HELLP

[fictionislies]

I don't typically post my stories on here, because I just don't really like to, but I'm making an exception this time. I turned this story in for workshopping, and EVERYONE in the class had TOTALLY DIFFERENT things to say about it. Some people would say, "Such-and-such adds so much to the story, I loved it," and others would say that the very same

Comments

[klye]

LJ-cut

[fictionislies]

Sorry. I don't know how to. Let me know how and I'll fix it.

[northdakota]

Hey dude

[fictionislies]

Dude, thanks for the input. No, it wasn't too harsh. This is really just what the doctor ordered. I'm finding myself feeling pretty much how you do, I just sort of wanted a fresh eye on it. I appreciate it. I really want to see Sideways, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. Yeah, dude, I totally look forward to gettin' together after you get back to the colonies. I'd like to hear how Mother England is doing. Talk to you soon, ol' chap.
Anthony.

[klye]

I agree with Daniel. The conversation between father and son either needs to be more awkward or more loving. It sounds like they are just talking to eachother, like they were old co-workers or something. Stan doesnt seem to care that he met his son for the first time, he just wants to go see dana. maybe more happened on the way to the house that would address these few things.
Overall it was a good story. I liked it.
Begining did sound a little like a kids story. somewhat a textbook opening story in the sense that when i started to read the kids backgrownd life without his dad, I knew what was going to be said. for example the bit on learning to ride a bike and playing catch, those are always used. maybe use some different examples but with the same emotional connection.
Dont know if any of this helps. Like I said, It was a good story.

[fictionislies]

It does help. Thanks for the input. There were some things the people in my class said that seemed helpful and some things they said seemed ridiculous. You and Daniel seem to be re-enforcing the useful stuff, which makes me feel more like I know where I need to take this story. Thanks again for your help.