"Madness is the emergency exit." -- Alan Moore
Date: Sunday, 16 July, 2000
Time: After Moonrise and sunset
Location: Spinner's End
Character(s) Involved: Remus Lupin and any other residents of Spinner's End who wish
Status: Complete
Rating: Let's say PG-13 to start and see where it goes
Even Tennyson had been unable to calm him this month.
That in itself spoke volumes for the trepidation with which Remus approached this transformation. The monthly reading of that poem had become like a mantra for Remus, grounding him in himself before he was forced to relinquish control to the monster within. The calm was almost an automatic reaction now.
But this month, only a few lines into the verse, Remus found himself flinging the book aside in favor of pacing the room for two hours.
When he could put it off no longer, he forced himself to open the door, walk down the hall, down the stairs and to the transformation room. He turned back three times before he was able to complete the trip, a small irrational voice telling him if he didn't go he wouldn't change.
But he knew that wasn't true and he was even more determined than at any point in his life before to make sure he was not a danger to anyone once he was in his other form.
Once there, he'd tried to bring his restlessness under control, knowing it would easily transmit to the others with their heightened awareness. He'd already put his pack through too much these last two weeks, allowed too much of his personal torment to affect their lives. He wasn't going to do that now, when it was time for them all to face the same tribulations.
Casting the usual modesty charms, he sat quietly in a corner of the room and waited, willing himself not to go mad.
When it was over and he was in his own mind again, if not body, his usual post-transformation stretch was interrupted. At the sight of his own furred feet, claws scratching the floor, Remus fought down a wave of panic. He couldn't lose it now. Not after the near-miss of two moons ago. If nothing else, he'd seen evidence there of exactly how suceptible they all were to each others' moods.
Swallowing the frantic whine that wanted to be let out, he forced himself to finish the stretch, amazed when he managed it without whimpering. Something of his mood must have transmitted through his actions, however, as the very next instant Zak was beside him, nuzzling his fur and offering what comfort he could. That Zak, who was normally so skittish after the change, should be the one offering him comfort nearly unsettled him completely.
How had he let things get so bad?
And how did he stop it when just the sensation of fur on fur was enough to set him clawing at himself in a vain attempt to rid himself of this cursed form?
Watching Zak then move to the door to call Severus to let them out, Remus -- he was too confused still, too horrified at his own actions, to think of 'Moony' as being a separate entity -- gave in to the weight of hopelessness and whimpered softly as he lay down in the corner. Maybe, if he could just lay here until the others had gone up, then he could return to the restless pacing with which he'd started the afternoon and, if nothing else, exorcise his demons through physical exhaustion.
Time: After Moonrise and sunset
Location: Spinner's End
Character(s) Involved: Remus Lupin and any other residents of Spinner's End who wish
Status: Complete
Rating: Let's say PG-13 to start and see where it goes
Even Tennyson had been unable to calm him this month.
That in itself spoke volumes for the trepidation with which Remus approached this transformation. The monthly reading of that poem had become like a mantra for Remus, grounding him in himself before he was forced to relinquish control to the monster within. The calm was almost an automatic reaction now.
But this month, only a few lines into the verse, Remus found himself flinging the book aside in favor of pacing the room for two hours.
When he could put it off no longer, he forced himself to open the door, walk down the hall, down the stairs and to the transformation room. He turned back three times before he was able to complete the trip, a small irrational voice telling him if he didn't go he wouldn't change.
But he knew that wasn't true and he was even more determined than at any point in his life before to make sure he was not a danger to anyone once he was in his other form.
Once there, he'd tried to bring his restlessness under control, knowing it would easily transmit to the others with their heightened awareness. He'd already put his pack through too much these last two weeks, allowed too much of his personal torment to affect their lives. He wasn't going to do that now, when it was time for them all to face the same tribulations.
Casting the usual modesty charms, he sat quietly in a corner of the room and waited, willing himself not to go mad.
When it was over and he was in his own mind again, if not body, his usual post-transformation stretch was interrupted. At the sight of his own furred feet, claws scratching the floor, Remus fought down a wave of panic. He couldn't lose it now. Not after the near-miss of two moons ago. If nothing else, he'd seen evidence there of exactly how suceptible they all were to each others' moods.
Swallowing the frantic whine that wanted to be let out, he forced himself to finish the stretch, amazed when he managed it without whimpering. Something of his mood must have transmitted through his actions, however, as the very next instant Zak was beside him, nuzzling his fur and offering what comfort he could. That Zak, who was normally so skittish after the change, should be the one offering him comfort nearly unsettled him completely.
How had he let things get so bad?
And how did he stop it when just the sensation of fur on fur was enough to set him clawing at himself in a vain attempt to rid himself of this cursed form?
Watching Zak then move to the door to call Severus to let them out, Remus -- he was too confused still, too horrified at his own actions, to think of 'Moony' as being a separate entity -- gave in to the weight of hopelessness and whimpered softly as he lay down in the corner. Maybe, if he could just lay here until the others had gone up, then he could return to the restless pacing with which he'd started the afternoon and, if nothing else, exorcise his demons through physical exhaustion.