let his teeth off a his lower lip.
He merely smiled an rolled over an up onto his elbow, starin at Ennis like a hawk might a mouse. “So… what are we gonna do ‘bout Alma? An Junior? All a this?”
Ennis sighed; of all times t’bring it up, post mind altering orgasmic stage was not it. “I dunno.”
“She uh, said she didn’t want me involved.”
“I read that.”
“Well?”
“Well, I don’t even know if I’m gonna see Junior.”
“What?!” Jack scowled. “If you’re doin this t’spite Alma, so help me God, I’m gonna…”
“It ain’t ‘bout Alma!” He snapped back. “I jus’… don’t think it’d be good for Junior. I don’t think she needs t’get all worked up an confused.”
“You don’t think she already is? Don’t think she wonders why she don’t ever see her father?”
“Ain’t that…”
“Yes, it is, Ennis, it’s exactly that! That’s why she wrote you.”
“I wanna see her,” he said weakly, his vulnerability momentarily piercin through the veil. “But I don’t want her t’see me…”
“See that you’re spendin your life with me, you mean?” His eyes went cold.
“No. Ain’t you. S’me.”
“That’s some kinda cliché bullshit right there…”
“I ain’t the daddy she’s expectin.”
“How d’you know what she expects?”
“I read some a Alma’s letters. She thinks I’m some big shot rancher out here in Colorado, runnin beef cattle from here down t’New Mexico, so rich I don’t know what t’do with half my money…”
“What part a that isn’t true?”
“Junior don’t know ‘bout you. Fact, didn’t Alma outright say she didn’t want you involved?”
“D’you want me involved?”
You’re the biggest part a my life an the only reason I’m as happy as I am. You colored in my grey world. You gave me a purpose in life that I never knew I could have. You make me happy t’wake up every mornin with your arm draped over me, even though it’s hot as hell and I don’t want you hangin on me, but I’d be sad if you weren’t. I’d be heartsick t’wake up without your hot-as-the-center-a-the-sun body curled up ‘round me like it was three degrees in our bedroom that you always crank up t’seventy-two, no matter how many times I put that sonofabitchin thermostat on sixty-eight. You drive me crazy, but I was a world crazier without you., an you gotta ask if I want you involved?
“’Course,” was all he could say. The rest a the tirade got swallowed by the details a what would happen when Junior came. How do I explain Jack t’Junior? Does she even know that I left with him, on account a him? She must not, ‘cause Alma said she didn’t want Jack involved…
“What’re you thinkin?” Jack asked, Ennis’ thoughts breakin formation at the words.
“I dunno.” Mostly true.
“Don’t know or don’t wanna say? There’s a difference.”
He sighed heavily an rolled onto his side t’face his partner. “I ain’t so good at sayin these things.”
“I know. You’re bitin your lip again.”
“Means I love you, ‘ccordin t’you.”
“Sometimes… but not right now.”
Ennis shook his head. “I dunno how I’m gonna explain you t’my daughter.”
“You don’t gotta,” Jack shrugged. “I’ll pack up an go visit my Ma for a week while she’s here.”
“No,” he said firmly, raisin a hand as if he was gonna have t’physically stop Jack from doin jus’ that. “You don’t gotta run outta your own house on account a my kid.”
“Alma don’t want me involved an you gotta patch up three years worth a stuff with your daughter… I think… hell, those letters Alma sent t’catch you up t’speed didn’t say much but how proud you were a her an how much you loved an missed her.”
“Coulda wrote those damned letters myself,” he growled. “If she would a let me. Guess she thought she could be a better daddy’n me.”
“No one could be a better daddy than you.”
“Ain’t so sure,” he ran a hand lazily through his golden curls; thought t’himself that he’d need ‘em cut ‘fore Junior got here. No sense in lettin her think he father was some kind a lazy ass who drug his feet on somethin as easy as gettin his ears lowered… even if it were true.
“Jus’ ‘cause Alma wouldn’t let you be a daddy doesn’t mean you ain’t a great one. Who knows? Maybe she wrote ya as a wonderful…”
“Stop it,” Ennis said up. He was done with this whole conversation.
“Here, now,” Jack pulled him back down. “Didn’t mean it like that. Jus’ meant… I dunno. I know you’re a great guy, Junior’ll see it, too.”
“Will she?” He shook Jack away. “What if she don’t understand you an me an what we are? How the hell am I gonna tell her that?”
“I’m goin t’my Ma’s, you ain’t gotta…”
“Y’ain’t goin nowhere,” Ennis growled, an secretly, Jack was delighted t’know what high ranks he held if Ennis was willin t’risk his daughter an ex-wife’s wrath over him. “Alma don’t want Junior knowin ‘bout you, but…” You’re the biggest part a my life. There ain’t no life t’show Junior without you here, part a it. “I’m Junior’s parent, too, I gotta have a say in things.”
Jack smiled. “I love you, too. You’re bitin your lip again.”
**
“So, let’s look at this here,” Jack separated the old letters from whom they called “Daddy Alma,” reviewin all the details a the life Ennis supposedly had.
“We been over this six times,” Ennis groused. “I know who I am… or who I’m supposed t’be… I’m a successful rancher an cattle driver, we send herds from New Mexico to Colorado an back an I make more money’n God ‘cause I cornered the market with the little business sense I don’t have… You got that stuff, Jack. How’m I gonna explain Junior that her daddy somehow figured out how t’run a business on his own? I can’t find the handle a the coffee pot without help, she knows that. We gotta think of a way t’write you in…”
“I’m goin to..”
“No, you’re not.”
“Fine, I’m stayin... But maybe it would be for the best… for now… for Junior t’think I’m jus a renter in your house. Think ‘bout it, Ennis - she’s eleven. How much could she possibly know ‘bout you bein gay, or anyone bein gay? It ain’t a part a her world.”
“Ain’t a part a mine, neither.”
Jack shook his head gently. “We can call ourselves whatever we want, but the bottom line is that you got a little girl who is far too young t’understand the kinda stuff we got goin on. Why would you wanna burden your weekend with her with this “love is a force a nature” shit?”
“I don’t wanna lie t’her.”
“You ain’t lyin,” he said in his best soothin voice. “You’re jus’ protectin her from stuff she ain’t big enough t’understand.”
“Yeah…” He nodded slowly. “I guess maybe… maybe that’s okay.”
Jack stood up an kissed Ennis on the forehead. “Well, our guest is gonna be here in less than a week. I better start makin this place look like I’m a renter an not… well… me.”
Ennis hated it. The pictures a them together were taken down or moved into the separate bedroom adjacent to their bedroom, which was now, for all purposes, Ennis’ room. Ennis’. Singular. Alone.
Jack didn’t seem t’mind the transformation a the house, but it was odd not t’see the little pictures a them on the bookshelf that he replaced with some a Ennis’ old rodeo trophies; trophies that hadn’t been seen or cared about in years. Ennis hated t’look at ‘em sittin there; reminded him a how alone he was gonna be for the next coupla days and how awful he felt lyin t’Junior ‘bout his life. But he had studied the letters as if they were his cue cards; he left because a better job prospects an Alma jus’ couldn’t come along, for whatever reason. She hadn’t given him a good reason. He jus’ set out for better prospects, leavin his family behind.
For all he’d gotten from the imaginary gamble, and real one on top a it, he felt none the richer at that moment.
**
He swallowed hard; Junior would be arriving by plane in Denver in three days. The house was successfully uprooted an turned upside down. Jack still insisted on leavin for Junior’s sake, but Ennis wasn’t hearin it. He took t’simply ignorin Jack when he went on about how he ain’t been back up t’Lightning Flat in two years an he was due for a visit anyway, now was a good a time as any. By the night ‘fore Junior’s arrival, he’d stopped suggestin it an become rather morose.
“I gotta say,” he sighed, touchin one a the rodeo trophies that had taken the place of a small framed picture a the two of ‘em ropin cattle, taken by one a the ranch hands while the boys weren’t lookin. That picture was so natural a them, it fit on that little shelf, an the whole house felt so lost an broken ‘cause it weren’t there. “It’s weird t’see our house as your house with a renter… Renter who’s in love with ya.”
Ennis didn’t say anything for a long moment. “You think this is the right thing? You bein a renter an not tellin her?”
“I think so, yes,” Jack nodded. “Best t’wait ‘til she’s older, y’know?”
No, Ennis wanted t’say, but found himself noddin despite it.
**
It was their last night in the same bed an Ennis was gonna make it count for somethin.
He’d never made love t’Jack like he did tonight; like it was the last time. Felt like it was. Felt like the end a somethin.
Jack laid beneath him, eyes half lidded an flutterin with pleasure. His breath hitched with each thrust, each one feelin like he couldn’t put one more in, but somehow managed. They held tight t’each other, an Ennis only briefly wondered if he was leavin marks he might hafta explain later.
A limber leg wound ‘round Ennis back, an though he was almost sure it weren’t possible, he stiffened harder an his pulse quickened; was damned surprised half the neighborhood couldn’t hear it the way it was poundin in his ears so bad. Ennis wondered, in that brief second a bliss ‘fore an orgasm nearly knocked him backwards, how he’d come t’deserve all a this.
A few seconds later, Jack was touchin his face with a soft expression. “You bitin your lip ‘cause you love me or ‘cause you’re worried?”
“Bit a both.”
“C’mere,” Jack pulled him down so Ennis was flat against his body, noticin for a moment that Jack’s belly was wet from his own release, and scolded himself for not bein more mindful a Jack’s pleasure tonight. “You know this is all gonna be okay, right?”
“Guess so.” Who’s gonna be here tomorrow night t’hold me an tell me everythin’s gonna be okay, while my daughter that I barely know is sleepin in the guest room, while you’re sleepin in the separate bedroom that should only be for storage an wayward travelers?
“Know y’don’t believe me,” he petted Ennis’ curls that hadn’t been cut yet, smilin at his man’s reluctance t’do even the simplest thing with his wild hair. I’ll cut it myself tomorrow mornin, like I always do… Ennis Del Mar hadn’t been to a barber in roughly two and a half years.
“I do,” he protested, a slight tone a misery in his voice.
“You don’t,” Jack smiled. “Always were a shitty liar.”
“Hmm.”
“It’ll be okay.”
Those were the last words Ennis Del Mar heard ‘fore he fell into a blissful, if not entirely too deep of a sleep.
TBC