With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility
Date: Tuesday, 26 September
Time: Morning Break
Place: Hogwarts, Snape's office
Characters Involved: Snape, only
Rating: PG-ish for brooding guilt.
In almost a week since the attack at the Leaky Cauldron, nothing had been found. Minerva was in a twit because people expected the Order to 'do something' - what could be done against an enemy which was not an army or even a single entity, but rather an idea? Or at least, what, that she was not already doing? To act openly, against the Ministry, would endanger her position here at the school. Hogwarts was independent of the Ministry, yes, but it was not independent of its board of Governors. Already Minerva was in precarious position with them over her enormous changes. If they removed her from Hogwarts, the Ministry would put in one of their own puppets at the school, and then there would be nothing to prevent their continued propaganda.
Severus was no fool. He hated to feel powerless, but in spite of all his arrogance and grand-standing and the very public legal suit filed against the Ministry, he knew bloody damned well he was powerless. He had no information of use - he could not even collect useful information with the Registry restrictions! True, he knew of several loop-holes to those restrictions, and had used them to retrieve Draco and to conceal his absence while he was missing. However, he was responsible for more than just himself, now, more than he had ever been in his life. Anything he did would reflect upon Lupin's pack - taint by association.
'Friendship' was a word he used lightly with people he did not really care about - people like Lucius and Bellatrix who were far too dangerous for him to feel anything but wariness toward them. With them, he might claim 'friendship', in a rather derogatory way.
The werewolves? Draco? Albus? These held a far different sway over him, and he refused to taint it with prosaic appellations of meaningless nothings. Yet, for lack of a better word, these people were like family to him. Not his own twisted experience where 'family' meant pain, suffering, and manipulation (well, some manipulation, where Albus was concerned!), but as close to 'normal' family as he might ever have. The bickered and argued and avoided each other, wounded each other yet some how 'made up', with an ever-present, strong desire for their well-being.
He had avoided them, these last several days, out of a burning, consuming guilt. Oh, he had seen June at work. She was annoyed with him at his attempt to distance himself from her, yet still annoyingly cheerful in spite of her own troubles. He did not believe she was unaffected recent events! She insisted everyone was 'fine'. Lupin insisted he was 'fine'. Derrick insisted he was 'fine'.
Severus was sick to death of the word 'FINE'.
He, himself, was bloody well NOT 'fine'. No matter what he said.
Many of his students had now been taken to the Ministry for questioning. Alyssa Basingstoke, one of his personal favourites due to her skill at potions and her daring impertinence to stand up to him and spout her theories, even when incorrect, had returned after dinner three nights ago and retreated straight to her dorm. It had required assistance of the sixth year Prefect to extract her, that he might examine her. She was trembling like a leaf in a storm, great bloody weals surrounding her wrists where she had been tied far too tightly for far too long. She would not meet his eyes - SHE, who never backed down from him, even when he was berating her! It was almost as bad as when June was made to be afraid.
Healing the abrasions at her wrists was a matter of a moment, he had not even needed to summon Poppy. She had no other physical injuries, but the psychological trauma of the incident had wounded her far more deeply than anything they might have done to her body. She'd botched a potion in class yesterday, turned in an essay worthy of Neville Longbottom the day before, and today's potion nearly exploded as she tried to add minced mugwart root rather than diced.
HIS fault.
Had HE not been her Head of House, she would not have been treated so shabbily.
Guilt gnawed at him, worse than any hunger he had ever known. How many people whom he was supposed to protect and defend, were now worse off by association??
What could he do about it? NOTHING, and that was the most galling of all!! The Ministry had effectively unmanned him, rendered him as impotent as if they had actually lopped off his genitalia!
At least as a Murdering Death Eater Scum, he had been USEFUL!
Now, he was nothing. A liability. Worthless.
This knowledge did not sit well with his innate arrogance, his ambitious drive to BE somebody, to MATTER, but it did gnaw at his resolve. The sense of hopelessness he had been fighting since the instant he had watched Albus' body gracefully sail over the ramparts of the Astronomy tower once again threatened to smother him.
COWARD!!!!
Severus clung to Potter's epithet as to a lifeline, allowing rage to strengthen him where his legendary, indomitable will was failing.
He would not let them win.
More importantly, if what Aurin Helm had told him was true, he needed to help Lupin make arrangements for the safety of the pack, should true madness engulf the Minstry at last.
With a heavy sigh, he took up his quill and opened his journal. He couldn't stand not knowing, for himself, that they were 'fine'.
Time: Morning Break
Place: Hogwarts, Snape's office
Characters Involved: Snape, only
Rating: PG-ish for brooding guilt.
In almost a week since the attack at the Leaky Cauldron, nothing had been found. Minerva was in a twit because people expected the Order to 'do something' - what could be done against an enemy which was not an army or even a single entity, but rather an idea? Or at least, what, that she was not already doing? To act openly, against the Ministry, would endanger her position here at the school. Hogwarts was independent of the Ministry, yes, but it was not independent of its board of Governors. Already Minerva was in precarious position with them over her enormous changes. If they removed her from Hogwarts, the Ministry would put in one of their own puppets at the school, and then there would be nothing to prevent their continued propaganda.
Severus was no fool. He hated to feel powerless, but in spite of all his arrogance and grand-standing and the very public legal suit filed against the Ministry, he knew bloody damned well he was powerless. He had no information of use - he could not even collect useful information with the Registry restrictions! True, he knew of several loop-holes to those restrictions, and had used them to retrieve Draco and to conceal his absence while he was missing. However, he was responsible for more than just himself, now, more than he had ever been in his life. Anything he did would reflect upon Lupin's pack - taint by association.
'Friendship' was a word he used lightly with people he did not really care about - people like Lucius and Bellatrix who were far too dangerous for him to feel anything but wariness toward them. With them, he might claim 'friendship', in a rather derogatory way.
The werewolves? Draco? Albus? These held a far different sway over him, and he refused to taint it with prosaic appellations of meaningless nothings. Yet, for lack of a better word, these people were like family to him. Not his own twisted experience where 'family' meant pain, suffering, and manipulation (well, some manipulation, where Albus was concerned!), but as close to 'normal' family as he might ever have. The bickered and argued and avoided each other, wounded each other yet some how 'made up', with an ever-present, strong desire for their well-being.
He had avoided them, these last several days, out of a burning, consuming guilt. Oh, he had seen June at work. She was annoyed with him at his attempt to distance himself from her, yet still annoyingly cheerful in spite of her own troubles. He did not believe she was unaffected recent events! She insisted everyone was 'fine'. Lupin insisted he was 'fine'. Derrick insisted he was 'fine'.
Severus was sick to death of the word 'FINE'.
He, himself, was bloody well NOT 'fine'. No matter what he said.
Many of his students had now been taken to the Ministry for questioning. Alyssa Basingstoke, one of his personal favourites due to her skill at potions and her daring impertinence to stand up to him and spout her theories, even when incorrect, had returned after dinner three nights ago and retreated straight to her dorm. It had required assistance of the sixth year Prefect to extract her, that he might examine her. She was trembling like a leaf in a storm, great bloody weals surrounding her wrists where she had been tied far too tightly for far too long. She would not meet his eyes - SHE, who never backed down from him, even when he was berating her! It was almost as bad as when June was made to be afraid.
Healing the abrasions at her wrists was a matter of a moment, he had not even needed to summon Poppy. She had no other physical injuries, but the psychological trauma of the incident had wounded her far more deeply than anything they might have done to her body. She'd botched a potion in class yesterday, turned in an essay worthy of Neville Longbottom the day before, and today's potion nearly exploded as she tried to add minced mugwart root rather than diced.
HIS fault.
Had HE not been her Head of House, she would not have been treated so shabbily.
Guilt gnawed at him, worse than any hunger he had ever known. How many people whom he was supposed to protect and defend, were now worse off by association??
What could he do about it? NOTHING, and that was the most galling of all!! The Ministry had effectively unmanned him, rendered him as impotent as if they had actually lopped off his genitalia!
At least as a Murdering Death Eater Scum, he had been USEFUL!
Now, he was nothing. A liability. Worthless.
This knowledge did not sit well with his innate arrogance, his ambitious drive to BE somebody, to MATTER, but it did gnaw at his resolve. The sense of hopelessness he had been fighting since the instant he had watched Albus' body gracefully sail over the ramparts of the Astronomy tower once again threatened to smother him.
COWARD!!!!
Severus clung to Potter's epithet as to a lifeline, allowing rage to strengthen him where his legendary, indomitable will was failing.
He would not let them win.
More importantly, if what Aurin Helm had told him was true, he needed to help Lupin make arrangements for the safety of the pack, should true madness engulf the Minstry at last.
With a heavy sigh, he took up his quill and opened his journal. He couldn't stand not knowing, for himself, that they were 'fine'.