SPN FIC - Blue
This is one of those ideas that was just THERE in my head. Two words: blue bear. Wee!Dean, and a desire to fix things for Sammy -- and himself. Because he's the smartest boy in the whole entire world, and he knows the rules.
Late November 1983, when the Winchester men are living with John's business partner, Mike Guenther, and his wife Kate.
He doesn't even know where it came from. The bear. One minute it wasn't there and the next minute it was. Daddy says one of the grownups brought it but that's not right because he didn't see a single grownup come in carrying that bear.
It's wrong. That bear.
CHARACTERS: Dean, Sammy, John, and the Guenthers
GENRE: Gen
RATING: G
SPOILERS: None
LENGTH: 2522 words
BLUE
By Carol Davis
His name is Dean Michael Winchester and he is almost five years old. His daddy's name is John Winchester and his mommy's name is Mary Winchester but sometimes Daddy calls her Mare. His brother's name is Sammy Winchester.
Samuel John Winchester. Sam. Sammy.
He used to be in pre-school but now he's not. He's smart anyway. He knows all his letters and he can read a lot of words and he can count to about a zillion. He knows the place where he lives (Lawrence) is in a bigger place that's a state and that's called Kansas, and Kansas is in an even bigger place called the United States In America. And that's in an even huger place called the whole world.
He knows lots of rules. Rules are important because they help you be a good boy and a good cimazen. This is some of them:
1. Look both ways before you cross the street.
2. Don't never turn the key in the car.
3. Don't take nothing that doesn't belong to you.
4. Don't eat something unless you know what it is.
5. Hold the door open for people, especially if they're carrying stuff.
6. Blue is for boys. And pink is for girls.
~~~~~~~~
He doesn't even know where it came from. The bear. One minute it wasn't there and the next minute it was. Daddy says one of the grownups brought it but that's not right because he didn't see a single grownup come in carrying that bear.
It's wrong. That bear.
He stares at it and stares and stares. "What's the matter, sweetie?" one of the ladies asks him. He doesn't know her. They act like they know him, all these people who come to Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house, but he doesn't know them. Sometimes they want to give him hugs and kisses, but he runs away. Mommy says it's fine to not let strangers give you hugs and kisses. And you shouldn't ever let them touch you in your private places. So he doesn't answer the lady.
He doesn't need to answer her. He doesn't know her, and it's not any of her business what his matter is.
After a while all the people leave. Except for Daddy and Sammy and Dean. And Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate, because it's their house. It's nice and quiet after the people leave and Dean feels like somebody lifted a big heavy thing off his body. But the bear is still there. In Sammy's crib. It's right there sitting in the corner staring at him.
He can hear Daddy coming up the stairs. He knows Daddy's steps.
"Hey, Dean," Daddy says, but it's not like he used to say it, with a happy sound in his voice. In their house they had three different bedrooms, one for Dean and one for Sammy and one for Mommy and Daddy, but in Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house they just have one bedroom. For Daddy and Sammy and Dean.
Mommy's somewhere else. She's sleeping somewhere else because their house got burned up.
She might not know to come here. There's no place for her to sleep.
Daddy lays down on the bed and puts his arm over his eyes. It's still daytime but he looks all tired out, like it's late late late at night. Dean looks at him for a while. Then he looks at that bear again. It's right there in the crib with Sammy. It's not touching Sammy but it's pretty close.
Those people are stupid. Those ones who brought the bear.
~~~~~~~~
It's okay if he sleeps with Sammy. In their house he slept in a big boy bed but Sammy might fall out of a big boy bed so they sleep in the Port A Crib.
After Daddy turns the light out Dean picks up the bear and drops it out of the crib.
That way it won't stare at him all night. Him and Sammy.
~~~~~~~~
When they get up in the morning, when Dean gets dressed all by himself and helps Daddy put Sammy's new diaper on and then his clothes, that bear is still laying on the floor. Its face is on the floor so all it can stare at is floor.
Daddy steps on it one time.
Then he picks it up and puts it back in the crib.
Dean can't tell him NO. Not without his words, and he doesn't want to use his words. They're way down inside him, in his guts. Sometimes they feel like a big stone down there. In his guts. The bear stares at them when Daddy picks Sammy up.
Dean lets Daddy and Sammy go out of the room first. Then he turns around and makes a bad face at the bear.
~~~~~~~~
"I want you to eat," Daddy told him when they first came to Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house. "I want you to be a good boy and eat." Then he cried. He tried to pretend it wasn't real crying and he smiled but Dean could tell. It made Daddy look terrible, like a sick dying person, so Dean ate everything Mrs. Kate gave him, even the oatmeal with raisins in it. Mommy didn't ever give him the oatmeal with raisins because one time when he was little like Sammy he choked on a raisin.
Like always, he eats all his breakfast even though the eggs are kind of hard. He thinks those hard eggs might make you cry.
Daddy doesn't cry at breakfast. He drinks some coffee and eats some toast because Mrs. Kate says, "John, now, you should have something." He looks like he doesn't want Mrs. Kate telling him what to do, but she said it in a nice way so he eats the toast. Then he puts his coat on. "I'll be back in a little while," he says to Dean.
Dean looks at him hard. Hard hard hard.
"I have to go see some people," Daddy says. "Not far."
Dean knows who it is. He heard Mr. Mike say to Mrs. Kate, Daddy talks to policemen every day. He goes to the police place and talks to policemen.
Maybe they'll help him find Mommy. Policemen help you find people. That's what they do.
But there's nobody to help you lose people. Or bears.
When they go upstairs for nap time, that bear is still in the crib. Mrs. Kate puts Sam in the crib and then stands close by while Dean climbs in. She doesn't need to do that, because he knows how to be careful. The Port A Crib isn't like a real crib, it's tippy-er. So when you climb in you have to be extra careful.
Dean knows how to do that. He's very smart.
As soon as Mrs. Kate goes out of the room, he picks up that bear. And throws it all the way across the room. For a second he thinks it's going to hit the lamp and knock it right on the floor and maybe break it and that might make somebody cry. But it doesn't. It just falls on the floor over by the closet.
When Dean wakes up it's back in the crib again.
~~~~~~~~
The worst thing, the absolute very worst-est thing, happens on Saturday.
Sammy has his both arms around that bear and he's talking to it. Not real words because Sammy is only a baby and he makes baby words.
But he's talking his baby words right to that bear.
~~~~~~~~
Dean knows how to get out of the Port A Crib at night. He does it sometimes once in the night and sometimes twice. Sometimes never. It depends on if he has to go potty or not.
Very silent, like a shadow or a ghost, he climbs out of the Port A Crib and doesn't wake up Sammy or Daddy. When he's out and he's standing on the cold floor in his socks he reaches back in and grabs that bear.
The very best idea would be to put that bear in the trash can. But he watched Mr. Mike put trash in the trash can after supper and the can is full up to the top. If he was big like Mr. Mike he could take out all that other trash and put the bear at the bottom of the can, then put all the trash back in. Then the trash men would dump that bear into the garbage truck and take it far away to the dump.
He could put it on top. And put the lid back on.
But there might be more trash. And if Mr. Mike or somebody saw that bear laying on top, they'd bring it back in.
"Honey?" Mrs. Kate says from over by the stairs. "Dean? What are you doing down here, sweetheart?"
She takes him back to bed.
Him and the bear.
~~~~~~~~
Sammy loves that bear. Mrs. Kate calls it Snuggie Bear and says it's softer than soft and she laughs when Sammy hugs it. That makes Sammy laugh too. They play games with it and give it kisses.
They had lots of toys in their house. Their own house. But they can't have that stuff any more. His G.I. Joes and his Matchboxes and his Chinese checkers game. Sammy had mostly dumb toys but those are gone too. Daddy says everything is gone. He said that to Mr. Mike. All their stuff got burned up in the fire.
If there was a fire at Mr. Mike's and Mrs. Kate's house, that bear would get burned up. But so would all their other stuff.
And somebody else might go away.
It might be Daddy.
Dean is very smart.
He is.
But this is the hardest problem in the whole world.
He could cut that bear up. He saw where Mrs. Kate keeps the scissors. He could cut it all up into a million pieces. Cut its head off and its arms and its legs.
Mrs. Kate keeps the scissors in her sewing stuff.
If she's a good sewer she might know how to sew that bear back together.
He could pour stuff on it. Bad stuff. Like car oil. Or poison. But Sammy sucks on that bear and if somebody gave it back to him and they didn't know there was poison on it, Sammy could get sick and die.
If that bear doesn't stop staring at him, he will smash his eyes out.
His eyes are burny.
He's smart.
He IS.
He will fix this.
He WILL.
~~~~~~~~
Daddy says, sometimes things surprise you. Sometimes it's things like birthday cake. Or a flower growing down by the end of the sidewalk.
Sometimes it's PAINT.
~~~~~~~~
He is the smartest one in the whole world.
Yes he is.
~~~~~~~~
Nobody notices in the morning that that bear is not in the crib. Everyone is busy, because Mrs. Kate has to go meet some ladies somewhere, and Mr. Mike is going to work. They eat cereal for breakfast, not pancakes or bacon.
When Mr. Mike opens the door and goes out in the garage, he says, "What the hell?"
Then he says, "Katie? Kate?"
Mrs. Kate goes out there. And she says, "What in the world?"
Daddy doesn't go out. He drinks his coffee and pushes Cheerios around on the tray of Sammy's high chair.
Dean wonders, is it dry?
He finds out when Mr. Mike comes back in the kitchen, carrying that bear by its ear.
It's not pink any more.
Mr. Mike stands in the doorway, holding that bear. It's not dripping, so it must be dry. Or sort of dry. Mr. Mike stands there long enough that Daddy puts down his coffee mug and says, "What the -"
Daddy hasn't laughed in a forever long time. But he laughs at that bear. He laughs and makes choke-y sounds and there are some tears coming out of his eyes. He says, "Sweet mother of Jesus," and he looks at Dean and then he laughs some more.
"I fixed it," Dean says. Very soft.
He thinks maybe Daddy will pick him up and hug him and tell him he's the smartest kid in the whole entire world. That maybe then they'll go outside and Daddy will tell all the people who come to Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house how smart Dean Michael Winchester is. Like the mailman, maybe. Or those kids who walk by on their way home from school.
Instead, Daddy gets up from his chair and goes out of the kitchen. Right before the front door opens and then shuts, Daddy makes a bad sound. A bad, crying-hard sound. Then the door bangs shut and Dean can't hear the sound any more.
Nobody says anything for a long time. They don't make any sounds at all, except for Sammy, because he's playing with Cheerios.
After a long time, Mrs. Kate crouches down by Dean's chair and says, "Sweetie? Did you -"
He looks at her. But not hard.
"Oh, Dean," she says.
"I'm smart," he whispers. "I am."
She hugs him then. Hugs him so his face is all smooshed into her sweater. It's a very soft one and smells like that stuff you put in the dryer. Those little sheets. A million and ten thoughts go around in his head. Like, he didn't fix it, he messed it up. He wasn't supposed to use Mr. Mike's paint, because Mr. Mike might have been saving it for something.
He made his daddy cry.
"What d'you want me to do with this?" Mr. Mike asks.
"Throw it out," Mrs. Kate says. Then she says, "Oh. Oh."
"What?"
She puts her hands under Dean's chin and lifts his head up. She looks right straight into his eyes. "Oh, sweetie," she says, and strokes his hair, like he's a cat, or a puppy.
He's not that. He's a boy.
"You made it right, didn't you?" Mrs. Kate asks him.
He thought he did. He thought that for sure, one hundred percent while he was using the screwdriver to get the top off of the big paint can. While he was sticking that bear's arms and legs and head down into the paint. While he was using a little brush to get paint all over its stomach and its back and its butt.
He did a good job. He painted it all over and didn't miss a single spot.
Blue is for boys.
He's almost five years old. And he knows the rules.
ALL of them.
Even that one that says mommies don't leave. Mommies can go to the store or a meeting or out to have lunch with somebody. But they come back.
Don't they?
"K-Mart?" Mr. Mike says. "K-Mart got something like that? In colors?"
"You'll be late."
"So I'll be late. I'll get something. Whatever they got that's -"
~~~~~~~~
There's a bear. Bigger than the other one. And a blanket that's softer than soft. And some socks. And two plastic cars with wheels.
When Daddy takes them away from Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house, all they bring with them is the socks.
* * * * *
Late November 1983, when the Winchester men are living with John's business partner, Mike Guenther, and his wife Kate.
He doesn't even know where it came from. The bear. One minute it wasn't there and the next minute it was. Daddy says one of the grownups brought it but that's not right because he didn't see a single grownup come in carrying that bear.
It's wrong. That bear.
CHARACTERS: Dean, Sammy, John, and the Guenthers
GENRE: Gen
RATING: G
SPOILERS: None
LENGTH: 2522 words
BLUE
By Carol Davis
His name is Dean Michael Winchester and he is almost five years old. His daddy's name is John Winchester and his mommy's name is Mary Winchester but sometimes Daddy calls her Mare. His brother's name is Sammy Winchester.
Samuel John Winchester. Sam. Sammy.
He used to be in pre-school but now he's not. He's smart anyway. He knows all his letters and he can read a lot of words and he can count to about a zillion. He knows the place where he lives (Lawrence) is in a bigger place that's a state and that's called Kansas, and Kansas is in an even bigger place called the United States In America. And that's in an even huger place called the whole world.
He knows lots of rules. Rules are important because they help you be a good boy and a good cimazen. This is some of them:
1. Look both ways before you cross the street.
2. Don't never turn the key in the car.
3. Don't take nothing that doesn't belong to you.
4. Don't eat something unless you know what it is.
5. Hold the door open for people, especially if they're carrying stuff.
6. Blue is for boys. And pink is for girls.
~~~~~~~~
He doesn't even know where it came from. The bear. One minute it wasn't there and the next minute it was. Daddy says one of the grownups brought it but that's not right because he didn't see a single grownup come in carrying that bear.
It's wrong. That bear.
He stares at it and stares and stares. "What's the matter, sweetie?" one of the ladies asks him. He doesn't know her. They act like they know him, all these people who come to Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house, but he doesn't know them. Sometimes they want to give him hugs and kisses, but he runs away. Mommy says it's fine to not let strangers give you hugs and kisses. And you shouldn't ever let them touch you in your private places. So he doesn't answer the lady.
He doesn't need to answer her. He doesn't know her, and it's not any of her business what his matter is.
After a while all the people leave. Except for Daddy and Sammy and Dean. And Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate, because it's their house. It's nice and quiet after the people leave and Dean feels like somebody lifted a big heavy thing off his body. But the bear is still there. In Sammy's crib. It's right there sitting in the corner staring at him.
He can hear Daddy coming up the stairs. He knows Daddy's steps.
"Hey, Dean," Daddy says, but it's not like he used to say it, with a happy sound in his voice. In their house they had three different bedrooms, one for Dean and one for Sammy and one for Mommy and Daddy, but in Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house they just have one bedroom. For Daddy and Sammy and Dean.
Mommy's somewhere else. She's sleeping somewhere else because their house got burned up.
She might not know to come here. There's no place for her to sleep.
Daddy lays down on the bed and puts his arm over his eyes. It's still daytime but he looks all tired out, like it's late late late at night. Dean looks at him for a while. Then he looks at that bear again. It's right there in the crib with Sammy. It's not touching Sammy but it's pretty close.
Those people are stupid. Those ones who brought the bear.
~~~~~~~~
It's okay if he sleeps with Sammy. In their house he slept in a big boy bed but Sammy might fall out of a big boy bed so they sleep in the Port A Crib.
After Daddy turns the light out Dean picks up the bear and drops it out of the crib.
That way it won't stare at him all night. Him and Sammy.
~~~~~~~~
When they get up in the morning, when Dean gets dressed all by himself and helps Daddy put Sammy's new diaper on and then his clothes, that bear is still laying on the floor. Its face is on the floor so all it can stare at is floor.
Daddy steps on it one time.
Then he picks it up and puts it back in the crib.
Dean can't tell him NO. Not without his words, and he doesn't want to use his words. They're way down inside him, in his guts. Sometimes they feel like a big stone down there. In his guts. The bear stares at them when Daddy picks Sammy up.
Dean lets Daddy and Sammy go out of the room first. Then he turns around and makes a bad face at the bear.
~~~~~~~~
"I want you to eat," Daddy told him when they first came to Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house. "I want you to be a good boy and eat." Then he cried. He tried to pretend it wasn't real crying and he smiled but Dean could tell. It made Daddy look terrible, like a sick dying person, so Dean ate everything Mrs. Kate gave him, even the oatmeal with raisins in it. Mommy didn't ever give him the oatmeal with raisins because one time when he was little like Sammy he choked on a raisin.
Like always, he eats all his breakfast even though the eggs are kind of hard. He thinks those hard eggs might make you cry.
Daddy doesn't cry at breakfast. He drinks some coffee and eats some toast because Mrs. Kate says, "John, now, you should have something." He looks like he doesn't want Mrs. Kate telling him what to do, but she said it in a nice way so he eats the toast. Then he puts his coat on. "I'll be back in a little while," he says to Dean.
Dean looks at him hard. Hard hard hard.
"I have to go see some people," Daddy says. "Not far."
Dean knows who it is. He heard Mr. Mike say to Mrs. Kate, Daddy talks to policemen every day. He goes to the police place and talks to policemen.
Maybe they'll help him find Mommy. Policemen help you find people. That's what they do.
But there's nobody to help you lose people. Or bears.
When they go upstairs for nap time, that bear is still in the crib. Mrs. Kate puts Sam in the crib and then stands close by while Dean climbs in. She doesn't need to do that, because he knows how to be careful. The Port A Crib isn't like a real crib, it's tippy-er. So when you climb in you have to be extra careful.
Dean knows how to do that. He's very smart.
As soon as Mrs. Kate goes out of the room, he picks up that bear. And throws it all the way across the room. For a second he thinks it's going to hit the lamp and knock it right on the floor and maybe break it and that might make somebody cry. But it doesn't. It just falls on the floor over by the closet.
When Dean wakes up it's back in the crib again.
~~~~~~~~
The worst thing, the absolute very worst-est thing, happens on Saturday.
Sammy has his both arms around that bear and he's talking to it. Not real words because Sammy is only a baby and he makes baby words.
But he's talking his baby words right to that bear.
~~~~~~~~
Dean knows how to get out of the Port A Crib at night. He does it sometimes once in the night and sometimes twice. Sometimes never. It depends on if he has to go potty or not.
Very silent, like a shadow or a ghost, he climbs out of the Port A Crib and doesn't wake up Sammy or Daddy. When he's out and he's standing on the cold floor in his socks he reaches back in and grabs that bear.
The very best idea would be to put that bear in the trash can. But he watched Mr. Mike put trash in the trash can after supper and the can is full up to the top. If he was big like Mr. Mike he could take out all that other trash and put the bear at the bottom of the can, then put all the trash back in. Then the trash men would dump that bear into the garbage truck and take it far away to the dump.
He could put it on top. And put the lid back on.
But there might be more trash. And if Mr. Mike or somebody saw that bear laying on top, they'd bring it back in.
"Honey?" Mrs. Kate says from over by the stairs. "Dean? What are you doing down here, sweetheart?"
She takes him back to bed.
Him and the bear.
~~~~~~~~
Sammy loves that bear. Mrs. Kate calls it Snuggie Bear and says it's softer than soft and she laughs when Sammy hugs it. That makes Sammy laugh too. They play games with it and give it kisses.
They had lots of toys in their house. Their own house. But they can't have that stuff any more. His G.I. Joes and his Matchboxes and his Chinese checkers game. Sammy had mostly dumb toys but those are gone too. Daddy says everything is gone. He said that to Mr. Mike. All their stuff got burned up in the fire.
If there was a fire at Mr. Mike's and Mrs. Kate's house, that bear would get burned up. But so would all their other stuff.
And somebody else might go away.
It might be Daddy.
Dean is very smart.
He is.
But this is the hardest problem in the whole world.
He could cut that bear up. He saw where Mrs. Kate keeps the scissors. He could cut it all up into a million pieces. Cut its head off and its arms and its legs.
Mrs. Kate keeps the scissors in her sewing stuff.
If she's a good sewer she might know how to sew that bear back together.
He could pour stuff on it. Bad stuff. Like car oil. Or poison. But Sammy sucks on that bear and if somebody gave it back to him and they didn't know there was poison on it, Sammy could get sick and die.
If that bear doesn't stop staring at him, he will smash his eyes out.
His eyes are burny.
He's smart.
He IS.
He will fix this.
He WILL.
~~~~~~~~
Daddy says, sometimes things surprise you. Sometimes it's things like birthday cake. Or a flower growing down by the end of the sidewalk.
Sometimes it's PAINT.
~~~~~~~~
He is the smartest one in the whole world.
Yes he is.
~~~~~~~~
Nobody notices in the morning that that bear is not in the crib. Everyone is busy, because Mrs. Kate has to go meet some ladies somewhere, and Mr. Mike is going to work. They eat cereal for breakfast, not pancakes or bacon.
When Mr. Mike opens the door and goes out in the garage, he says, "What the hell?"
Then he says, "Katie? Kate?"
Mrs. Kate goes out there. And she says, "What in the world?"
Daddy doesn't go out. He drinks his coffee and pushes Cheerios around on the tray of Sammy's high chair.
Dean wonders, is it dry?
He finds out when Mr. Mike comes back in the kitchen, carrying that bear by its ear.
It's not pink any more.
Mr. Mike stands in the doorway, holding that bear. It's not dripping, so it must be dry. Or sort of dry. Mr. Mike stands there long enough that Daddy puts down his coffee mug and says, "What the -"
Daddy hasn't laughed in a forever long time. But he laughs at that bear. He laughs and makes choke-y sounds and there are some tears coming out of his eyes. He says, "Sweet mother of Jesus," and he looks at Dean and then he laughs some more.
"I fixed it," Dean says. Very soft.
He thinks maybe Daddy will pick him up and hug him and tell him he's the smartest kid in the whole entire world. That maybe then they'll go outside and Daddy will tell all the people who come to Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house how smart Dean Michael Winchester is. Like the mailman, maybe. Or those kids who walk by on their way home from school.
Instead, Daddy gets up from his chair and goes out of the kitchen. Right before the front door opens and then shuts, Daddy makes a bad sound. A bad, crying-hard sound. Then the door bangs shut and Dean can't hear the sound any more.
Nobody says anything for a long time. They don't make any sounds at all, except for Sammy, because he's playing with Cheerios.
After a long time, Mrs. Kate crouches down by Dean's chair and says, "Sweetie? Did you -"
He looks at her. But not hard.
"Oh, Dean," she says.
"I'm smart," he whispers. "I am."
She hugs him then. Hugs him so his face is all smooshed into her sweater. It's a very soft one and smells like that stuff you put in the dryer. Those little sheets. A million and ten thoughts go around in his head. Like, he didn't fix it, he messed it up. He wasn't supposed to use Mr. Mike's paint, because Mr. Mike might have been saving it for something.
He made his daddy cry.
"What d'you want me to do with this?" Mr. Mike asks.
"Throw it out," Mrs. Kate says. Then she says, "Oh. Oh."
"What?"
She puts her hands under Dean's chin and lifts his head up. She looks right straight into his eyes. "Oh, sweetie," she says, and strokes his hair, like he's a cat, or a puppy.
He's not that. He's a boy.
"You made it right, didn't you?" Mrs. Kate asks him.
He thought he did. He thought that for sure, one hundred percent while he was using the screwdriver to get the top off of the big paint can. While he was sticking that bear's arms and legs and head down into the paint. While he was using a little brush to get paint all over its stomach and its back and its butt.
He did a good job. He painted it all over and didn't miss a single spot.
Blue is for boys.
He's almost five years old. And he knows the rules.
ALL of them.
Even that one that says mommies don't leave. Mommies can go to the store or a meeting or out to have lunch with somebody. But they come back.
Don't they?
"K-Mart?" Mr. Mike says. "K-Mart got something like that? In colors?"
"You'll be late."
"So I'll be late. I'll get something. Whatever they got that's -"
~~~~~~~~
There's a bear. Bigger than the other one. And a blanket that's softer than soft. And some socks. And two plastic cars with wheels.
When Daddy takes them away from Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kate's house, all they bring with them is the socks.
* * * * *