Nominations for Snarkiest Conversation:
Nominations for Snarkiest Conversation:
The Party of the First Part
"If I can't achieve my goals without risking Azkaban, I will reassess my goals to factor in the opportunity cost."
"How pragmatic of you," she said, the corner of her mouth turning up in amusement at how uncomfortable he looked. "Nothing to do with morality or ethics, of course. Just self-interested common sense."
Squeezing her hand, he said, "Don't underestimate the power of applying a bit of sense to your daily actions. It's so rare that it practically grants superhuman abilities."
"You're being nice to me," she said. "I could almost call you charming and funny."
Arching an eyebrow, Draco said, "Yes, and? Many people would call me both, and add that I'm incredibly handsome."
Let’s Go There (1)
“Please tell me that I am at least better than Potter.”
Ginny allowed herself a silent chuckle. Oh, the irony. She had spent much of this encounter comparing Draco to Harry, and now here he was, asking for her conclusion.
“Well,” she said, “I’m not really sure. I mean, the actual ‘sex’ part of the proceedings happened so quickly. Honestly, I think you’d put a fourteen-year-old boy to shame with that sort of speed.”
“Do you thank all people who do you favours this way, She-Weasel? Because if you find that you can’t get very many people to help you out, I think I might be able to tell you why that is.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Ginny patted him on the arm. “I think we’d both be lying if we said that that was anything less than what we wanted it to be. All I’m saying is that, because it was so fast, I can’t really tell if you were better than Harry or not.”
“I’m fairly sure you wanted me far more than you’ve ever wanted Potter.”
“Well, maybe. But if that’s the case then I would be naturally biased, and find you better than him. You could, actually, be lousy.”
“I think my pride is just about to reach breaking point. With this sort of praise, even I might start to think myself a touch too arrogant before long.”
“I’m just trying to be factual here,” Ginny said. She sat up, and before Draco could ask her what she was doing, she was hoisting the both of them off the ground.
“The only way I’m really going to be able to determine, for sure, that you’re better than him,” she said, “is with extra research. Lots, and lots of extra research.”
Let’s Go There (2)
“Right,” she instead said, putting her wand away. “You’re done.”
“Already?” Draco asked, tentatively touching his face. “Where’s the mirror? I want to see if you’ve skewed my nose or something.”
Ginny rolled her eyes, but pointed towards the small sink toward the back of the room.
“You’d know if I’d altered your nose,” she told him, as he glanced in the mirror and she saw his shoulders slump with what she had to assume was relief. “You have to break a person’s nose to alter it. It’s possible to make the break painless, but you can still feel it.”
“Right.” Draco was clearly not listening. He’d already strode back to the bed and picked up his man-purse (for that was definitely what it was, and it suited him disturbingly well), and was now heading towards the door.
“And feel free to show yourself out,” Ginny said.“We’re done here.”
Draco turned around, one hand on the door handle.“Thanks for your help, She-Weasel. Believe it or not, I found your inability to be professional quite endearing.” He might have said more, but the next thing that came out of his mouth was a loud cough.
“Coughing, Malfoy?” Ginny asked. “You should see a Healer about that.”
“Do you write your own material, She-Weasel?”Malfoy asked. Ginny would have answered, but he was out the door before she had a chance.
Well, Ginny thought, exiting the room to grab the next patient chart, there’s somebody who has not changed at all since Hogwarts days.
Faking It
“Yes, well, darling Draco also likes to get drunk off of Butterbeer and run naked through his home yelling that he’s king of the castle,” Ginny said in her normal speaking voice.
“What’s that?” Great Aunt Esther asked, looking confused.
“Dear Ginny, on the other hand,” Draco cut in smoothly before Ginny could respond, “likes to tangle with the Hogwarts Giant Squid - if you know what I mean.” This was also said in his normal tone of voice.
There was Nothing About This in the Training Manual
He leaned against the door, brushed his blond hair back and eyed Ginny with disdain. ‘You can’t sell door to door in a place like this,’ he said, his arm still hovering above his head. He was wearing nothing but a black silk dressing gown (Ginny assumed there was nothing underneath it anyway) which he appeared to have pulled on hastily in order to answer the door.
'I’m not selling anything,’ said Ginny. ‘Are you being serious? I’m your protection.’
‘Protection against what, exactly? If the answer is “a hangover” come on in.’
Whole Wide World
“As if you don’t run Narcissa’s errands at any time of day. The only thing keeping you from doing the same for your girlfriend is the fact that you can’t hold onto one for more than a week. And besides, the only thing you’re worried about is your precious skin burning.”
Draco looked at his friend with his mouth open, aghast. “It is like porcelain! You wouldn’t understand.”
Blaise sniggered at his friend. “No, I most certainly wouldn’t. I’ve eaten chocolate that lasted longer in the sun than you, porcelain.”
He sneered in response. “I hope you don’t expect me to accompany you to the beach.”
“I think I can make it on my own. But you’ll miss out on all of the festivities. You may as well have not come,” Blaise said, rolling his eyes. “You know the ceremony is outdoors, right?”
“I do know that. I can’t believe you didn’t take me into consideration when you agreed to that,” he said sarcastically.
“Yes, because Pansy certainly would have conceded to your demands. She definitely didn’t say, ‘Draco can burn for all I care,’” Blaise said drily.
“You’re all out to get me,” Draco grumbled.
“Yes, mate. This wedding is all about you,” Blaise scoffed, shaking his head.
“As I expected,” he nodded solemnly.
The Party of the First Part
"If I can't achieve my goals without risking Azkaban, I will reassess my goals to factor in the opportunity cost."
"How pragmatic of you," she said, the corner of her mouth turning up in amusement at how uncomfortable he looked. "Nothing to do with morality or ethics, of course. Just self-interested common sense."
Squeezing her hand, he said, "Don't underestimate the power of applying a bit of sense to your daily actions. It's so rare that it practically grants superhuman abilities."
"You're being nice to me," she said. "I could almost call you charming and funny."
Arching an eyebrow, Draco said, "Yes, and? Many people would call me both, and add that I'm incredibly handsome."
Let’s Go There (1)
“Please tell me that I am at least better than Potter.”
Ginny allowed herself a silent chuckle. Oh, the irony. She had spent much of this encounter comparing Draco to Harry, and now here he was, asking for her conclusion.
“Well,” she said, “I’m not really sure. I mean, the actual ‘sex’ part of the proceedings happened so quickly. Honestly, I think you’d put a fourteen-year-old boy to shame with that sort of speed.”
“Do you thank all people who do you favours this way, She-Weasel? Because if you find that you can’t get very many people to help you out, I think I might be able to tell you why that is.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Ginny patted him on the arm. “I think we’d both be lying if we said that that was anything less than what we wanted it to be. All I’m saying is that, because it was so fast, I can’t really tell if you were better than Harry or not.”
“I’m fairly sure you wanted me far more than you’ve ever wanted Potter.”
“Well, maybe. But if that’s the case then I would be naturally biased, and find you better than him. You could, actually, be lousy.”
“I think my pride is just about to reach breaking point. With this sort of praise, even I might start to think myself a touch too arrogant before long.”
“I’m just trying to be factual here,” Ginny said. She sat up, and before Draco could ask her what she was doing, she was hoisting the both of them off the ground.
“The only way I’m really going to be able to determine, for sure, that you’re better than him,” she said, “is with extra research. Lots, and lots of extra research.”
Let’s Go There (2)
“Right,” she instead said, putting her wand away. “You’re done.”
“Already?” Draco asked, tentatively touching his face. “Where’s the mirror? I want to see if you’ve skewed my nose or something.”
Ginny rolled her eyes, but pointed towards the small sink toward the back of the room.
“You’d know if I’d altered your nose,” she told him, as he glanced in the mirror and she saw his shoulders slump with what she had to assume was relief. “You have to break a person’s nose to alter it. It’s possible to make the break painless, but you can still feel it.”
“Right.” Draco was clearly not listening. He’d already strode back to the bed and picked up his man-purse (for that was definitely what it was, and it suited him disturbingly well), and was now heading towards the door.
“And feel free to show yourself out,” Ginny said.“We’re done here.”
Draco turned around, one hand on the door handle.“Thanks for your help, She-Weasel. Believe it or not, I found your inability to be professional quite endearing.” He might have said more, but the next thing that came out of his mouth was a loud cough.
“Coughing, Malfoy?” Ginny asked. “You should see a Healer about that.”
“Do you write your own material, She-Weasel?”Malfoy asked. Ginny would have answered, but he was out the door before she had a chance.
Well, Ginny thought, exiting the room to grab the next patient chart, there’s somebody who has not changed at all since Hogwarts days.
Faking It
“Yes, well, darling Draco also likes to get drunk off of Butterbeer and run naked through his home yelling that he’s king of the castle,” Ginny said in her normal speaking voice.
“What’s that?” Great Aunt Esther asked, looking confused.
“Dear Ginny, on the other hand,” Draco cut in smoothly before Ginny could respond, “likes to tangle with the Hogwarts Giant Squid - if you know what I mean.” This was also said in his normal tone of voice.
There was Nothing About This in the Training Manual
He leaned against the door, brushed his blond hair back and eyed Ginny with disdain. ‘You can’t sell door to door in a place like this,’ he said, his arm still hovering above his head. He was wearing nothing but a black silk dressing gown (Ginny assumed there was nothing underneath it anyway) which he appeared to have pulled on hastily in order to answer the door.
'I’m not selling anything,’ said Ginny. ‘Are you being serious? I’m your protection.’
‘Protection against what, exactly? If the answer is “a hangover” come on in.’
Whole Wide World
“As if you don’t run Narcissa’s errands at any time of day. The only thing keeping you from doing the same for your girlfriend is the fact that you can’t hold onto one for more than a week. And besides, the only thing you’re worried about is your precious skin burning.”
Draco looked at his friend with his mouth open, aghast. “It is like porcelain! You wouldn’t understand.”
Blaise sniggered at his friend. “No, I most certainly wouldn’t. I’ve eaten chocolate that lasted longer in the sun than you, porcelain.”
He sneered in response. “I hope you don’t expect me to accompany you to the beach.”
“I think I can make it on my own. But you’ll miss out on all of the festivities. You may as well have not come,” Blaise said, rolling his eyes. “You know the ceremony is outdoors, right?”
“I do know that. I can’t believe you didn’t take me into consideration when you agreed to that,” he said sarcastically.
“Yes, because Pansy certainly would have conceded to your demands. She definitely didn’t say, ‘Draco can burn for all I care,’” Blaise said drily.
“You’re all out to get me,” Draco grumbled.
“Yes, mate. This wedding is all about you,” Blaise scoffed, shaking his head.
“As I expected,” he nodded solemnly.