It's good. Personally I don't take to things that expostulate in the past tense, either. I would recommend the immediacy of the moment from the start and right through. Then again, I am a scriptwriter so that would be my advice; but with prose it's the same again.
Specifically I think you could drop or change some adjectives that don't add what I'd say is a unique description, throwing in things that you describe like the father's corpse, in with other stock corpses I've heard described the other same ways. I know that's cryptic but I don't want to nitpick single words and phrases here unless you're keen, I know people aren't.
For general warmth: this is twice as good as any book on the shelf that is contemporary fiction in the same vein. You add to what you say in a personal way, and that grips me.
Weakest part I'd say is the beginning, best parts are settled in the middle and near the end. I enjoyed it. Thanks.
Many thanks for taking the trouble to review the memoir excerpt and most especially for your generous comments. In the long slog, affirmations like this are better than getting laid!
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Specifically I think you could drop or change some adjectives that don't add what I'd say is a unique description, throwing in things that you describe like the father's corpse, in with other stock corpses I've heard described the other same ways. I know that's cryptic but I don't want to nitpick single words and phrases here unless you're keen, I know people aren't.
For general warmth: this is twice as good as any book on the shelf that is contemporary fiction in the same vein. You add to what you say in a personal way, and that grips me.
Weakest part I'd say is the beginning, best parts are settled in the middle and near the end. I enjoyed it. Thanks.
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